alone

by susan
(kingman az)

I'm a 54 year old lesbian. I've worked hard my entire life. I had a good life and many friends until one nite I was in a horrible motorcycle wreck an suffered a tbi among other injuries. My reasoning an good choices had seemed to left me. I sold my home took an early retirement and moved to a cheaper place to live. I returned to a less stressful job.

I met what I thought was my life partner here she understood the problems my tbi had left me with and helped me work through them when they came up. 4 yrs into our relationship she was taken away by cancer.

Within a year after she past I became permanently disabled with my back and due to my tbi was not considered re-trainable. During this time I lost everything, my house, my cars, my motorcycle..just about everything I owned. I've moved into a mobile home that I was able to purchase the land and the home so bills are not an issue.

It just seems my confidence and self esteem has gone away. Ive started into a couple new relationships but they fall apart due to my lack of self confidence issues and I am finding I am jealous of those who have everything ..like I used to.

While I was down with my back I gained weight (a lot) but I have been going to the gym and have lost most of it but I am still lacking my confidence.. I don't feel I am good enough for anyone or that someone better will come along and take the new relationship away from me.

I have tried and tried to overcome these self confidence and jealousy issues because I know they are what keeps me alone and they are my problem not anyone elses.. I just don't know how to overcome these things.