cant let go of my pain

I am going to be 30 years old. I have a 1 year old baby. I was in a long distance relationship and together at times with my only boyfriend since I was 17 years old. He cheated. He was married to another woman. When I found out I was already married to him in his church. I have moved with him 4 times.

I have left my studies spent my savings because of moving back and forward. He always denied he had a wife and I believed him so many times. I think because I saw all his clothes and an apartment for us at home, but I found out he has the same in the other house.

He never registered our married to any court or anything except his mosque. At the end I ended up with thousands in debts moving back to New York. We talk everyday for the baby. I found out his other wife is 4 months pregnant now. I don't wish to talk to him anymore, but I depend on him or miss him.

I have also found out a tumor has been detected in his chest. I feel I want to go back even knowing he doesn't love me. I feel bad because I have wasted 12 years with being married to a man who just fooled me. At times I just want to forget about him.

I worry for my child's future his college. I have ended up in the living room of my mother's apartment temporarily. Also in those few months my grandfather passed away while I was appearing in court because of physical abuse.

I cant forgot his words "You are fat, you don't know anything, you don't have a brain, stupid idiot." I have resentment towards him at the same time. All this was in about six months. I am moving on but still feel pain and low self esteem.

I am planning to take the advice of a friend to go for therapy. Sorry my English is my second language.

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Relationship issues
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. I cannot tell you what to do, but only offer advice. You are the only one who can decide what is right for you. My first recommendation, if you haven't already done it is to seek custody of your child. The second is to make application through the right channels for maintenance for the upkeep of your baby. You are entitled to receive a regular payment from your partner.

Life is about respect, its about respecting others and treating them as you yourself wished to be treated. Your partner has not done this. He has deceived you from the start of this relationship, and now he says cruel things to hurt you. You deserve far more than being treated in this way.

The problem you have is in the title of your message, in that you can't let go of your pain. You are a good person who has been treated unfairly, looking back on past events brings you great unhappiness and holds you in the past, when you should be concentrating on making a good future for yourself and your child.

Dragging up all the negativity makes you sad. Let it go, leave it back in the past where it belongs. Know that you are a special woman and you deserve a better life, one surrounded by people who love and respect you.

Learn to respect yourself, you have done nothing to lose your self respect, so become determined to move forward into the future with your child and love yourself, because you deserve this love.

Your friend's advice is good. Seek counseling it will help you to become stronger.

Move forward, not backwards. You will discover your inner strength once you decide to stand up for yourself.

Good luck.


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