I hate my life and feel hopeless

I am 30 now but still living with my parents. It is demoralizing. I have never felt fully happy because even as a child I was semi-conscious of the fact that my parents were dealing with heavy things.

I feel that I have made a complete botch job of my life. I have generally made poor decisions in most facets of my life. When I was about 19 I decided that I didn't care anymore and I was just going to drink a lot and have a lot of sex. I have always had very low self esteem.

I realized around 23 that I wanted a better life and started making attempts at getting that but the booze had hooked me and it took a very long time to give it up. Meanwhile I was searching for someone to love me and take care of me and perhaps save me...with disastrous results. I kind of gave up on that but yet still found myself waking up in bad relationships.

I did manage to get a degree but, unfortunately, it was in dance which I don't have any interest in anymore...I despise it in fact. About four years ago, after trying to find happiness by changing locations (something I have tried many times), I came back to my parents completely defeated. I still made a couple of escape attempts after that but none of them were successful. I have read so many "self help" and "find your calling" books it is ridiculous. I have been to AA and NA and SAA meetings. I have been on and off of numerous medications. Life coach, career counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, church, yoga, meditation, you name it, I have tried it.

I usually don't stay consistent with anything, though right now I am attempting to form a consistent relationship with a psychologist. I do have some practical plans right now which I am not terribly excited about but I do see as a way to solve some of my problems (CNA route to nursing school).

I just don't know how I am going to survive with the sadness and frustration that I feel so much of the time. I hate living here and I see no way out for about a year. I see no way out of the sadness and suffering that I feel and the years just keep on passing. I attempt to feel grateful for what I have but then I just start crying. I really am a cool person...smart, funny, into music, art and clothing...very nice in general but I cannot find friends that are deep or seem to understand me at all.

I am very isolated and feel unappreciated by my family. Perhaps people sense the dark side of me? Though when I was living in Portland, OR, people were more open to me than they are here in the south. I would like to get back out there but it seems impossible.

I have rambled on enough. If you have anything to share that might help, I would appreciate it. Thank You!

Comments for I hate my life and feel hopeless

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So sorry !!
by: Mamma G

I hear every word each of you are expressing, and it breaks my heart to hear there is so much loss, unhappiness and desperate feeling of hopelessness throughout the world.
Perhaps try looking at life in another perspective. What if you were told to be prepared that the next several years you would have pretty much no life at all, what if you came down with an illness that took away all your freedom, no going to movies, shopping, special events lunches dinners, even just hanging out at the mall. What if for six plus years your life was filled with challenges just to survive, what if you suffered 24/7 with severe migraines , body ache , full body edema and worst of all chronic vomiting. , night and day , never knowing when it would hit.? Your body a tangled mess of ports and tubes, and medicines, doctors and hospitals, constant respitory infections. 95. % of your views were staring down a toilet , because you've been stricken with severe chronic Lyme disease. That's one young beautiful young girl has been living with since age 19, all her dreams of college, all her best friends , her boyfriend of three years all gone. This young girl never complains or says "why. Me" because her answer would be. " why anybody ". I've been Cassie's nurse and care provider 24/7 for the past six plus years. Cassie doesn't get a choice on whether or not she moves out of her parents home, or can take a job or go to college, her choices have all been taken away from her. If you want to see a real depressing life go to the following website, after viewing the gallery of pictures and reading her story, you might find you have more of a life and more options than you ever dreamed possible.
www.youcaring.com/courageforcassie
I wish nothing but the best for each and everyone of you, if you have a choice between happy or unhappy, choose happy every time.

my life
by: Jon

For me, I use to have happy times when I lived with my Mom in the 90s, I was a picky eater and stuff, and didn't take care of things the way I should have. My parents had joint custody, I'd go with my Dad on the weekends. I had gained weight and in Middle School, I took a lot of time off of school. Then one day some punks threw some rocks at me in the 8th grade, and I decided not to go back to school and move with my Dad, which I felt is the worst decision I've ever made.

It seems like ever since then that things have going bad to worst, and I had a feeling way back only to stay with my Mom. My Dad is too overbearing, and controlling. My Mom had depression and someone had promised her a house but they took the house back that they promised her, and now she is living with my Aunt in another state. And now My Dad who is separated from his estranged wife, we're living at a relatives place that I can't stay in. For 4 years now, and my Dad use to make me go there when I didn't wanta at times. I am 26 now.

I have questioned everything, I believe in numerology, and I believe that certain birthdays (negative/positive) polarity make us the way we our, but I also believe it can be changed. I am just so tired and disgusted with all this stuff. I believe if I could get some quantum leap back, I could change all these events, work harder, and not take everything for granted this time

I'm in need of support thru my worst of time
by: Jesse

I'm on the verge of committing suicide, my parents are meth heads, my best friend who I consider to be my brother is my only support has killed himself this year, I have no friends because due to social anxiety, my girlfriend doesn't understand why I hate being alive, and family likes to use me as their scapegoat because my father was coward who abandoned me with my twofaced mother when I was only 4. I don't know how much more pain I can take please help.

_____________________________________________
Jesse,

Is there an adult in your life that you can speak to. Have you thought of reaching out to the Samaritans or Salvation Army, or an organisation in your area, in fact anyone who is prepared to listen to you.

It's important that you speak to someone and share your troubles. They can then point you in the right direction as to what you can do to help yourself.

Good luck,
Kay
x


Be Still!
by: Jeremy Jenkins

I typed in I hate my life and now the first thing I see is this.. Not saying The stuff I read was sooooo miserable that it made me look at life in a better way but I feel we as people are pro-brain washers lol. I think we brainwash ourselves into a dark lonely nobody understands me hole!

But point blank I hated my life until I read this because I felt weak in a way trying to get life's puzzle together and continuously failing!!! But now I see it's an epidemic! We must re program ourselves and live the dream(s) we oh so prayed on and hoped for I'm still not happy but we are here and we MUST live on and dream on! I love people and hope we can all use our God given abilities to last!

S
by: Smiley

I am 21,but I don't feel like my life is where it should be. I'm very unhappy I see the worst people enjoying their lives and being successful while I'm just here with nothing.

I try to get jobs and nothing works. I've filled out millions of applications but what is wrong with me. I have a terrible family background me and my brother don't speak at all there is just so much and I truly just feel like giving up on everything

The Key to Happiness
by: Anon-y-mus

Want to know the key to happiness?
Low I.Q.

I'm not even kidding. The more "simple" a person is, the easier it is for them to be happy.

Then again, I grew up with one of my best friends being a national merit scholar. He is still as happy as can be, because he never thinks about anything. He can read a book and practically recite the entire thing, but he doesn't INDEPENDENTLY come to any conclusions about anything, ever. He doesn't think about much.

Those of us who are miserable are always in our own heads.

Something else that doesn't help is FACEBOOK. Facebook is mostly comprised of people PRETENDING to be happy. So you look at other people's pages and they always look happy and into different things, having lots of friends, etc. But the reality is that maybe 5% of those people really are what they are pretending to be. The image they portray to the world is nothing like what their actual lives are like.

One thing that I promise will make you a little bit happier - GET RID OF FACEBOOK. Stop comparing your life to the lives of 300+ pretenders who carefully craft and organize their pages to give you the image of happiness. Fuck them. They don't have facebook to "stay in touch" with friends or family. It is nothing more than an excuse to edit yourself meticulously to create a facade. Facebook is f*****g evil, and the people (99% of the population, it seems) that use facebook who are lying to themselves about why they use facebook.... are just as bad.

Most people in the world are bad, not good. Not only are there psychopaths and narcissists running around everywhere now, but most people are just sh*t. Even the "good ones" that deep down would make good decisions if 'given the chance', are running around doing sh*tty things, always concerned with themselves.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLE. Are you not judging me right now? Are you not judging all of these people? Are you not prescribing "just get over it" to people who most likely have a chemical or biological problem? Yes, you are. You are sh*t, just like pretty much everyone else. Pretending you aren't makes you even worse.

I know why I'm here. I believe in God, Christ, the Bible. I do. I'm here to do what I can for others. Like everyone else, I fail at this regularly. But I admit it. We're put here to do good for other people, and to walk a righteous path. Doing that doesn't in any way change the fact that life is about LUCK and RANDOMNESS. You can be as good and pure and full of hope and faith as you want - it won't change a damn thing, other than making you a bit perkier. But your reality won't change. Those people who think they can "attract" good things to themselves... do they not realize how inherently selfish that very idea is? That even if they do manage to "attract" something good, it will inevitably be spoiled by the laws of reality? They don't, not until it happens.

I try to be a better person that I was yesterday. I try to think of others. I try to make decisions based on how they can affect other people. It might get me into heaven. I hope it does. But while I'm here on Earth - NOTHING. The only reason I don't kill myself is because it would hurt the people that care about me, and I'm not sure whether or not it is morally wrong in the eyes of God. But I think those two things are pretty much what holds anyone back from anything.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking things will get better. That one day I will get married (finding love!) and have kids (more love!), then I realize that after a couple of years of excitement over something new, the novelty wears off and a husband (who I will end up hating after a few years but stay with to keep up appearances) and children (who grow up and cause nothing but stress and unhappiness as teens and adults - let's just be real here) are temporary solutions. Not to mention, catastrophe could happen at any moment and take any happiness that I do have away.

That is the reality of it. Even if I do find happiness, it can be taken away in an instant. The thought is enough to undo any happiness being experiences. Yes, I know. It's called anxiety. Anxiety - the feeling that something bad is right around the corner. Anxiety - nothing more than a problem for those who aren't able to DELUDE themselves out of their reality.

Thus.... the only truly happy people are stupid. In denial. Or just plain pretending.

You are my living my life!
by: David Samlal

I have just read your life... .dude you are living my same life in wonders of detail. I actually cried reading your life. I don't even know if my life can even change too. I am such a lonely person too. I lost my love of my life, and lost the respect of family, even for myself, and I drink to much, I want love but in the back of my mind I don't want either.

I love metal music and also classical music. I want to commit suicide many times, but failed in the end. All I wanted was love in the world, but that couldn't come to me. I totally feel what your going through, and I know. when we die, I know there's a world for us in the other side, and we'll hangout together all day.

Am crying right writing this. But all I see blackness, and I can't even escape from this hellish world I am living in!

Not sure
by: Anonymous

I am 36 going on 37 I was just kicked out of nursing school for doing something dumb. I tried to over turn their decision , Now I have to get an expensive degree in health studies since I was a semester and a half away from being done. Now all I can think about us tbe debt I have aquired and why I sabatoge my success. Smh I have a big family and love them all but it seem like there's always somebody needing something and I feel selfish if I can't proved the help.

I am completely ashamed of myself for my dumb choices I made. I just will hopefully someday meet a person who cares about me and my heart Cuz I only had one man love me outside my family , my ex husband we broke up 12 years ago ... Since then it been useless sex partners... Jump off and friends with benifits, just to see each one of these people go on and marry and create families....... That my hurts in life will get better, someday maybe if I change my perspective

why
by: sophia

I feel bad for you. My parents were fighting when I was a kid and several times my mom would drink A LOT of alcohol And try to "poison" us. Well she said she did. Many times she would come after my dad and me with a knife and I always had to stop her. Every night I had to sleep with a knife under my pillow ugh my life is terrible 😭

Sorry and hope that gets better for you
by: Anonymous

Hey I am practically same as you are but with 2 kids and few years younger than you. Always going through the verbal abuse crap and it doesn't make my conditions any better either and seems like they give all attention to kids and don't really show anything to me.... I kinda need some words of advice too ... but do wish things get better for you because you deserve it 😊

hate life
by: jeremy p

I hate my life every night I lay down I wish I would die in my sleep I've been the most honest person ever and everyone lies to me they're nice to my face and soon as I'm gone they talk crap about me.

My family seems to hate me, I'm the only sober one in my house and I do so much for them making sure they have what they need and they don't appreciate anything I do.

I've worked for the same person for 6 years and have never missed a day or been late not even once. He's paid me 200 dollars a week the whole time and I work very hard and he told me at the end of this summer he was going to help me get my driver license back. Now the time is coming he wants to start talking like he is broke and he's rich owns hundreds of acres of land 1 million dollars of equipment, he's hurting for nothing he lied to me the whole time, pays me like a kid and now the time is coming for him to help me and he says he can't work me much longer, that he's broke. He used me the whole time for cheap labor now wants to just drop me.

I hate my life and everything about it. My whole family has gone to hell now I can't find a decent job feel like I'm going to hell. I've been used and beat around my whole life and im tired of it im tired of living I just want to die so I don't have to deal with this sh*t any more I hate my life.

lisa
by: lisa

Now I am in my 50s and I have spent 1 year providing home health care including shots 4 time a day plus morphine to dad. I was told daily i'm great I also did laundry. 4 days ago my siblings showed up because now they're in hospice. I call them every day. Suddenly I call and dad tells me me i'm an son of a bitch cant attend funeral burn in hell no longer a child of his and a fu..... b. I said dad... it's lisa... he said I know you you f.... b... im devestated, I never took a dime. shopped for them cleaned no matter how bad my diseases hurt.

Now they want me in jail /moms in some hosp. now but no one will tell me where and i cant find her yet. I wanted to commit ..... pills did not work god love me and so do my kids and grand babies. I am making my own inner circle. I can choose who is uplifting as I uplift. Pick your people. Family is not always right for you.

lost and defeated by family who are brutal.
by: lisaq

i have been abused in every way. By siblings
too. I was the middle child, I never had a voice. I hid in closets with flash lights and read while I hid and prayed God would help me. Not sure how but he did.

They all looked down on me. My siblings beat me and cut me with words and exile. I was a joke to them but when it was their turn for I comforted them and nursed them.

I broke ties as married and tried to be polite but not close. I am now in my early fifties. my kids hate them from what they have witnessed. My first grandchild is georgous. He is biracial. he is my heart and 12 now. But as an infant mom said on her first visit .... may as well show me the little nigger baby. He was never around them again. We love each other so much in such a loving healthy way

declaration
by: Anonymous

I think in America it is easy to lose hope. We have been given false role models with unattainable happiness. This enough to make anyone despair.

I have decided that the second half of my life will not be the labrynth of pain the first was. If it costs me my family and friends, thats fine (or the god who was never there, ever). I have to do this so I do not curse myself for a coward on my death bed.

I will be free from judgement, pursuit of money, valuing others opinions and all cages that have enslaved me. This is my manifesto.

the answer
by: Zenya

This is sad... That it took two minutes of scrolling with my finger to get to the bottom. Read "ask and it is given".

We all think that this life is about growing up, buying a house, having a family, and living it out. Let me tell you, it is not about that. It is about following your heart, dreams, or anything that you feel is important to you. It is about believing in something greater than yourself, what ever that is for you.

Just remember every one is different and everones life experience is different, you need to ask yourself these questions, you know the answers you just need to dig deeper within yourself!!!!

Facebook is a Lie
by: Anonymous

I'm seeing a common theme throughout this page, which is "I'm unhappy but most people can't tell". I wonder, out of all these people who are "secretly miserable", how many of them have a facebook page that reflects a happy, fulfilled person. Facebook and other social media is part of the reason people today are so depressed.

People are allowed to portray a meticulously crafted image of themselves, and the result is that all of us are comparing our real, average and slightly miserable lives to the images of everyone else's seemingly perfect existences.

If you want an instant fix to at least a minute portion of your unhappiness, delete yourself from all social media immediately. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Now I don't have to stomach seeing the totally fake portrayal of happiness that so many narcissists and sociopaths and even normal people have created. It really does make life easier, and more realistic. I consider it part of living "clean".

What to do.
by: Anonymous

OK, I have never written an honest review of my life. So here goes. I am not happy. Only very smart people would be able to see this. I constantly smile and laugh. I worked out early in my life that smiling or/and laughing is the best disguise for unhappiness and suffering. I am a male, if that is important. I am 45 years old, if that is important and I am not attracted to the opposite sex like I have been told I am supposed to be since I can remember, and that takes me back to 4 years old, if that is important.

I grew up in a very unusual situation. I was for the first 19 years of life living with my parents and 2 sisters. We were members of an exclusive religious sect that banned relationships with people not from the church. That meant that all my friends had to be from the church, however I went to normal schools and I liked many of the children I came in contact with only that I could never befriend them. I then was told that I had to marry by aged 20. The problem here was that I was not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I was not attracted to the same sex either. That came later in life.

At age 19 I had to leave home on the eve of my arranged marriage. I then pursued a life outside the family, alone. I knew no-one and when I left the religion I was born into I had no support from anyone. I also had no connection to anyone. I desired connectivity so I decided to befriend anyone who was willing to befriend me. This had long term disastrous effects.

I decided that I would try to understand myself on a more deeper level. So I studied Buddhism, Meditation and instinctively pursued many other spiritually opening and developing avenues. Thank God for this or I would not be alive today.

I am now 45 year old. I am still very unhappy. I have a partner that does not treat me well. We have been together for 10 years. I have learnt that abuse from my partner is normal, he has a lot to put up with since I am so unusual and have so many deep seated problems that obviously upset him. He can get angry in a moment, this happens several times a day. I never know what will make him angry even though I know him well. It seems that he is angry with me constantly but enjoys it. He is very attached to me and I am to him.


What will happen. Does anyone have any ideas about what I should do. I have had many relationships in the past but never have I allowed someone to control my life like I have don't this time. Already a decade of my life has been spent like this, must I live the remainder of my life in this way or is there a chance I can leave. Has anyone been in a similar situation.

Can anyone advise me on what steps I really ought to take in the future. Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

Love from afar.
by: Anonymous

I understand your letter because you told the truth. Not too many people can do that. I feel the same way that you do. Some people get a very good start in life and others like us have to struggle. Some people are born into families where the parents are mentally and psychologically fully developed. This is very idealistic. Most parents do not fall into this category. However I think your parents as in my case where not just a little short in this area but extremely short. Meaning that for us we have had to find our own way and pretend to agree with the nonsense we have been fed since childhood. May God bless you, if you don't even believe in God, may the universe bless you. My prayer to you: May you somehow wake up every day with renewed strength. May this daily strength bring much happiness and fulfilment for the remainder of your life on earth.

In your boat
by: Anonymous

Hey, I am 26, female, unemployed and still living with my parents. There is no conceivable reason why I should be in this situation,but all the same, I am. I left my job almost 2 years ago to try to gain admission into an MBA course in the US or Canada. I scored well in the competitive exam but was rejected by all the colleges that I had applied to and have so far been in finding a stable job after this apparently unjustifiable absence from the workforce.

I live in India where it's highly unsafe for women to be living on their own and failed attempts at anything are met with humiliation and ridicule by friends and extended family. Out here, we can't run away from our problems and resort to drink,drugs or sex as a remedy for them. If we do, we're labelled criminally irresponsible and kicked out of society and our families forever.

Be grateful that you live in the US where you're still given a second chance for everything and go to a rehab if you are still an alcoholic.

dito ;)
by: Sarah

"Good judgement comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement" ~ Rita Mae Brown

Thank you for sharing... I felt like you were writing a quick summary of my life and feelings. I just read the above quote this morning, it gave my spirit a lift, hopefully you like it :)

Are you an aquarius by chance? I am, just asking, cuz the way you described you personality; it sounded like mine a bit.

That's all.

:)

I Know This Well .... Unfortunately
by: Becky

I was raised with the idea that Love conquors all and to do the right thing always pays off. LOL why don't we now!

I had bad acne as a youth and it killed my self esteem forever. I became socially awkward, was teased a lot and had trouble making friends due to not trusting people. Still got a 4 year degree but no friends. I hated this. Worked. Ended up marrying the wrong guy due to low self esteem. He was very emotionally mean. Have a lovely son now in high school. But still no friends. I just don't know how to make friends and am very sensitive. OrIi say something wrong by accident.

My parents died recently, my siblings reject me because my husband makes good money. My in laws hate me because I am profestant and i refuse to be their puppet. So I really am alone. No job as I stayed home for child. Volunteeed a lot. Now I cannot find work.

I know to keep God at the center is the best thing to do. Hard because I want a real loving physical hug. Not the imagination stuff. Yes volunteer but that gets old. Fast. Life sucks. But i know some where I have to be grateful. What the hell for I wonder. I ask God to pick on someone else. But I still pray for His help. I hope I am not a fool

I just want real love and a few good friends and stay close with my one and only child.

The Resolution to your Problems in Your Life
by: David Carroll

I understand what you are going through and how you feel. As a matter of fact I have felt the same way in my life. It would be so easy to come at you with religion because that is the first thing that many people do as if it solves your problems instantly like a instant oatmeal in a microwave.

It's easy come at you with spirituality to show the difference between spiritual relationship with God and physical relationship with God. The truth to the matter that many will not talk about is that nothing in this life is promised to us and a lot that happens to us is not our fault but we have to find some way to cope with life on a daily basis. The only solution that make sense in life other than a bunch of biblical scriptures that means different things to many people is to not dwell on your mistakes and let it be and do what makes you happy that is within your control and your power.

Don't think so much just do it cause thinking will drown you into a deep depression and its hard to pull out. Just go ahead and do what makes you feel good with peace in your heart and don't thinks a second thought about past present and future mistakes. And lets see what the future may holds then.

I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Thank you for writing this. It is good to know you are not alone in these feelings. I am 33 and live with my husband and his father, in a small southern town.

Reading this was like reading something I might have written. I have taken some of the same approaches trying to become happy. Good times come and go, but I am mostly sad. I loved living out West. If I were you, I would move too. Thanks again.

Turn your life around
by: Jim

1. Put your faith in God.
2. Learn to control your internal dialog (How you communicate to yourself) :
Read Tony Robbins "Awaken the Giant Within" & "Personal Power"
3. Exercise
4. Healthy diet
5. Set goals
6. Focus on how to help others

a description of the problem
by: John

Thought preceeds action in every case,
by attention to thought we materialise action,
many actions are managed by the subconcious i.e. breathing, heart rate etc.
At the emotional level of i.e. hunger, passion, we act to satisfy the need. At the cerebral level we can reason and reflect on the materialisation of reason and communicate via language.

When reason and emotions are mixed, reflection can become disturbed and begin to react to what we think not just once but again and again i.e. a cycle of thought without end.
Eventually, we act habitually or on auto-pilot while our conscious mind wanders aimlessly in a downward spiral unaware of reality.
The solution is to sharpen concentration, focus and see beneath the obvious - in sport it is known as being 'in the zone' or acting intuitively. I have been meditating for 12 years with life changing results, not for relaxation but to control the mind. Take the reign and learn to ride the horse. ok


Life will get better
by: Ciara

Hey. So my story is pretty long so I'll give you the short of it. I believe everything happens for a reason and patience is key.

I lost my mom when I was 16 and have been struggling ever since. I have never been in a real relationship with a man and I can hurt my friends to the point where they just stop talking to me. It is taking me longer to finish a 4 yr degree (now in my 6th year) because I feel that since my mother is gone, there is no reason for me to accomplish anything.

I don't know my dad and my two brothers and I don't really speak to each other because, well we just don't. Last semester, I plagiarized in three classes and almost got kicked out of school. I work at a dead end job, live with my aunt and uncle, and I am 24. Also I don't have a car. So I understand how you feel. Everyday I struggle. I feel like every time I get close to people, I do something drastic to get them to leave me, which sorta kinda proves me right, but not really. Understand what I'm saying? Anyway, the most we can do is keep going and not give up.

I know my mom wouldn't want me to be depressed or anything so I just have to keep that in mind. We also have to just suck it up. Life sucks sometimes but it will get better. For your situation, you have to want to do better. Otherwise you can't expect change if you keep doing the same thing over again. I wish you the best.

DEATH
by: NANC

I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU GUYS BUT, YOU WILL GET YOUR WISH SOONER OR LATER. LIFE IS NOT EASY THATS FOR SURE. I LEFT MY FAMILY (HUSB, AND SON'S) FOR "THE LOVE OF MY LIFE" .....I'VE NEVER FELT LIKE I WAS LOVED. LETS JUST SAY THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. I LOST MY 30 YR OLD SON TO THE H1N1 tCELL VIRUS (NOT AIDS) THE DARN FLU! HE WAS THE NICEST PERSON THAT I HAVE EVER MET! WAY BETTER THAN ME AND HE NEVER GOT TO FALL IN LOVE OR MAKE LOVE HE IS NOW
A SPIRIT.
I ALSO HAVE 2 SUICIDES IN MY FAMILY THEY ARE ALSO SPIRITS THEY GOT THEIR WISH. HE DIDNT WANT TO DIE BUT WAS STRUGGLING LIKE ALOT OF US EARTHLINGS BUT, GOD TOOK HIM INSTEAD. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED BECAUSE OF MY DECISION. I WISH I WAS 27 OR 30 GEEZE ....I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU IT GETS HARDER AS YOU GET OLDER. I SUGGEST YOU KEEP PLUGGING AWAY JOB,LIFE, SCHOOL BECAUSE IF YOU DONT IT WILL BE HARDER!!! WHAT IF YOU BECOME FAMOUS? OR RICH? OR BETTER HAPPY!!!!YOU NEVER KNOW WHATS AROUND THE CORNER. I AM GOING TO START ALL OVER AGAIN AND TRY TO IMPROVE MYSELF ANYWAY I CAN BE IT HEALTH WISE OR INTELLECT WISE....SOMETHING BETTER! ANYTHING!! I THINK LOVE IS WHAT MATTERS AND DONT FEAR, THE NEXT DAY LOOK FORWARD TO IT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!! YOU NEVER KNOW IF ITS YOUR LAST DAY IM AFRAID
SUICIDE IS A VERY SELFISH ACT *******KEEP THAT IT MIND**** DEAD IS FINAL *** KEEP ON GOING AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HAS INSTORE .....
I STILL HAVE A 19 YR OLD AND HE I FEEL IS DEPRESSED, IT HURTS ME SO BUT I CANT HELP HIM WITH HIS DISPAIR I CANT SUPPORT HIM & YES IT SUCKS THAT THE ECONOMY IS IN THE SHITS BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS KEEP THAT IN MIND! ALSO, THERE IS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THAN YOU TOO...BELIEVE ME ////CHECK SOMEONE OUT THAT IS DYING AND WANTS TO LIVE OR SOMEONE WHO CANT SEE// OR SOMEONE THAT HAS NO FRIGGING ARMS OR LEGS!!!
THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM IN THE US IS F'D UP ....I SAY THIS BECAUSE MOST OF YOU ARE GIVEN DRUGS TAKE THIS PILL AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY ....LOL
LOVE IS THE ANSWER IT CONQUERS EVERYTHING DONT CHECK OUT ***** FIND YOUR LOVE IN LIFE **** PEACE! TO ALL

Cont.
by: Michael Robert Powell

It took me a while, but I eventually came back and told her I was sorry and that I love her then she just said well I'm just a friend, that's all. We've never had sex because I felt like she was just trying to have a kid and run off with it. So, after she said that she's just a friend she said she was bored and asked me if I wanted to party with her. So I was gonna go get mine, but I was kinda tired so I started getting carried away with my philosophy so she made me leave. By this time I was homeless for some bullshit reasons right before I was about to finish my degree and ended not getting it.

My parents have done some f*****d up sh*t when I was little. When I got older and finally got to go live with my mom after basically a whole life without, now I realize she was just using me to take care of my two little sisters and my baby brother while I was going to high school.

I've told deseree that I had plenty of experience taking care of a baby and even though I was not trying to have a kid she still felt as though she had to teach me a thing or two. She tries to make it seem like she's more of an adult than me because, To be honest I'll give her a baby just to ease some of my paranoia, but I don't want anything to do with her. She will tell you herself that she is the biggest piece of sh*t there is.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I haven't even come close to shedding one tear either and don't tell me I need too. I'm the strongest mother****** you'll ever meet. I would really appreciate some good people in my life right now. Not even for sex or company, but I just need someone to hold. Maybe I'll take her back, but she's really gonna have to show me I can trust her. Or do something for that matter. Like an apology.

Cont.
by: Michael Robert Powell

The psychiatrist probably won't even get it right the first time. Maybe you were influenced to take that class. I don't know, but if you were, then that would be an example of why you should make a careful decision on whether or not you should take medication.

Also, you should have felt a sense of fulfillment when you aquired your degree. Did anybody ever try to influence you to get that particular degree and did they help you feel secure about making your own good decisions. If not then you need to forgive and forget. These factors are where the psychological factors could be. It's going to be important for you to form a group of casual friends that are good positive people. Also it could be a possibility your being to hard on yourself. Just tell yourself that your capable of doing anything you put your mind too. I never would have told that to myself without medication when I was growing up.

I was diagnosed with ADHD and social anxiety though. I have to make sure I take that medication though because if not I will go kind of numb. ADHD is a deficiency in dopamine which is responsible for feelings of pleasure, happiness, confidence, concentration, energy, and muscular movement. It can also be a large factor in my social anxiety, but I think that had a lot to do with the way I have been treated all my life. It's not easy being a good person because you will end having a tormented soul. I have a friend that's a lot like me. It never seems that way because we can't stand each other's music and we're both narcisstic. We both have the same trust problems and she may say different, but it's all because of our experiences with the opposite gender. Except on my part I'm just a straight up scapegoat. She viewed mental abuse as a good time. She got sick with that sh*t. Her addictions started getting the best of her so she abused my car. I could just tell there was something genuine in her but she would talk about her "sugar daddy" then look at me with an evil face and "they're all pieces of sh*t, use em." She formed another personality when she met me though. I could tell she wasn't acting because she would get all googly eyed then just switch all of a sudden. Maybe she was just feeling guilty but she has told that she loves me. When I did'nt say it back she repeated herself once again all googly eyed. She would have to be a master of disguise to pull that sh*t off. She'd call me her kid because "I'm stupid." When really she's grown up a lot in a two month or so time and still doesn't have a clue. Absolutely no patiencc whatsoever. Say that she's never thought about me before.

Just Keep Trying
by: Michael Robert Powell

Go to a psychologist first and see if you can get help without medication. It sounds like medication may help you though. So, if you end up feeling like that's not enough, make sure you go to a good psychiatrist because you explain problems with self control. People who are wasted a lot tend to be that way to numb the pain. Take into deep consideration about my suggestion with the medication because that's a very sensitive part of your problem. It isn't going to numb anything. Except, if it is the correct medication it should relieve you to a normal state physiologically, but maybe not psychologically. I can almost guarantee that there is one receptor or another that you were born deficient in. Which will cause a chemical imbalance and permanent symptoms that are identical to withdrawl symptoms. I say that because somebody with normal levels of neurotransmitters in their body should feel a sense of motivation if they chose to take that class. Realistically, nobody should have to take more than one medication in order to feel better. With the symptoms that you explain the medication that he/she will prescribe will not be capable of getting you high, so don't be trying to get a bunch of it. Psychiatrists will try to overmedicate you so get arrogant with him/her if you have to. See if you can research your particular symptoms to learn a litlle about neurotransmitter deficiencies like depression, ADHD, OCD and don't try to diagnose yourself.

A place to start
by: Anonymous

First, you must come to grips with the fact that there is no god that will change the world you live in. YOU must make your own changes. Whatever god is, it has nothing to do with determining your future. Perhaps in teaching you what love is, but nothing more. It is perfectly OK to STOP clinging to the cruel system that tells you that you don't feel loved because of some intrinsic flaw in your person (usually called 'sin', but 'negative thinking' is a similar fallacy ).

Second, you must come to grips with the fact that there is no life like that portrayed on TV. Perhaps spending so many hours of your life staring at false happiness has clouded your view of reality. Shut it off. Don't go there for escape from your suck life. You will be made to feel more sucky.

Everyone's life sucks a little. Everyone's life is a little blessed. Why do you think that YOUR life should be any different than that of a Naked Mole Rat? Seriously, when you figure out the answer to this question you will have about figured out why your life feels so awful. (unless your brain chemystery is screwed up, in which case you are not biologically able to feel content)








isnt life wrong as hell?
by: john g

Doesn't it get you mad that your whole life and the joy and love you recieve is all based on having a good income from a good job? If you don't get a good job or good looks you can't get love or anyone attracted to you. So you spend years alone and feeling like a beggar as you make attempts at success and love. I give up.

U not the only one
by: Anonymous

Same. exact. thing. 30 yrs old. Living at my moms.
Cant get a job because of a marijuana felony from 10 years ago. Cant even get factory jobs like UPS that pay 9$ an hour! Tried school. Failed. Owe $25,000. I wake up and immediately wish I had died in my sleep. I cant even get out of bed. I lay until my stomach and/or back hurts. I cant eat. I never have an appetite. I could not eat anything all day and have great food in front of me and I'd probably eat enough to make my stomach not hurt for an hour or 2. I just wanted to say that you are not in it alone. I may kill myself, I just wish God would make it easier on me. Just take me out. I prayed before the last 4 job interviews, only to get told no at every one. If God is out there, he must be busy with the important people.

There are other that carry these same burdens. We don't show it when we go to the corner store to get milk, our "friends" may have no idea the pain we carry every single hour of every single day, but we are still here, hoping, still praying, hurting, and ready for life to get better. Maybe God will hear us but my tears hit the ground and dry up and nothing changes. To those who feel like me, just keep trying. Im not dead yet. Im here, Im trying to stay strong.

"No matter how hard I cry it just don't seem loud enough. Lord I hope you're hearing me."

undecided
by: Anonymous

i have be going through a major depression for the last year. and it seems to be getting worse. In the past when i have gone through this i had taken medication. for some reason i have decided against it this time. i want to see if i can get through it without. im not winning that battle. the problem is that i have a sucessful job that pays me wel land yeah im not married or have a girlfriend but that shouldn't be enough to make me feel the way i do.
Why do so meny of us go down this dark road. i am a mystery to myself sometime. on the bright side. i think i am an intellegent person, well liked and reasonibly attractive. so maybe i should consentrate on what possitives i have, however my mind always seems to go dark. maybe it is that i am bored with my life. mabe i feel like i was destined for greater things. reading these post shows me that some people are in much harder situations than myself. this make me think that i should be more grateful for what i have. but damn it if i don't feel suicidal right now. i haven't always felt this way but lately it has gotten worse. one does have to believe that things will work out in order for them to have a chance of working. if you feel negative most of the time its hard to believe in the ability of positive thinking. but belief is exactly what so many of us are missing.
i read so many of these posts and they do confim some of my greatest fears. that human suffering only gets worse as time goes on. that thoes who are doomed contiune to be doomed. that there are few stories of the great turn around. the ones that you do hear i reject and impossible for me. why do i do that. because i believe it i suppose. but what is the alternative to let the darkness swallow me up whole and eat me from the inside.
that is what will happen if i dont take care to change my circumstances. how does one take the microscope of themself? i need to help more people, try new things, start a new project. will it work? i don't know.is my brain just a dud, along with the rest of yours? i dont know. can the brain every be fixed i hope so.
thats enough rambling for now. i needed to get some of these shoughts out there. i do feel very alone. i dont want to be crazy but i dont understand why i can be so mixed up all the time and feel this crushing feeling all the time. if anybody has positive stories for antdepressants please let me know. thanks for providing this space

Hate my life
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. I worked for 3o years without break for a single day in my life. Somtimes I worked six days a week! Up until 2 years ago, I was still working two jobs to make ends meet. I worked since I was 20. Many years I carry 18 hours a day working two jobs or working during day and going to school at night. I achieve my educational goal of attaining a MBA degree. I m proud of myself as I am a self made woman. In essence i am still struggling with housing debts
I m pyysically n mentally exhausted. Purely exhausted at the hypocrisy, greed and selfishness of people. I wish to die everyday. I m 5 '5 , 120lbs healthy and happy outside. My weariness is so intense that I am counting my days till I go .. But I have children and It is the love of them that I still struggle to be alive and appear normal to guide them and raise them to be professionals. I hate my life ! I will not live had it not been the reason to provide . I have seen it all. I have a lover and I love him very much. Still this does not suffice to wash away all the scars left by the daily struggles of live. I have seen heaven I have near death experience , I have seen golden rays of lights, I have angels Visited me. So , I m not afraid of death... Death is another beginning of life ... I will be the angels watching over my kids., hopefully having the power to make their days happy till we meet again...

My daughter
by: Anonymous

My daughter says that she hates her life and that she wishes she could die. She has felt this way for a while now. This is a hard thing for a mother to hear. I have told her that she should talk to someone about this and she is stubborn by nature and says she will not talk. She is a great person, beautiful, smart and a great athlete. I cant understand how someone can feel this way...especially when they have so much going for them. Advice please, I can not talk to friends or family about this, because people will just judge her.

what the hell
by: johnny

its like this world hates you unless your a robot. if you think for your own or if you try to be good and treat people nice they think you are weak. i asked god for a girlfriend at 25 after asking him for years. she finally comes and ends up being a pillpopping, pot-smoking, bipolar, chrones disease ailed,welfare using, child-ignoring woman! thats the best he could do. then i ask god for a decent paying job and i finally get paid just at liveable wage BUT THERES SO MANY WORTHLESS PRICKS THERE I GOT TO LEAVE BECAUSE THEY ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. so now i just wake up. i dont know where to turn to for love because everyone is closed off or thinks its a joke and funny if you ask them out. dont know where to find the job and yet everyone says just do it. EVER HEARD OF DEBT??? how do you go to school when you owe 20,000 already?? nobody gets it and this life is like a man trying to plant a rose on the top of mount everest. it may be possible but you'll die finding out :)

i tried
by: johnny

i have heard i have to be positive and i tried and all that happens is that i get screwed in life and i smile in return. i have prayed to jesus for 12 years and trying to follow bible and their is no way to do it the more i try to love him and others the more he crucifies my life and makes me hate him and others. i tried watching the secret and it was such a totally load of hippie bullshit i was surprised so many morons exist that believe it. i have spent my best years trying and working in this s***hole country trying to make liveable wage and never did. here i am in the so called land of f****g opportunity and i cant even pay for a goddamn apartment. then when it comes to a love life i havent been able to be accepted because im not attractive and dont make money--WHICH ARE APPARENTLY THE CORNERSTONES OF ACCEPTANCE BY GODDAMN WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY!! so now im 30 and i have nothing. i dont know where to begin? im so exhausted i feel like an old man and i feel like what do i have to look forward too! My youth is gone! who is gonna want me now? who is gonna hire me now? and yet still i have people who say pray, hope, be confident, things will get better. come on already. why cant you be realistic and just say "life sucks you watch everyone else win and then you die" plain and simple.

why?
by: johnny

spent 12 years trying to be nice to people. tried to work hard. tried to feel like im not in a race and that i could breathe and yet it never worked out. i spent my best years entering factories filled with scum of the earth people as they yelled constantly at me and treated me like shit. i dreamed of love and i was so shy but i fought for love and i asked woman after woman out and all i got was continually shot down. i watched as every prick, drug-dealer, hick etc found love, bought houses and had kids. wtf is wrong with me? does anyone else feel like all the doors are closed? anyone else feel like only the beautiful people win in life? anyone else feel like working gets you absolutely nowhere?

i know what you mean :)
by: johnny

I feel exactly the same way because i have the same life. i was sheltered, dropped out of college, worked hard at factories for 12 years making 9-10 an hr and now i live with my parents at age 30. have had no love life. cant find any friends. and yet im a fun and smart person. i enjoy reading and music and laughter and yet my life is so sad and boring. i cant relate to others and find socializing to be utterly nerveracking.

I tried so hard and meanwhile all my friends and high school people have big houses, kids, nice cars and a beautiful spouse. i dont know what to do! is a degree the key to life? where is god? where is peace and love and hope. well there you have it. there are other people like you in the same boat. dont give up :)

hopeless too
by: Anonymous

I feel mostly the same way and all the self help stuff goes inone ear and out the other it don't help what do you where is the better side where help for people that feel like this

Stay Active!
by: Southern Bell

This might sound really corny, but you will find really NICE people and make friends by attending church and a Bible Study group. Make a DAILY grateful list with about 10 things on it. DO things for other people and stay ACTIVE.

When you are active, even if you don't feel like it, you will get over your depression and be ready to move on. It sounds like you have a LOT going FOR you already!! Everyone has set backs, but you have to learn from them and keep moving forward. Good luck to you and may God bless you!

I hate my life too...
by: Anonymous

Spring of 2013.

I also hate my life. I am 37 and for the last 7 years my life has been completely topsy turvy and I have yet to be able to straighten it out. I have gone through the long process of divorce from someone that I can no longer stand. He is a complete loser and the only thing good that came out of our long relationship was our children, who I do not get child support for cause my ex does not work.

For the last 2 years I have lived with my former mother in law while I work and go to nursing school. My ex husband moved back in almost a year ago after his gf kicked him out and I have to see his face every day as a reminder of the mistakes I made. It makes me sick to wake up every single day in this house.

I have been going through a major depression for the last year after a boyfriend of 6 years left me for someone else. We were in a long distance relationship and he said it no longer worked for him, but with his new gf he is also in a long distance relationship. I stalk and send emails to both of them relentlessly and I can't stop myself. My school work suffers, my home life suffers, my mind and body suffers.

My doctor upped me to the highest dose of my antidepressants, I am also on xanax as needed and an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer but nothing seems to completely help me. I have talked to a psychologist, it got too expensive so I quit going and I am not sure it was really helping me anyway. I felt ok when I talked to her but would leave and come back home depressed again. She told me I needed to stop living in a fantasy world. I agree, I do live in a fantasy world, and that was probably one of the reasons I enjoyed the long distance relationship...things were not the same when we would get together in person. But then I would miss him when he was not around and built up this life together in my head. The problem is I just don't know how to change my way of thinking.

I need to buckle down with school, I used to get really good grades and this semester I am not passing. I can't get motivated, I cannot retain the information, all I do is feel sad and lonely. I have thought about committing suicide but I would not do so because of my kids, but it is something I think about more than I should.

I want to live some place that makes me happy, where the weather is decent, where I am close to the beach and/or the mountains. The state I live in is ugly and plain, I hate looking at it every day that I drive to work and school.

Therefore, I feel the same way the initial poster does. I know it feels like a lonely world and you are by yourself with these feelings, but the fact is there are others like you, like me. We share a bond.

very appropriate
by: Anonymous

You are seldom like a piece of dead wood and there is scope for reformation. Invest your ideas in life situations and you will transform into a better person who will be admired by all.

There are millions and billions of living creatures that have taken to celebrating life in silence and meditation and exercises in fitness of human mind and body.This is the process of rejuvenation and I am sure you can sit on top of the world and give sermons about your success.

Grim.
by: Nim

I agree with the person who said "it's better to have no friends than shallow friends." I spent a long time having no friends. I was shunned by my family for this, but they could never have understood it because they too, are shallow.

I am now at university & have many people I call friends but only feel a genuine, deep connection with one person, and I'm pretty sure that in a few months when his time here is up, he will go back to his own country & forget about me. I would go with him...I want to take that chance, but it would mean giving up my law degree. I don't really care that much about being a lawyer, I just want to live, to travel, to experience life....But I'm too scared. What if he doesn't even love me?

im stuck to even worse
by: john

I am a 43 year old male who is living at home I have no friends other than the show on tv with the lovely jennifer aniston and company. I thought things would have been better now like i was told by family members,you know the positive thing.Unfortunatly, It hasent gotten any better.

I have lost more jobs than i can count.I am unemployed with no income.If it wasn't for my parents I might be under a bridge or something. Ive had two failed marriages and have two kids whom i dont know if they're even mine.My third relationship was no better. I have not had sex in over 7 or more years other than my hand. I have been trying to get out of the south for 20 years and cant seem to get out. I dont know what to do.I feel like I dont belong here. I beleive in God but i think hes to busy for me. i feel lost there is so much more depressing things I could tell you but I wont bring you down anymore.I dont wont to make anymore bad decions in my life so I give up trying.

perception
by: Anonymous

I worked a long time with people under fifty on ventilators. I am thankful. Everything comes with a price - how much are you willing to pay? The people on vents showed me how to begin to make changes in my life

Change the tapes
by: LiCo

I am 54 and I too have read multiple self help books, in and out of counseling with non helpful anti depression medicines. Only have had bad relationships and find solace in being by myself. It seems like I continuously get DISAPPOINTED in how people have their own agenda to please themselves with little regard of who it effects. Shallow thinking perhaps or is it survival?
I look within myself and see loneliness. People don't want to be around me and I find their fake happiness puzzling, a game. But they seems to be living life happier than me. Should I sell out and just pretend I'm happy?
What makes me happy? I like nature and the beauty of this world. A quiet walk with the sun on my face and air in my lungs. Sitting with my lovable cat watching the latest ghost adventure. Being kind to the people in real need of me at my job. I long to retire so I can take adventure trips and be more involved in my self discovery.
My survival is listening to brain sync downloads because if I can change the tapes in my head that play and change how I think maybe I will be closer to happiness. This is my peace.
Another is joining meet up . Com . Find people who have similar interest . Try to live without expectations and be grateful.

sometimes things really can change
by: Anonymous

I found the free videos and mp3s of this woman helpful - they're just one small tool that I hope is of some use to you:
http://www.self-compassion.org/

I read her book and liked it, too. It takes time, but you can learn to be easier on yourself, too.
regards and wishing you peace -- things are really difficult and at times, it's true. You're not alone.

seasonal
by: Anonymous

This time of year everyone is happy with loved ones, and family. I just can't get along. And I thought it is my natural blonde hair and unisex first name. And then I have to listen to how you don't care. And I am the familar lunatic.

Following your dreams
by: Anonymous

Dear all!

We all can see frustration these days. People are tired of their daily routines and work. Specially work they hate doing. Is it that hard to follow your dreams and exploit your talents? You can find more information here: http://changeofjob.blogspot.co.uk/

See you at the top!

Pray
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. I see so much of myself in your story. The only thing that changes is that I did not have parents or a family to go back to. I didn't have a roof over my 3 children's head, and food for their tummies. I ended up do things to get food for them. I don't mean cooking food. I mean I remember once in the back of the McDonalds, they waited for me to beg for a hamburger for them.
So don't be so hard on yourself. I am now 286.9 pounds overweight! I once wore a size 8, my height is 5 feet 11 inches. I have thyroid problems, joint mobility problems, heart issues, can't see that well and I stay in neck, back and ankle pain everyday. I also stay swollen. why can't I lose this weight?? Its called CONTROL. We have to take control of our lives. Start small.. I got out of a relationship. No drama...just point blank, "its over". Found a place that I call my own. (still fixing on it)Once I get my roof over my head, then I can venture out in the world to see how to get employment.Talk to people who know people. I envision before long 4 years from now I will be a size 12-16. I dream about it and see myself as that size. weighing only 155160 ,If not...well I start all over again. until I get it right!

Similar but different...
by: Mike in Colorado

I've been through enough psychology in school to have learned how pointless it is to understand a situation. I can draw parallels however. 31 now and I just moved back home. Just like you said, it looks like freedom is a year off. If I'm smart I'll make it 18 months instead.

I went to a therapist, I went to school, I clawed up a ladder to a middle management position in a large corporation. I didn't feel any better. In fact the small goals and extrinsic successes have shown to be counter-productive if anything. The strange thing is when you like who you are but hate your life. Oh, my friends come to me to confide, and when in times of need, Mike is who to talk to, yes I'm liked by friends and I like myself. Just hate my life. Work is a nightmare, school feels too little, too late. If I ever get the master's degree, I feel I'll be too worn and ragged for it to matter. And the coming to terms with it , the embrace of the hopelessness, is a reality that I accept but I don't enjoy. The beauty of Winter, if you will. I have learned to enjoy all parts of the cycle. - the peaks and the valleys. I feel like I'm too young to feel so old sometimes. Leo Tolstoy said, "If you want to be happy, be." But, I don't ascribe to such fortune-cookie... aphorisms. If anything, seeing that there's someone else somewhere like me, and that can empathize has been the most validating moment of my day. And, I hope that, in turn, is cheering to you.

love yourself.
by: Ana

Sweetie.., you have to love yourself before you love anyone else. That should be easy for you..,
You already know you are a good person.
Your life is good.., and hope is there.,
help others less fortunate then you.
smile at strangers.
look around you and love your day.
Please don't give up on yourself. You are loved.
Open your heart and love with your heart.
Pain is just temporary.., hate is just temporary.
Love yourself and let pain and hate fade away..,
take care.. love..,

Hopeless
by: Anonymous

I have had successes, but also crushing failures. Sometimes I am so hopeless - if I felt like that every day I would probably run away from my life completely. Fall off the map, run away into the woods.
Memories of happier times, knowing that it will probably get better again, keep me going.
If you need antidepressants, take them!!!!

advice for hate my life and feel hopeless
by: dangboy

I hope these thoughts are timely. Your situation is better than you think. Don't worry about that perfect relationship. (i don't think most are as good as they say say) Maybe you're being to hard on yourself about dancing too! These days it is so easy to get into huge costly agreements that bind you like leases or car payments or contracts or unappreciative relationships. You should save your money and travel to some interesting places that you have thought about. Seeing different places and cultures has a way of grounding a person and making them appreciate home or finding a new home or just clearing your mind.

Traveling does not have to be expensive. You can have any job that you don't even care about and go two or three places a year. Think about it, Paris, Hawaii, China, Germany, Africa whatever, Australia. You have built in gate keepers for the home front and no pesky naggy bills like cable, which I wouldn't have anyway, but this is about you. You may even rekindle your love for dancing.

Here, in the mainstream, money and material is more important than art and self expression and that is just wrong. You have to figure out that you are beautiful(i saw your picture) in more ways than one and you are valuable and have something to offer. Good luck

hate to hate myself
by: hate75

hello i know how you feel i too have tried drugs alcohol sex self torture and nothing helps. I feel so alone even as a young child the years keep passing and the world keeps getting worse. the feeling of dread gets worse everyday i have tried killing myself once mom found me and called police to save me sometimes I hate her for that I try to work up nerve to finish the job but fail I feel empty inside my body is broken from martial arts in pain all the time I have 4 kids that i know I have cursed I am doomed people say god loves all how can he

Life
by: Someone

If life is either order or chaos, i would get myself stuck in the center. When everything is in order i tend to idolize perfection and seek what is perfect, making my everyday self "the weirdness i am (we all are)" seem completely incorrect. However, when everything is in chaos and i tend to also seek perfection, but feels as if every aspect of the world is ripping apart from itself and that i myself fall down a hole carelessness and DGAF. both just at their extremes seem as if they are both out of whack. but when balanced you see that when you seek order you are also met by chaos, explaining the "weirdness" or the imperfections. and when you seek chaos you are met by order, finding meaning and purpose in life when it seems there is no hope. They may change depending on your situations in life, but they are both necessary. so dont try to drown one out or stamp the other out of the equation. but just try to accept it and continue to move forward.

everything was so hard for me 2! Until I found out my calling
by: Brandon Cordoba

The cool thing is there are only a few things that you are really amazing at & that give you meaning & fulfillment in life so for a good mentor/friend/coach etc. it's easier to find. & when you find it own it with confidence! :)

Why everything is so hard for me?
by: Anonymous

Whenever I do it takes alot of effort..it seems that all my friends and everyone around get everything so easy..but when it comes to me it is always hard..I don't know what to do, I'm losing faith in myself and everything else..what is going on

Something to try
by: Brandon Cordoba

I have no idea how long ago this post was, but if the original writer is willing to try 1 more thing I have a developing a experimental technique called the "Finding Hope Technique" so far in testing the results have been significant email me (or anyone feeling hopeless) @ coach@brandoncordoba.com & I will gladly send it to you for free if you promise to do it.

Do not be hopeless
by: Anonymous

"I really am a cool person...smart, funny, into music, art and clothing...very nice in general but I cannot find friends that are deep or seem to understand me at all."

I understand you very well, I am a cool person myself as well, very intellectual also, but all my friendships throughout my life have been very shallow, far from deep. Now, I am 27 years old and do not have anyone in my life whom I can call "a good friend". I cut all the relationship with the ones I call friends because they bored me to death with their shallow viewpoints to life and their untruth. Also they began to harm me with their lies and jealousy. I do not go out, not go to the cinema or eat something with any friend now. All of the people I see are from my university but they are not my friends, just teachers and classmates. Maybe it is better for you too to be without friends. Maybe that is what you need for now. Being without friends is better than having shallow friends. I hope one day you will find what you are looking for.

All the best.

another comment
by: yeah

I hate to say that i understand you all, from the selfish scumbag that is selfish and wants to grow dope in his back garden, to the optimistic person in search of God. I find it pathetic we all come here to moan and cry for our miserable lives, because we have no balls or will to make it any different for ourselves? But because I have a lack of balls today,

I will start by saying that i don't hate life, I just hate my stupid inadequacy to start enjoying life. I don't smoke or drink, my mother died sometime ago,my dad turned an alcoholic, my boyfriends cheated on me both, I was an A student but believe I was not smart enough, I started seriously doubting why my boyfriends lied,cheated and why all turned into shit after a while,well I think my dependency was like a diamond shining to anyone who would like to wear it in their fingers. At this point and tired and upset with so much moaning, now is enough of self pity and victimization, i could not agree more with the guy that wants to die surfing, or the lonely guy that is 40 and wants to play computer games because no one understands him.

But folks this is only 1 life, ONE SINGLE LIFE, If you ask me right now i would just drop this computer from the window go out there, have a walk, laugh about seeing a dog shitting, anything that resembles the life is been passing by and that we been too busy moaning and complaining to actually notice that there is more happening than we actually realize

Help Others
by: Anonymous

Sometimes it helps to help others. Maybe go to a hospital or nursing home and see if you can just volunteer 2 or 3 hours a week. You will see what a huge difference you can make to others and brighten their outlook which will brighten yours as well. Good luck to you. Life is not easy but it is worth living.

Change needed
by: Anonymous

I cant believe Im writing this... I am seventeen and live in a small southern town. Most days I feel like I am dying here. I absolutly hate it here. I feel so trapped. The only thing that keeps me going is know im on the college track. It's my only ticket out. I know I shouldnt be this way but my life was not meant to be this way. However I know God doesnt make mistakes and that I can get through anything with his guiding hand:)

I'm so tired
by: Anonymous

Seems that there is so many who share this, and maybe we can find solace in that others share our pain.

I have had 5 years of intense struggling since losing my job then going through a natural disaster. We we're just getting through that when my wife lost her job 2 years ago, and now 24 months later through shear willpower we have somehow survived, losing all of our 15 years of savings and starting over again. It will be another 10 months before we can breathe again after settling debts, but that will have made it over 5 years of stress and suffering, trying to get by a week at a time. I feel as though I have lost a huge portion of my life, and now I am at an age that is making it very very difficult to reinvent myself yet again and find employment.

All I can say to you younger people is, cherish every single day for the little things, because when you get older, life will pass very quickly and before you know it your options start to shrink rapidly.

God bless you all!

abstract movie
by: Anonymous

So many of us seem to feel the same way and I do believe as some have touched upon that this fu*k'd up world and society continually putting downward pressure on us is a major factor.

Studying the esoteric and finally figuring out whats really going on in this wacky world, all the whys, why politicians are so dang crooked and never do anything for the people, why the institutions in our society are what they are, why the wealth of a nation is continually sifted into the hands of a few... Knowing such things in great detail once made me even more depressed for knowing that things are this fu*k'd up and its not by happenstance, then once day I took solace and confidence in knowing such things in such detail.

I wanted to share a flick I came across that was so very different than just about anything I had come across before. It starts off waaayy out there but if you hang in there it gets ever so interesting as well as informative and in the end I found it to be very spiritually uplifting.

The flick is called "Architects of Control, Program 1" by Michael Tsarion. Its on youtube but I purchased a copy (and I don't do that much).





no kidding
by: Anonymous

I agree with "An otherwise happy healthy nice guy" so completely that it's almost ridiculous. I'm 25 and feel the same way, but hopefully I can turn it around in the next 5 years

Trippy
by: Caucasian Hawaiian Guy

I have failed at having a successful life. I barely graduated highschool with a GED, did no additional schooling, did major drugs through my early years and continue to abuse ANY drugs or alcohol I can get my hands on today. No hard drugs like cocaine anymore though. But would I do them again? Sure, bust em out.

I am 35, married with one child. I got married at 23 because my self esteem was so low at the time I would've married my neighbors pommeranian. I have cheated on my wife numerous times and I will never admit it to her. I am an utterly dishonest and evil person that only thinks of himself and that is no joke. I know it and I'm not going to change myself, ever. I have decided that I'm just going to live with what I've done and live the way I want to because in the end, we're all dirt. It's just a matter of time. Don't matter if they buy you in a metal casket. And trust me, there is no such thing as a spirit or god. That was all a bunch of sh*t thought up by people in a time when people wondered where the sun went at the end of each day. I don't believe a word of it.

I want to run away, leave it all behind, go somewhere super remote and grow dope and surf until I die. Ha, and you thought you had problems right? Your problems don't even come close to what I have on my mind.


Nothing is suppose to make us happy......
by: Anonymous

except Jesus:) I really was helped by googling Joel Osteen and watching his videos.

I won't go into it here on this site, but if you're feeling depressed, hopeless, lost, tired, etc....then at least take some time to research it a bit. What do you have to lose right?
I did and it changed my life.

My life is still not perfect...but my mindset is better which makes everyday better. A positive attitude does a lot...and opens doors I never realized existed.

I believe most of us are unhappy because we have a small idea of what "happiness" should be (perfect job, money, significant other, lots of friends, etc.) Of course those are good things to have....but if we place all our happiness on those things...we will NEVER be truly happy. We must learn to be happy with nothing!! That is true happiness.


2 cents
by: Anonymous

All I can say is I feel your pain, it is a never ending thing, and I am not sure what you can do about it. I read people's chipper little advice and to tell you the truth, it seems like some people are destined to walk these paths (from experience) I am not sure why this is but for some reason it must be part of some greater plan or just the big joke that is life. There is no in between it is one or another. I can only say that when I learn a lesson in life it always feels too late, but the outcomes are always positive. It just seems they take too long to get there. I really do not know if this helped you or not but I can just tell you, that you are not alone in this world and in this life that you lead, there are others like you and me, but really because I understand you, does not mean I can help you as I feel you because I cannot help myself, and the most frustrating part is not know how to change it or know if I really want to or not. I think I do but everyday I wake up I like what should I do today. Wish you the best hopefully you find the answers. I know I haven't.

It's the economy
by: Gin

It's the economy.

Let it go.

self pity etc
by: JoeB

Self pity is one thing to get rid of asap. It's not gonna help change the situation, keeps you from taking constructive action. Looks to me that you are mostly just very bored and disappointed with life - you expected more because you yourself are capable of much more than what you've experienced coming from others so far. Truth is, you've got a strong potential, high awareness, and a will to make a positive turn. And you get to do it all by yourself! Challenge yourself, learn new skills, put them to good use, show the world what life is supposed to be like. Break from the "victim" state and claim your individuality.

We are all together
by: Got Oprah?

I woke up feeling blunt and suicidal.. I googled my feelings and this article came up identifying exactly how I feel.

You are intelligent and you are keeping yourself down by telling your self a story. It's tome to dream up your new life, who do you love? How do you love yourself? What do you love doing?
Accept where you are and give yourself permission to be happy and live your best life. No matter what it looks like to other people.

Thank you for sharing, I felt extremely alone and just by knowing I'm not, I feel love.

Love you!!


hopeless 2
by: mike.pankow

Same way I feel what can we do about it.
Maybe I had a bit better life but I feel really depressed at the moment, had two girlfriends ending to nothing no friends only people I know and one and then hear something.. of course I've got family my dad and my sister... my sister is happily married my dad is my only close friend with his dog. Though he's already 82 so its coming to an end sooner or later ( I hope he gets 100).

Work all goes to crap, making friends my age 40 isn't easy. Only fun I have is playing games on my computer.

The thing I find terrible is that most I know, don't seem to get what it is to be lonely

I get it
by: Doug

Hey I hear you loud and clear. I'm 57 and very fit. Most people think I'm 40. My issue is I feel I have wasted so much time. The good news for you is that you still do!!! You need some one who really hears you. I will say a prayer for you. I love your honesty!!!

Me too, I care, you're pretty
by: Anonymous

Your story reminds me of me. I am 28. I got a social science B.A. , but mainly just to get a degree to try to look good enough to a man to get married. I had lots of family and friend problems. I have low experience. I am pretty to some good guys but have no job, no life, no connections. I hate my history of homelessness and unhappiness too. Bouncing from place to church, to lack, to whatever

All I can best say, is I wish things would be better for you and me. If this can do anything--I just wanted to at least leave a note.

But if that is you in the picture (hoodie), you look pretty and euro (unlike me attractive but black wanting to be in euro circles) and I think that more people would help you if you ask. Get a restaurant job, retail, dig deep for humility, ask more folks because you have the look.

know reality
by: zee

Your case is like of a psychopath, there is only solution for such situation, you have to forgive yourself and very very slowly have to live moment to moment by being good to others at the same time taking care of yourself. There is no medicine and no therapy for this, all is watage. You have to change yourself and have to understand the harsh realities of life.

I desire happiness, love, and peace
by: Victoria George

I am 27 years born in Washington. Haven't made the best life decisions of my life. Barely made it through high school. I fell into the habit of drinking when I was 15, which is when my mom and step-dad separated. I've been abused sexually, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I forgive everyone who ever hurt me in any way. I have no friends and some of my family want nothing to do with me. I want to make a life difference for myself but it's fades in and out due to depression, stress, and self destructive thoughts. Had a long history of drug abuse and now I don't drink or smoke cigarettes or weed or meth or ecstasy or cocaine. I have had a relationship on and off with my boyfriend.

I have lost everything this past year even my relationship with boyfriend. These are just the beginning of it. I want to seek help for possible bi-polar or another disorder, but never took the initiative in seeking help. This has been going on since I was 15. I refused to get help. Now I am alone majority of the time and struggle with lost hope and depression. Some days I have no motivation to do or pursue anything. I know that I am not the only one who feels or deals with similar situations. I want to give up, but that is selfish. Life is too beautiful to throw it away. I desire to be successful. I work out to help myself, but that doesn't help for long. I feel like no matter how hard I try and be positive there is a plague of negativity that weighs me down to slow if not stop me from pursuing my dreams. I feel more better in the dream stage than reality. I wake up to misery each day. I find myself crying more over all the things that I attempt to pursue. I have not been the best role model for good. If anything I have been a living example of what not to do. I just want to give up on everything. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I go places and it is a phobia to be out in public anywhere I go. I absolutely greatly dislike going into grocery stores. I welcome great influential leaders and mentors into my life and hope everyone good things for their own life. Pray hard because this is all I have to hold on to.

I am in a very similar situation but different
by: CrayzieGirl65@blogspot

I have a lot of the same thoughts feelings and problems.. I was taught my behaviors from childhood.. I am the fifth of six children and i very recently learned i suffer from MCS amongst many other disorders BPD bipolar PTSD severe depression and the list goes on.. I have no self worth or self esteem and i feel hopeless i have attempted suicide quite a few times and the time before last i actually flat lined. I am 47 and have yet to ever find happiness within myself or been cable to love myself... I have addictive behaviors.. And i cant seem to find a way out of this corner i feel ive painted myself into.. I have a 30 yr old son and two beautiful granddaughters but they live in another state.. I feel abandoned by everyone in my life for my entire life i am unlovable and very misunderstood by all because of my blunt and at times brash speech..

My mom was the only one who accepted me and my expressions but she has passed away in 05 so i am a lonely married woman who has violated my very own morals and standards for which i am deeply remorseful and ashamed of myself and i beat myself up on a daily basis..

Ive hurt the ones i love most so that just deepens my depression and saddens me even more. I am unable to stop this self destructive behavior. Its as if i believe i deserve it. To be destroyed..

I know this isn't helpful advice but i can understand how u feel just so you don't feel all alone like me i feel like IM ON TOP OF THE WORLD ALL ALONE WHICH puts me beneath it carrying the weight of it alone.. My slogan to my family is I STAND ALONE!!! so if you find any answer to inner happiness self love and worth i welcome your input..

Why?
by: Anonymous

Most people are happy with their life? or unhappy? The latter I guess, after all we live on a small planet, supposedly social creatures, but majority of us disliking the cramped environment we exist in.

That's just it, for most of us it is existing, but what is living? Surely life cant be full of wonderful things every minute of every day, so perhaps life is about existence, nothing more nothing less, maybe we disappoint ourselves with over expecting.

I do wonder why we are all here, for what? like everyone else here, I sometimes wish I wasn't.

THOUGHTS
by: Sheryl

Our thoughts are very powerful.... Every day write down 1 thing positive to do feel act or be like, all day just focus on that one thing, the next day do a different one, stay with a continual thought of getting to that desired outcome allow the negative thoughts to come in and pass as quickly as they came in, a flush perhaps,retraining the mind to reverse the way it has been for years will take some time, it will work, if you get stuck in the past thoughts or future thoughts get yourself back into the now to the desired thought for that day... soon the new way of thinking will take over and reverse itself and new doors will open and the light within will become brighter and brighter we all are in the same place you are just different degrees of it..

No one's care and love's me.
by: al

Im a 38 years old a father of a home from Philippines i love my life but everyday in my life i feel im very disappointed. My smile everyday to my friend is empty i know because i have nothing i've been never succeeded in my life due to financial needs.

All my family side parents in law my brother and sister in law the also hate me. They never visit at home any more I'm living here in the crowded city in Manila and working in security guard only. My monthly salary also not enough for our daily needs for our foods, tuition fees of my children, even new clothes i can't afford to buy.

I'd like to move on but no one help me. I don't know how to start all over again. I still remember when i was a child playing with my neighborhood somewhere in my father farms my father is a farmer. And now I'm here still alone in my life no ones love me. I only really believed in my almighty god Jesus Christ who can only help me.

we are lost children
by: Adam Fenix

None of us will ever feel happy. the powers that run the world have designed an evil trap for our perfect human souls.
big international banks. they have destroyed all of us. and we let them.

The true human community has been shattered, leaving us alone while standing right beside each other. I thought before that I should hate people or myself, but the almighty destroyer is money, IMF money to be exact.
We are beautiful people, we all deserve love and compassion the world over. WE ALL NEED THE SAME THINGS, no one is different in that sense. We may want different things, but those are not needs, and do carry weight with our spirits.

Please do not see yourself as the problem. See the truth, we are all lost children by design.

Stand up with me brothers and sisters of the new slave era! fight back, and never give in!

I love all people unconditionally, you can too, even yourself. we have to break the binds that control us all. we have to create a new reality before they create their new world order.

Understand this; would you be sad if there were nothing that you truly needed? No, you would be truly happy. This society that has beaten us down and taken our very souls is a construct not of our own doing but of the minds of evil men.
keeping us weak and sad and wanting, is something they have worked towards for decades.

Be smart, keep your head up, and look for the signs.
-Adam Fenix, rebirth: world.

I need a change
by: Anonymous

I woke up this morning and, like every other, I laid in bed for a while thinking. It makes me really depressed to think that the best thing that will happen during my day is me laying in my nice warm bed. As soon as I get up things go downhill.
I have a relationship on my hands that is extremely stressful, I'm beginning to question my career path, and I feel completely alone. I really wish I could just die. I'm not really one to take that into my own hands but, sometimes I wish I could. I'm desperate for things to be different. If I had some sort of purpose that would be fantastic.

_________________________________________________

Your future, your life, is totally in your hands. It's all about choices! Choose your purpose and then take small but steady steps to make it come true.

What you think becomes your reality - your destiny is in your hands no one else's.

Love
Kay
x

Lost Hope
by: Sara

Im 19 turning 20 soon, unemployed, living at home, and have recently been hit hard with the question, "Where am I going in life?" It's not that I've never thought of this before,... It's just that I have always pushed it back because all this question has done is screw with my brain and remind me how much of a failure I feel like in life.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14. Had a life filled with abuse, unexpected deaths, was bullied, and overall felt neglected by my parents due to their busy work schedule. I coped by drawing and writing when I was little, and still do that today.
But, Today, Now, I just feel so lost and worthless. I graduated high school and came to the realization that I had no set career path in life, unlike my friends who had, which stopped me from attending college. I didn't want my parents to spend money on a major I was unsure of.

I always had a passion for the arts, for anything medieval/ fantasy, and enjoy voice acting. (Which I found I'm quite good at.) But it seems once I tell myself, Maybe I should be a Graphic Designer, or a Voiceover Actor, I think of the competitiveness of those fields and realize, "Okay, I am not THAT good, I'll never make it." My hope gone.

I also have the worst personality type, INFP, Which makes it hard for me to land a job. Every time I try to stay positive about something it never lasts. Right now the only goal I have is visiting the UK like I've always wanted to.

Recently, I fell in love with a UK man as well, but the reality of distance and money have caused that love to shatter although we both wanted it. Leaving me broken but still hoping, like an unfinished chapter in a book.
I just want to feel happy again and go somewhere to get out of this depressing routine. But, I can't go unless I get money, and every job rejection letter just reminds me of that, causing me to again feel hopeless. I don't know how to motivate myself anymore, since all my motivation seems to be crumbling and no matter what I do I find myself always doubting, or things always come up.
I'm hoping that if I leave the US, even for just a week, maybe I can find myself... but that's just me hoping again. Can anybody help me?

How to do it all.
by: Risky Gypsy

I could go on and on about how I was abused as a child in foster care, about how I'm a female combat veteran who is never acknowledged for my service because I'm a woman, how my first husband who also hit me and I promptly ran away from and divorced is in jail for murder, and how I am constantly bullied at work by someone who has no self esteem, but where would that get you?

What did I do when I was abused by my uncle and thrown into foster care? I took a risk, and I ran away. I had hope for the future, and I ran towards it. I moved out and went to school on my own. What did I do when I saw a lifetime of misery and suicide attempts with my abusive husband? I ran towards that light of hope again. I joined the military. What did I do when I got stuck in a job and a place I hated? I ran towards the light once again. I quit my job and moved to a different state. It does get better. You will never get away from sorrow if you don't keep running. Being a gypsy at heart is what it's cracked up to be. You have to chase happiness. It will not just fall into your lap.

Focus your Attention Somewhere else...ANYWHERE else
by: Anonymous

I stumbled up this site because I googled "I hate my life" and honestly after reading all these entries I feel like a complete pussy.

However, one thing struck me as I went down the list. That is that most entries don't seem to be receieving replies. So that tells me that most of you are focusing only on yourselves. I'm not trying to call anyone selfish or a bad person. But what if that is part of the problem? I think its becoming more and more accepted that your reality is created by your thoughts. You manifest the circumstances of your life by thinking thoughts.

I saw a quote that has stuck with me and I hope it always does. "If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion. If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion." Once your most basic needs have been met - food, shelter - try simply not to think about yourself AT ALL. That might sound a little crazy but give it a shot.
Make a list of 25 things to think about that are NOT personal. And you have to think about them in a positive way. For example, you can think about hunger or poverty, but not in terms of how hopeless they make the world seem. Think about it in terms of what you could do to alleviate it on an INDIVIDUAL level (its important NOT to fancy yourself as some superhero saving the whole world). Imagine giving a homeless person a gift certificate to a fast food restaurant, or baking cookies with the old lady across the street. Also include on your list small, random things that you don't hate. Ladybug, pine cone, river, ocean. This probably sounds a bit ridiculous. However, anythings better than dwelling on how much you hate your life. So literally just put a picture of a ladybug in your mind as soon as you find yourself thinking about how much you hate yourself and your life. When you get tired of the ladybug move on to the river, then the winding highway, etc. Also, I think its a good idea NOT to include things on your list that are too emotionally charged or excessively HAPPY. Don't go to the opposite extreme with unrealistically rosy thoughts. (The ditch on the left side of the road is not any better than the one on the right). Neutral, insignificant, middle of the road thoughts are best for this experiment

Another bit of wisdom that stuck with me is this... there are two wolves living and fighting inside of you. One represents love and joy. The other anger and hate. Which wolf wins. Whichever one you feed.

You feed these wolves with your thoughts.

I hope this helps someone.

By the way some people think that you will reincarnate as many times as is necessary for you to realize the true nature of reality. So from that perspective suicide makes no sense at all and will only move you further back in line where you might experience an even more awful existence. Food for thought.

rat maze
by: trapped in a

To the man with the wife about to bear child, and is tired of working. I'm 27, college drop out, obviously career-less and about to get fired from my on call job. YAY! I've been in the hospitality industry since I started working as a teenager and hate it!!!! but I've been doing it for so long that it's gotten to be the only thing I know how to do. I'm just sick of working period. It's true though, with effort you can achieve whatever your goal might be.... just have to suck the mans balls for a while longer.

There are always choices, don't let your anger or feeling of hopelessness hide these choices. change is present and if you're sick of working as I am... write down what you need to do to change the reason you hate working or how you can change your field of work. I hate it because as I said before I'm so sick of saying "I'm a people person" in interviews when really most of the time human beings sicken me.

I'm planning on learning how to be a yoga instructor so I can move to another country like Brazil and teach there for a while. Sometimes we just have shake off some of the dust and look for different avenues. To I hate my life and feel hopeless, you probably feel hopeless because you live in the south... if it's Florida, it's true it's absolutely horrid. You said you like Portland, or felt you could connect with people there? what kind of people were they? were they apart of a certain type of group? like music/art lovers or something?
In the meanwhile while you get out of the south, why don't you join a group at www.meetup.com ?
talking with people with your same interest might help the situation of feeling hopeless. To the wife that feels alone even in her marriage, find a hobby to do on the weekends something you can look forward to, like taking your kids on different adventures, it doesn't have to cost money, a hike maybe. anyway ha ha I'm no therapist obviously... didn't even acquire a degree, but I know we're all on this for a reason, and that's because we're shouting for HELP! and really the only one can do that is YOU. I'm looking for something else tonight... to help me save dough... so I can get the hell out of the city again. But writing all of this has made me remember that what I have before those plans is this moment. And instead of sitting here ranting about how much I hate my life. I'm going to punch the punching bag for a while then sew all the sh*t I have sitting on my to do table and read a good book. don't get too caught up in your thoughts, just be. let it go. when the anger/desolation/desperateness/helplessness rises up inside of you see it as a fire under your ass telling you to change whatever it is that is bothering you, or accept it. something never came out of nothing... I think... OK well if you read this all... I apologize I know there are a lot of contradictions in this mess of words. Don't lose hope it's all we have.

Reverse life
by: insight

Hey guys, why don't we try this?
let's assume we see things from the last breath perspective. what would we do if we were given a second chance?
- tell that special one how much we love him/her
- ask for forgiveness to someone we might disappointed
- make new friends
- change where you live
- help someone else achieve their dream
- raise a homeless child
- sell your furniture and buy a new one
- learn a new skill: swimming, driving, skating...
- Get a new hobby: soccer (premier league), tennis, golf, formula-1, watch it
- Follow the box office
- author a book (no matter what)
- Surprise someone every week or so
- Break up with some one we aren't interested in
- Read top 100 books ever written
- Any thing just act on something
Do it anyway. What's the worst that could happen than the way we are feeling now?

challenges of life
by: Anonymous

I am a 30 yr old single mom with four kids who just got out of an physically abusive marriage. I was physically and mentally abused by my alcohol dependent mom my whole childhood, my family is irate with me because she is sick and I don't talk to her. When I try to call she never replies so I gave up.

They blame me for the distance between us, so now I don't talk to any of them. I distance myself from everyone except my kids of course, they are healthy and happy but at times I really hate life. Hope my kids enjoy life more than I ever have.

This prison inside myself
by: Michelle

Hey there. Hang in there, I will be thinking of you. We have all gone through this, and I can completely relate to how you feel. I am always angry. No matter how many great things I have in life, or how many great people, I always feel angry. I even have these deep suspicions of people that I know care for me and have for so long. For example, I thought two people I really love lived on fake identities. I believed for a long time that they were con artists, trying to get our money.

I always have a problem with innocent people, and never look at people who are guilty. I have a problem that I hate, that always bothers me. This is why I am angry almost all the time. This problem gets so deep that most days, all I want to do is go back to sleep and not deal with the day. I even take oxycodone or sleeping pills to make me go back to sleep. I don't have a job, don't have a license, I just let my depression and pain inprison me.

I tell myself that it will all get better soon, and it will. Circumstances always happen when I am about to do something better for myself. For example, when I try to get my license, someone or something drastic will happen and delay me from getting it. I would take the bus system to a local DMV, but my loved ones would rather me not use the bus system because of the uncertainty of the kind of people I would come into contact with. I want to be independent. I want to have a job, any kind of job. Working at a dollar store would please me. Just something so I can get out of my prison called my home.

I will be thinking of you. Look at how many people care about you on here! Maybe we can be penpals. We can share our life with each other, to save our lives. My email address is mblh7388@gmail.com

why?
by: Anonymous

I am not going to read the other comments. I did read what you said. I am 39, male, white, whatever. I have spent my life trying to find what my "life" is about. I have had no financial help from my parents and feel they had me just to do what was expected from them at the time. My father has even said that him having kids was the reason he never succeeded in life because taking care of us robbed him of his opportunities of success.

I have never married despite finding great women. Most have left due to my unwillingness to have kids. All I can say is that despite the negativity, I have found a great woman and regardless of the challenges of having a great relationship (lets face it, all relationships are work) I am still going to try as it is my inspiration to better myself to be better for her as well as for me. It took a long time of sh*t and abuse for me to find this, and my presently things are far from perfect, but it gives me hope. As long as I have this I will fight. No guarantees, just hope. This is the first time I have felt this way. Hang in there, it might take a while.

Back in the 90's I almost killed myself in a desert because things seemed hopeless. Now I have almost everything. A good family, a woman that loves me, a cat, and ability to make what I can of what I have. Do the best you can and hope for the best. If that is your picture, you are an attractive female. Hone that with your mind and you can accomplish a lot. I was told I was stupid and ugly and made fun of for a long time before I proved them all wrong. Keep going. Do well.

what if?
by: stormy

What if? I often wonder, what if?
why am I here it sure isn't for a joy ride. If that was so I woundn't be on this website would I. I could tell you how my life has sucked since I was old enough to know I was a person. My father didn't want a girl, the result of that misguided poor human create was basically my demise.

I have had a lot of therapy through out my years. They have all ask how is it that you turned out to be sane when I should have ended up on a street corner being a hooker. I would jokingly tell them that life style didn't seem to appeal to me. I don't care how crazy my childhood was and how much abuse my father could dish out I refused at a very young age to not let it destroy me so I didn't at at least not yet so far.

My life has had many successes but now I find myself disabled and can't work due to a couple of car accidents none my fault but at the end of the day who cares. I can sit here and say how depressed I am (and I am very) and I have contemplated many time to take my life and had a few attempts along the way. The last four or five years was bad to me and for me. I had a job I loved made good money and I was able to truly enjoy life and so how a person I hired doubled crossed me and managed to get me fired.
How can people truly do these things to people and are able to sleep all night. Had I had my job when I had these accidents I could have had surgery and been up and living life again. I have no job had the accidents and no health care.

So our government in their wisdom would rather pay me disability instead of getting me the healthcare help I need. I could return back to work but it has been 2 years I will be getting medicare soon. I have been to charity and they said if I don't have my surgery I could die but they are too backed up. By the time I do get to have my surgery there will be so much damage done to my health I will not be able to return to the work force and who wants to hire anyone in their late 50's.

I had so many hopes for my life I worked, exercised, played and lived life and now what do I have a bunch of pills I have to take every day and sit here day in and day out trying to let my husband make a living and he hasn't ever really been good at that. He is so talented but truly not a business man. He works his tuss off and is so gifted with home building and interior custom work if you have a vision for it he can build it. but he never make any money. I can't help because we disagree I am aggressive with business and he isn't. So I sit here broke all the time and cry and I want to die.

life sucks!
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. I'm miserable everyday. Nothing makes me happy any more. The one person I found that made me happy has left me because of the true me, after leading me on and messing with my head. I get rejected all the time. I'm sick of being just friends. I just don't want to be alone any more. I'm sick of this life. I hate life

Thank you.
by: Sara

So much, for sharing your story. I'm 16 years old. I needed to know that I wasn't alone. Our stories are similar, disregarding the age and timeline. Not to mention that my mom refuses to put me on medication. Thank you, again. All of the people commenting, and yourself, may have saved a life or two.

I'm 31, white, male and waiting to die...
by: Anonymous

... like we all are! It's the one thing we can depend on. Everything else is chance, there is no god.

I don't enjoy work and have no way to escape it fully. I've just got back from a shift at 6am. Anything that you have to do regularly becames a chore, at the very least.


I understand
by: Anonymous

I have many problems in my life and ending it had crossed my mind but I always tell myself it's not my style, because its not anybody's style to go out like that.

I am 18 and have a beautiful girlfriend that I believe loves me(hopes loves me). I am very close to God in the sense that I love him very much and he looks over me, but sometimes I have doubts. And that's what it comes down too... It's okay to have doubts in your life, but you have to look for even that smallest things to keep you going... The small things keep you alive.

I would love to end my relationship trust me but I just cant for some reason it's a lingering feeling over me that I can't get rid of. I wish I could end my relationship because there are many aspects that are killing my soul but some how I feel like this is my calling and I will get through it happy.

You must believe in yourself and treat everyday as your last because you were given the most precious gift of all... The gift of life.

Hi
by: Anthony

I come from a dysfunctional family, my mother lost a child, (my brother) at a young age, I still have memories of him, I was five when he died at two and a half years. The death from cancer caused my mother to turn to drink and put a wedge between her and my father whom I never got to know as he was never around.

My early and teenage years were blighted by my mothers drinking. My father was back and forth and was a womaniser. I was an only child until at the age of nine my sister came along.

I dropped out of school at 15 due to bullying, my father thought I was just being lazy and beat me, I could not communicate my feelings to him. At 17 I spent six months in a day-hospital as I had developed a type of social phobia that could be interpreted as extreme shyness. I spent my twenties slowly emerging out of my introversion, and drifting between dead-end jobs.

In my thirties I started to get into drinking and clubs where I could lose myself for a night, I tried college as a mature student at 33 for two years, I studied IT but grew to hate it. I did nothing with my life and now in my forties I am feeling suicidal.

Could be worse
by: Anonymous

Things can't be all bad. Your kinda hot, and at least you still have you family.
I moved away for school, to try to better my self. Since then, I lost my father, lost two pets, oh and had to send my girl friend to rehab, cause she stole my atm card several times, to buy pills. I didn't find out till she completely drained my bank account. All of that happened over the last few months and that goes along great with my depression and ptsd from 2years in Iraq, history of cheating girl friends, life long lack of trust in others, anger/aggression issues and unpredictable personality.

Sounds to me like your life ain't all that bad.

You are not alone
by: Anonymous5

You've written all of the things I myself have been feeling over the past decade. I'm about to turn 30; I don't have a career, but I have a job (contracts only); I have a degree I can't use; I have a husband who doesn't care for me but we stay together for our children; and I have debt up to my eyeballs.

I recently went back to school on a part-time basis to try to make something of myself career-wise... but I have doubts of that going any where. A lot of the time it is difficult to just get out of bed and bother getting dressed nicely for work. It's all I ever do it seems - get up, go to work, come home. I have nothing fun to ever look forward too. Not even weekends... just laundry... and cleaning the house.

I've mentioned my loneliness/sadness to my husband and he says "what do you want me to do about it?" and shrugs his shoulders and then goes back to his computer games. I'm at my wits end and I see no light at the end of the tunnel... because honestly, if I did leave him, I have no financially sound future with my salary. Anyway, sorry for my own depressing rant... as you can see, you are not alone in your feelings about life.

Life sucks
by: D

This world totally sucks and I hate being forced to live in it. I had no choice about being born and I have no say over my own life. I ask every day for a quick painless death but that wish has yet to be granted.

I am tired of being a cog in the machine of life. I am 40 years old and it feels like I have lived 80 years already because every day of my life is just one endless day after another. I am too much of a pussy to end my own life so every night I go to bed I ask god to end my life in my sleep so I can move on to the next world. I am grateful for the fact that I am healthy and have a loving wife but I am tired of being forced to work everyday when I just want to have the freedom to do what I want to do. I finally figured it out one night, I asked myself why is it that every job I have ever had has never made me happy, well, it dawned on me like a revelation. It's not the job persay that makes me unhappy it is the fact that I am forced to have a job in the first place. Well, 2 weeks ago I find out that my wife is pregnant and then on the very next day I lose my job. Talk about a double whammy. Well, I am 50 % happy because I am out of a job and have free time but I am totally stressed out because I have no money coming in which forces me to look for another job which starts the vicious cycle all over again. I just don't care about living anymore but that is out of my hands. See, I can't win, it is impossible. THANKS A LOT GOD !!!!!!!!! :-(

hopeless
by: Anonymous

I feel hopeless about life, I have no job, no future ambitions and plans and am always afraid to go out of my comfort zone in any situation.

I recently graduated from university and am now 22, but have never had the courage to do anything outside my ordinary patterns. I have never had a relationship or asked anyone out in my life and feel like a loser living off my parents.

I am feeling so lost and don't know how to change myself to be less shy and willing to take more steps to improve myself.

What is going on?
by: Not important

I hope admin of this site may really understand s/he is not helping people that much. Half of these people hate their lives wow! surprise.. most wants to die or kill themselves. I can imagine effect of those comments in some 14yr old person. Some are pretty cool ones, whom are playing big minds For them stop being a smart-ass and shout people. For others, you dont seem like looking for a solution. You are not helping others. You have to change your life, but when u write it u have responsibility about how it may effect some people. Be a sparkle not a dead note. Oh i am sorry i have to leave because this site has a DONATE near.. cmmn'

________________________________________________

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate what you are saying but some people don't have anywhere to say how they feel and they can do this on the blog with anonymity. If you take the time to read the pages on this website you will see that it is totally aimed at helping people to move forward in their lives.

The blog is for people to write about how they feel, I would love it to be nothing but positive comments, but as you can see, life's not like that.
Love
Kay
x

Have some hope!
by: Mallory

After reading this, I found myself filled with sadness and sympathy for you. I am very sorry to hear that you feel this way about your life and I know that you don't know me so I hope nothing sounds out of line but I have a little advice that might assist you in your journey to happiness.

The first is just that... happiness is a journey. It takes time and remember that it is not measured by what you have or how successful you are. It is something that resides within you!
Which is similar to my next piece of advice... Everything is a process. Nothing changes overnight, you know? And in a lot of ways this is a good thing! If you just work on something new or something challenging every single day.. You'll get there before you know it! Don't worry about the big things just yet.
Instead, concentrate on small baby steps in the right direction and you'll be reaching the end of the path to happiness in no time!

If there is something you like, anything at all, immerse yourself in it! I know you said you have tried a lot to help shake the sadness but have you done all the things you love and enjoy?
Maybe write in a journal or go on a road trip or horseback ride! Anything you love or want to do. The first thing I think you need is to work on yourself and your emotions. You can't work on getting a new degree or a new job if you are so upset and hopeless!

Another trick is to tell yourself that you ARE happy. I know this sounds fruitless and maybe difficult to do but you'd be surprised how it effects your self conscious if your conscious mind tells you that everything is alright!
Whenever you are feeling down, get up and get out there or at least remove yourself from the situation and tell yourself, "I'm fine. I'm alive. I am happy."
In no time, you'll believe it and IT WILL COME TRUE.
My last piece of advice is to look at the other side of things. Life can ALWAYS get worse. You sound like an absolutely awesome person! Your parents love you, and even strangers like me care for you! Don't think that it's so bad.. I know it's tough but there are many people that don't have it as good as you do!!!
I wish you the best of luck and I hope this helps.
Remember... stay true to yourself and take baby steps and you'll be a nurse (or whatever you decide) with your own place, someone to love you, and loads of happiness!!!
If you want to contact me, shoot me and email: malibuu888@aol.com. BEST WISHES LOVE!

I hate my life and feel hopeless
by: Alien Angel

I hope you enjoy reading because I would like to take you on the journey that I had and changed my life forever.
These books gave me understanding and solace. And to add to that total enjoyment. I followed up by going to spiritual churches and just listening to other possibilities of life and existence, and the reasons why we have to endure such torture. I promise you will have something to think about after these books.

Dr. Brian Weiss: Many Lives / Many Masters

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Many-Lives-Masters-Prominent-Psychiatrist/dp/0749913789/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327229483&sr=1-1

And

Dr. Bruce Goldberg: Past Lives / Future Lives

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Past-Lives-Future-Bruce-Goldberg/dp/034535575X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327229302&sr=1-1

I am a complete failure
by: Anonymous

I am 50 years old and can only see a long list of failures from my past. I have been married 3 times, all failures, the last for 13 years to a monster. He was the most heinous human being I have ever encountered and sadly I stayed with him. He hit me, spit on me, cursed me at the top of his lungs every day. Isolated me from my friends and family, called me names, threatened me. Took all my innermost secrets and used them against me so that I couldn't leave him. He threatened to kill me, humiliated me in public, called me a whore and the c word in front of my father.

But the absolute worst is my children from my previous marriage are permanently scarred from him. I HATE myself and will never forgive myself for being so physically and mentally afraid of him that I did not seek the strength to leave him until he turned on my daughter one day and spewed the worst vile, hurtful comments. Then.. I found the strength to tell my brother and through a six month process, while he locked me out of my room and garage (my home I paid mortgage on) and threatened my life day and night I finally got rid of him.

It's been 7 years and he broke my soul and made me hate myself for not having the balls to do this at the beginning for my babies.. I hate myself. I failed at the only thing that matters in life... protecting my children. I deserve to go to hell.

Its not gonna change: enjoy it though
by: Raj

Amen to that! I feel the same. I AM the same.
For me (and I don't presume to know you), It is BOTH the issue and the solution to the issue.

The issue is that I feel lonely: but when someone wants to know me better, I run away from it. Its not to say there are no relationships I've had. but deep down : I know that when I am in these relationships: I have already decided that It has to end. I think (for me) its about keeping an important part of me to myself. Almost like if someone gets to know the real me then I WONT REMAIN ME.

I go into these relationships knowing very well I want an expiry date on it. More often than not the women I have been involved with are loving and caring: and wonderful human beings. They have taken care of me, fed me, been there for me and been patient. But one fine day: I decide: I tell them and I walk out. I don't make excuses. " It's me; its not you" and I tell them what I feel without being abusive.

It always surprises them that a person who knows so much about themselves; KNOWS what the problem is and does not seem to care enough to fix it. and therein lies the SOLUTION: keeping myself aloof, allows me to introspect like no one else. It also allows for me to be "brutally honest" about myself.

I am not on Facebook or any social networking sites. I carry very little and what I do I keep it neat and tidy. I don't impinge on others space: and I don't expect to be bothered. I like dark dingy smokey pubs: everybody having a great time, me at the bar; drinking and looking at my drink. I avoid eye contact: don't bother smiling, don't bother anyone and don't want anyone to bother me.

People find me very interesting to talk to, if and when I do. Lots of people get noisy and love company when they drink. Not me. I sit alone. I drink and don't say anything. I have a very low esteem of myself.

Relate
by: 29 y/o man

I feel the same and wish I could help those who can relate because I know first hand how tough it is. We all deserve a medal for having made it through life despite such difficulties!

It is just damn hard
by: Someone

I am struggling my ass of.. yes i know there are people that are worse off than me and i feel bad about that... I come from South Africa.. I am a white South African. It is hard leaving a county that you were born in... leaving family and friends behind...

Moved to Australia for a "better" life... yeah.. it is a great country and all.. but i feel like this is a lost cause... lived in Adelaide for 7 years and had pretty much the worst few years of my life there... Had friends and stuff... but never that someone special (I'm 21 by the way) nothing seemed to happen in Adelaide and moved to the gold cost instead.. Still nothing happened... for another 9 months.... work has been cr*p because there is none up here and the whole reason i moved here is for work.. so i went back to Adelaide for work for 3 weeks... and what happens... on the first damn day i am there i meet this awesome girl... who i like very very much and i know she likes me too... but i knew it won't be easy because she is with someone else... the first time in my life where i felt like "wow.. can this really be happening, a girl this awesome who likes me, must be dreaming" but now with this my luck comes back again and bite's me in the butt.... I don't ask for much... not at all... there are a few other details that i will not mention.. but i know that we would be great together.. but i will need to let things go as it wants to as hard as it is....and now i am back to square one... with nothing....I'm done...."not talking about suicide" I'm just done....

You're right.
by: Justin

You had said that you like the people in Portland better because they were more open to You. You're right. I'd say that the best thing for you is to get around different people that actually will accept you for who you are and will help you change into the person you want to be.

Of course there's all these books on self help but here's one thing they don't tell you in these books; If you're trying to better yourself you need people that know you are doing so, you need those people to help you through it and make sure that you stay on the path that you made to betterment.

But what do I know, I'm only a 20yr old kid who believes that anyone can do anything that they put their head, heart and will to. I believe in you. Don't give up...EVER. :)

life
by: trish

You cant' expect someone else to save you. You will have to decide what you want to do and do it. Do you have a job? Do you have to live with your parents or are you just doing it because it is easy? there is nothing wrong with taking the nursing cna track to get you out of this situation but if you are really not interested you need to use it to help you to become independent from your parents and then figure out what you need to do.

Life is a process - you say you have a degree in dance but even if you have no interest you can use some of your core classes when you find what you want to do(if you decide to go back to college).
Honestly - the first step you should take is to decide that you aren't a failure-you are just like the rest of us-a work in progress- and rather than trying to find a relationship to define you-decide what kind of life you want-what's really important to you and take steps to achieve that.

so young, so depressed
by: fred

I am only 12 years old and that is not a lie. I have a horrid life and my family can be very unfair. My whole school hates me and the teachers aren't any better. My family will end up never getting along with me. i KNOW IT.

The only person i started to look up to was my dad. He would laugh with me, talk to me, and hang around with me. I am getting a deeper feeling every day that he doesn't love me. He pays less attention to me and gets angry at me for reasons that are stupid. My life is horrible and I am honestly wondering: either the hate must end or possibly my life.

I'm ugly & fat (never should have been born)
by: Anonymous

I am 49 (I would like to say I am a woman but since I was told I am not even human but a disgusting monster.....) anyway, I still live with one of my remaining parents (as the other passed away almost 9 years ago).

My problem is I am hideous looking and no one wants to look at me let alone be on the same planet as me. Pathetic as it is, I have come to live in my own little world after I graduated (which was over 30 years ago). So for those over 30 years I have had 2 soap operas that I lived and breathed on and one of them was taken away from me this past Friday and the other one is rumored to end in September. Being the last straw (if General Hospital goes) I really think suicide is the only answer.

Over the last 10 years I have also lived on the internet trying to make friends as they would never see the horrible ugliness that I look like but unfortunately out of those 10 years using the internet there was only one person who stuck with me from the beginning back in 2001. Unfortunately she passed away last summer, I now have no one in this world.

My mom is too old trying to struggle for herself and worry about others. And since I can never live outside of 4 walls to be seen, giving my age, I think it is just time to give up on life. At 20, I was not that bad off, at 30 things did start to sink in but I still struggled. At 40 it really became bad when I lost my father but now at practically 50 years old, I am really done. It is really pathetic and no hope now. It is really bad when someone who is practically half a century old that has always been living with a parent, never having friends, still a virgin and there is much much more but I won't go too much into it, just that it is really bad and it has me in tears every day I wake up and every night I go to bed. Yeah I really wish I was never born. Big mistake.

How to be happy?
by: Anonymous

I've been there where life seems hopeless. All you want to do is scream and shout until my voice goes hoarse and I even get those thoughts of suicide, but there's one thing that saved me. One person to be exact. Jesus Christ. He saved me when he died on the cross and rose again. Now I'm not some hypocritical and judging Christian like the stereotype is. I am a person who loves Christ and has just put my faith in Him and accepted his offer to take on my sins and save my from the penalty of sin. God is always there for me, I am never alone and it feels great. JESUS ROCKS!

why
by: kaykay

I was teased for being fat and told nobody would ever love me and i would never amount to anything. I heard it so much i believed it.

As a young girl all i wanted was to get married, have kids and be the ultimate housewife-nothing against the "working girl" i just wanted an old fashioned kind of life. My brother beat me and called me names, locked me in closets on a daily basis. I would be an emotional wreck by the time i got to school only to be teased 'till i snapped and i would get in trouble all the time for swearing. I would arrive home in tears which would anger my parents who were happy to tell me they would give me something to cry about. My brother would punch me and call me a pig every time we passed each-other and if i had something he wanted he would beat me until i gave it up and when i complained to my parents they would say "not this sh*t again".

I believe i am fat and ugly and my feelings are sh*t. At twelve i ate two bottles of Tylenol but i guess i was so fat it didn't kill me, just ruined my kidneys. at sixteen i lost my virginity, got raped, got pregnant, had an abortion, and slit my wrists, and the physical pain tuned out the emotional pain (i guess that's why people are cutters) Anyway - didn't die. At nineteen i was raped at a campground party, got pregnant and the baby grew in my fallopian tubes and had to have surgery. My cat died, I drank Spray Nine in another suicide attempt - not dead yet. At twenty one i got raped AGAIN by a biker with a knife to my throat - as bad as i wanted to die, i didn't want to die that way - if you know what i mean (needless to say - no more drunken campout parties for me.

The guy i loved from high school told me he really liked liked me(first time i ever heard that from any guy) we had sex it was great. The next day i went to the beach and got second degree burns on the backs of my legs. i lay in bed for two weeks writhing in pain and i dared god to try and make me sadder(bad move) my love from high school was is an accident and died. sooo distraught now i drank even more than usual-stupidly i got a DUI, lost my job and was truly and completely f***d. I went the hospital and they put me on disability for post traumatic stress disorder and severe depression.

A few years later i found a boyfriend and things were looking up, then i found out he was cheating (my body is quite gross so i understand but still) i was so over with life i got drunk and lay on the highway, after a while of cars dodging me left and right i decided to get up and soon as i moved my right leg was ran over. Still not dead.

I'm almost 31 now and came on here because i feel another nervous breakdown coming on and was looking for answers. Sorry i have no words of advice. I just want to know what all of this is for. How much are we supposed to take. Some of it was my fault because i chose to over eat, over drink, and hung around shady peeps but come on, why do all of us have to feel so bad.

Suffocating feeling, isn't it!
by: Solace.

I am feeling just the same, right now.

It's an absolutely suffocating feeling. I come from a highly dysfunctional family, they still wade through the muck of the mess caused by their horrendous attitudes, and do nothing about it but bicker and fight and argue, lie and delude others as well as themselves.

I have no contact with them but they insist on trying to drag me back into things. I refuse, but they keep trying. I want nothing more to do with them in any way, shape or form.

I have my own family that I focus on and do intend to do a complete vanishing act this year at some point. Cut ALL ties. Can't wait!


knowing and cant help it
by: Anonymous

I'm 39 years old.. i live with my mom. The cards are stacked against me. While a young man i became a criminal...not a bad one just a dumb one that had no idea what his actions really meant to law enforcement... I watched a movie once where con men were passing bad checks... well in real life that stuff doesn't fly.. I ruined my life before i had a chance to start it.

Now at 39 with all the illegals taken the jobs "an honest man would take for an honest days pay" away i cant find anything... no work no money no anything.. on top of that i had a child... yes a screw up like me had a kid... i cant imagine what hell he's gonna go though with my genes inside him.. poor little guy .. I've been diagnosed with every thing from manic depression to by polar.. none of the drugs helped me... i still feel all alone.. I'm a lost soul that hasn't figured out my life was over along time ago... I fail at life... and am now ruining another.. I hate that about my self,,,

You're not alone
by: Anonymous

I totally hear ya. I'm 30, and I just moved back in with my folks, and I've been an irritable, emotional mess. It all started about seven years ago.

I decided back then that I can't stand most activities that people do socially - going to bars, watching sports, playing video games, etc. I also can't stand college though I did manage to squeeze out an associate's degree.

That being said, I decided i'd shoot for a music career. Within 18 months of making that decision, i'd joined a folk/americana band and ditched my coffee house job to teach music lessons. I wasn't rich, but life was good.

The ball kept rolling. We were getting plenty of press, I'd moved into the house where we recorded, and the tunes were GOOD. When you put your heart out there, though, you open yourself up for scrutiny; people were questioning my moving out of the city, they were questioning my vegan diet, which I'd adopted from the influence of my longtime band mates. I liked what I was doing, I just wasn't able to confidently tell nay sayers why, due to my wanting to agree with everything anyone says.

Tour came a couple years ago and I was happy as hell. I kept myself fed with an online writing/editing job I could do from anywhere. The job sucked, but I could eat, and I was enjoying my day to day experience with the music and traveling despite having reservations about whether I wanted to continue with the band before we left. After tour ended, instead of looking at my life and what had made me happy, I CHOSE to go back to my reservations, and I attempted to leave the band, only to come back a few hours later in a fit of crying and apologizing.

Two more attempts, and I did end up leaving, but not because I fundamentally wanted to; rather, it was because I had reservations based on outsiders' comments. People had been likening the living situation to that of a cult. That was never my personal opinion, but my tendency to want to agree with everything anyone says fucked it all up.

The biggest decision of my life was not a professional one, but an emotional one. As a result, my day to day experience changed from excitement, adventure and creativity to anger, irritability and self-loathing, and I don't know how to get out of it. Tried spirituality, hanging with old friends, but nothing has worked. I've lost interest in my art and pretty much everything else for that matter. The guys in the band are off having a rewarding touring career, and I've gone and thrown away the only professional quality thing I've ever done. Dark, depressing thoughts pervade my mind, and laughter and smiles are few and far between. It's so bad that people say, to my face, "I miss you, Pat." We all gotta do something with our lives, and I'll never know why touring, professional musician wasn't good enough for me. I had nothing holding me back but shit thinking - no marriage/kids, my job was mobile for christ's sake. So I hate my life right now, and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

JEHAN
by: Anonymous

Buy a $3 camera from Walmart and some cologne. Take a head to toe picture of you lots of them and look at what you are avoiding and neglecting. Start smelling how good you smell. Accept that you were given the responsibility to break the pattern of poverty and be and do better in your genealogy.

Strike out and make a difference. Slow and steady wins the race. There are free medical and dental clinics. Make a commitment to get your teeth fixed and to do all you can to improve yourself physically like working on a car.

KEEP saving if you have to work two jobs and continue to do all you can to love be a friend and be nice to you. So many in U.S. are living with parents and are in 40s 50s and 60s. Money comes and money goes but more money is always coming. People come people go but more people are always coming.

I hate my life
by: Anonymous

I was in the military for 4 years. and when Got home I felt like was on mars. I have ptsd and I am going to treatment but I still cant sleep. I still drink everyday and I am drunk right now crying alone. I killed people in war but feel like I will never be forgiven for it. I wish I could fall asleep without being dead drunk.

American Life
by: Anonymous

Try being 35 with nothing to live for.
My father was murdered when i was 25 and left me a home with some money. I existed in Arkansas with nothing much going on. I was in school in the little wannabe community college that was available working full time at a glove factor getting carpel tunnel.

I took the money and the house and tried my best to get an education but something always came up where i had to decide to choose between college and life emergencies. Of course I chose the emergencies over my future just like anyone with a heart would do.

I decided after a while to open my own business because that's what Americans do right? Wrong. I lost nearly all the money I had, so from there I went to a tech school to get my CDL so I could drive a truck and make enough money to make a sort of decent living. One month into it my home gets broken into and EVERYTHING stolen. Jeep, Harley Davidson, furniture, clothes, computer, tv, dishes, even the copper water pipes gets stolen by someone i know down the road.

I find where the dude has sold some of my stuff to a pawn shop and the cops get involved (they wouldn't do anything until some proof was found) but yet they still wont do anything to prosecute the guy. I didn't have insurance because i had to drop it after the failed business attempt because of the loss of money.

Now I live in the basement of my friends house down the road. It sucks. I give them rent money every month, but they want more, they live outside their means so they are always broke now they want more and more. Not only that they stopped doing any chores and expect me or my girlfriend to take out the trash or do their dishes all the time with their hand out asking for more money.
America is all about the haves and not the have nots... I have tried to make my life something good, I don't expect wealth and power.

Unfortunately i think soon i will be homeless living under a bridge hoping that my teeth don't kill me because i cant afford to get a tooth pulled without insurance. No one cares except me, but who am I????

I understand the feeling
by: Anonymous

I am 13 and super depressed, I feel much stress over trying to be a teen, and I feel like I have lost all of my hope, sure, I have friends, but... I feel like they all know something I don't, like they all hate me, just to prove it I can name 4 of people who I was friends with who totally dogged me.

I am so stressed about being pretty and clothes and stuff... And I look at myself and realize I'm a monster, Because I would literally give up anything to have what ever I want; if you asked me if I would give up all true emotions and my soul for what I want; I would say yes, because I have no use for either of them, besides no emotion is better than what I am feeling right now.

I feel like I have no talents, and I see no worth in anything any more. Every night I bluntly pray, " God, please just kill me, I don't want to live anymore, amen." but I know it's useless because if God is even real, he wouldn't answer that prayer.

Every day I put on a fake smile, crack some dumb jokes and make people laugh, listen to other people's stupid jokes and laugh at them, talk with people and pretend that i care, nobody would have ever guessed the hollowness I feel inside. I can't care about people anymore because when I do, they always betray me in the end.


But one strange thing I feel; is that, what ever I want, I will achieve in the end, and then and only then will I be happy.
_______________________________________________

Darling child, no one hates you but you. Your thoughts have confused you and you feel everyone is against you when its not true. Beauty is within you, its not about being pretty or wearing nice clothes, its about feeling happy and good about yourself. Loving yourself and accepting yourself for the way you are. Change those thoughts of you, tell yourself often that you are confident, your are worthwhile, say "I love myself" as often as you can, and you will come to believe it in time and your life will change when you gain confidence in yourself.
Love
Kay
xxx

Self Discovery
by: Alien Angel

Believe it or not you can find a new part of yourself that will completely turn you around. No drugs, no Doctor visits, just self discovery.
Whatever your background or religious beliefs anything is worth a try right?
Even if your sceptical give it a good try...
I recommend these books: Past Lives / Future Lives by Dr. Bruce Goldgerg.
Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss.
From these books you will discover so much wonderful things about your life, your existance and how you will find much joy out of knowing who you really are.

Helping Hand
by: You

I know these stories all too well. I'm young. Almost 20. I never had a girlfriend but I've had my heart broken. I've been, mocked, ridiculed, shunned, beaten, persecuted, blamed, so on and so forth. But you know what? It isn't that bad. If you don't care. Take advantage of it. Don't force yourself to care.

If you don't like your job. Find a new one. Experiment and see what life has to offer. Go on a journey, an adventure. Pack some things up and just hike East or West. Just be sure you're prepared for whatever awaits. If you've had your heart broken, don't worry. It always seems like the end of the world. Lord knows, I thought so. But eventually, eventually you move on. Will you forget them? No. Not at all. But the pain will have died. It's like a cut on your hand. It hurts while it's there, but it eventually heals. You'll still see the scar, but it won't hurt you a bit to touch it.

Awesome
by: Anonymous

This is an awesome website. It makes me feel like I'm not alone =).

Regards to sweetny
by: Anonymous

I too found this website just by typing in I hate my life on Google.

I was raised by a negligent mother, and a workaholic father, however I don't blame them, all my choices are my own. Ive been addicted to drugs and then left them behind. I have an IQ of 145 yet disappeared from my hometown when i was fourteen never even finishing ninth grade. I hid in the bushes and watched the punks hop trains Then when i knew enough i disappeared the same way.

I can't leave now, i have 2 boys. I used to think i could survive with all my masks until they grew up, divorce my my husband and disappear using the skills of my youth. But i learned my son has autism he will always need me. I love my children dearly and i will not fail them leaving them a legacy of suicide. but I'm so stuck, I'm so poor and I'm so damn tired. I just wish I was dead, last week a high school friend committed suicide. Is he free? Is he hungry? My mother tries it halfheartedly once every 2 years. I decided never to talk to her again, I'm tired of cleaning up her messes.

I've asked for help from everyone, they laugh they think it's a joke. I hate my life. I just hate it, I'm tired of being hungry. I'm tired of being dirty I never wanted kids. I just wish i was dead and not hungry any more. I hunger for love, life, the feel of excitement when I reclaim my son from Autism. I wish I was Dead too, All my friends died,only I survived being a junkie.

When people come to me for wisdom I tell them time and our natural aptitude for adaptability heals all wounds. Truth is it's all scar tissue and I am all alone and so damn hungry. My space bar is glubbed with coffee my kid spilt. Tara

PLEASE READ!!!
by: SAVED

Please everyone, before you think Grr just another crazy Christian, please keep reading I guarantee that God will change your life.

I was depressed, I hated my life and I wanted to die then one day I thought, hey; I feel like reading the bible... So I did. That one little choice changed my life, and it can change yours. God loves you SO MUCH he sent his only son to DIE for you!!! Listen to my words!! God wants you!! I PROMISE you will be happier!! The Lord is close to the brokenhearted!!

God changed my life. He will change yours. I have NO doubts, I fully trust that Our God will save you. He will take away all the tears from your eyes! All you need to do is PRAY!!! I pray that everyone who feels they wanna die will find the Lord, and I pray that all who read my words will just PRAY!! And I pray that you will find God as soon as you look to him! He loves you so much.
In Jesus MIGHTY name...
Amen

Please take my words to heart. I thought everyone who believed in God was nuts, I never even CONSIDERED that he might really exist. Man, I was blind! But now I see, and I pray that you will also.
God bless you all.

trying to find my solution
by: sally

HA, I have alcohol problems too. I have continuously thought about killing myself. I convince myself that it's not that i give up on life, i just don't want anything to do with it and that suicide doesn't make you weak, but the people who threaten it are the weenies and the people who have the balls to do it are some real hosses. But i still cant get myself to do it.

I grew up in an abusive home and have been through my 500 yrds of sh*t. I was with a man for 5 yrs who was not that great to me but i managed to be engaged to him for 3 yrs and get a house and our wonderful dog we got as a baby. i lost it all, thanks to his mean awkward family. Then he dumped me, then i spiraled. So many times i woke up not knowing where i was. I missed my dog and really thought about going back just so my life would be back in order. I have since gotten a new dog to help me out of this hole. something to come home to. Something to be happy to see me cause lord knows no one does. I am trying, without my own consent, to get my sh*t together as much as i think I'm actually scared to. But after i read an article about how to kill yourself, i realized that i have a future. I have always believed things happen for a reason. I think I'm going to roll with the punches for a while and like rocky balboa says "its not about how hard you can hit. its about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"....lame, but it gives me hope. and as far as alcohol goes, my new goal is to drink it as celebration, everyday, and not wallow in it. I take my new dog to bars and other places so i never feel like I'm drinking alone. Sorry for not capitalizing my i's and lack of punctuation. I'm in a hurry.

I have no freedom
by: Anonymous

I am 18 years old guy. I still live with my parents. My mother is very strong, and I feel like she has complete control over me. I know she means well, but... I just finished my first university semester with bad marks. I totally understand that am wrong, and I am planning to boost my GPA next semester, but my parents wont stop screaming at me. They tell me I am unless, stupid idiot, lazy and mean.

When I turned 18, a month ago, I went to a nightclub for the first time, and came home later, a little bit drunk. My parents screamed at me all night, and when I said that I want to move out one day, my mother said I should get out right now, at 2 am. Then my father said that I am worthless and complete zero. I was so angry I slammed my fist on the table, after which my father threw me on the bed, and my mother slapped me three times.

I used to be A student in highs school, but its just a rough patch that I have in university. After that night I feel broken. I have no job, because all the time I spend studying, and my parents support me completely. That gives them all of the control.

I feel like giving up. I don't even feel like arguing any more. I have never felt so useless. Also my mom wont let me do anything, go camping with friends, get any part time job which does not reflect my degree( like any fast food place). I cant stay overnight at my friends house. I cant drink, at all. They said that while I live under their roof it's their rules. I feel like I am trapped in a circle, I cant leave the house because I don't have enough money, but I cant stay because I feel so down, some times I even feel like killing my self or running away. I have no freedom.

What should I do?

_______________________________________________

Study as hard as you can, pass your exams and get a fantastic job that allows you to move out of home and support yourself. If you stay positive and determined you can do this.
Love
Kay
x

We are all feeling it.....
by: Lola rose

Hi, I am female and about to turn 31 next month and I too feel just the way you do! And as I read all the comments, it makes me realize, just how many people feel like we all do from all backgrounds and ages!

I am seen as very pretty, outgoing and sociable, but I have nothing. Everyday I go to sleep crying and wake up at 5 am with a fear feeling in my chest. People see shocked I'm single!!! You're stunning they say and whilst I have got good looks, it doesn't make it easier.

I have never had a long term boyfriend and fall in love with men you don't want relationships with me (one went on for 5 years) all my friends are in relationships, in fact I'm the only single person I know. I fear at 31, I'll never meet a guy and settle with them! no one wants me!

I'm also inconsistent when it comes to career and have no clue what I want to do! I dropped out of school at 15 with no qualifications and eventually at 22 after bumming on the dole for years, went back to college and then on to university where I did a degree in dance as well... Which afterwards I realized was useless (If I could go back I would have chosen law, or medicine, something useful) anyway I become a receptionist, traveled a bit and then decided I wanted to get into PR, (thought about it at uni a bit) only my life being a total f up I didn't end up In a normal PR firm, but a niche one which after 3 years gave me no experience!

I then decided to be a high school teacher at age of 29 and moved miles away to another city! But again being a f up I had problems in second placement and ended up dropping out month before end! Then aged 30 moved in to house share and tried to go back into real PR, only couldn't get job in it! Only a week here and there...

I now finally have a job, but in estate agents- Sucky... But money is great! Do I want to do it, no, but I can make money from it and it's a job.... What I want deep down Is to just meet nice guy and be housewife!

I figure though that I and all of us must remember the golden rule.... Everything changes!!!!! Maybe I'll love the job, maybe I'll go back and finishing teaching (looking into it for next year) maybe I'll meet man of my dreams tomorrow and be married next year.... with a kid on the way... You just never know in life.

It is hard and I am struggling right now, being 31 soon and the only single person I know, in a job I don't care for and fearing I'll be single forever in a sucky job!


But who knows hey!


Being successful isn't everything
by: Anonymous

I'm 22 and am about to graduate with an in demand degree in a well paying field. I have a job secured, am engaged to be married in 6 months, and am very close with my family.

Despite all of this, I still find myself looking forward to the embrace of death. I am simply not happy and can't figure out why. I feel like I hate my job but then I hate the thought of all other careers as well. I have always excelled at work yet somehow when the idea of a lifelong career comes up I begin to feel claustrophobic. I feel like I'm going to get stuck in the same routine and just be waiting for nothing.

Maybe having kids will help someday, one of my favorite things in life is seeing my 1 year old nephew.

I guess what I'm saying is; some people think the key to happiness is a stable career, and I don't think that is necessarily true. I think happiness comes from somewhere within you, and if I can find this place I will let you know.

I don´t see any point with anything,
by: Sturenorth

I´m in a rage. It feels like I am standing in a room full of people SCREAMING my lungs off and no one hears me.

``You need to get a positive attitude, get a life, a girl, a car, a home, go travel``

I don´t understand why I haven´t killed my self yet.
It might just be the primal instinct keeping me from doing that but I am not certain.

I have a best friend and I love him, though I can´t say that I feel like I am in a mood to care about anything or anyone.

Everything feels wrong, something keeps being wrong or gone.

I am a person, I can say things and see the reaction in individuals faces, I hear them I can feel them, still I am simply not there.

However pathetic it may be I find solitude in watching tv shows and films featuring serial killers who put on their masks to avoid people from seeing just how empty they really are.

I can relate to the actors characters and I feel less than nothing for a few brief moments.

I had a dark spot a few years ago which involved by coming to a crossing vital to my life.

I chose the red pill, I broke free from my prison which I had made for myself and started to work through my sh*t I had been through.

I felt contempt for the first time in 10 years and I had a direction. Now years later I am back in that same pit with feeling nothing. Nothing seems to have any meaning of doing.

My drivers licence is not far from though I hinder myself as usual.

Why, can´t I do as everyone else and just find my way and be happy with that...

No I have to be stuck in this life sucking abyss.

My story aint any different from anyone else I am just a common person with a common life wishing it would end all together or getting change for something different.

22 age girl
by: sahel

انگلیسی من ضعیف هست
ترجیح میدم فارسی بنویسم
هر چند می دونم کارم بی فایده هست


من 22 سالمه I`m 22
پول دارم I have money
دوست پسر عاشق دارم I have nice boy friend
خانواده خوب دارم I have good family
رشته تحصیلی خوب دارم I have best university
اما but
امید ندارم I`m hopeless
آرزو ندارم I have no ambition
علاقه ای به چیزی ندارم I dont like any thing
هدف ندارم I dont have target
آینده رویایی ندارم I dont have ideal future
علاقه به زندگی ندارم I dont like life
علاقه به درس خواندن ندارم I dont like study
کلا بدبختم In generally,I`m miserable



CAN YOU HELP ME ??????



please use simple words , my English is awful

wow
by: Anonymous

To the person who insisted that they "grow up"- maybe it's time to follow your advice. you need to look at things from a psychological standpoint. If you lived in a home where you were degraded or had some issues with yourself you've never resolved they'd continue to wear you down you'd feel hopeless and crushed. Some people haven't gotten the proper help they need. Sometimes talking things out - even to strangers - makes all the difference.

You'll never walk alone
by: Sweeney

Believe it or not, I only found this while typing i hate my life into google out of pure frustration. I have the same predisposition towards alcohol that you have. I also had an unhappy and even abusive childhood.

Although i am only 24 and you may consider me to still be immature, I am not. I have dealt with more than most people do in their entire lives, as im sure you have. And even now the darkness occasionally takes over.

I have a degree in chemistry and have had a good job for two years in the industry. But i can still see myself sabotaging myself through drink and drugs.

Also if one more person tells me that god can help I'll show them all times he didn't.

Bugger it time to keep trying, stiff upper lip and all that!

depressed
by: Anonymous

I am a 20 year old guy that lives with my parents and I am depressed.
It all started when I was 16 and before that felt like I was happy with friends and girls who liked to talk to me.
So at grade 11 something happened to me that has never happened to me before. I fell in love with a girl and I have never felt that way before. We had a class with each other in the morning and every time I saw her my stomach dropped and just felt high like it was crazy because right now I would pay to get the same feeling but no one makes me feel the same, so I talked to her and walked with her even though she hardly showed up to class she was a smoker and so we started smoking with each other and I was too shy to ask her anything so we just talked and I fell more in love with her but the thing that killed me was finding out she messed around with my brother who was 2 years older than me and he knew because I remember telling him but anyways after that I was destroyed.

I started acting out didn't care about anything. I started smoking hard and didn't stop and so that was the start of it through out high school. I still liked some girls but I never felt the same way and I never asked anyone out meaning I felt like a loser.

Even though I like being alone I hang out with the smoke people in my high school getting suspended for bringing pipes was messed up.
I am a virgin also which makes me feel like sh*t and some people say oh its good but I don't feel that way because I just need some one to hug and hold me except for my mother. Even though I appreciate my family and all the things my parents have done I just can't help but be shallow with them like every thing they say I just say ok and yea so we don't argue because I don't like noisy people.

Recently I quit my job and I though I would feel good but instead I feel bad and I am lonely and I understand when some one says well you have your family and I truly love each and every one of them but I always feel like I need affection from some one out side of my family if that makes any sense.

All my friends wanna take advantage of me and I feel like I can't trust any of them and its the truth.

I live in a house where there is fights now and then with mostly my sister and my mom but we are middle class and have no fanatical issues. Please respond and say what you think of me.

______________________________________________

I think you have experienced what most young people have. What you focus on becomes your reality. When you keep thinking you are not happy, that you are depressed you make yourself this way. Have a serious thought about what it is that you want to do with your life and then focus on these thoughts with determination to make them come true. Find a job, join a club where you have the opportunity to meet females. Life is about choices, your choices!
Love
Kay
x

I know the feeling
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you all feel :( life brings me down with people who bring out the flaws in me and make me feel... Unappreciated and disliked... I love my family and they do support me.I love my little sister.but I hate school... I have no true friends and I don't want to be friends with some backstabbing mean people. I wish there was some way of having everything right in life... Oh well...

Rollarcoaster full of crap
by: Lindsay

I'm 12 years old I'm pretty unhappy I just am always wondering us this ever gonna get any better I was abused and practically molested by my father and also with my brother also getting abused as well as my mom who was almost killed a couple times we finally got away a year and a half ago spent that whole summer investigating with Dcf ( department of children an families) and contacted and told this over and over again to many police and they stopped visitation and accepted the request for restraining orders for my mom but not me well we moved about 45 miles away from him because we were still hesitant even though there were restraining orders it's not like a piece of paper won't hold back a crazy person. My brothers my mom and I were required therapy for a year and moving away from my father and those bad situations he caused you would think I'd be happy no I'm sad and depressed still with life itself and thought about suicide oh so many times but am to scared about the pain I would leave for my mother and brothers. And I don't want to be known as the 12 year old coward of a girl who gave up I'm hoping it gets better.

I also hate the system they have here in my state called the fact leaves you horrified about passing your grades and leaves so much pressure on me and probably many other students as well

I just wanna give up I hate this but I'm very glad to see I'm not the only one I know there are a lot of situations harder than mine but what are we gonna do life is a roller coaster full of crap you just got to ignore the crap and keep riding I don't know If that little catchphrase made sense but it was worth a shot well good luck to all of you

I hear 'ya.
by: Anonymous

Reading your story basically describes my life. Bad relationship choices, feeling trapped in my body and my horrible life. I am infertile, my boyfriend of four years won't marry me, I have no money. What the hell are any of us spirits doing here anyway? It seems fruitless. Does anyone ever get the feeling we are in some kind of bullsh*t matrix reality that is trapping us?

your mind
by: Henry B.Clemons,Jr.

Think, why does one hate him or her self. Think if you can, if not see a doctor, get well then ask your higher power, by reading and hearing the words of the holy bible. Peace. Amen. Now Pray.

A bit of help
by: Melisa or "lizzie"

Oh,wow you people are so deep its good that you are on one of these sites! The reason why you are depressed is probably because you are stressed and please don't commit suicide what good comes out of that?!?

Listen to me, i did have depression when i was 14 i wanted to die but i thought maybe just maybe something good might happen (or come out of this)and yes something good did happen, even though i was single and i had hardly any true friends, i still had god and i know that some people don't believe in him and that is up to you but just knowing that i had someone who cared helped me and i tried all of the things booze, drugs, smoking, sex... none of it worked you name it i tried it it was all a waist of time! Then i got a degree in medicines i HATED IT! Then i found "love" and 7 years later i am married to him he pulled me through all the hard times i started teaching a Zumba class and i have kids now, I am 22, married, and exited about the rest of my life.
I'm no-longer a christian because i don't need god i have Josh (a.k.a my husband and father of my kids) my life has turned around and i am a Zumba teacher in California! I love my life.
Life will get better... Trust me... x

Things could be a lot worse but still I would much rather not wake up in the morning!
by: Anonymous

I'm 19, and unlike some of the people who have commented on this page I do not have it that bad. I have a girlfriend and a family who love me but instead I only feel disillusioned by the world and its ugliness.

I wake up most mornings wishing I would of died in my sleep. Suicide seems like a good alternative doesn't it? The problem with this solution is I'm far too scared of the pain I could potentially experience. Also I would most likely only f**k it up and be left with half a face and be more miserable as I would have to deal with the trials and tribulations of suffering from some form of chronic pain.

Learning that my mother and sister were both molested by my grandfather has distorted my view of the world, I feel that it has instilled me with a murderous hatred and anger. All the things that disgust me about the world are characteristics I most likely possess one way or another.

I do not expect your sympathy or pity, although it does feel good to let it off my chest. Wouldn't it be great if we could all co-exist and be deliriously happy, it is unlikely, but wouldn't it be lovely

caio

Something to think about for Americans
by: Mike

I am a guy who likes to get to the root of the problem. My depression has got the better of me most of my life and I decided to try to dig up some answers. So I studied myself and society as a whole.

What I have realized is there is an overwhelming trend to think that life is about happiness and how to make yourself happy. Unfortunately it is not true. It is a self centered idea. People have to remember that we were created and not the Creator. Therefore life does not revolve around the created (humans) and God the Creator is not here to make us happy. My earthly father didn't give me everything I wanted nor did he make my life easy. Why? Because he loved me and wanted to prepare me for the future. God the Father is not going to give everyone what they want nor give them an easy life. Why? Because He loves you and is preparing you for the future. No religion. Just a relationship. God is as much sitting next to you as He is in a church. Jesus is His Son and will fill the empty void that humans have. No guarantee of an easy life just a cure for loneliness in a confusing world.

If you don't believe and you have challenged everything else to cure your issues ask God to reveal Himself in your life and He will.

i'm not suffering alone
by: Anonymous

Hey I'm 15 years old, my friends in school hate me and always call me names. I tried to change myself, I talked with them but they continued. I think that my life is useless. I'm from Egypt..
I'm looking for new friends and I think that we are a lot of people that suffer from the same problem "LOVE"

I think that if we gather and think positively we could know each other and create a big group of friends that kill anybody who harasses any member of us...

where do i go?
by: Anonymous

Hi I'm a 35 year old male. I have some serious issues when I was 17 I shot a man. When I was 24 I attempted suicide by cop. At 33 I married a fantastic woman and3 weeks ago I threw every positive step I've taken in the toilet by cheating on my wife. Where do I go from here?
My brother recently committed suicide and I seen it devastate my whole family and know that is something I cannot do besides I Have an awesome daughter who needs me, but I can't shake this feeling of despair over the fact that I did someone I truly love so much so bad. What makes it worse is that she is willing to give me another chance the conditions are just that she refuses to live with me until things get better because not only did I cheat but I was pretty ugly during these times as well.

I have a bad temper problem and although I have never punched her or slapped her I have thrown things I have broke things and I have scared her, so don't need anyone to tell me that she deserves to have time. Hell what I deserve is to be told to go f**k myself. So why am I so depressed? Where do I go from here? Is there anyone who has been through this and seen success come out of this? Anyone still with someone like me that is happy? We once had it all, happiness, a great supporting cast and most of all love. Can someone tell me how to make her know she's loved again.

We suffer together
by: Anonymous

I too hate my life. I'm 27, I've never been in a serious relationship for more than 2 weeks, I have a worthless degree, tens of thousands of dollars in debt. My relationship with my family is at-best strained, and at-worst ruined. I feel no meaningful connection with anybody in the world. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but I still feel so lonely. I think I'm depressed - I live an inverted life, staying up till 6 am, even when I have work at 8 am. On weekends, all I do is sleep. I hate it, I don't want that. yet the alternative - facing this cruel world - is something I also don't want.

Contrary to the image I may be painting, I'm not a socially despondent person. I wouldn't doubt most people who see me and interact with me day-to-day would be shocked to read this. I'm pretty good as masking my self-loathing. I know people describe me as "happy" and "funny" but it's all an act. No one knows the real me - because the real me is miserable. I don't even like the real me.

I turned to drugs about 5 years ago and haven't been able to rid myself of them. It's a huge secret. No one knows about my drug addiction - absolutely no one. I stay up all night smoking, dropping, railing - whichever drug I'm currently on. I wish I would have never started, I hate it so much. I don't ever see myself stopping.

I have intense anger issues. The only creature on this planet who probably accepts me for who I am - my puppy - is often the target of intense fits of rage which I can't control. I'll be sailing smoothly, and then he'll mess up. Just about 2 hours ago he had an accident on the carpet, and I flew into a rage and hit him several times. I hate myself for doing that now that I've calmed down. I don't deserve my dog. When I get angry, I lose all control of myself and, even though I know I'm making everything worse, I can't help it.

I just wish I was happy like everybody else.

Somewhere to share feelings :-)
by: Empathia

I think this is a great place for so many people pouring out their hearts to share their feelings and experiences. Hopefully, by sharing, you can find solace and peace knowing that you are not alone, it makes life hardship less harsh.

I wish those smart ***** would just shut up and listen, please don't lecture why people going through tough times should pretend to be happy when they are not; or to feel guilty for feeling bad. Let people share their feelings. You are not superior. If you are happy, good on you. Go somewhere else.

Hope life gets better for the rest of you :-)


I get it.
by: Anonymous

Long story short: Useless degree, huge debt, failed relationship after failed relationship, broke, living with grandparent, no friends returning to school for nursing (something I am not interested in), more debt to follow.

Yes, hard to be hopeful. I just keep thinking there is a reason we are being tested and that we haven't yet given up. Something deep inside us isn't dead yet.

Life Sucks
by: Anonymous

I'm 14 teen and my life really sucks. Everyone says things like I hate my boyfriend and I'm dumb come on grow a pair think about your problems eg. if your fat lose weight and stop eating so much it's not rocket science. If you hate your boyfriend DON'T DATE HIM ANYMORE. come on people get real problems. My life really suck my parents are divorced and they go on and on about me been unhappy with them and their house and other dumb things like that.

Nobody Cares
by: Anonymous

I hate my life right now! Nothing makes sense. I have a difficult time trying to understand how people around me are so lame! I can't stand it! I have an excellent career, supportive family. At work I use my "Professional Mask" but I hate all my coworkers. They are stupid and they don't understand me. Everything I say is stupid to them. I wish I could tell them to go f**k themselves. I love what I do and work so hard to improve my work ethics so I am better in my job but I am never good enough!!!

I am depressed and addicted to pain medications. I have seen a therapist but she just hears me out and gives me XANAX.....

I hate being so nice. I wish people didn't interpret that as being weak. I AM NOT WEAK!


pudding
by: Anonymous

You guys are all pathetic. get a dog. or a cat. or a hamster. start jogging maybe. things change, all the time. God exists too there are people out there battling starvation and looking after their AIDS ridden babies, whereas you're excuse is oppression from the system..? grow up

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and people like me.
by: Anonymous

I'm female and 51. I left home at 15 and never looked back. I have been very poor and very well off. I've been unloved and abused and loved. What I've learned is none of these things determine a persons level of happiness. I believe some people just have a harder time being happy than others. If this is you then admit it and know you're going to have to work at it. Put your time and energy into it.
For me, and many people I know who like me, struggle with being happy, 3 things work most of the time.
1.) Plan your day, write down your plan and do your best to stick with it. (If you have NO money and no job then you walk or take up running, go to the library and study something, clean and organize yourself and your belongings and where you live) Also, try to set long term goals, start with a week and go from there. You need to establish a routine.
2.) Do something for others. (This needs to be worked in on your daily 'to do' list.) When you put yourself in the position of helping others (animal shelter, reading to kids, holding babies at the hospital, working at a soup kitchen,helping build homes, joining a church and becoming involved,even making a point to look people in the eye and smile...anything!)it feels good because you've improved someone else's life without asking anything from them and visa versa.
3.) Keep a laser focus. Don't let your mind veer off to the negative thoughts and the 'what if's' stay in the moment and deal with the task at hand (ie., what is on your list.) Come up with a mantra to replace the negatives thoughts...you don't necessarily have to believe it but subconsciously your mind will absorb it over time...something as simple as "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and people like." or "I rock."
If you read this and think it's stupid, even more of a reason to do it. Sometimes you'll just have to force yourself out of the clutches of despair.
Good luck and don't give up. Take it one day at a time. Like exercise, it may take awhile to get results but you keep at it because you know it is good for you.

Trade you
by: Dan SATX

You are strikingly beautiful- it's in your eyes. They pierce with the fire of 10,000 suns- but the pain comes through, too. Life is just atomic particles and energy- nothing mystical. Just enjoy the ride as an amalgamation of that cosmic montage we call our body and the electrons that make our jelly-like brains. It's weird- stay weird- stop drinking- but enjoy the sex. It's good for you just avoid the pain of easilly avoidable disease. Ride the orgasms. Share them. Be selfish- because no one really cares if you are in the end. Breath deeply and never rush sitting on the toilet- it's one place no one can really bother you too much. I wanted to die tonight and leave my wife. She drinks so much she turns into a terrible tease and is humiliating to me. I feel worthless. I am Ritchie Cunningham- I am loved and adored but with a few glasses of wine I'm sh*t on in a heartbeat. I wish she would love me enough to go beyond the paycheck and always reliable, always faithful and see me as person who would like to feel that someone lusted after me- just once. Oh well. I'm always that 'best friend' guy or dad figure. Everyone seems to think that I have some endless energy source to be the good guy and I don't have any needs/feelings. But I'm cutting my own throat because now people on the board- even you- think- ewww some creepy guy. You want to die? You feel like crap? I'll trade you. I'd love to dance.

Hmmm
by: Anonymous

I didn't read all of the comments, there are a lot. I am 33, degree in history, pizza del driver. Married, 2 perty kids. I stumbled across this post my typing in "how to transform my life and get a job with my college degree?"...
For the last 6 months i have thought about death and what happens afterwards. We all truly know what the answer is, but we avoid it as long as possible--and that's a smart thing to do.
I guess what I am saying is remember that this is it. This, what u have right now, is all you will ever have. There will never be another you, never your thoughts again.
When we die that is it. When you close your eyes not another thought will pass through your brain.
This may seem like what you are looking for, now.
The math: 60-90years.....eternity.....
Please accept this beautiful time granted to you.

Some time ago, i became depressed deeply, and i remember telling people that i knew i would never be the same, that i was depressed now, i was one of those persons on the commercials....it was very sad, lasted about 2 weeks, and went away...Now for my real advice....

There has to be something you love, there has to be.

For me it was writing. i procrastinate, i bs. but writing is what drew me out of that funk. I opened my eyes and became young again, i used my imagination and created a world. a world with characters that needed me , and looked up to me.

Try it beautiful things. Please enjoy this limited time. We love you.

i dont know
by: 19 year old

For some reason I try to look for happiness and fun everywhere I go and I never find it. The doctors say I have add and adhd and all of that bullsh*t.

Ive taken medicine and tried different methods but nothing really works. I'm never satisfied with anything. The only time I felt happy was with a girlfriend. I hate the fact that the only way to get happiness in my life is if I find a significant other. Me and my friends all we do is mostly smoke (weed) and sometimes drink or do other drugs. I get myself hyped up for these moments thinking there gonna equal to be fun but in the end of it I always still end the night feeling sad and unsatisfied.

I wish I could find happiness in myself without the help of drugs or others. And I know people would just say well go out there experience the world. I try. I love socializing with people, it's just like I feel everything is the same and I need something different. It just sucks because I have a 2 time torn acl so all of the de-stressers in my life (athletic activity mostly sports) are all just 100% out of my life forever. I don't want help I just want a change. I came on this website to vent out the current outlook I have on my life and honestly just venting to random people who I will never see feels pretty good..

I Hate My Life
by: A 14 Year Old Kid

I hate my life. I really do. Although nobody knows it I'm really depressed. Although if you knew me you would probably laugh at the idea, but I've thought about suicide numerous times. I honestly can't remember the last time I was happy with how my life is progressing.

Right now, as I type this my parents are fighting. They have fought as long as I can remember and I have grown to ignore the constant screaming and yelling but recently it has been bad. My mom has always struggled with her job and recently her hours were cut short because the company she worked for ran out of money. Since the fights have turned horrible. My mom screaming at my dad about how she thinks she is a failure and that it is his fault. My dad pleading with my mom trying to reason with her. Everyone has a point where they lose their sanity though. Everybody. Even you and me.

Broken
by: Anonymous

I'm broken, a drug addict by the age of 14 clean by age 16, pregnant by 17, a single mother by 19, now lonely, alone and completely and utterly sick and tired, in fact the sooner I leave this shite planet the better it'd be a blessed relief if only I had the courage to do it.

I'm a chronic depressive and spend my life trying various anti depressants to no avail, I sleep poorly and have little or no contact with any friends. I don't like myself I carry self loathing with me constantly, I have lied and cheated my way through the past and my daughter deserves a better mother. Doesn't matter what I do I'm angry, frustrated, easily riled and tetchy 24/7. Fighting a court battle with a man who abandoned his own daughter for over two years, paying for the privilege.

I have no home, a degree to complete with no motivation to complete it with. If could go missing I would... it's either that or end it at the moment. I've had enough I'm broken and alone.

Keep moving forward!
by: Anonymous

I want you to know that I was 31 when I officially moved out. I made mistakes by switching college majors many times. I finally became an elementary school teacher and finished my degree in education. I had many failed relationships and got married this last year at the age of 37. I just had a baby ( our little honeymoon baby(: ). I was hospitalized twice in my life for clinical depression. What I am trying to share is that it gets better. It does. I really recommend you stay on that path to nursing because not only is it easier to deal with depression when you are helping others, you may have patients who remind you of yourself, going through recovery or being treated for depression. It is odd to say, but I believe some of us get called into something because of the trials we have endured- angels a little rough around their wings. Experiences that others will never relate to make us strong enough to reach those who feel unreachable. Bless you as you move forward!

Wow...we have lived the same life.
by: Lost but hopefull

I have been through exactly what you have been through and feel the same lost, misunderstood, and depressed. There are little flashes of hope once in a while but they don't last long.

I do have a wonderful family that supports me. They are 2000 miles away. I am sorry that you hate your life but just know there are other women your age that feel the way you do. If you believe in your self you can do anything but you have to find a way to love yourself.

I PAN HATE MY LIFE
by: SANJAY GURAV

I've read a lot of the comments and I thought I'd add some fresh perspective. First of all, everything looks bad if you CHOOSE to see it that way. I've noticed that a lot of you think your life is horrible because you're not dancing on some island in the Caribbean. Obviously, most of the world doesn't live that way, and yet people are happy? Yeah, they are, and they're that way because they choose to see the good things in their lives or at least the amazing things (you live on a rock that is hurtling through space damn it!!).

I don't mean to minimize pain or suffering but honestly, there isn't a person alive who hasn't dealt with pain, yet somehow, despite it all, we live. Its the "how" that matters. You can be positive and start making choices with a GOOD attitude or you can continue on the self pitying route that you're on. Either way its a choice, one that YOU made and are responsible for.

I wish for peace
by:

I hate my life because my friends are all fighting & the school I go to is a pure hell on earth!(pardon my french)My ex boyfriend is dating another girl because he's 15 & I'm 13.

My mom says that my own dad didn't even want anything to do with my life for the first 8 years of it along with both sets of my grandparents & most of the other members of my family. But I don't know if my mom is lying to me or not. I have aspburgers syndrome & I am also being bullied because of it. I also have a sister who probably despises me & a step mom who doesn't get along with me. Now the only thing stopping me from committing suicide is that I can't find an absolutely painless & fatal way to die. Just to think I'm pretty optimistic.

Broken Father
by: Dany

I sat with my friend the other day whom I haven’t seen in a while. I had nothing to say to him. Nothing has happened in my life I find to talk about. Lamo is how I see myself. I have been happy and wish I could find my way back there. Work sucks… The harder I try to impress and show how good I could be at work the worst it looks against me. Doesn’t make any sense…. I’m desparate to find the love of my life and have dated several women. Every one of them any man would want. I just can’t seem to see what everyone else sees in them. So I chase them away.

Father only deals with me because my younger siblings like me. Mother is fading away slowly and there is nothing I can do.
I was once a US Marine! A total bad ass and felt like superman! The world was mine to conquer … Now I feel like a villain.

No one wants me around because I am a downer and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I keep making mistakes left and right financially. I make good money… money anyone would wish to make. But it doesn’t show because of how much money I owe from my poor decisions. I’m going to get fired. I can see it coming and can’t seem to stop it. Every turn I take takes me down the wrong path. And the light at the end of the tunnel has gotten so far out there that I can’t see it anymore. I want to run away and hide in a hole but I have children. I have responsibilities that keep me grounded. I put on a fake impression for them. They think I am happy. If they only knew the truth it would screw them up. I’m a piece of sh*t… a disappointment to all. A burden no one wants and a failure at everything I have tried to do.
It’s morning here now and I have to start this sh*tty day in this sh*tty life for someone else. This sucks…

I hate my life too
by: Anonymous

Because I have a daughter who is in this funk. She starts things and never finishes. Always picks loser boyfriends that always end disastrous. I try to support her. I can never win. I say nothing. she never accomplishes a goal. If I say something... like... what is your goal today... I am riding her. I am tired. She is 23... just moved back into my house after she willingly left against my advice ... to make it on her own, and failed miserably. Her boyfriend that I said could not live here is now living here too. He just shows up every day and she bullies me into letting him stay. Always an excuse. I want her to move out because I am tired of seeing this train wreck every day, but I know if I ask her to leave I will probably lose her forever. I am sooooo tired. I HATE my life.

I feel the same way..... I'm 12 years old!
by: Anonymous

I feel the SAME WAY, and I'm 12 years old. I have "Learning Difficulty" with Math. My Mom's Husband (I hate him SO MUCH right now that I don't even want to call him Dad!) He says my future is hopeless and I believe it. Laying here, I feel like I deserve to die because I feel as if I have nothing to live for. I get special help from a teacher which annoys me because that teacher is SO annoying. I have Anxiety and OCD, too. So I see a Counselor. The Counselor has helped, but I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life.
_________________________________________________

What you focus on becomes true and so you should not believe that you're hopeless because you will become this way. Believe you are strong and confident, and whenever someone tells you something negative about yourself, refuse to accept it into your mind and say the opposite to yourself, so make it a positive thing about how you are. In time if you keep saying positive stuff about yourself you will become positive. The one thing you have that is yours are the choices you make throughout your life. NO ONE can make them for you, only you. Choose to be confident and strong! Love yourself!
Love
Kay
x

Uh. Its a choice.
by: Anonymous

I've read a lot of the comments and I thought I'd add some fresh perspective. First of all, everything looks bad if you CHOOSE to see it that way. I've noticed that a lot of you think your life is horrible because you're not dancing on some island in the Caribbean. Obviously, most of the world doesn't live that way, and yet people are happy? Yeah, they are, and they're that way because they choose to see the good things in their lives or at least the amazing things (you live on a rock that is hurtling through space damn it!!).

I don't mean to minimize pain or suffering but honestly, there isn't a person alive who hasn't dealt with pain, yet somehow, despite it all, we live. Its the "how" that matters. You can be positive and start making choices with a GOOD attitude or you can continue on the self pitying route that you're on. Either way its a choice, one that YOU made and are responsible for.

I want some pie
by: janet arnold

We mean this helpfully but you might try thinking about someone other than yourself. You mention that you were looking for someone to save you perhaps you could try helping someone else. I want some pie.

I hate my life too
by: Anonymous

I hate my life too. I hate it because I'm in my mid twenties and still live with my parents. Speaking of my parents I think I hate my dad too. I feel hopeless because I've been doing the same thing for about 8 years. I see no change. I don't have a very high self esteem and I always have negative thoughts.

I dream of someday finding a girlfriend whom I can love and change my life. I dream of someday going to college and earning a degree. I dream of moving away from my parents house and becoming independent. My dream is to become a self reliable human being.

Life Sucks if you ignore social norms.
by: Anonymous

You are not alone. I am approaching 30 years old and I am quite ashamed of my life. Growing up as a child and all through grade school, college, graduate school and still now I do not seem to fit in with anything or anyone. I refuse to conform into societies standards as having “fun”. This alone puts a damper on my life! Just because I don’t physically and emotionally abuse women and excessively drink I am crucified socially and deemed as “weird”. F*ck this world.

seritonin and dopamine
by: -gary

when these levels go down, "seritonin and dopamine" my brain goes into meltdown mode. when I'm up and feel ok, I can laugh about it. It's not like I forget how I felt when I was down. I feel it's not healthy to obsess about feeling down also all the time. I guess when I laugh to much I may over do it sometimes.

I'm in a relationship, have 2 boys and would like to get married with the mother of our children soon. Would you have any good advice when your town is playing a muck on you and all you hear are echos every where you go, let alone trying to speculate on what intuitive instincts to go with while trying to remain kinda sane? Just to be safe, how do I go about this?

feel the same way
by: Anonymous

I'm turning 30 next month and looking back through the years i live, i wonder why im still unsuccessful in love and career. Ever since i studied, i try to work part time, not that i lack financial support but i just really want to work. I love to work. but how come up to now, i keep on switching lines of job and currently I'm jobless? me too, i finished a bachelor's degree and in fact I'm good at academics but just the same as you, i simply lose interest in pursuing what i finished so right after I graduated, I keep on switching different types of job.

Regarding my love life, i had happy moments too with my EX's. I don't know but at this age im loveless and don't have my own family. I want to know what's wrong with me? At times i wake up in the morning crying like my life is pointless and empty.

heyyy
by: THERE ARE MANY OF US

I am totally there. Just married and instead of being happy, I feel as though my entire life was ending. I am in grad school and that is well, but I feel like I cannot now be myself with my husband. I feel trapped. I feel like I am suffocating. We live at my parents house because they always beg us for money and we cannot afford to live in an apt and help them as well. So we are ALLLLL in one house !

My parents are freaking dysfunctional and they are making this marriage of mine worse! I would love to vacate to a Spanish island and have drinks and Latin dance alllll night on a big ass boat! is that too much to ask ??? ;0

tah tah for now...

Life can really suck, or be great.
by: fireheart

These are such challenging times. Not only do we have our own personal Karma to deal with. We have to deal with a country(USA) that is dealing with 50 years of bad decisions and bad karma. I feel like this whole country is stuck in this rotten position so many of you describe yourselves being in. Like we are all in a funk.

I had a pretty good childhood for the most part. The thing that has screwed up my life is my own lack of courage. I've faced down violent criminals and home invaders but can't seem to find the full courage to follow my dream of becoming an energy healer. I work as a truck driver currently and while that is good honest work, I hate it because it is the result of me following my fear and the fears my parents passed on to me. I always wanted to be in the metaphysical field but have always been too scared to do so, Sometimes the fear of changing our lives is harder and takes more courage to overcome than the fear of charging a battle field. I hope to find my courage and am trying to force myself to find it. I know it's there. It's just buried under the fears of not making it or not surviving.

I believe the field of energy healing will be much needed in the times to come as I think things with the government and business in the US will only get worse. I feel called to energy healing but still have trouble finding the courage. I'm angry at myself for this. I think from reading what many of you have written that I would not have even survived your childhoods so I give so many of you out there great credit for courage. So many of you are so awesome just to survive the things you have. Bless you all.

Same
by: Anonymous

Wow! I know it sounds horrible, but I'm glad there are many others out their who feel the same way I do. I always knew there were, but everyone walks around in life acting like everything is okay when really it isn't.

I will have to add my story. After reading all the other stories I kind of feel like a wuss, because my life doesn't seem to be so bad as others, but I still hate my life.

I feel like I haven't done anything in my life and I screw up everything and any person I come into contact with. I'm a 26-year-old phd student at a major university in the United States. It sounds nice, doing research and teaching, and I like it, but I'm still miserable.

After completing my undergrad I was excited to move away from my parents have my own place and sort of start my life over and hopefully not make the same mistakes and "change" in the new place I live. Well that worked out well for a year or two, but just as research suggests, people don't really change and I did all the usual things I do. I've alienated all of my friends and basically everyone in my department hates me. There is one girl I'm totally in love with and heart sick over, but she won't even talk to me. The pain I feel in my heart and soul are unbearable.

I just don't feel like I can handle life anymore, but I don't know what to do. I would love to go see a psychologist, but I'm worried about the perception if students or people in my department found out I was seeing a psychologist. Also I'm not sure if they could tell me anything I don't already know, considering I'm a social scientist.

I live alone and sometimes I will go days without talking to anyone face to face. I'm not sure if I'm lonely, but I would like a few authentic friends that I could share my thoughts and feelings with. I wish the pain that I feel in my heart about this girl would go away. I wish I would have never met her or myself. I don't know if I could ever commit suicide, but when I go to sleep everyone night I hope I just never wake up and I die in sleep. Hopefully the next time I get my car I get into a car accident and die, so the pain will go away.

To anyone who reads this and feels like you are in a dark place also and you don't know what to do you are not alone, but I don't know what the answer is...

It's so hard to let it out sometimes...
by: Anonymous

It is so hard to let it out sometimes for the fear that everyone will laugh at you and think that you are crazy. I didn't start saying that I hate my life until about 3 years ago. Before that I had a good job, my spouse was in the military, and I had everything that I thought I wanted. I never had any children and thought that this was punishment for being who I am. I only say that because I started to remember my behavior as a teenager. I didn't do everything right and I was not as honest as I should have been. I ask God for forgiveness for that all the time. So why do I feel like I am still paying? I always wanted to be a mom, that never happened. My husband is not as attentive. He loves sports and being left alone. As long as I am not complaining or even look sad, he is okay. So I have to fake it (wait...isn't that lying too?) We don't even spend much time in the same room.

I get jealous of everyone that has a family and someone to talk to and children who depend on them. Why do I beat myself up for things beyond my control? I don't even have a slight answer for that. I pray and pray and pray and some times I feel like God does not hear me. I feel like he hates me. People that have it all say, "oh don't say that...God loves you and you are going to be blessed, I can feel it" and then two years goes by and I am contemplating dying or just running away.

For my entire adult life, I have always been the person that people run to for their problems and issues. I let them vent, I listen to them and I try to be supportive. As soon as I am down and out, they all disappear. I never understood that. It hurts so much. I feel broken, sad, and ashamed. I am a failure and I don't think that will change. I am getting too old. I get scared to even reach out to a church or tell my doctor because when I close my eyes, I see them all laughing at me. It is really hard to let it out sometimes and I know my story is scrambled like an egg, but that is just how my heart feels right now. Please pray for me.

Death
by: Kyou

Basically, people make other people more unhappy. These relationships are supposed to be helpful, but you end up getting used and taken advantage of by the other person, and you do it to them too.

So... Happiness lies in... Accepting that, really, your family and other people don't love you, that others contribute to your being sad and lonely and more miserable all the time.

The way out of it all is not to look for a way to be happy. You are unhappy, so why is that? No one loves you, for instance, so you say "there is no love, but maybe I can get some and start living."

BUT! In THIS case, you are unloved, and persecuted so often. SO, the old saying is that "the truth will set you free." It means you don't try to use love to pick yourself up, since you know it's loaded, it's gonna backfire. You'll wind up feeling even worse, and foolish. So, it's best not to add more insult to already bad injury.

What can you possibly do? Don't die. That's first and foremost. Live in spite of being unloved. See all you put up with to be able to enjoy your life and discover your own sense of self-worth in this

You don't need things bad for you, you will start to protect yourself and what little happiness you can have. Start small, find a job that will get you out of your parents house, so you don't have to be judged by them and live up to the standards.

You are JUST a person, you should just live with that. Anyone who expects more of you is harmful to you, truthfully, so watch carefully for what other people expect of you. They want you to do double-duty, they are so selfish, so you don't want to do that anymore, time for you to get a break. Life isn't giving you one when you live with your parents and you have nowhere to go to just be. You have to perform for them. THAT is a big problem, they are burdening you, that means they probably will always do that. Be careful...

You don't need to win anyone's love or anything. Live in a world where it DOESN'T come naturally. So then, you stop trying for that, it is really self-detrimental, so bad for you to dance all the time to bad tunes, hurting yourself in each step. Time to take a rest from doing that all the time.

You can take care of yourself, because you were not born unhappy. You will feel better the more burdens you give up on. You must do this because you actually WANT to live. This is a basic fact, you are in your own corner. You love yourself. You must try hard to live a life worthy of you.

A total disaster
by: M. Mestre

I am a 15 year old girl in high school. How many times I had mentioned to myself that I hate my life, I'm stupid, helpless, no power and just whatever? Well, since when I move to Canada. Back then, My mom had been abused when I was in her tummy. She told me that my dad had been cheating on her many times, he had slapped her across her face, my dad's sisters has been ganging up on her and my dad threatened my mom to kill her if she'll Say anything and clearly will kill me too and burn to hell.

Then when I was two, my dad came home drunk and started beating the crap out of my mom and I was watching with my bare eyes. I was terrified because he had a scissors with him and point it right in front of my mom's neck. I thought I'm going to lose her forever and stuck with my dad, but suddenly he stopped because his dad heard them. Lucky for me. I was little and I didn't like what I saw obviously.

After that incident, my mom and grandma had planned something. My mom decided to go to Hong Kong without saying anything to my dad just to stay away from my him but she knows that my dad wont hurt me because my grandma protected me at that time. My grandma helped my mom to get away and she finally made it to Hong Kong. At first I didn't understand because I was still four years old when she left me.

My dad was f***ing p*ssed when he found out. He started hitting me when I was 8. Slapping me across my face and butt, yelling, spitting, and telling me that he regretted having me. As soon as he said those words with hate, I cried so hard that I wanted to die, I don't want live anymore.

Anyways, I was 11 years old and came back from school trip.
I was sad that he didn't say anything like "how's trip?" " good thing you're back because I missed you" "are you ok" or any positive caring thoughts to say. I was mad, I told him I'm going to run away because you don't even care about me! But then I didn't realize he was drunk. He started to slap and spit on my face. Then he took the barbeque stick and pointed it at my stomach and he threatened me. Oh my god I thought that was it, that was the end of my life but he didn't kill me. He became calm for some reason and went to his room. I will never forget that memory.

Since then I'm here in Canada right now because my mom claimed me here. I thought everything was over but.. But I'm wrong.

Gave up my life goals and I am lost.
by: gaveupeverything

It was a hard year. It was the last year at University. I had taken on too much and I was failing. How could a top student who won a scholarship for much of my University be failing. It was too much. I couldn't talk to my family. My mom was always afraid of my outbursts and moods. And I was not in a good mood. I was planning my life after graduation.

I know I didn't want my children to face the limitations I faced. A girl, called Wendy, I don't know why, asked me what I wanted from the store. Some one cared about me?!!? enough to get me food. She bought me an apple, and I was in love with her. She was the first person I loved and would be the last.

I wanted so much for my children to have an easier life, with better early education. I struggled, because of my poor early education. Singapore had excellent early education. I wanted to move there and have my family there. Wendy was from Singapore. And needed to return. She pushed me away because I think in her heart she was afraid. Pushing me away hurt so much. I hurt her by accident. I just need help so much. Someone to talk through my life forward.

I kept it inside, in Singapore I admitted I loved her and said my last good bye. I hope she would contact me. But I knew she wouldn't. I cried and cried. I entered my Ph.D. and I cried, I could never love a girl while I remained at University. No one could do that to me again. My opportunity to live and work in Singapore was over as well. After 4rs I dropped out of my Ph.D, to take work totally unrelated to anything I studied. All the years work at University wasted.

My life is just putting in time waiting for my day of death to come. No goals, gave those up log ago. No love and understanding, loving someone made me needy and girls don't like that. A failure, I ranked first in Canada at physics and top 10% in the US, graduated with a scholarship, but that was in electrical engineering. After being out of electrical engineering for 10yrs I cannot find work. I work as a programmer, I don't like it and I am not good at it. Right now I am unemployed and cannot find work.

nothing lasts forever
by: Anonymous

I am 30 female. Abused child who was deprived of the trial and error of being a kid / teenager.

Thus as a 30 year old woman~ I behave in childlike bouts of anger with (thanks to my step~mother) scary violence.

I cannot hold a friend more than 1 year much less a boyfriend~ but at least I know why.

I see my problems so clear~ but I feel like a phony idiot when I try to go to support groups or take any change to fix myself. Its like my subconscious self makes fun of me for trying to change. Yay!

I am alone ~ in Los Angeles severely sad and feeling worthless~ trying to remember the reason I'm not throwing in the towel.

I decided life happiness = relationships + sufficient funds + good choices

I'm lacking In all 3.

A toast to life ' life if you were a human person ~ you'd be serving a life sentence behind bars or on death row at a countryside prison'


revenge
by: Anonymous

I don't know if you will read this, I hope you will.
I typed "why life is unfair" and here I am, by chance, having the same questions as you and as some of the people who answer your message.
I know what it is to hate your life and to feel hopeless I wish that just by telling you pretty quotes your life will change, but I know it won't
nor all the messages that you read.
I can truly tell you that the answer is within yourself, stop reading messages, or reading books.

Listen to your own mind and heart. find your own motivation ( Whatever that is) and use it as fuel when you are feeling down.

Life is life, it may be overrated, it is unfair, it is beautiful, dark, and shiny, boring and interesting, it's your choice.
I don't think there is a god, and religion is such a waste of time, the best revenge to this fu....ed up life is to live well and be happy in the midst of it all. Prove to all your relatives, friends, haters, that you are happy, even if you fake it, it will become a habit, your thoughts can be changed the rest will follow.
The best of luck.

you are loved
by: Anonymous

Hi. You are loved! I often feel like a bozo!
When I pray about it, the Lord says to me, "You are a bozo! But that is not your problem!"
When I was younger and on drugs and alcohol, I was talking to a guy and he said drugs and alcohol are not your problem! I thought he was wrong! He went on to say they are my answer to my problem - and not a good one! He was right! Anyway people kept telling me about the Lord and being born again. I listened but didn't fully go with it. Until a real low point I did. I am saved now! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!
I really do believe accepting Jesus is #1 best you can do! If you admit you are a bozo and need a Holy Savior and ask for forgiveness with a whole heart humbly you will be amazed at the blessing! Love the Lord all you can and love others too!
Your true worth is in Christ and eternal and immeasurable! Often we look at ourselves and sink in despair, yet we go on. Look to the Lord and you will find your real hope and life for sure!
YOU ARE LOVED!

I wish i had not wasted my life
by: Lonely

I had wasted my life trying to make my family happy in the mean time lost my own happiness threw away a woman I loved too scared to get close to anyone.

It kinda sucks really but someone made a good point i need to be selfish I lived my whole life giving to others when I needed me to be there for me. I came from an abusive home where I was locked up in a room for months with my own feces absolute disgust with my parents and my family who thinks I have been a loser and idiot yet I was lending them money when I was a child always had a source of income from small always bought my own clothes my own computers consoles video games plus borrowed them money to keep food on the table. Yet I was the one who would accomplish nothing and was a lazy sob. I was very ambitious young boy did well in school.

Now in the real world I get walked all over shat on disgraced called stupid a loser. I get no respect I feel like I cant get out of my childhood. Everywhere I go people treat me like my parents did so do I listen to my heart and what I think I am or listen to my parents and everyone else.
_________________________________________________

No contest, listen to your heart EVERY TIME and become the person you know you can be. Stand up and be counted! Know you are worthwhile, believe it and make it so! Don't let anybody tell you anything different. Believe in you.
Love
Kay
x

We all have the same problem. Add me
by: Anonymous

Lets make our lives better and create relationships here. I'm turning 18 and my life seems to go downhill as I get older. Lets help each other. Please add me and we shall talk. oo_cici_oo@hotmail.com. I feel so useless and stupid. I want to do something. I really want to help and make close friends.

Uneverything
by: Levi

I am 32 and live with my parents. When I was 16 I lived on my own had a house a car and a great life. I lost it all in what seemed to be one quick endless motion. Now I have nothing and see nothing in the future.

I believe that I am cursed and that there is nothing that can help me. I have a daughter that I cannot take care of , no employer and no education. I am afraid of tomorrow and some times hope not to awake to it.

No good background
by: Anonymous

I'm 15 and I've given up. I've always cared, I've always been determined at everything I did. I study 6 hours just for a test and get a 80. That may be good for a lot of people, but that p*sses me off. The fact that I try so hard and can never get good results is killing me.

Also, my parents don't care about me, they like my sisters more than me. I've run away 3 times already, and when my parents track me down they just yell at me and then they fake cry and lie that they care about me. My dad is a closeted gay, my mom is a slut, nothing is going right. people think I'm gay but I'm not. I like girls but my parents don't like me seeing them because they want me to be like them, which includes religion, which is fake. LET ME LIVE MY LIFE IS ALL I ASK!

love yourself!
by: Anonymous

You are beautiful!

You are smart and reflective. Your writing demonstrates a deep longing to find meaning in your own life... don't give up, you will find it.

we are so similar
by: Melissa

I just wanna tell you my situation mirrors yours. I unhappily live with my parents. Have pretty much no friends. No school/career motivation. (I've tried) don't stick at my jobs. Feel so in a rut. Never feel happy or excited. Just see the same house out of my window for 24 years, and the same people I barely liked in high school. I never get asked on a date, probably cause I don't know many people or get out much.

I must be cursed or something. Everyone moves on and manages to have some kind of life but me. I feel so weird but I'm not. This lifestyle is driving me crazy. It's not me. It was forced on me.

we are on the same boat!
by: Anonymous

I live with my parents and I am 30! I am still single with no kids and I don't own a car nor do I drive. so if you think you have it bad, there's someone out there a lot worse off than you.

I am in college right now barely trying to get my associate's degree. I can't believe I let my twenties pass me by! I too was in a lot of sh*tty relationships where I let "boys" not men walk all over me. and with that, they took my self esteem with them.

I refuse to give up. I am on medications right now and I think they are the only reason I keep going and keep on with my head up. I work @ a job that pays a little more than minimum wage and I hate it I am always stressed out so that's why I am hoping I get enough courage to start driving so I can get the hell out lol. I feel like a moron for not driving but I'm slowly trying to get motivated because I live in a city where a car is a must to get around.

I will not let all this negativity get the best of me. I am keep going and eventually I'll finish school, move out, and hopefully find a decent man, but time is flying so fast. sigh :/

stay positive
by: dean

Sh8t is rough but i try to think positive. I've got a minimum paying job and a girl that I think doesn't love me anymore but I keep on keeping on.... So keep your head up something good is bound to happen.

lifes a game...
by: Anonymous

..with no serious point or destination. 'do what makes you happy' we have lives we're not content with and do jobs we hate. but we must continue with the job we hate to continue on living.
Quite a trap ey! Ask yourself what would you do if money wasn't a factor..... see where that takes you

You received a ton of attention
by: Anonymous

I was confused about why my life was such a painful re-occurring embarrassment, until at 42 years old I read the book "Toxic Parents", then it dawned on me

i'm in a gang!
by: frustrated kid

I'm 24,,, thought I'm alone... Now i feel little bit fine... To know I'm not the only guy to feel so. Any one there to help me to get a job even without pay... I'm dying of frustration... call me help me please......

life sucks and it always will
by: Anonymous

I also hate my life I'm never going to get anywhere I hated school. I hate church and some days at work really dig into my skin one day I'll finally give up and that will be it. I could blab for an hour but it still wont change anything.

hang in there
by: Jaya4Raya

Keep your head up, there is always someone out there whose life is worse than yours.

I feel the same way too sometimes, I am struggling to get my associate degree and I am almost 30, sometimes I feel like an idiot. But then I think, I can do it, I just have to put my mind to it, yea it may take me a little longer and I'll be a lot older, but at least I accomplished something, one of my goals in life.

We have a lot of similarities...
by: Sean

There are some of us who understand out here. I'm 34 and I have not been able to get my life straight. I have not lived at home since I was seventeen, but instead found young women to take care of me.

My intentions in the beginning are not that at all. My depression from a lifetime of abuse always seems to fall down very hard on me which causes me to quit whatever work I'm doing. I've tried to be social over my lifetime but it always falls flat. I believe I now suffer from agoraphobia. I purposely lock myself away from the world because I cant bring myself to be like other or even have any of their interests.

Thoughts of revenge on my abusers keep me "locked up" too. I have to keep myself busy with my hobbies almost 24/7 to keep my mind off my "failed existence", but still find myself contemplating suicide. I wish I had something positive to say to you. But you are in no way alone. I know what its like when no one gets you. Especially those who are "closest" to you. I wonder why there are some like us that feel so hopelessly lost.

What a whiney dip
by: Anonymous

Amazing... Why wold you ever think that life would correct itself for you. What makes you think it's all about you?? I would bet anything that you are a selfish cranky b*tch that never gave one of the good guys a chance to get to know you... much less you taking the time to get to know him. I'm not talking about some hottie you met in a bar... I'm talking about people.. those who surround you every day... Take a look around you. See what the hell is going on, and get real.

I for one am sick of you drones whining about how YOU are. I'm sure other people around you are sick of it too. Give a little of yourself. Get to know people... but... I know you won't.. you don't have the good sense God gave you...

dont get married!!!
by: ruben

Wow I thought I was the only one that hated my life. My life used to be great and now its in total ruin. I'm married to a wife I can't stand. I'm having a child with a woman I don't love (my wife) and I just lost my 3 jobs due to a car accident that left my back hurting. So I'm stuck at home or Hell it all seems the same. I can't leave her because everything is under her name and I won't even have a toothbrush to brush my teeth with.

I don't know what to do and to be honest I'm just really down on life and it don't seem to be getting any better. My life used to be perfect but god has it taken a turn for the worst. I feel as though god keeps putting me through the test seeing how many times I can get back on my feet and start from scratch but man it gets tiring. Hope everyone else's life is better than mine. If not then good luck.

--
by: Anonymous

I don't know what to say.
I don't know if I have depression or not, or if I have any internal problems, but what I do know is that I always seem to find myself in a dark place.

I will try to do something and if I fail immediately feel upset about it. Most of the time, I'm sad for myself. I'm sad about my life, I'm sad that I'm such a disappointment, I'm sad about who I'm becoming.

I used to be so pure, so holy, so happy, so loved, and now I've let it all go. I no longer have a want to be spiritual, I seek material happiness, I love my parents so much but have no way of thanking them or returning my love to them. I cant succeed in anything I do and feel like the only student in my classes who doesn't understand anything.

I don't like getting help from others, I'm very self-conscious, and I'm just always so sad lately. I don't know where my life is going, or who I'm becoming, but I'm scared. I'm so scared of whats happening ahead of me. I'm scared I'm going to change and lose my friends, my life. I'm scared people will stop loving me. I'm scared I wont be the pure and happy hearted person I once was.
I don't know what to do.
_______________________________________________

What you focus on in life becomes how you are. You tell yourself so often that you are scared this is how you have become, because your subconscious believes that, yes, you are scared, and why wouldn't it when you say it so often!
Change those thoughts to positive ones. I am happy, I am positive. Focus on good things about yourself and become this way. Only you can do this, It's all about your self talk. Change how you think and you will change yourself and your life.
Love
Kay
x
Im sorry this was really pointless.
Thanks though.

Is this world real?
by: Why God?

If you think you have screwed your life up because you never became a lawyer or went to college you are mistaken. From hard lessons I have learned remember LIFE IS RELATIVE .. never forget what it means to be alive.. to be happy.. to enjoy everyday.... to live to your fullest... even if you go to college it does not mean you will be happy..

Personally I have tried and worked my ass off at high school and it has brought me nothing but pain and grief.. I would trade places with any of you if I could have my friend back.. if I could be happy.... So if you alcoholic tendencies or have done drugs or any so called "unethical" things and think you have wasted your life away and its too late.. just remember it is never too late to find happiness. It can be walking down the block.. saying hi and congratulating your friends.. even breathing .. whatever makes you happy. And let me personally tell you from a 4.0 student that going to a top college does not make me happy.. my ancestors and probably yours would probably not given a flying f**k if we did not go to college or even high school.. they would of just wanted us to be happy.. so if you cannot find a reason to live for yourself.. just do it for your ancestors and all the sacrifices they have made ...for your friends.. for your mom.... just to prove the others who wrote you off wrong.. whatever it is NEVER GIVE UP

I have been in that sh*t hole of a place...lets get out of this together.
-Torin D

Is this world real?
by: Why God?

Hello world,
I am a 17 and already I feel like I am an old man. Every day when I go to school, I just get so depressed and stare out the windows as the clouds go by. Everything I see at my high school seems fake. The way all the teachers kiss butt to the jocks, the way every body pretends they are all friends but are secretly cutting each others throats, the way everybody pretends not to mention and remember 7 of our students committed suicide.

The way everybody says that they will become a doctor and go to Harvard and everyone says they are so smart but they know nothing of the real world. These idiots live in rich Palo Alto California. They have never worked for anything, yet they are the ones who get the best opportunity. Sometimes I pretend I am having a one on one conversation with God. So many questions and so little answers... Life is unfair as it is random. Why does everyone pretend everything is ok when it is not? I was from a tough neighborhood in SF. I will probably be the only one to go to college. Why does fate let me go to college, but not these others who could not make it out of the ghetto? Everyday I ask myself. My friends from SF were just as smart as me but they were not granted the opportunity. Why ?Why did my friend commit suicide? Is there something I could of done I am such an idiot. I was so caught up in going to PRINCETON and working my ass off and all this BULLSH*T that I did not even stop to see if my disappear. Well 2 years later and a sh*t ton of useless work later I go to visit Princeton and I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT! I may never apply to Princeton but I can never get my friend back....

Everyday I bike over the railroad tracks near my house.. it reminds me... of what I have lost.. And now I realize what a fool I was..

I Hate People
by: Anonymous

I read your story and a few others and I feel the same way, but I come from a very different background...sometimes it seems so different that I don't think anyone will ever really understand my pain.

I grew up in an "upper class" family. My parents and siblings totally rejected who I was as a person from infancy, but also demanded that I play their intense game of false hyper happiness and brutal over-achievement -- so I did. I became things that I thought made me the best and admired and that I was "happier than anyone" and "having more fun than anyone." I was president of my class in college and of the student body in high school. I was "popular" and I thought I was doing good for the people around me.

I conformed totally and did things that won the approval and praise of my peers and authority figures. I thought I "had it made." And this was all consuming. The amount of time and energy I devoted to this "success" was total.

I thought I had created a world where "everyone liked me," but it turns out that I unconsciously believed that "everyone hated me". I didn't know it then, but I now know that also means that "I hated everyone."

That feeling is so strong in me that it just rises up and ruins any real friendships and relationships before I even know it. I always feel betrayed or like I have made another stupid mistake and fallen for the wrong person...again.

Every time I try to do something for me, the inner critic just blasts me down.

I am overwhelmed by all the dark feelings within me and I feel deeply evil and hateful. I then also believe that everyone else is this way and so I feel terrified of other people.

By the way, I am a 54 year old white male. Everything I have said up to this point goes double for how I react to other men.

I have been in therapy of one kind or another for 25 years. I am on anti depressants. Compared to most people, I do not have a lot of obvious stress or pressure in my life...and this is still how it is for me.

I feel deeply alone and pretty isolated. I do know people, and am not entirely without friends...but most of them are on the phone and/or online. I have very few friends where I live.

One of my closest friends is a prostitute who I see regularly.

I feel like I have majorly f*cked up my therapy and healing too much of the time.

Having said all of this... I do have the beginnings of awareness that everything I have described to you are "old feelings" and that "the present" is something very different from that. My therapist keeps telling me that this is the key to being happy -- and I am starting to believe her and even have some experiences of that...but I just want to say "F*ck it" and throw it all out the window sometimes... and do.


my life is sad
by: Anonymous

My family is too over protective and guess what I hate it and they think that by being protective it's going to make me like them but no it isn't.
Right now I am 15 and I am not that good in my subjects, but seriously when I am 18 I am craving to leave this place
Even right now me writing this is making me cry full of anger

Right now I feel much better after letting out my anger
thanx guys

Z.U

(initials don't like to put full name)

Pain is essential
by: Jasmine-Lee

I can't believe how many of us feel the same exact way yet live completely different lives. I many not know all the answers but I know the road to them. I know different escape routes. Dreaming is one of them. If you feel like there ain't nothing else you're able to focus on then focus on yourself. There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish especially after enduring life's miseries, troubles and pain.

Look into lucid dreaming and try to solve your own life's mysteries. Sometimes you get answers , sometimes you get direction. Sometimes you just get to have pure fun. Put all your faith into yourself and ask yourself what do YOU want for your life. Not what society leads you to think. MESSAGE TO THIS WHOLE PAGE: IT'S NOT OUR LIVES THAT WE HATE. ITS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN AND WHAT SOCIETY LEADS US TO BELIEVE. There is something embedded in us that makes us feel like we wanna turn off (die) because we are not living to our full capabilities.

Since society is powerful in making us believe what those capabilities are we have lost ourselves and feel we have no purpose when purpose is all we were born with. We feel like we are off track but we right on it. We feel hopeless and useless but in actuality are full of more hope and use than the people we consider to be "successful".

We all have a purpose even if its just to get together on this site and make the difference in each others lives. I know nobody here personally but feel a great connection to you guys and pure love in essence. I hope we can overcome this new form of mind control called depression and psychosis.

Born damned
by: Anonymous

I am 20, married and have a son. I have to live with my husbands awful family until we finish college ( like 3 years) his sister is a b*tch, his mom is psychotic and everyone else just doesn't give a sh*t. I hate these people douch because I've had to be around them so much for so long.

I am about to lose my mind and threaten suicide about twice a week, I blow up on my poor husband and also threaten invite if he makes me stay here much longer. I suffer from depression and live with incredible guilt every day for the things I say and think. Yeah it's pretty much hopeless, I don't wanna hear " oh, don't kill yourself, you have a family, it will all be better soon" heard that and it's bullsh*t, I just want to know what the hell I need to do to be happy.

i hate my life
by: Anonymous

Hey there's your reason. Live for your daughter. There are times when I want to commit suicide but something tells me to hang on and keep living. Life is a gift. Life is not easy. It could be a bumpy road with many obstructions on the way but if there weren't any problems on the way what would make life worth it.

I learned that life is a teacher quizzing and testing to see if you can sustain all the heavy work and load on your back. Even though I'm not satisfied with my life, I still look at the bright side and advantages I have had. You might live in your elderly parents' home but that doesn't mean you have to end up there.

Everyone in this world is worth a lot, even if one is poor. I have met rich people who have everything (materialistic people) but they don't have the "big" asset of which is love and happiness. money isn't everything. Just hang on and struggle because it'll pay off one day. Nothing is for ever trust me. I learned that from my mother. She was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and I thought that was it. She went through hard medications that would weaken her but somehow she managed to get rid of that disease. Hope is everything.

People make fun of me and treat me like an object but it really doesn't bother me. I'm that person that you can call a "people pleaser". .But I'm not giving up... I don't have close friends, the types that you would hang out with on a Friday night, but it really doesn't matter even though i stress about it sometimes. Everyone has something to offer the world. So show your daughter that you can do it. May you and your daughter be blessed...



I hate my life too!
by: Anonymous

I hate my life too, but I do not want to give up on myself. I too hate my life, although I have a beautiful, wonderful 2 year old daughter. I hate my life because I am a single mom who is so I broke I have to live with my elderly parents who drive me crazy. They are very difficult to live with, they always put me down and accuse me of doing things I haven't done, and we argue all the time.

I can't afford to move out and I am struggling to find a job. Even if I found a full-time job it would not pay enough for me to be able to put my daughter in daycare and support us both.
I have bad depression and anxiety and social anxiety disorders, I have seen both a psychologist and a psychiatrist this year and over the years I have tried all kinds of medications.

I feel like a loser because my brothers are both successful, a surgeon and a lawyer, and both won university scholarships, but I am the one who ended up a drug-addicted hooker who ended up in rehab. Fortunately that is in my past now, but I still hate my life, for many reasons.

I have barely any friends and struggle to make and maintain friendships, so I really hate my life because I am always really lonely and have no-one to go out and do things with. I have really low self-esteem and even when I try my hardest to be confident and friendly in a social situation people will ask me what is wrong with me. I am allergic to alcohol so I find it hard to get on with people in social situations.
I hate my life because I have a university degree and a post-graduate diploma yet I have failed to ever work in a job that pays little more than above minimum wage. I usually get fired from my jobs for not fitting in or being suited to the job, I don't know what is wrong with me, I try so hard to do everything right. I just feel like no-one ever really likes me or they use me or reject me.

I am so tired of being lonely and I just hope that my daughter grows up to happy and not hate her life, and that she doesn't have to experience a lot of what I have been through.
My depression and anxiety gets so bad that I get physically sick a lot of the time and I get so unwell I am not able to work.
But I really hope that all of you out there who feel suicidal get better somehow, please do not take your own life!
I am really lazy but I went for four hour and a half long walks this week, which made me feel a little bit better.
Thanks for reading my ramble, I really hate my life at the minute, right now I am super bored and lonely, and not motivated to do much. I wish I didn't feel this way!
I could write so much more about why I hate my life!

i hate my life
by: Anonymous

I'm only 17 and in high school.. I have no friends at all. Everyone picks on me and makes me feel useless. I feel like I'm just a piece of crap in this world where everyone steps on me and uses me.

I have no self esteem and no confidence. I have never had a girlfriend. I have had crushes but I'm never manly enough to express myself. I don't socialize, don't go out. I don't do anything at all. What hurts the most is that I know I have a good heart but everyone seems to miss that.

My life at home is all arguments. My mom doesn't care about me. In fact when I go to visit colleges she says I could go alone because I'm almost an adult. I'm even afraid to look myself in the mirror. No one likes me. I feel useless. Why was I brought into this world?... I feel useless.

Thanks for taking some of your time to read this.

Grateful for this site... Thank you!
by: Feeling Expunged

Thank you to the person maintaining this website, I've found this place by googling "I HATE MY LIFE"... not going to get into details, but I've had a slow draining decade long process where my hopes and dreams diminish every year to the point now where I felt really hopeless and utterly void of value.

But there is something about reading about the experiences of the others that really calms me down and put things in perspective, whether it be from a person older or younger than me, or those who have more and less, I have learned that things can pretty much feel like sh*t at any given time.

I am going to start the process of removing the obsessive focus on the negative aspects of my life, and will strive hard to earn better things in life.... I do feel like sometimes the effort is wasted, and I couldn't have done anymore, but I know that things will only stay the same if I stop trying - I know very well that I already hate my current situation enough to feel it in my bones.

So here's to everyone stumbling into this website and having the worst time of their life. Let's get on with our lives - every minute counts! I'm going to enjoy the rest of my life.

Cheers!

_____________________________________________

Thanks for the positive comments, with the right attitude you will succeed!
Love
Kay
x

believe in better things to come
by: anonamous

I also feel disappointed with myself. I often feel worthless, desperate and lonely. The only solution is to stay positive, don't beat yourself up, keep looking for some tiny grain of happiness in everyday events. Dont keep going over negative thoughts, don't read negative stuff, all easier said than done but believe me believe in yourself and hold on to happier times to come.

Life is a potty hole
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. I hate my parents i basically hate everything. When I am not in the house, not near my parents I am the happiest soul on earth. My parents don't beat me, its just that they are unfair. They let their son do whatever and not me. I hate it and I am slowly starting to ill-hate them. I am a free spirit I want freedom I'll choose anything freedom over anything.

Don't say that
by: Anonymous

This might sound like I'm bragging but I have a wonderful family and friends. I think you need to be more open with some people. Be proactive not reactive.

You sound like a sweet person and I think any guy would love to have you but I think you are putting your fears in front of you and blaming the shame on your parents. Remember words don't HURT! Probably if you tell your parents what's on your mind, you would probably start having a good relationship with them.

Life
by: Anonymous

I am 32 feel hopeless have 2 kids I don't c cause I'm jobless I would be homeless but my girlfriend who is on welfare feeds and houses me. She bitches a lot because I'm depressed and don't do much to better myself. I used to work in the union but don't because I can't pay them. Suicide has crossed my mind but really I love life just not happy with wje4e I am in mine I work. Hard but never have enough to pay my bills I don't have much education and owe 50k in child support. I love motorcycles it is the freedom i lust for but cant afford to ride mine. I want to leave where i am to find better opportunities.

My family gives me no support and I feel like if I leave I have nothing. But reading all the sadness I think has inspired me to sell. everything

Life is a mystery
by: Thomas

I was surfing facebook today and had the stupid idea of checking out profiles of people (not friends) from high school, people who would not have let me be their friend, granted I never tried because I knew they would not like me. So I found a handful of them, all friends with each other on facebook. They look so happy, all went to college at big colleges, went on to have great careers.

Here I am unemployed, single, depressed, unmotivated, made wrong decisions in life. I cant stop looking at their facebook pages, pretending I was them. I WANT THEIR LIFE!!!!!!!!! Ok,I made some mistakes, my family had no money, I want another chance at life to do it right....like they did. This sucks.

_______________________________________________

Thomas, you can change your life right now by changing your attitude, changing the self talk you have. They have made their lives by doing what was best for them. It's not too late for you to turn your life around, but sitting looking at them on facebook isn't going to achieve anything. Decide what you want to do, put goals into place and work your way towards them. Only you can do this. You can choose how your life is going to become. Remember the thoughts you have make your reality.
Good luck,
Love
Kay
x

hi
by: Anonymous

Hey I don't know when you posted this message, but I sincerely hope you are better now. Do remember that there are tough times, but if you wallow in your own pity no one will ever be there. Don't search for inspiration. just get up and change your life. I know you want to. and I trust you will, and I am some person from a distant land. Someone you will probably never see in your life. I have no idea how I tumbled upon your blog. But if I care and wish you see you happy then I am sure you will do something about it. Tomorrow is a new day.

a few words..
by: Anonymous

I have always felt depressed too. I have chronic depression, anxiety disorder and body dysmorphic disorder. I now am seeing a therapist to help me but every time I leave I end up crying because I have no one to talk to until my next appointment. I have no friends either. I used to but they have all used me and all they care for is partying. I dropped them because I want my life to be so much more than that.

Now that I'm trying to make new friends it is so difficult because I can be very shy and awkward. I feel like everyone takes me as a joke and I have NO ONE. My family is there but I can't talk to them about anything and we don't get along more than half of the time anyway. I work a sh*tty job and I get treated like sh*t and I am still stuck at my parents house.

I have never really belonged to anyone, romantic wise. I see many guys that could possibly be the one but at the same time my mind tells me, what's the point? that I'm not worth it.
All I want for my future is to be happy successful, in love and fulfilled and to be beautiful. I still don't understand why I feel this way, I'm just hanging by a thread and have been for years. It is so hard to make everything turn around for me for the better but I can't afford to give up because I part of me see's the light at the end of the tunnel but then I get sucked back into my sadness and loneliness. I one of those that think that I am going to die of a broken heart.
Still, I keep a fake half smile on my face with a little hope and that's all I have to keep me strong for now. I have God to spill my heart to but at times I feel like I am a disappointment to him too. I want to try meditation or at least find something I believe in so I can find purpose, just something.

One thing left todo
by: Mike

Well it seems as if you have searched the ends of the earth, as I once did, for the thing I wanted the most, happiness. Unfortunately the world and everything in it is not here to make me happy. The world may lean towards "what ever makes you happy" kind of thinking but it simply is not true. I found all this out when I did the last thing anyone in my life would have guessed I would have done: I believed that there was a God. Not religion. I just said OK God if you are real show me.

Over time things started to change and my heart was heavy with the guilt of all the wrong doings in my life. I read the Bible and realized that the missing thing in my life, the emptiness, was my separation from my Creator and Father whom loves me. My want to run my own life the way I wanted and giving in to the worldly ways of thinking and living pushed me far from the Father. I gave up trying to make a square fit into a circular hole and started repenting to God. Happiness is merely a side affect to praising and honoring the Lord. I found this page because I googled "I hate my life". Even now as a believer in God, it is not always easy and I am not always happy. I actually feel like a total failure to my wife and kids right now but I know that God loves me and wants me to talk to Him about it. I know that I can be forgiven over and over again.

I no longer feel totally lost as I once did. Do as I did and challenge God, from your heart, to reveal Himself. He will because He loves you!

im so sad
by: Anonymous

Well, i live in Suriname. I am very rich and very successful, good looking. but hence no self esteem. I have also tried everything that i imagined possible. But its like everybody is having fun, and even if i engage in a fun activity its like I'm not participating.

I'm a male, 30 years now, and i am very scared to end up alone. I love a gorgeous woman, who decided to be a whore, literally, and i have to deal with it if i want to continue with her. I guess that's where i lost all faith in the world, as i really really love her.

So i put on a fake smile. keep smiling and look good. but i know I'm never gonna change.

My advice to thoes on this sight and life in general.
by: Anonymous

I'm only 16 and music is my life. Today me and my band played a terrible show which everyone laughed and thought was awful nerves got the better of us. I play guitar and I know that we aren't terrible but it came across like we were.

We practice like crazy and complete strangers have enjoyed our music and came to listen to our music but this show was terrible. It's not fair that our school saw us like they did. I know this comment might be different from the others on this sight but when you fall down in life your left looking at the stars, am not gonna act like it's the end of the world but am gonna see how to make things better and play as best we can.

My advice is don't expect success and happiness to fall out the sky you gotta work at things to make them amazing, sometimes you need to experience the bad in life to see how good the good can be. Am no expert but i hoped this helped someone.

lonely and angry
by: Anonymous

Hi, I am 30 single and jobless. I have a good family and live on benefits. Nothing was ever hard before. I am trying to sort out my ongoing neighbour issues as I live in a flat and am looking to move somewhere else as I have had enough.
Why is it then, I feel so down I wish I was brave enough to run away, and never be in contact with people?
People in public frighten me with their moaning, complaining and general bad attitude. I was brought up by my parents to be nice and respectful but lately, I feel a sudden urge to be nasty as I am always the one who says 'sorry' for accidently bumping into people!
I have been really trying to get work but as I cant I am back on antidepressants. I feel like a none achiever. My sister is 2 years older, worked for BA for 10 years, married, and is expecting a baby next year.

I feel like all I have done is sponged off the benefits, family, yes I have my own flat but why do I feel like I am worthless?

Im probably not the only one, but I just hate everything and cant see anything positive anymore.
I hate my flat, neighbours, and the fact I cant get a stupid job.
IS IT REALLY THAT BAD???!

do something out there
by: Anonymous

Focus outside.
The altering question for me when I was at my worst....
"what do you do for yourself, like a hobby?"
Hobby? What is that?
She said... do something, other than work, other than the TV, do something. She was right. I used to paint and with the dread I couldn't bring myself to pick up a brush. But even if I didn't feel like it I decided I would do it every day when I got home. One evening while forcing myself to be creative I realized... I thought wrong. It wasn't that the world sucked. That thought was so untrue. There were plenty of good things. I was focusing on the wrong sh*t.

I promised my self.. and I kept a journal, whenever I thought a negative as soon as I was aware I was doing it I would combat it with a realistic positive. My thing was ... "the world is sad and not worth being in" well that is obviously not true. So, I would turn it around and think of the good stuff... even if it was simply the beauty of a tree, or the good deeds people do, the company of the family dog, the memories of good moments. It took a while but I firmly believe it is your mind, not your life that you wish to change. You are not your thoughts that spin in your head .... you, I, we are so much more than that.
It worked for me. I hope it works for others... but remember it is work. Your mind does not change itself and it will fight you but in the end you are its master... and remember life is what it is. It is neither happy nor sad, it is not perfect. You will always have good days and you will always have bad days. You will have good moments and bad moments. It is your life.
I have always felt pressured by society to have and do and be as the rest have, do and be. I know now society can shove it up their a**es... I have, do and be how I am and although some may see me a "different" I am now more content in my mind and feel the world to be more at peace than ever before. I enjoy the good the bad because neither is all good nor all bad.

Hope you get better
by: Anonymous

Let me start of by saying that I can understand why you feel like this. On the other hand, you're negative attitude is not helping you. Depression is a vicious cycle (trust me I know) but one that can be broken by just changing the way you look at things.

Life is not all bad, there is beauty in everything around us, you just have to really look. If you only focus on the bad, that is all you will ever see. You want to change your life, then do it! Don't wait around for someone else to change it, take action! Start by getting your self-esteem up. People see what you let them see. If you are not happy then change it (believe me I have heard these words before and I know how frustrating they can be, but they are true). Honestly take charge and be who you think you ought to be. Deep down you know what you are capable of, which is why you are unsatisfied with where you are now. By the way your parents love you, some people aren't so lucky. Appreciate what you have because you might not know it but you are better of than some. Best of luck. And try to grab life with both hands because it would be a shame to let it slip you by.








You're not alone
by: Anonymous

Hello,

Don't feel like you are alone. I feel the same way.

I'm only 13, and I'm already getting bad grades. I stay up till 3:00 am at the earliest studying, and just that feeling when I look around the classroom at my classmates and seeing them all succeed just makes me want to kill myself. Even worse, I'm going to one of the toughest high schools in the country, and I know I might drop out. I don't have that many friends, and my friendships don't last long. One day I'm laughing with one of my friends and the next day they act like they never knew me or they hate me.

I don't know what to do. I have had enough. I want to die.

I feel the same
by: Anonymous

I am 43 years old and feel exactly the same. I have 2 kids, 2 step daughters. I hate my life. I cannot hold down a job, I am still living off of my mom and dad, I have no vehicle, I have no purpose to get up in the morning. I am so sick of all of these people who say.... hang in there la la la, and all of those things, and it will get better.

Well, it has been almost 10 years and not one thing has changed. I even went back to college to get my masters and I cannot get a job. It is ridiculous! I want to vent my anger. It makes me angry that I have to live off of my parents. It makes me angry when I see other people who have more than me and live horrible lives. I see those who do not lead decent lives getting what they want and now I am at the point of doing the same.

Cest la vie
by: Sianne

Like sucks for everybody sometimes. Even the most powerful, smartest and good looking. We all have challenges and face bad times but its those that make us stronger. If we never faced the worst times we would never appreciate the good or learn to face what troubles us. Look for the rainbow in every storm. Or build a bridge and get over it.

Rise
by: Anonymous

The night is always darkest just before the dawn.
Life is full of vast complexities of an undefinable magnitude and direction. Problems challenges... makes me wonder why we try so hard to live. But its those little moments you know, that kid who smiles at you on the bus or that extra drink the machine gives you that make it worthwhile. It maybe that our worst moments destroy us but if we wait till it rights itself, and it will, then that is what should define us.

I know that we will always be knocked down, Im not that wise and I haven't lived that long (17), but I know that our greatest glory is when we get back up.

I should be happy
by: Anonymous

I am 26, I moved to Miami Florida to party and love it up. I have two degrees and two jobs. I guess I should consider myself lucky, but I am not happy. I have no friends down here, and all I do is work. I feel old and not cute. I am not dating, and I want to be married. I have a soul mate but he has four kids and I just CAN NOT at this time commit to that. I am single and no kids with an okay wage coming in. Why am I not happy? I need more, but what?

Look at yourself
by: Anonymous

Don't look for someone else to save you or love you - you have your self. Learn to love you, then you will save yourself. Healthy normal people are not attracted to neediness - in your present state you will only attract control freaks or those with saviour complexes.

First, get your work life in order - then work on your inner life. Learn to meditate, do yoga or take long walks, whatever works for you - try everything until you find YOUR thing. Be loving toward everyone, including your parents. Even if they don't reciprocate, reach out to them even if it is just to call and say hello, was thinking of you, hoping things are well. You are alive and that means that the universe/god has plans for you - you have to work out what they are. Don't give up and keep looking and moving forward.

Hate My Life
by: Anonymous

I hate my life and want to die. I can't make friends and I'm a boring person. I can be weird sometimes to, I try not to but I just naturally am. I'm unmotivated and lazy.

I just started school at Grand Valley University in Allendale Michigan and I've struggled so far. I have bad grades and have not really made any friends. What has made everything worse is my cousin passing away this year. She got in a car accident in September. She was only 15. She was the passenger and her car flipped and hit a pole on her side. I did not know her that well. However, I am still saddened by this because she loved life, and I do not, so I don't understand why she had to die and I still have to live. We both would be very happy if it had been opposite. I have lost faith in life and in God. Thanks for reading, but stop wasting your time on me.

turning 20 soon
by: Anonymous

eh... is there even a point anymore?.. it seems like we all share the same fragile sense of security in our little domes; tucked away from reality, and withering away like inept byproducts of our crumbling society. There is no sanctuary in love, or beer, or dreams... I swear, sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who can look at their lives and feel like everything is so right..

F*cked over by mother nature
by: Anonymous

I wasn't born with the necessary genetic traits to guide me through this crazy modern world. It's all predetermined luck. Every success, every failure, can be attributed to Nature or Nurture. Some people have loving parents with lots of money, others don't. Some people are physically beautiful, some aren't. Everything is just a roll of the dice. I was dealt an un-winnable hand of cards, and I must fold soon.

LOL!
by: Anonymous

I'm 42. Went to college TWICE, now work in the IT Field, had an 8yr relationship with a "Barbie" who's now in her late 20s, thought we were in love/wanted to marry her & make her life happy, and got blown off. Now I have a nice healthy drinking problem (which started after dumping her).

Deep in student loan debt, making only $32K/yr, living in my parents basement. I work to pay bills. Fun is for those who can afford it.

My teen years were spent studying, playing "computer games". So, no social life.

Now as an "Adult" I have no social life other than work. Come home. Eat Dinner. Waste time online. Drink. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.

There's more "Stuff", but I just dont feel like typing it.

Sh*t! I even tried drinking myself to death. Didn't make it.

Even tried dating online! Seems all women want is a tall, rich, muscular guy in his 20s. Good luck with that, ya fat pigs!!!

So F*ck it! If the world doesnt "end" in 12/21/2012, it will for me.

I'm short. I'm geeky. I'm skinny. I'm middle aged. And got NOWHERE in life, other than a few $$$ more ahead in life.


get over it and enjoy your life.
by: Anonymous

ok ..i get it being sad is a norm for everyone..but let me say GET OVER IT...im sorry at least you have parents to go to. they give a place to live.. they paid for an education that you decided you no longer like? so look into how you can take that degree and find a field in it that you would like!
I lost my house ..my cars ..my biz..I had NO ONE NOT ONE person offer to help or even ask how I was doing. My ex lives in a mansion making probably 20-40 million a year and he didn't blink to help. same with people I used to call friends. Even the people I help not one of them called to say can I help you pack.. at times I did not have money to buy food for my family of 3. My kids had to give up their beds ..their rooms ..their friends for us to move into a new area in the city.
BUT I GOT UP EVERY DAY..thanked god for the beauty he gives me for free .. the sunset. the trees that change color..the blue sky with fluffy clouds...then I moved towards whatever work I could do to make money.. I used to run companies now I am happy to deliver pizzas... so get over you BS feeling sorry for yourself. You are blessed and have been given many road ways to take however you are choosing to sit back and cry poor me?
The best advice I got was from my 18 yr old... she said "mom life changes by the minute .. you don't know what tomorrow brings.... things change you can hit the lottery .. you could come up with the next big idea.. don't give up mom" ... She is an old soul and she is right.. I wish you luck but start to live and stop whining.

i know how you feel
by: Anonymous

This is my life at age 18 I joined the Marine Corps in the spring of 1989 my unit was sent to panama. One night a fire fight broke out a shot and killed what I believed to be an enemy combatant. The only thing was I did not know there was a friendly patrol there. I shot and killed my best friend.
After getting out of the Marine Corps I got married and had a son. My wife cheated on me and we split up. In 2000 I found a new calling a Police officer. Shortly after I meet a new girlfriend and we wad happy for 10 years. We had a daughter that I love very much.
One night two cruisers crashed into one another killing a very good friend. I had to go tell this 21yrs old's mother that her daughter was killed. That still bothers me today.

Then New years eve. 2010. I was working when we get a call about shots fired at an address of a friend if mine. When I got there he was standing on the porch with a shot gun in his mouth. As I walked up to him he pulled the trigger.
Due to the stress of the job my girlfriend throws me out of our house. We start talking again in June 2011 and all three of us go on vacation to the beach. While there my father get bad and dies July 1 2011. My girlfriend then texts me on July 15 saying she got a new boy friend to leave her alone. I snap and tried to kill myself. My brother finds me and then I was put in a mental hospital. After 2 days they let me out. Due to all the emotional pair I burn my legs. My Bruce caught me and back to the hospital for 7 days. About two weeks later I was going to jump off a water tower but was arrested before I could. This time a state mental hospital for 9 days. Then I meet Ella she is great hitting it off really good date for about 2 months and then she texts that she is going back to her old boyfriend. I'M DONE

You are amazing
by: Anonymous

Had a horrific day; ran across your blog .... hang in there. Hugs. T

Youre not in Africa!!
by: Anonymous

OMG,I thought I had problems but bloody nora you people need to take a step back look at the world which is laden with poor people and just shut the F UP, mind my language but seriously its tiring reading this page and yet I can't stop because it's shocking there's people out there like this. Pheww I'm I'm tucked in bed not as depressed as you people, it's people like you who put the D in DEPRESSION!.....RIGHTO I've said enough Good Day'

only you can truly decide to change. not a shrink.
by: anonymous

I understand how you feel. Due to the fact that I don't know you, I probably can't help very much but I'll try my best.

First off, you should know my life isn't actually bad. not at all. I have a home, and a best friend, food, etc. But other things can mess it up. I have so many family problems it's unbelievable, everyone seems to crave drama and it drives me crazy. I really don't have freedom to even say what I think. So then I gave up and decided that I didn't care about anything any more. It ended up p***ing people off a lot. so then, I decided to just get over it, and be happy. Honestly, most people are about as happy as they decide to be. That doesn't mean you can just say "I'm going to be happy now" and everything will be great. It means you need to see the bright side of everything.

Go outside, look at the trees, mountains, sunlight, feel the warmth or coldness on your skin. look in the mirror, notice the good things about yourself. based on the picture above you look naturally beautiful so that shouldn't be too hard. (I understand if it is though, my self confidence is horrible.) Listen to music. try to stay away from the sad music. SMILE. talk to people. Go out and do things. try to socialize a lot and think about what you REALLY want to do. If you're religious, talk to god or whoever else. Pick up a hobby. try a new style, a new hair cut. change things up and go out of your comfort zone!

It's going to be hard, trust me. but after a while, if your really trying, and REALLY decide to be happy, it makes a world of difference. go on adventures! I know it sounds cheesy, but follow your heart. it's all you can do when life feels like this.

I wish I were never born
by: Anonymous

My life has always been sh*t for as far as I can remember, except a few brief moments but they never lasted long. It seems once I'm starting to feel good or think something good is going to happen I get kicked in the face again to put me back to square one feeling like sh*t. It's almost like the universe wants me to be depressed because as long as I'm depressed it stays stable sort of but once something good starts happening I get slammed by another tragedy or something.

I have no luck with people they turn on me for the simplest things especially women it's like a psychic energy that repels people and makes them act crazy no matter how good or bad you are towards them.

I never had a girlfriend in my life and I have tried. My mom is the only one in my life that really understands and I have one friend who sort of does. I think some people are made to be alone and suffer than die bad karma or something.

portland resident
by: Anonymous

Here in Portland everybody has depression. It's the social norm and everyone is on prozac from the age of 15. most likely adderal and xanax too. So people understand and are usually open to talking about it. Hope things are going better.

Rays of light that changes everything.
by: Anonymous

Sometimes I feel like I hate my life and I feel hopeless but I fear it is rubbing off on my one and only lovely child so I have had to start thinking a bit better.

Start loving the good things you have. If you got a job even if it is the worst job going, you are steps ahead of where I am right now (having been out of work for a year and counting).

The girl who said she hates living at home age 30.
I left a decent home away from my Mum to be with a guy. It worked out so bad, I still ended up on my own because he had no intention of living with me so I just paid out loads for rubbish private accommodation.

It took years for me to come to my senses. In fact I lived in bedsits with some of the most awful people for 6 years until at age 34 I had the sense to move in with family and save up a deposit for a flat. I could have done that much faster at Mum's if I had thought it through.

If you got a half decent face, body and O.Kish health then you are streets ahead of those self haters. Think about all the things you have liked, loved or enjoyed and try and get back to that. Don't bother about the person who messed with you or let you down (if you have time to dwell on them then you also have time to change your view on how your life could be a lot better).

Look at how you will meet and keep relationships with those that matter. Forget about all the times you messed up or some one messed you up. Look for the good in a person, if you can't see it then move on, and do not give up on yourself or your fellow humans, just keep looking for a little ray of light and don't underestimate it, it could be the tiny spark that changes everything.



I understand
by: Edward

Up until a year and a half ago, I had a pretty good life. Decent friends, long relationship, about to go to college.. one day, I was on my motorcycle, and a woman in the oncoming lane turned left and cut me off. That was the changing point of my life. I had a minor stroke, left arm paralyzed, can't walk well, can't drive... I'm in pain almost always which hinders anything I try to do. I wake up in the morning, and go lay on the couch and watch tv all day. Laying down seems to help a bit.

I'm stuck on heavy meds which kill me if I miss a dose by accident. Methodone, OxyContin, oxycodone and a few other narcotics. I've been literally stuck inside my house for almost 2 years.
About a week Before the accident, my parents got divorced. Then the accident. Then my girlfriend of 5 years left me. All my friends basically stopped talking to me. Recently, my grandma went to the hospital and had a triple bypass, and is taking very very long to recover.

Now, I can't do anything that requires the use of both hands. My lifelong dream and what I was planning to go to school for, before the crash, was a commercial pilot. I can't do that any more. Motorcycles were a serious passion and I've been doing it for many years.. I can't do that either. My life literally has gone down the drain. I'm now stuck living with my parents also. Although I'm almost 25 they still treat me like a teen. It really sucks.
Although I know it'll get better, it's hard to see it.
The one thing you need to remember, is that no matter how bad you have it, someone else has it worse. Also, no matter how bad, it can only go up.

You said you have very low self esteem, but one thing you should do (from your pic) is stop wearing hoods, and go out and get some sunlight because you have a very pretty face and you shouldn't hide it.

your not alone
by: Anonymous

Since I was a very small child I wanted to die everyone around me was different, happy. Me I was sad lonely within my self.

Today I'm a lot older but still feel the same way I don't think its you the wold is a horrible place to be in everyone out for themselves

I dont want to be old and alone
by: Anonymous

Guess I am not the only one with such a sh*tty life. Health has been my problem. 7 years of health issues now I am 28 and nothing to show. I am skinnier than sh*t not as attractive as I used to be. I hate being around people.

I hope this finds you well
by: Sam

I can only imagine... I come from a very similar place, yet I don't want to say I know exactly how you feel... because I don't.

I think I have a pretty good idea though. I know despair, I know guilt, worst of all... I know failure.

I know how much it hurts.

The advice I can give has already been given. You already know it by heart (and if you're anything like me, it whispers and judges daily... I also know which drugs work best to make that whisper SHUT UP... but only for a little while)

I will be sober 1 year tomorrow after drinking and doing every drug I could get my hands on for 10 years. I learned one thing in my year of sobriety...

I still have all the exact same problems I did before, I'm just sober now...

That's it... No more, no less...

I also quit smoking (because I always used cigarettes as an excuse as to why I didn't run, exercise, etc.)

Turns out, I'm just lazy.

I still don't run or exercise. Cigarettes, drinking, drugs, they had nothing to do with my REAL problems.

I don't know what will make me happy, So I'm learning to deal with what I "think" is making me sad. I'm checking them off my list, one by one. Turns out all I need to be happy is less stuff that makes me sad.

Sometimes I HATE doing some of it, (actually I hate doing it MOST of the time) but I'm getting better at it, and slowly, it's getting easier for me.

Ever feel like you have the best advise to give, but you never swallow your "own" medicine? Try following your own advice, even if it sucks. You already have the answers you're looking for.

I always do my best... It's just that some days, my best is not all that great. I know when I've been being lazy and it drives me nuts...

99 times out of 100 I would rather do my best and fail, than succeed with a half-ass effort. I sleep better knowing I did everything I could have done.

How do you know if something is truly indestructible?

The only way I know is by trying 1000 different ways to destroy it!

Make sense?





I know what you mean
by: Anonymous

I hate my life sometimes, too. I have a lot to be thankful for but I have a hard time seeing the beauty of it. I have three children, who get on my nerves all the time, its is so hard to raise a family, they take up so much time, money, I never have any money to do anything for myself, I cant even go anywhere. I have no friends. My husband is so caught up with the kids and hardly has any time left for me. I feel so alone in a house full of five of us.

I have no one to talk to, we have grown apart. My kids have in a certain way, separated us. They have taken over this house. I hate it. I go to church and sometimes read the bible, I pray too, but not even that is enough. Maybe I have to be more consistent at it. I will try that. Life is beautiful, I know it. BUT gosh, it's really hard to see the beauty of it all sometimes, when I didn't have a regular adolescent life, I grew up SOOOO fast. I never dated anyone before, I have never bought myself something nice just for me, or lived in a house that I like just for me, I have had to share everything from the beginning. Its tough..

PLEASE READ
by: Anonymous

After reading many comments I guess the most positive quote went along the lines of "people around you may seem happy now, but your time is still to come..." and people like yourselves who are feeling so much negativity shouldn't be reading so many negative comments.

I myself am not happy with my life at all, but for now I'm just going to be happy for what I do have and not bore you with all my problems, I'm so bored with everything even porn lol!!

But I do believe in God and hope life has a purpose and we are just learning from our experiences to make us better people in the future.

Love yourself xx

Just like that
by: Anonymous

I am 41 years old & divorced with a 13 year old son. I am also a Nurse. I find that about 95% of people in life are fake, scared of rejection in being who they really are. Most people are followers, deceitful, spiteful... not sympathetic nor compassionate.

Life is painful..... find meaning wherever you can & do whatever make you feel passion. Don't waste your time hoping things will change & try something new every day!

I can relate and feel for you
by: Anonymous

I don't even know when these comments here were posted but I was just surfing and happened across this page. I am 45 and been suffering from clinical depression, anxiety, bipolar and anger at every and all things. The original post sounds a lot like my experiences except for the booze and nursing school. I feel for you and wish I knew you personally to reach out to.

There is no religious or self-righteous about my comments here as I do not believe in religion anymore and cannot stand the person that I am. I myself also need compassion and understanding but people who do not suffer just cannot understand anything about this.

I find it hard to even talk about these things because it just makes me break down. I've actually never posted on a message board before but your post really hit home. I hope you can find some peace with your feelings, honestly I have not and have been trying for years. I have two young children and a wife I love very much but I feel like such a burden talking with them about it.

I know this sounds creepy and am not trying to be but you are a very beautiful girl and you should just know that you are not alone.

Mama Mary
by: Anonymous

Try invoking the aid of the Blessed Virgin Mary. She'll never fail you...God Bless.

:)
by: Anonymous

It may make you feel better to know that by you sharing your feelings so clearly you made me feel a little better. Thanks.

i hate my life too
by: Anonymous

I don't know what to tell you and I am 53. I identify with everything you've said. My life started out terrible and has remained that way. I've had a theory for about a decade now, and it's the only thing that makes sense to me. I believe this is Purgatory. It's the only thing that makes sense of all this chaos.

I'm a strong person by nature, but every time I've thought positive and tried to do great things the cosmic universe has kicked me in the teeth, and made a fool of me for being so gullible and believing that I'm worth anything.

p.s. and I am very pretty --- big fu**king deal. The joke is on me.

help me please. U are my last chance
by: Anonymous

I am 30 yrs of age. I am from Belfast and since the age of 21 I feel I have not done anything with my life yet others around me heavily disagree but they don't truly get how I feel.

At 21 I met a man who was 8 yrs older than me, after 2 months I moved in with him. My mum said don't. He gave me a job and he was my boss so i was never away from him, within a year I was under his control and my mum did everything to get me to leave him but was always unsuccessful.

Eventually he went from mental abuse to physical and I did have the strength to walk away from him, he left Belfast because of the shame and I haven't seen him since.

When he left I was promoted to his job but the owners decided to retire and closed the business down. The job was the only thing keeping me busy and stopping me from thinking about what he did to me.

A month in to unemployment I decided to do something major and I set up my own business and it is going so well but apart of me regrets it. I so enjoyed working for a friendly family and having their support, they always let me get on with things and when they promoted me it made me feel like I could achieve anything but now I work alone and I feel so lonely and always worry about accountants, legal and insurance I feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew but at the same time everyone around me says I have secured some big contracts and I should be proud but when I get a contract I do think brilliant I think oh my god how will I manage this. I always find everything scary and have no confidence.

Last year I got with another guy having been single for 5 yrs, he is the complete opposite to my ex. he's kind, compassionate and would lay down his life for me, he encourages me and sometimes when I am worried about business I lash out at him by shouting.

4 months ago my mum died and I feel like I have gone full circle and all I want is someone to get me back to my confident old self before I met that man. I hate the fact I punish my new man for the actions of another man. I want my mum back the only person who knew me well enough to give me answers to all these questions.


Hi
by: Anonymous

I can relate so much. Learn to rely on yourself, not other people for happiness. No one is going to "save" you. This is not a fairytale. You are responsible for your life and happiness. I believe that you have the skills to do this and make your life better :) Hope things work out for you.

Find peace through Jesus Christ
by: Susan

Look up footprints on the computer.... God is always with us, just ask him to help you, truly believe and listen, not with your ears, but with your heart. Nursing is an excellent way to feel fulfilled. Helping others, even if it isn't nursing. Try going to church once a week, really listen to what Jesus is saying to you through the pastor. If you don't feel a connection at one particular church, try another. I've tried some churches and not had a connection. I have one that I've been going to for several years now and feel lost if I don't attend every week. I go on Sunday evening's because it's more of a relaxed atmosphere. God does not care what we wear, He just wants us to be there and listen to the message. God loves us all and wants us to be happy.

I'm happier than ever now that I go to church, read The Bible, work as an R.N.. I understand your feelings, I really do. I live with my mom and dad also, I need them, however I need God even more. Find a believer and follower of Jesus Christ to be friends with, attend church, pray for wisdom, and I assure you, you will find peace.

Trust God and be true, and see what he will do.
by: keren

A relationship experience between you and God. Not just going to church... but a relationship.

Talk to the Lord - Just talk to him, and tell him.

I've had experiences talking with the Lord, after developing a relationship with him.

Starting a prayer life will free you. Everything you've mentioned here - mention it to him.

First clear yourself any wrong doing with him, or against yourself. Ask for his forgiveness.

Then start praying about your problems. Whatever you've asked God to forgive you for, don't go back and pick it back up. Leave it.

If you continue to pick it back up, ask for forgiveness, or you will be separated from God.

We have an advocate with the Lord. He is our advocate. If you were the only one on this planet, he would have come down and died on the cross for only you. He loves you unconditionally.

Talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord; even when you don't feel like it, talk to him. Have faith he has heard you. He will start to enlighten you.

Love,
Keren

sadness
by: Rhu

I'm almost fifty and still find myself sitting alone every nite. My childhood was horrible and now its catching up with me. I have a lot of nice material things and most of my friends say I have it good.

Everyone I know is married, I've done the dating sites and I'm either too old or not young enough .. I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever if i don't find some way to change this'
I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. Rhu

courage
by: Bostonian

Courage is the word I think of after reading your thoughts. More people in this world can relate to what you are going through than you realize, they don't have as much courage as yourself to be able to put your feelings out publicly. You are the strong one. I will pray for you; you are a good true soul. Also seems you have lots of people caring for you; I wish I had that myself.

Silver lining
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you're all going through, I feel helpless and so depressed. Half of my family is dead. I was abused when I was young and I'm in my mid 30's and not even married!

The only thing that brings me peace for 5 minutes is knowing that we are all going to die (well I am) I don't want others to die ... well unless they want to.

Anyway here is some advice from the Quran on tragedies and tribulations that brings me relief from time to time.

?Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ?We believe?, and that they will not be put to the test?? (Quran 29:2)

?Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ?We believe?, and that they will not be put to the test? And certainly We tested those before them, so that God will differentiate those who are true from those who are false.? (Quran 29:2-3)

?And We shall certainly test you, until We know those of you who strive their utmost (for Allah) and who are the steadfast; and We shall test your reported mettle.? (Quran 47:31)


?Or do you expect to enter Paradise without facing such trials as did those before you?? (Quran 2:214)


?We will surely test you with something of fear and huger, and the loss of wealth and lives and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say?when afflicted with calamity??To Allah We belong, and to Him we shall return!? They are on those whom descend blessings from their Lord, and Mercy. Such are the rightly guided.? (Quran 2:155-157)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHLh4HvyuLw

come to Jesus
by: Anonymous

Come to Jesus. He is the key to your happiness. I know how you are feeling. You try to be grateful for the things you have but you feel so miserable that it is hard to. Try talking to God and find a good church that you feel in your heart is the right place to be. Also when you give to the Lord, He gives back. You give to the Lord by giving to others in need and then watch how He blesses you. I have experienced it myself. Just hang in there and pray. You sound like a very talented and beautiful person =)

There Is Hope
by: Anonymous

I know exactly what you are describing. I have been through some terrible things myself. I was abused as a child for many years in many ways. I still carry those scars, and even though I am beginning to move on to a normal life, I still cry myself to sleep sometimes.

The thing that is inspiring me to press on is my faith in God. I never believed in Jesus and quite frankly hated Him until only a few years back. I had always seen Him as a tyrant and the cause of my suffering, but one day I was at the end of my rope, ready to commit suicide. My last resort was this book I had been given about this gang member that had found hope and a new life in Jesus. It's called Run Baby Run by Nicky Cruz. I decided, What the heck, and read some of it. I was hooked. The God Cruz wrote about was loving and kind and gave him a future, even after all the things that happened to him in the gangs of New York. I began to search for this God, and I eventually gave my life to Jesus. Even so, it is still incredibly hard to face life sometimes, but slowly I am making it with Jesus. I know you face many trials in life, but turn to Him..... He's your only hope, as He was to me.

:)
by: Jayk

Grab some money and make a trip to Africa. Specifically Ghana.(ignore the b.s and silly way they paint Africa in the news like one big land of hungry kids and wild animals roaming). Over here there is no judgement of character and everyone is open to everyone!... don't worry about money, foreign exchange will work on your plus side and you can afford a lot of things... think about it :)

Also pick up a Bible and just read it(no expectations no pressure, just read it..

jesus christ is the answer.
by: Anonymous

(I was in the same boat that you are) but Jesus gave me hope and I know he really loves me in spite of my many flaws. Start a relationship with Jesus Christ, ask him to come into your heart and fix what is wrong with your feelings. Pray often. Read the scriptures and ask him to reveal the meaning of them and to ask for security (help) for your needs. Jesus loves you very much more than we will ever know.

life style
by: Rigo anthony perez

Everything you just said, is exactly how I feel or been through.
Except I just turned 20 and I've been on and off
with weed crystal ecstasy and alcohol, I have always been giving my self a hard time after them drugs. I love to skateboard but when I mess around with my old habits its like from 16 to now I keep doing the same sh*t and I really need someone to keep motivating me, but I hate the fact that I even have to have someone help me. I'm 20 and I can take care of myself, thing is I hate staying with my mom and her new husband. He aint even a good step father, and hes dragging my mom down with him.
He is also trying to get my out the house by saying mean stuff to my mom about me that makes my mom weird to me. Its just frustrating, I was going to run away today but then I kept talking to my home girl and shes into church an stuff but still I wanna show myself that I can get a good job and my own place and take care of myself. I hate living under some else's roof even though its my mom and her husband, things just are not the same as when I was under 16.

same here!!!
by: carolyn

I completely relate

Some thoughts..
by: Kenneth

It seems to me you have analyzed your life extremely well and know exactly what it is you're looking for. Although I cannot completely relate, I believe it is true that most of the people who have commented on this page have at some time or another felt the exact same feelings you have expressed previously. And the fact that they cared enough to want to share their stories with you should give you hope.

Simply hope that the people who live around you have the capability to be the most warm and compassionate individuals you or I have ever known, if they so choose. Nobody really knows how we got here, but we do all know that love conquers hatred in all avenues of life ( if people let it). So that's a little bit of what I think, as far as advice I can't offer much since I know nothing compared to the vastness of the Universe.

Personally, all the life changes I want to make and the way I see myself being ultimately happy lies in the hands of God. I know that's not really the "thing" anymore in society, but that relationship still means more than anything to a lot of people. I don't know if you're religious, but that's where I find peace in life. Think about it, maybe do a little reading on the life of Jesus or what some philosophers think. All it takes is one brief moment of divine inspiration to change the way you think forever.

Feelings...
by: Kriss

Hey, it's OKAY to feel the way you do, you have a right to FEEL the way you do. Feelings are feelings, they're neither right nor wrong they just are.

Feelings are POWERFUL, far more powerful than knowledge or intellect, you CAN'T rationalise away feelings, they are necessary, they serve a function - ACCEPT them and FEEL them, positive and negative alike, don't act on them, listen to them carefully. They CHANGE, they are a temporary state, they are not who you are, they are how you feel.

If the people around you or the situation you are in make you feel bad, then listen to your feelings - they are telling you that this situation/person/people aren't good for you. You don't need to have an explanation. If you stick your hand in a fire you feel physically induced pain which evokes you to move away from the source of harm, you don't need to think of a reason. Emotionally evoked feelings serve the same purpose, we just need to start listening to what they are telling us, embrace them they are our well wishers, our navigators through life an indicator to reassess the situation and make changes

Please smile :)
by: Anonymous

Hey, just read this and you sound so negative about life... The key is to think forward not backwards at your past - but to move on and be positive ... Set yourself some future goals to achieve and start smiling... Look at the good things in your life ... For one you have parents :) I haven't but what keeps me going is positive thoughts/future dreams and goals. Of course their words of wisdom too :)
You have a similar life story to me, but hey that's the past - the future your in control of so smile :)

im depressed just by reading all your comments!!
by: Anonymous

people people people.. you guys all all so depressing...

get it together.... law of attraction!! the secret... it can save you life!!!

do it!! now!!

i understand
by: anonymous

I understand how you feel. I think we've all been there in one way or another. Life's a bitch sometimes, but you have to understand that and also that others go through it too in their own way. I also think that some people are mentally able to let things go and not be affected better than others.

What is wrong!
by: Anonymous

For me it is a deep seated low self esteem, as far back as I can remember. I have over compensated by trying to learn more than most people. In fact many people describe me as smart, I think that I only have spent more time to learn more about many different things than most people so I have a broader perspective, I am no smarter than any one else. I am in my late 50's I left self employment twenty years ago, naively thinking that I could make my way in corporate America. In those 20 years I have had ten jobs, I was fired through work force reductions, laid off or they closed the business. I only quit one job in all of that time. The impact of so many jobs has left me feeling worthless and soon I will be penniless. I lost the best job I ever had (my dream job) and the job that I was respected at and performed to the highest standards measured by my peers, subordinates and supervisors. The parent company closed all service locations in the US, the funny thing about that decision is that most locations were making money. They did not try to sell any of the 25 locations they just wanted to close all of them since it no longer fit with their "CORE BUSINESS PLAN". Did not matter to the few overpaid , unimaginative, self professed leaders they were terminating 400 people in the worst economic downturn in history.

So here I sit, I can't find work, my wife cries every day and I can not be the succesful role model for my teenage son. He is watching his father slowly losing control of his life. My self esteem issues have risen to the surface and I am crumbling!!!

I know that other people in the world have it far worse than I do, I DO NOT CARE! I care only about me and my family!! I have lost my faith in God and in people. I do not what is wrong with me or the world other than people really do not care!

Lost hope!










THE SECRET!!! WILL HELP ALL OF U!!
by: Anonymous

I am probably sure you guys all have heard of the secret? "law of attraction" if not you need to do it and follow it asap. I was like one of you guys in really bad state and i started following it and it changed my perspective and the way i see life.

Try it you have nothing to lose::: TRUST ME!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cMibxi5gqE

http://thesecret.tv/stories/stories-read.html?id=15860

http://www.youtube.com/user/asecretagent?blend=1&ob=4

My thoughts
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry that you feel this way. Life and people are complicated. I have experienced devastating losses this past year, in addition to an already long list of tragedies in my life, and sometimes feel like there is no point. However, I realize that the good and bad times fluctuate in life for everyone, whether people admit it to others or not. And some people have it harder, which is a fact of life.

Most people are totally self-absorbed with their own crap, which is okay. My suggestion to you is make you your only priority until you feel better. Do whatever it takes to make you happy. LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Tune out everyone else for a while, until YOU are happy. Live your life for you. Do what you want to do, even if it means moving away.

Once you feel better and healthier, your outlook will slowly change and so will your life. One last thought, exercise is a powerful drug. If you aren?t doing this already on a daily basis, I highly recommend it. All the best to you.

i understand
by: Anonymous

I know, my life went upside down........... people say things about me which are not true and now everyone hates me and then I feel that I need someone to talk to someone who really understands me. A friend who sticks by you and wont turn their back on, but you no what leave all those emotions to one side and do something good and fun for yourselves this will slightly make you stop the sadness.

dont give up
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way as you, but I never give up. It's hard when there seems like no one is there but you're never alone. Don't give up my friend, one day it's going to get better, trust yourself because you're unique in your own way. Don't ever give up!!!!!

I understand completely.
by: Anonymous

I wouldn't know where to begin. But if anyone knows how to make this change, please let me know. I also feel alone most of the time.




I can relate to how you feel
by: Ariyo

I have the same feelings especially about not feeling appreciated by family, and the south is really not the best place to grow. Something in this atmosphere is not conducive to the growth of our types. Even though we are spoiled by the mild winters we can survive in northern climates like everyone else.

I think we should both reconsider finding someplace in the northern hemisphere. Not so sure about the west. The west is such a different strange blank place. I also think that it is best if you and I live near salt water or someplace with large bodies or flowing waters. I first came to this site because I had no one to call on the phone. when I do try to reach out to someone they put me on hold or I can just tell they are not feeling my pain. I feel I have no one.

We have got to pull out of this slump and find what makes us tick. I sometimes feel I should just go far away from family (like) out of the country and be unavailable to them, even my 2 grown kids. Then see if they appreciate me after I am gone (not dead though). The only thing that keeps me stuck in the south is having dogs. Its hard to just give them up. Its going to get better for the both of us. I will keep giving suggestions. One thing I want to do is to land this factory job. Its an hour away, but I want to have a reason to be unavailable to my family who could care less about me until they need something. I want the factory job because I really don't want a job where I have to deal with so many personalities, attitudes and competition. I just want to do my duties and leave the job at the job.

I will make mild friendships with co-workers during lunch and break time or company picnics. We have to have a purpose, be needed and not have idle time or it gets really depressing for us. Work real hard on it til you have enough money to make a real move to a new environment and way of living. Okay Ok!

You'll make it
by: Anonymous

Your life is not as bad ad you think. Two years ago my mom died two weeks before I got married. I became ill. Then I had to move in to my husbands family home where his drug using brother lives. He says all kinds of things to my kids. I hate him.

Then yesterday I missed out on my state board test. I was just too upset to take them. So now I have to retake them: meanwhile I'm in a house I hate with some one I hate more. Who has it better me or you. And I'm still praying and Hoping that God answers my prayers.

With that said don't give up. Might not be our time yet but it is soon to come

My life
by: Ella atherton

My 2 best fiends are so much better than me.. Beth and Sammi, I love them more that any boy but they're straight so they will never love me... FOREVER ALONE
why will no one love me...?
LOVE ME?
please..
I hate my life.

Hugs
by: Anonymous

I just want to give you all a big hug and say it's going to be alright, keep holding on. I don't have many friends, but your comments made me want to be friends with all of you :)

strength comes from within not from religion or any other system
by: Anonymous

I will give you my 2 cents which may or may not mean something in what you are going through. I am 24 with 2 degrees and 1 more step away from achieving a dream that I had since I was 9.

I have the greatest girlfriend in the world who is my first (for 5 year we are together) and the greatest support system of friends and family you can ask for. I was able to achieve this without the use of any gods, goddesses, messiahs or whatever people are calling their deities these days.

I used to believe that those things can give me strength or Jesus will make it all better. Luckily I grew up intellectually and threw away those illusions. I now live my life based on MY own philosophies and MY own dreams and aspirations.

What you need to understand is that the tragedies, the failures the feelings of dejection are PART of the human condition but it is when we dwell on those things that we run the risk of it consuming us. You need to re-craft your entire life which begins by eliminating negative influences and depending less on friends and more on yourself. You need to gain an ego, while some may disagree, egoism can be a good thing because it lights a fire inside you that just keeps growing every time you feed it with a good thing (such as scoring high on an exam or getting something done on time). As time goes by the flame grows larger engulfing sadness whenever it drops by to make your life unbearable.

When you realize that your entire life can be made better or worse by yourself and you alone control your direction in life it is then you will feel the need to get up, say enough is enough and get working on changing....

its not what you think
by: Anonymous guy

Hi everyone! I am not sure how old this blog is or if anyone will ever read what I write, but here it goes.

I have read many of the comments left here along with this young lady's blog. You all feel the way you do because you think differently about the world than the average person. Most people are worker drones who do as told and follow the prevalent thought of the time in which they live.

To keep this as short as possible, you see the need for life to have purpose beyond the mundane. purpose is a very tricky word for a human being. You must understand life has NO purpose. again life has no purpose. sounds bad but there is an answer, and no its not Jesus.(lol) You create your own purpose for YOUR life! Then you find happiness! So try and discover what will make you happy. for some it is a belief in God or Jesus. For others its finding the cure for cancer and so on.

Find your passion for life whatever that may be and don't worry what others may think or even society. just follow your purpose and you will be happy! Life is not a cookie cutter experience, one size does not fit all.

I understand
by: Anonymous

I empathize with your situation and can sense your feelings of alienation. My story sounds very similar. You have to give yourself more credit though, the fact that you have put yourself out there in the world and have the desire to, is what is key to your own happiness.

This is a stupid question but.. are you a Gemini?

Googled searched
by: Don from jersey

I Googled I hate my life and here I am. I guess I don't feel so alone, which in reality I am. I'm 46 been working at the same mind numbing dead end job for 13 years. I never been married, suffer from Social Anxiety disorder and Depression. I've taken just about every medication they prescribe.

The one thing I know I'm good at is photography. I went to school and earned a degree in Commercial photography. When I show my portfolio to others they can't believe I'm not pursuing it as my life's work. But you see that's were years of severe anxiety, low self esteem and depression takes hold. I'm very very insecure around people, I get nervous in groups. All my friends have moved on, tired of my excuses. So I live my life in a very controlled small world. Im afraid to try anything new for fear of failure and embarrassment.

My girlfriend of 8 years passed away in 2010 from a blood infection, she was on dialysis for a year after her kidneys failed. We met online and started a dialogue, we eventually met, dated and moved in together. I miss her so much. All we had was each other, and she was the most beautiful caring person I ever knew. We shared a life together, and now without her I'm lost. She completely understood me and encouraged me to get help. I just want to hold her again, to talk to her. I'm so so lost. I hate myself.

I'm sorry for going on. I hope someone will read my post. I don't know what you will get from it. However if your young its not to late to change. Don't wait!!! Don't let your life slip away, because it will sooner than you think.

my life
by: jacob

I am 19, everything I do seems to be wrong, most of my family don't like me anymore. I just want to make something of myself and help give everyone around me a better life but I can't. I feel like I am alone and have no one, I hate my life so bad I just don't know what to do any more.

my life
by: jacob

I am 19, everything I do seems to be wrong, most of my family don't like me anymore. I just want to make something of my self and help give everyone around me a better life but I can't, I feel like I am alone and have no one, I hate my life so bad I just don't know what to do anymore.

My colleague hates his life...
by: Nicky Mehta

My colleague tells me everyday he hates his life and he wants to kill himself. I really don't know what to do or how to help him.

Please give me some advice so I can help my friend.


What vision do you see in the mirror
by: Anonymous

I can feel your pain in your words. Your sincerity is your key to salvation. People who attempt to fool themselves can never overcome their pain.

I want to share a story. Not too long ago, I was over 240 lbs. I dropped down to 161 lbs. No "special" diets, Miami this or that. I did it myself, and I did it the old fashion way. I burned more calories than I consumed. Simple? Yes, but not easy.

The one thing that helped me most was this: I had a vision of myself, that I saw everyday when I looked in the mirror. When I dropped to 180....I saw a fat man. When I dropped to 170....I saw a big belly. During a board meeting, the Chairman of my company looked at me and said, "put some weight on...you look sick!" That's how others saw me....too skinny. As for me, I was too fat.

The vision in your mind is the one that drives you to success or failure. What do you see? As was the case with me, how others saw me was not consistent with how I saw myself. The internal voice is the only one that matters, because that's the one that gets me up at 5am to exercise for 1 hour; gets me away from the dinner table before the desert is distributed, and gets me back in the gym at night for 1 more hour of workout...

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

25
by: Anonymous

I'm 25, have a great job, happily married, house, dog, car and family. The difference between you and me? Jesus. Get in a good church that preaches Christ is the way. Then form an intimate relationship with him and he'll guide you. You'll find that purpose you're all searching for.

I hate my life
by: Anonymous

Growing up I've been teased and made fun of all the time...... I mean I know that there are people out there who have gone through worse and who are going through more difficult situations and not complaining...... but everyone is different and we handle our issues differently.

I have really bad skin(on my legs).... mosquitoes and sand flies took advantage growing up and yes itched them.... but my parents didn't teach me not to... instead tried to get rid of the scars after they were made which is very difficult...... I live in the Caribbean and I always have to cover up with long jeans because I am embarrassed about my legs. All the d ark spots all over.. I can't even go to the beach...the one thing everyone my age enjoy doing..... I stay home doing nothing when I'm not at school because I don't know what to do for fun .... I make excuses whenever my friends have to go out because it's usually always the beach or pool party or some sleepover ... I give boys a hard time because I don't want anyone to be ashamed of me. I'm not very rich ... i can't laser treatment or those procedures to help me put...... I've used all types of cocoa butter and soaps.... I'm hopeless!

How Does It Improve?
by: AnonymouslyBitchy

I hate my job, but I feel stuck in an industry because my city is so recessed. My family and I have no connection anymore. I gave up on them 1 1/2 years ago. My mother's bipolar disorder finally won control. Had to walk away. Have no connection with my biological dad...never knew him thanks to the bipolar slut mother. In and out of relationships because I never seem to end up with anyone who wants to commit. I guess like attracts like.

My current boyfriend is 15 years older with a divorce and 4 adult kids under his belt. He is a mess with baggage and issues... I tried to make this relationship something it wasn't and surprise... it is failing.

The only thing I feel I have going is the fact that I can control my drinking and drug use. At 34, I finally am ok with being me. Just wish it was a better me.

Why so serious
by: Anonymous

I'm so annoyed with everything in life at the moment, sometimes I have great days and sometimes nothing seems to add up. Its like why the hell am I trying so hard, I honestly don't think I'm going to really get anywhere in life.

I'm wasting my time in school, I shouldn't be as emotionally invested in a relationship I've been in for three years, but always feel like something better will come along. I have all this built up aggression in me, and I'm so ready to snap at anyone who crosses my path.

I am pushing my family away because of my strong and aggressive attitude. I'm a bitch and I know it. I feel bad for anyone who has interest in me. I feel bad for my boyfriend who is thinks maybe I'm going to change. I feel bad for my family especially because they have to deal with me. I never wanted to disappoint them, but now I don't really think I care.

I want to get away from here and start my life all over. But everything I do is in the middle.. and I don't want to leave without any closure... I feel pretty lost, but hopefully things will come together and I will see better days.

Limbo
by: Sincere

Age 19 going to 20. No job, no girlfriend, no degree, can't drive, no ambition, drowning in my own depression. No plans in life, no one to feed me hope and dreams. Ask for death and it doesn't come. Till then....

idea
by: mysterious

I read the post and all the comments on it and i feel that all these people who are telling bits of their lives are also telling mine, beginning from the person who started this post ending to the last one before me.

I wish that all of us can just meet or chat in one big circle or different circles because I can feel that we have same worries and problems in life.

What a waste of life
by: Anonymous j

I'm 28 back at my parents house. I'm recently separated with one kid who I can barely buy stuff for.

Me and my wife separated because I can't trust her and she did some shady stuff to me probably even slept behind my back but I got no proof.

She's a good woman but just lacks the respect and calmness that I deserve. She stayed with our apt and I decided to come stay at my parents where I now sleep in the closet of their room which is embarrassing as hell. My parents are very good parents but my dad has made really bad financial decisions and he is always struggling to make ends meet. He is 68 and still works a physical job and he barely has anything to show for it.

I feel horrible for him but at least he stays in a good mood. My moms helps because she always has his back. I have been let go from my last 3 jobs because my job sucks. I'm a Pharmacy tech, there's no future in that job a lot of old techs I work with tell me this. I don't know what I want to do with my life. All I want is a steady job to provide and help my family out with. I don't have big dreams I just want to have enough to be happy.

I am antisocial and have a hard time meeting new friends. A lot of people annoy me and the ones that I'm cool with I don't know what to talk to them about. I need to find a better paying job even if I hate it. I rather eat sh*t and have money than to be broke and not be able to provide for my son and give some money to people around me that I can help.

I'm not a bad person I'm just misunderstood most people tell me I act depressed or like a loser but I'm not I just don't have a lot of interests in life not meaning I'm gonna cut my life short or anything.

Sometimes I feel I wish I could give my soul to someone who would really make life more useful than I have. I don't know what's going to happen all I know is I need to get out of my
parents house and get my own place because the way things are going are making me sad frustrated mad lack of energy and disgusted at what a loser I am.

I know I deserve and can do better than this. I want to raise my son to be way better than me and give him all he deserves I don't ever want him to struggle in life like me.

Help me find my self
by: Lonely soul

I never knew life could be so boring dull and lonely and complicating... I have three beautiful kids and a dead beat father who is so selfish always worried about his looks and never cares about any one else unless he is reminded .... he has two other kids that he hardly gets to see,,, one little girl from one mother and a boy from another.

We have two girls and my oldest is from another relationship.. We were having an ok relationship as a family now that his 7 yr old son wants to come back in the picture. Now my fiancee is acting like a dog to my daughter and to me as well just recently after 5 years I gave him permission to discipline my daughter with spankings now that his son is coming back I told him I was going to be also authorized to discipline him as well if he got completely out of line and he said no I wasn't. That sparked up another fight ... If he can discipline my 9 yr old I can discipline his too. He is wrong and I honestly I think I don't love my fiancee the same .. all of this fighting turns into hate I rather be by myself ..

With him I'm insecure getting fat and feeling lonely ... I want to work and have money .... God please give me strength when I fall, to wipe my self off and keep going....

Bullied at work
by: Debbie

I hate my life... I feel worthless as I am being bullied at work.

I have no-one to talk to, I feel very very low.

I am sick of life.
by: King Arthur

In life we are all created equal and we are all given two gifts; Free will, and entitlement to opinions about everything. Well guess what. In my personal opinion life is sh*t.

Working hard, crying, being stressed out, being selfless, loving, and caring towards others and not getting sh*t back. I'm 17 and I have thought about/tried to kill myself several times. Honestly, there is no motivation. There is no hope. You will die, and so will I. That's all their is to it. Life = the growth of a baby into an adult, then the slow decay of LIFE.

Some say I have a good life...
by: Anonymous

I am a 17 year old guy in Junior year in high school. I have a nice car and house, a decent girlfriend, and in the higher popularity range.

Many people tell me to be happy my life is "good". Not at all. I constantly wish I was dead. I have bad grades and not great looks. I have a lot of minor health issues like constant extremely high blood pressure and pulse. And lots of heart problems, But I'm in great shape. I have always had an issue with plain old wishing I didn't exist, but recently everything has fallen almost all at once.

I got cut from my school sports team, Made last chair in music class, fired from my job, my dad contracted cancer, just after getting laid off. Many still say I should be happy but I'm simply not. I think it may be worse to be extremely depressed when you should be living the so called "good life".

I constantly wish i could trade places with someone in a unfortunate country so they could enjoy life. My religion bounds me to life itself, knowing what would happen if I did end it prevents it all together. I cant find any bright side to anything. Sadly I'm forced to press on and see how my life is in a few years.

KEEP LIVING!!!
by: Kelsey

I was feeling very down, so I typed in Google that I hate my life. This was my result, but after reading a few of the comments it really opened my eyes that there are so many unhappy persons. Then I started thinking about my situation. I am 34 years old, I have been trying for the last 3 years with my husband to conceive our first child. We have done so many tests & procedures and after trying & hoping so long it just seems so hopeless. Thinking about it, in every other aspect of me life is fine. I just really want to be a mom. But at the end of the day I can do so much and no more. So I have decided to live my life to the fullest & not allow this to mess up my whole life.

It is hard and from what I read everyone has something that they are struggling with. So we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. My new motto is KEEP LIVING! There are many times that I am so stressed that I wonder if it's worth it, but all we have to do is KEEP LIVING! Things will change! Everything is for a reason!

I hate my life too!
by: Step

I feel the same. never thought i would be in this position. I am 52. When i got married at 26 my husband had a great job as a foreign exchange trader. Made fantastic money and we did save some of it. Never really lived above our means but didn't save as much as we should have. 15 years later he lost his job (has no pension only 401K)and decided he didn't want to work a real job anymore and now he trades stocks on the internet. Doesn't make much profit from that. Now i have been working for an attorney for 13 years with no prospects of anything better. Low pay and no health benefits and i have to do this until i am 62. Ever night i pray to Jesus that he will help me feel better and at peace. at least i am pretty healthy.

i hate my life
by: roarsome

Im struck in a school full of idiots who only seem to want to physical and mentally injure others and do not care about the future because they claim they will just go in the army instead of getting good grades and caring about their future. They believe they will get on just fine in the future but lets just wait and see.

i hate my life because
by: Anonymous

No one loves me, my family status is not good neither. The one I loved was never loyal, it took 7 years to understand this fact. I always feel every second I am alive is a punishment to me and to people around me they are tensed, unhappy, stressed because of me I wish to die but its not good to kill our own self.

Destruction
by: Patick gallagher

There is so many of us out there who share, the feeling of hate, sadness and depression. Why us? We ask ourselves. Why do we suffer when all others are happy. We think maybe were born this way, or that life is just pointless to us. No one knows why life is so hurtful to us. They do not love us as they love are brothers and sisters. We are all together, all we have is each other, we all share the pain. In our own way. I love each and every one of you. And we will destroy our pain in destruction.

I hate my life
by: Anonymous

i feel like no matter what i do all i do is make mistakes, i hurt so much inside but i try to keep it hiding but its so hard my family don't care and makes me feel like i never should have been born, i just wanna do something great something someone can be proud of but instead im turned away and hurt and dismissed. i have so much love but i feel like everyone i love is gonna leave me, the either just die or just leave.. i dont know if im crazy but im so hurt inside and for some reason my tears and experience make me stronger but still tear me apart.

Life is rought; sometimes I hate it.
by: Anonymous

I am 30 years old with two children. A one and a two year old. I love them both dearly. I have a great husband. Although; he had a friend who has a family and he lost his job. They, the friend, the wife and the two children and the wife's sister all live in my house. This was not by my choice. My husband works nights and I work days; we never see each other. And when we do we are arguing because he only wants to spend time with the friend, the friend's wife and the wife.

He never wants to spend alone time anymore. I feel like I have lost control of my own home. I love my husband so much and am afraid that I am losing him. I am afraid that at some point we will separate and that it will hurt the kids a lot. I wish that he would sometimes think about my feelings.

I do matter you know. I have to take care of everything and do everything and all I ask for is for a little bit of time. He gets so mad anytime that I ask him for some time with me. It's like I do not matter to him anymore. But he can sure spend his time with all of these people in our home that he brought them into our home without an issue.

I feel like these two other women have invaded my life. They are always with my children and my husband. It's like they have replaced me. There is no reason for me to be here. I feel hopeless. I feel like I have lost control of everything.

Sometimes I get off work and I do not even want to come home. The only thing that makes me get to home are my children. For the first time I feel miserable and I am so angry about it because I always felt so happy till these people moved in. When I tell my husband how I feel he thinks I am just being mean. These people have lived in my house for five months and none of them work. There are three adults and none of them work. My husband and I take care of everything. I just do not understand why he needs other people all the time around him to make him feel good. I am not enough for him inside of our home. I can't seem to stop crying. I am crying all the time. He does not know because he is always at work. I do not know what to do anymore. Sometimes I just want to disappear.

Spiritual Hope
by: Anonymous

'When the world beats you down to your knees, your in the perfect position to pray...'
That says it all. There is a lot of peace in religion, especially in the one I practice. It makes me feel good in every way when I practice it. God tells me in my religion how to live and interact with people in a good way that is beneficial to both me and the people I interact with. My religion has solutions to many real life problems.

All you have to do is some research from the right sources. You will find spiritual peace through the way of life God prefers us to live. A few simple characteristics that my religion promotes one to practice, that will greatly affect and improve quality of life are;

'Always seek for knowledge.' Education and self improvements are some of the best ways to make yourself a more interesting person to other people.

There are many common obvious ones but it's really the effort you put in to practice them. I personally enjoy practicing and improving my relationship with God. If you find faith, you will most definitely enjoy this practice. A feeling of peace. You will get along great with other religious people who love to keep a brother happy.

Visit a mosque, or a church some day and ask questions about their beliefs and practices, way of life and philosophy. Make sure the source is 'trustable' and 'reliable.' Muslims and Christians love to see a person showing interest in their way of life and introduce it to you. If you get to know more about religious ways of life, decide whether it appeals to you. Give it a shot, many people who's life just don't seem to work on this world, seek religion as their guidance to a better life.

Hate my life
by: Anonymous

I hate my life too....it just seems like my husband doesn't understand me anymore ... he always has to be right and it is always my fault. I'm very lonely and he doesn't understand why... he thinks that even though he is in the house that .... that should be go enough for me. I'm starting to hate him ... I'm not sure what to do?

Stuck
by: Anonymous

I truly am lost in a world that I can't quite figure out. I'm always a step behind and making the wrong decisions I later regret. I often stay up late at night replaying every event of the day in true despair.

I no longer can look at myself in the mirror. It represents broken dreams and loss of self worth. My job is a pit of despair and any aspirations I may have flicker like a light bulb on its way out. I often wonder why it seems that I can't get a break. I realize my situation isn't the worse out there; however, it doesn't seem to be enough.

I've overcome so many things: drinking, drugs, financial crisis, and panic attacks. With all these victories I'm still stuck dragging my feet in the mud. I stumbled across this site and felt like sharing.

To I hate my life and feel hopeless
by: Anonymous

I have had the feelings that I hate my life and feel hopeless I think for the most part, it is what is being dwelled on. Right now, I recently lost my mom My mom had the philosophy to make the best out of each day. It's a good philosophy. I know for me, I need to find more to do. I am looking into schooling to help others, but my problem is funding. My husband makes good money; but we have a lot of debt, so in the meantime, I just keep reading online of things I can do.

I am a writer of poetry and vent much emotion in this way. Writing is a wonderful way to vent feelings. I try to find beautiful things in life, like starlit skies and sunsets. Sometimes it takes more work to be positive. I envy people that never had to work at attitude. Prayer is good, too.

GOD cant help me or you
by: Anonymous

Hell is on earth.. we're living it. I would never get married, I would never be happy, I would never have money. Nothing will ever be good for me. GOD doesn't exist, if he did why was I molested .. as a baby, up until I was 13? Surely god would protect children, eh? no one can explain that! AND he died folks! It was a public display, i.e, cross. but lets not forget that the devil never died. He's still alive and creating havoc on us humans. there is no one to "save" us. Only money can help you live this horrible miserable of an existance.

why cant I just die and let normal people live
by: Anonymous

I hate my life because I have no money, I have 2 children. My youngest birthday is tomorrow and I don't have anything or any money to help him celebrate. Ive made some very horrible mistakes. I stopped paying rent at one point, and now I have an eviction on my record. I did manage to buy a nice car, but I let my brother use it majority of the time, and now its towed from outstanding tickets. I have a job, but no money to make it there everyday. I cant eat everyday, because I don't have money to eat lunch. And Ive lost a ton of weight, in which I was under weight to begin with. I have horrible anxiety and I contemplate suicide all the time. The only reason I haven't really done it is because of my son. He's only 3. If I had money, my life would be a whole whole whole lot easier. I NEED MONEY desperately! and GOD cant help me, he was never able to help me, not even when I was a child being molested. GOD must hate me as much as I hate myself
figures

Whats the point?
by: No more love in the world

No ambition, no true friends, no real loved ones, no point really. After years of trying I find it hard to try anymore.

Social anxiety from years of betrayal from people I thought I could count on. Relationships ha what is the definition anymore? Someone you can come home and find cheated on you countless times and then lied right to your face over and over. Is there no love in the world, respect, or honor?

Ive tried my best to find my path in life and it only ever leads to a dead end. Tried to find happiness and when I think I found it BOOM blows up in my face. My last so called love I helped in so many ways and just got stuck in the back. For some reason the women I'm attracted to whether by looks personality etc are the ones that seem to be the worst.

Drugs seem like the only outlet for me to get rid of all this pain and sadness. I'll be 30 in less then a year and have nothing to show for my life. Almost had a son but 5 months into the pregnancy ex went and got an abortion even though she wanted the baby. Not certain but don't think it was mine now. That boy would have gave me a purpose *tearing up*. Ive attempted the unforgivable but couldn't do it. Just want to be loved like I love. IF THIS IS LIFE THEN I SAY F*** LIFE!!!!!!! To all the people that feel somewhat the way I do, I feel for you and you're not the only ones. No point in trying when you always fail.

I hate my life!!!!
by: Zac Phillips

I hate my life it's so annoying, my mum and dad are always arguing and I'm always getting in to trouble over my friends. I hate it it's gay I just hate it hate, hate, hate, hate it.

Don't Worry!!
by: Anonymous

You're life is getting better....Think about your first love....Think for 10 seconds exact......Splash you're face with cold water......Say to you're self "Life Is Amazing!!"
3 times.....Say you're first loves name...(This CAN be relatives if you want!!).....You're life IS getting better!!






Nitashaa

Sad to say..
by: Holly

Its sad to say I know just how you feel..
I could go on for hours about how f***ked up my life is. I walk around with a smile on my face... If they only knew how I really felt inside.. But they would have to care to really see the truth. People let you down.. They cant see past themselves. No matter how much I do for others my needs are always over looked. I don't even enjoy the little things in life anymore. I act like everything is ok and like I'm fine.. I do this because I think it would hurt more if I let them see/know how I really feel & they still overlook how I feel. Been there done that too many times.
I feel like there's no end to my sadness..
I can't recall a time in my 29 years where I didn't feel like this. I'm a stay at home wife/mom. I lost my first husband to cancer... That was a very hard 3 years dealing with him being sick.. He wasn't a very nice guy to start with. After his passing I got remarried and its falling apart.. I'm lost.. I'm more lonely than I have ever been.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I didn't finish school. I have never had a real job. I cant drive.. I feel like I have nothing to offer myself much less anyone else in my life.
I don't understand why my husband even stays with me. We don't really talk. He is always at work. We don't have sex nor do we even sleep in the same bed most nights.. I feel like I have a roommate that never picks up after himself..
I went off on him tonight. I miss feeling loved, wanted & pretty. I wanted to just talk with him tonight.. But like always the TV won over me..
How can I love someone so much when they don't seem to ever love me back!? Saying "I LOVE YOU" is nothing... Showing it is everything... Not sure I would know Love if I saw it......

Help others
by: Anonymous

The key to fighting depression is to help someone else.
This is true and I have experienced it. The hardest part is getting off my butt to find someone to help. After I do that my depression is gone.

i am stuck
by: Anonymous

I am 25 and I was in gambling for last three years and today I am totally helpless and lonely, because no one wants to be friends with me and I have one disease which has no cure... I am the worst man in this world, I am the worst son, friend and brother.

I work really hard but there are lots of people who are better than me and I can not compete with them.. Today I feel totally helpless and stuck. All of my other friends are well settled and married and happily living with their families and I still regret on the day I first went for gambling and now I am totally shattered, very demoralized and once I tried to end my life by taking poison but I couldn't do that because I thought that my family will suffer this most,, I am in love with a girl from 11 years and still she doesn't even like me, I don't know that what to do in this condition..

_________________________________________________

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop all the negative self talk. These thoughts make you the way you are. Change them to positive, even though at the moment you don't believe them. Your attitude is vital, it must be positive. Contact
www.gamblersanonymous.org for advice. Don't say nothing or no-one can help you because it's not true. You can start now this minute if you are really determined. Good luck, Kay x

Not giving in
by: Anonymous

Today is my 30th birthday and no one is sharing this day with me. This day will come and go as the rest do and I won't even allow myself to feel one way or another about it be because I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and clothes on my back. I will have another day ahead to try and find people in this world to care with me. I am a good person who deserves good things. Perhaps I am paying for a previous life.

Everything is worthless
by: Anonymous

What happens when you find no joy and no beauty in the works anymore? Is it time to just move on to the next plane of existence?

__________________________________________________

No it's time to realise the beauty that is within you, because it's there, you just have to dig deep to find it. Everyone has this inner beauty and is worthwhile, believe in yourself and focus on what you want to be like and what you dream to do. What you focus on will become your reality when you stay determined to make it this way. You can do it, but only with the right attitude.
Good luck, Kay x

I can't wait to die
by: Anonymous

I hate my life and I hate every one in this world. I wish life was easy but it will Neva be until I am dead and that way I won't be feeling the way I am feeling. I'm trapped in my own body and life feels pointless. I'm only 22 and iv been feeling like this since the age of 19.

Keep your head up!
by: Anonymous

I don't know you from Sam but I just googled "I hate my life" out of complete frustration and your comment was the first thing in the search. I know it's hard, and please believe I know that life can suck (for me I absolutely hate waking up every day). I have tried it all as well. I'm 36 and a 12 year combat veteran of the US ARMY with diagnosed PTSD, depression, and anxieties (thanks to war and unfaithful women). I honestly fight every day the urge to suck off a loaded weapon, and if you feel only a fraction of how I do, I will pray for you (even though praying has not helped for me personally) maybe it works for others.

I am a hot mess for no discernible reason, every time I turn around I feel as though life or God or whatever kicks me in the b***s. I went from being self sufficient at 13 to a decorated soldier (leader actually) 6 figure income to nearly homeless (again) since I got out of the Army. The only reason I am not homeless is for my little Brother and his wife, otherwise I would have been living off the land in the woods.

I am so sorry you feel the way you do but try and keep your head up. The only thing that keeps me from pulling the trigger is my dwindling faith and the fact that I have never been a quitter in life even as though I feel life or God or whatever has quit on me. I just wanted to comment and tell you no matter how bad it seems at the time (take it from someone who's been there, done that and got the T-shirt) it can always be worse, and as hard as it is stay grateful for what little you have. Be sure to tell the people who are important in your life how much you appreciate them while you and or they are still around.

uncomfortable
by: Anonymous

It is terrible to feel this way.
It is as though we are trapped in our own skin.

I feel like I need to run away start over but like you. The more times I try the more times I fail. it seems there is no escape. No matter if you 16 or in your 40's it is endless misery.

I suppose we are like transvestites. Like them we look at ourselves and feel trapped in a cage that does not reflect what we are. What we want or try to be. We were not born right.

i dont know
by: jag

I've read some of your comments here and I feel sad that so many people are in need of a friend that will tell them that everything will be ok. I'm in need of someone like that right now too. I don't believe in God so that's out.

I wish there was a chat room for people like us I just need to talk to someone, get motivated and stronger to fight the self destructive thoughts. I woke up so happy and pumped up today and by 1pm I was crying my eyes out again. I wish the good moments lasted longer and my obsessive thoughts were not as intrusive.

I wish you all the best of luck in finding your strengths to live in a world of jerks, criminals, gossip girls, dumb celebrities or unfit parents. Everybody deserves to be happy and appreciated for who they are! unless they are hurting other people...

help!!
by: Anonymous

ok so I have been dating my ex-fiance for 8 years, we were supposed to get married next month but 3 months ago he broke up with me because "we were fighting to much". He told me we aren't meant to be, I need to move on and let go. The second we stopped dating he was dating someone else, I found pictures etc. I guess they dated for about a month because they are no longer together. She was just a rebound. I know he still loves me, but I think that due to the fact that I keep calling, begging and pleading is giving him the upper hand and hes not taking give me a second chance into consideration.

I know I need to stop calling him and contacting him, but what are the chances. I mean breaking up an engagement and telling 400 people that its over is a huge deal (families did not like that) what are the chances he regrets his decision and will go back on his word.

I made some major mistakes, unfortunately I can't take them back. What I am doing is learning, even though its mostly guilt that's eating me up inside that things could have been different if I didn't do this and that. I also can't help but think that I'll just be alone forever and that this is punishment for the way I treated him.

But what hurts the most is not getting a second chance to make things right and a second chance with him. I feel like he will never really know what he meant to me.


Its been 3 months, obviously me calling all the time and begging and pleading is not helping the situation but I just feel as though he is so distant and he doesn't wanna hear anything I have to say. Even though all I want to say is what he means to me.

Let alone I have to face everyone everyday, family, friends and all those people who judge us and judge the our relationship. You can just imagine 400 noisy and annoying family members all up in your business.

The point is I feel awful of the way I treated him, I guess I just want to be forgiven by him, god and mostly myself. I want to learn from what I have done which I believe I have, and I no longer want to torture myself and I just want to let things be meaning if its meant to be it will be. I just hope that's it really is.

MY VIEW
by: Anonymous

You are actually good looking, I on the other hand am short, fat, ugly, diabetic, blind in one eye, cannot hold a job, on antidepressants for 11 years, have been disowned by my family because I am not a crook like them and I have no friends.

I just sit here and rot when I am not at my minimum wage job being yelled at by customers. Every day I wonder why I was ever born ( I was a mistake as told by my parents). I wish they had used better birth control.

I am in my 40's and thinking life sucks.

It is really true, nice guys finish last, Everyone that I know including my family who screws people over all the time are doing much better than me.

Barely surviving financially, in the middle of a bunkruptcy, people on welfare have more fun that I do. they have nicer close, furniture and friends.

YES LIFE DOES SUCK BIG TIME.

I always wonder why some people just float through life and get all the breaks while I have had to fight for every little crumb of life that I have.

People new to this country have far more opportunities than I could ever wish for.
Have worked the last 26 years burning myself out and I am no farther ahead than the crack head down the hall from me.





Shut up
by: Anonymous

Everyone shut up stop complaining instead of just dwelling in what you did(past tense) focus on the future the damage has already been done you can't take back what you did, and so you had sex a lot and drink fine, if you don't want to do that anymore than don't and don't tell me its soo hard/ If you don't want to do that then stop!

I'm so tired of people playing the victim card waiting for someone to rescue them. Newsflash you're the hero save your own ass and have some self control.

Landmark
by: Anonymous

Look up landmark education... I promise everything will be transformed in your life

snakes and birds
by: Davina

Wow, quite some interesting responses on here! some not related to your issue at all. So, I'm 34. 3 kids. I have days like yours, always have. they come and go .... since I was small. life's 'heavy'. it's like I go into this dark cave and I don't get why people can be so happy about life when it.. sucks.

Now, I have a 'good' job ..used to be in the Army, divorced now and have 3 beautiful daughters. I'm better when they are with me, focusing on them really keeps me better off. but then, when they go to their fathers I just fall apart. Right now, at this very moment, is a very bad night. no one can help, no book, no self--help book, no advice from anyone can really help. They don't feel what I feel, they can't go in and 'fix it' whatever IT is.

I hate 'life' because...well, it's done nothing for me. No one loves me, no man really ever has, and...see there? feeling sorry for myself. Then, I hate myself for feeling sorry for myself. I look forward to tomorrow because my kids will distract me from 'me' ..the dark side.. kinda like you put it. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. I'm an artistic person too, I'm thinking a tat of a snake to represent the dark side and something beautiful, perhaps a bird, entwined somehow. That's what it's like, two sides of me no one will ever get. It's a struggle I think we'll always have. Focusing on others does help a bit. but when we have these bad days, f*** it. Let us have our bad days. Eventually we'll come around for a bit... like a storm passing. A cycle. I believe its important we try to be tough. Maybe that's a little army coming through, but there's something to it. Face it, be brave. Be your own soldier and hope that someday, God or whoever will give us some cred for that. -Davina

words of life
by: Anonymous

You are so beautiful! I don't know why the most beautiful girls have such a hard time with self esteem.

I am a person who has been around a very long time gal, and I'm here to tell you that if you do exactly what I am about to tell you that your life will be totally changed and blessed.

Stand up! Put your arms straight down to your side. Look straight ahead. Stand there for about thirty seconds.

Okay now look on the floor to the right of your feet. Take one complete step SIDEWAYS to your right and let your left foot catch up with the right.

Stand there and look straight ahead of you for a few seconds to make sure that you are sure footed and balanced.

Okay now take a deep breath and let it out.

Okay now repeat these words loudly and with
determination.

"I am beautiful"
"I am strong"
"I am smart"
" I can do anything"
"I am loved"
"I have purpose"

Now Look Over at the spot that you USED to be standing and tell that person that you used to be,

"I AM GOODLOOKING AND SMART AND I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO, and I will NEVER, EVER PICK UP THAT PERSON AGAIN BECAUSE GOD did not make me to be only HALF FULL of what He made me to be."

Someone has cheated you out of YOU being what the good Lord has intended for you to be.

Get tough! Get determined and bold to be what you know that you are to be, what you can and shall be.

Flee or RUN from the negative thought that tries to embark your mind because NEGATIVE is your enemy. Darkness is your enemy. Look towards the LIGHT and follow that light. Let the SUN shine warmth into your soul.

If you soak in your mind with the words of truth then you will be this:

THE CHOICE BECOMES THE CHOOSER...

Choose LIFE..........Smile and let the brilliance of a heart FILLED with the goodness of God cause your face to shine and then SHARE this with those around you.

Theres no easy answer
by: Anonymous

Life is tough. Sometimes it will get you down. That's when you've got to do your best to rise to the challenge. I suffer, everyday. But I don't let that hold me back. I have to act normal. If I don't I can really scare people, and most of that is not their 'acting' back at me, it is their real fear and concern for me.

When I don't answer the phone, some of them continue to try to contact me. Others run away and never come back. AND There was a stage when I didn't even have any friends to contact me. So often in life I'll get crushes, and then I find out this crush is now in a relationship with someone I know. It might take me a day to get over this heartache.

I could throw it all in, instead I try to scream at the top of my lungs or cry loudly until I get over it. Music has saved me though. It's something I focus on which has given me courage. Without it life would be difficult for me. Instead think I love my life and I feel excellent.

you can do it
by: Anonymous

I feel the same but I think it's because I'm afraid to change. I usually talk myself out of making a decision before I've even tried anything.

Cultivating some sense of surrender and giving up control, as well as trying to be grateful and be of service to other people - to put something into life rather than try and take from it - always makes me feel better.




with sympathy
by: Anonymous

I moved in US a few years ago. The living standards in my country of origin are lower than in US but people are happier because the human bonds that they have with one another are stronger and less artificial. People are more sanguine, and not polite just to be polite ... (you know what I mean). I feel that US is the country of the loners where the human bonds are almost robotic and based on materialism or interest. I see so many people who seem lonely and miserable, who like to talk to strangers just to fill their day with some human interaction, and it makes me sad... What is even worse is that I am starting to feel lonely myself even though I have family members here that show me love everyday.

It is even worse to admit that I have been very happy when I was living in my country and I didn't know. I don't know if I made the right choice moving here. Even though I went to graduate school here, I came to realize that good education doesn't guarantee a good job and the expectation you have about your life when you are young are so naive.I am feeling tired less motivated and pessimistic more and more everyday.

A lot of people would judge me for feeling like this because I have got the "looks" and the "education". But deep inside I am a very sensitive person not indifferent enough to the hypocrisy and injustice of this world to be able to succeed in life.
I want to thank everybody who has opened their hearts and given a piece of themselves to other people through this website.
Your stories made me cry tears of sympathy and empathy with you all...
They say that suffering is a characteristic of the noble spirit...

confusing
by: Anonymous

I can feel the same thing... I was so blessed right now because I have my friends who's always supporting me and lean on me when I am sad. I am 30 years old this coming November. But I can say that I have a lot of experience coming to my life and all of them are sadness.
I've been into failed relationships always I get pregnant twice but I never continue because I know my family will be upset and they will not accept. Until I decided not to tell to them because its useless my image will be vanished for them.
and now I told to myself that I will not communicate with all the boys, because I know what they want from me....

Im in a relationship now with lesbian. I'm happy with her... but did you think my partner will accept my parents??? please give me some advice... thank you so much

My life is a sh*t sandwich
by: Anonymous

No matter where I try to run, I am always there. The answers won't be found somewhere else, only from within. I am defeated also, by life. I'm done, it can all just roll over me now. If I leave and go to a new city or new country, I will always be there. The problem will follow because I AM the problem.


It adds up
by: Caleb

There are days in which I honestly do feel ok maybe even happy about my life and life in general. But then there are days when I feel as though I just want to die. Like nothing will make me feel better. It makes me wish whole heartedly that I had never been born at all.
It seems as though that the only time a day ever goes by that I am happy and not miserable, is when there are drugs involved. I cant be happy unless I'm high. That's so sad. How do all these other people do it? I feel so alone like everyone is just looking for a way to take advantage of me. The only ones that really care are either really far away from me or they have the exact same issues that I do.
I cant seem to find a way out. I get so angry at life and it makes me want to go out and take what life wont give me. To hurt someone else to make me feel better. I know this is bad but evil negative thoughts seem to have taken over my mind. I wish so hard for change but I cant break the cycle.

You are your best resource
by: Anonymous

From what you describe, I know very much how you feel. If that is the case, I'm sure you'd rather just feel understood than have me give you a little piece of advice. So, again, what you describe is very much how I feel: isolated, hopeless, frustrated. However, I'll offer this advice: look into counseling or social work as a career. Helping others may be a way for you to feel fulfilled. If going back to school seems like a long road, just think of it like this: 3 to 5 years vs. the rest of your life. Ultimately, you have to determine what will get you to a better place, and then follow that path. Even if you don't know what that is, I think that somewhere in your heart, mind, and soul you have an idea of what that is. Find a therapist that you can be completely honest and open with and stay with it. Please, just don't give up. I don't know you and I care about you. I truly wish you the best.

LIfe
by: Anonymous

Its not your problem, you just need to read (spiritual) books and realize what is life, then your problem will be okay. when you realize what is the meaning of the life then I'm sure you wont try to escape from the life and you wont be fed up with your life. Better go for Indian spiritual books. All the best friend.



Nothing Is Impossible


A Miracle
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. It wasn't long ago that I felt the same as you. Then I read a sign. It said: "Don't take yourself too seriously - we all have the same ending." I laughed and laughed at that because it is so true. So many of us spend our time dwelling on the past or stressing about the future and to what end? It is a miracle that you and I are even alive - that we can breathe in and out, that we can see, that we can smell things, taste things, etc. So, when I start feeling sorry for myself, or guilty, sad, angry, or any other negative emotions, I think about the small miracles (the grass, the flowers, etc.) and it allows me to recognize what a miracle it is that I am here right now, living and breathing and typing on this amazing piece of technology. The fact that we can feel anything at all is a miracle. We are all miracles and should celebrate all things we can do and really celebrate contributing positively to the miracle(s) of others.

worthless
by: Anonymous

Trust me you are not alone. I to feel like I'm the most hated person in the world. Every one that I had contact with either left me or died, my parents my son, even on my job I did my very best and I was hated by bosses for no reason. God did not give me any talents at all this life seems worthless. I ask GOD why did you bother giving me life. WHY!!!!!!

Feel the same way
by: Drowning

I know exactly how you feel. I live at home I am 25 and might be going to jail for my second DUI . Life sucks I have been to treatment a couple of times with out success. Everything feels empty and broke I honestly could kill myself I know thats not the solution. I feel like a burden to my family I am so embarrassed.

sick of this
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. I really want to kill myself. I think about it every day. I have nothing to live for. I'm stuck in a stupid job, went to medical school and now stuck doing this crap for no money and all the responsibility while everyone else took the easy route and work 9-4 and do sh*t for more money. I slept with a guy who wont even look at me now, and started dating someone else 2 weeks after he stopped talking to me and freaking work in the same place as both of them and have to face my mistake every day.

I feel ugly and alone and hopeless and don't even care about my job anymore. I'm in 200,000 dollars in debt from med school tuition. if I could find an easy way to kill myself I would.

Always an outsider
by: tom

I always was an outsider, in school, at work, no family no friends. I only had 1 woman at the age of 25, long and hard relationship.

I saw everybody here tell their story so I went ahead a wrote a little. I didn't go to school instead I did drugs. I have a lot of difficulties trusting new people, and also women.
I will always feel an outsider, someone that most people don't want to get closer to. This feeling of lonliness is like living in a void.

burst your wee bubble
by: lesley anne mooney

I hate to burst this bubble of depression you're in but I am someone you can look to for honest brutal truth. I am a 31 year old mother of 4, both parents dead. I was living the perfect life me and my fabulous husband Gordon our kids wee were so happy people were probably sick of us walking past holding hands and kissing.

But fate or hate decided it was not to be for us and on the 20th of June 2011 I had an unexpected visit from my once brother, whose life was not going as well as he'd hoped. He decided to burst our perfect little bubble and stab Gordon to death on my front door step in front of my 2 eldest children and myself.

My life is now over without him but I have to be strong for the kids even though the pain is tearing my soul apart. So before you give up hope look around you, I am sure you will find a smile or a sunset or a star that makes you smile even if its for 1 moment, take that and keep it. The worlds not bad. Just how people choose to behave make your choice x x x luv a torn soul x

Do not expect too much from life.
by: Stamina

Have you ever seen the life of poor people, who strive every day for survival? Have you watched some movies about WWII? Soldiers lied injured on snowy ground? Many of us have a better life than half of the earth population.

I have also a boring life and not many friends. Therefore I work often over time even without payment. I think it is a good feeling, if I know that I can do something positive for society.


Getting over the sun
by: Joe

The truth is this, and I say this of myself as well:

You(we) are extremely selfish.

You need to start giving up of yourself... volunteer your time and begin to do small acts of kindness.

You will be surprised how good it is to get outside of your own head and bless another person.


Dont know what to do
by: JD

I'm 30 myself, I find it hard to even wake up, I sleep in till noon sometimes one and even then find it hard to pick my lifeless body up and start my day. I wish it was night all the time because that's when I feel ok... and even then its a stretched out ok. I work nights at a restaurant and usually go out after that and try and forget things.

I live with my dad and it seems he is giving up on me, I feel uncomfortable living here at times, and the worst I let my own father down.

I'm lost on what to do in life and my meaning of me being here. I would love to change my life start somewhere new and start over, I'm broke loveless and hardly keep in touch with the most important my family! very depressed and wish I could change my life! Anyone.....

Hey....
by: Mike

I completely relate to what you've said and have pretty much spelled out the story of my own life. I'm in my late 20's and have fallen hard on the reality of my nature, my past, the confusion, delusions, the apathy and inverted rage that comes with it.

The fact that either way you have to fall in line somewhere kinda sucks. I think I speak for many that we are sold a lot of ideas when young and time eventually reveals that whatever system/structure we were put through may have sold us a false future. Its more than that though, its a very personal thing. Its something that seems so removed from understanding and words. From the collective and functional. You seemed to have chased someones elses dreams for you. You perhaps built your character and ambitions on selected incidents that you cant quite understand why, other than wanting to be saved or guided. So you probably end up searching for the "You", the secret dweller through the self help book which probably work, I dunno. Take care.

Jesus will change that
by: Anonymous

You need Jesus as your saviour and Lord, He his the way the truth and the Life, you will get an inner peace and specially a joyful life. may God Bless
you and Help you. I will pray for you.

is there any hope?
by: Anonymous

Life is a bitch, i feel like high school is a waste of my time, this is only my sophmore year and I feel like I am going to explode. Everyday when I walk in the school's foyer I hear the girls I dislike and wish they get kicked out or better dead. They say there goes miss fatty. Well of course I'm a chubby girl who wants to be the worlds greatest known chef, but it seems like that's a futile attempt.

I would love to have my first kiss, but I seriously doubt any boy wants me. It doesn't help at all that when I go home every day my brother has the audacity to call me biggest bitch of the world, or saying that I am too big be seen in public, that I need to go to the gym more often. Sometimes I cry in my bedroom, my mom is no help at all, my father I don't know where the hell he is. Will their be any hope for me?

______________________________________________

Focus on that dream of becoming the worlds best chef. Read up on recipes, cooking tips, read about the great chefs and how they achieved their dreams. Learn about food and diet.

Above all put aside the hurtful comments from girls at schools and your brother. Know yourself, love yourself for the special girl you are. Believe in yourself, and aim for the stars! You can do it, you just have to believe you can. Then do it.

Come out swinging
by: Anonymous

I'm 30 years old as well. My life has been a series of dismal failures, broken hearts, and failed attempts to simply be happy. It has dawned on me folks; life is pain. It will always be that way. The fact you feel this pain symbolizes desire to better yourself. Keep this one thing in mind; when you want something, you never stop pursuing it.. day and night every minute of your life. Don't lay down, get what you want out of life period.

Some people decide to stop breathing because they believe that achieving some sort of satisfaction in life is futile.. but it isn't. Fight for it, keep your motor running, and in the end, whether it was how you had imagined it or not, you can at least say you gave it your best.

Eckhart Tolle
by: Xanthin

Everyone here owes it to themselves to hear out Eckhart Tolle. Read 'A New Earth'. Even better, listen to the audio book. It will change your perspective and your life.

The anger, depression, and anxiety have nothing to do with who you actually are. You may not believe me, but what do you have to lose? Just give it a try.

Life sux at times
by: Anonymous

I feel like most of the people on this forum, I'm 32, had to move back in with my parents, lost a good job, my girlfriend of 6 years left me, after she cheated on me, i got a new job and a new girlfriend but after 3 months they both fell through.

I feel like there is no point to it all, some days are good some are not, but I see one common value in EVERY single person here including myself, we all have low self esteem, this is what separates us from people who are generally happy in their lives. When you don't have high self esteem everything goes with it, no confidence, no motivation, anxiety, job loss, no friends, no lovers, its how it works.

What I have learned is that no one is better than you, sure some people are better at certain things than you but we all have the right to feel that we can do and say anything, life is what you make it, its all about effort and not being lazy, if you truly want something it will happen for you but you have to work at it.

Life is a roller coaster of emotions and hard work, I truly believe its a test, we all have a purpose in life and we need to try and fulfill it. If we don't it ends up in misery and depression.

Ive decided to take control of my life, stop blaming others, start working at something and feel good about myself, no one is going to do it for us, if you constantly tell yourself that you're a loser that has no hope that is what you will be, but if you start believing in yourself anyone here can accomplish what they want.
__________________________________________________

And remember everyone has good and bad times, even though some people look really happy, have lots of friends, great job etc. they all have moments of depression and feeling bad, its human nature and we are the ones that let it get to us. I wish everyone here a better life and know that things never stay the same, people change and just accept that life was not meant to be easy, things will change if you beleive they will.

Grow Up?
by: Anonymous

I find happiness in the daily small victories; my kid got a good grade, my boss actually appreciated and endorsed my HARD WORK, I gave my epileptic neighbor a ride to Wal-Mart. Get some Anabuse, suck it up and drive on. Our entire misguided generation is under the impression that we are entitled to "happiness".

Lost hope
by: Anonymous

I'm fifteen and already my life is sucking. I want to grow up to be a famous movie director but people keep telling me I can't. My day goes on the same every day. Let me tell you how it was yesterday,today and tomorrow for me. I wake up at 5:00 am, go to school in a lonely bus. Arrive at school unwanted. I think I gotta lot of friends but I don't hear from them when I get out of school.

I go home very depressed. Sit on my bead alone listing to my I-pod. I have brothers but they just ignore me. I have one that is 17 and the other is 14 and they get along together without me. My parents are having a lot of trouble and ignore me. My mom is always busy and when she is not she is screaming at me. My dad is almost never home because he works down the hill and he only sees us in the weekends. I don't really have anything to look for. I used to get bullied, been betrayed by my closest friends. I got nobody to talk to. I am alone in this world. I've never even had a girlfriend but everybody else has. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!

Sorry I can't help, but I understand
by: Anonymous

I read so many of these 'hate my life' blogs, cos I read them a lot, but when I read yours it was honestly like I was reading about myself.

Most of these blogs are younger people are people who went through a divorce or something, but yours resonated so much of my life. I'm 30 too, I have done nothing in life but try to follow my dreams as a dancer/performer....and for what... What is life when you follow your dreams and life still sucks? I lived with my parent last year and felt like such a loser.

Now I'm by myself in London, I have 'friends' but I spend most time on my own cos I'm either so euphoric and anxious trying to achieve something with my life, or I'm alone and crying cos everything just sucks. I don't believe in God, I don't speak to my family very often. With friends I just put on a fake smile and go along with life till I get home.

I used to be so 'good' and intelligent when I
was a kid. Good grades, great at music, sports, did every extra curricular activity and excelled in it all. What happened to me? I'm 30, got absolutely no money.. my dreams are a waste of time, I can't confide in anyone cos no-one can help me and I'd just bore people. I've lost faith in everything and I'm crap at everything. Life's a waste of time.. I see no point. I've let my parents down which kills me. I've let myself down which hurts and it's so hard knowing no-one cares.

I had anxiety attacks earlier this year and thought I was having a breakdown so I went to the Doctor, but she just said life was tough and to chill out and be stronger. I just want to lie in a field or on top of a mountain or lose myself in a forest somewhere for the rest of my life. I see no point in having kids cos why would I want to bring them into this misery?

I wish one day I could have hope but I see the way I view life and it's so deep within me I know I'll never change, even on good days when I feel eurphoric and think everything might be ok. I could suffer the pain of life that I feel everywhere I look if I was a true artist and good at what I did. But I'm not, so why am I punishing myself everyday? For what? How do other people not feel the pain I feel? Life is bad enough when you're young cos at least you have hope and youth on your side. As I get even older and uglier and people around me die, life is just gonna get even more excruciating and I don't think I can handle it. I don't even want to face the rest of this horrendous week never mind the rest of my life...no answers to anything no matter how hard I search.

A comment
by: Greg

Already the story it seems for me, though I am trying to push forward in life, at age 20.

I don't have any friends. Well, friends that are interesting anyway, or match my interests. I have a focused future with no one to share it with and no one one to explain my dreams to.

I also despise my degree in journalism, more because my school was a rip-off and the way they did journalism didn't do it for me.

Currently I can only aspire to be a DJ or voice actor. Everyone would say those occupations are cool, but the truth is, I want more then that and have interests in areas few others have heard of, like Internet radio, vidding, AMVS, mash-ups and so forth, and such unknown interests might be why I am an outcast.

I'm trying to preserve money and not get myself into stressful situations, though it seems like the cycle will ensure more money is taken away from me.

I am an outcast, but considering how shallow, similar and uncaring other people are, the only real best friend I have is myself.

Fed up
by: TP

hi there...
I know I may sound dumb while saying this...
but I am sick of life..
I'm an Indian woman who is 27 years of age...
in our culture being 30 is as good as being 45 in the European culture...
I fell in love at the age of 23 for the second time.. and I was everything that anyone could want in a woman.. patient, outgoing, allowed him space for work, allowed him to freak out for boy's nights.. etc etc.. but it wasn't enough...
he went ahead and married someone his parents found.. I am sick to the verge of puking that he went ahead with it to please his old parents...
I am a practical girl when it comes to normal things.. don't know why I made the mistake of thinking that he would be there for me... He wasn't. He won't be.. I know now... I know it may seem silly to voice out such a complaint, but only I know the hurt of trusting the wrong person... and knowing that no one is going to be there for me...
Here I am at age 28 and alone... regretting the foolish mistakes I made... what's the point I still haven't seemed to learn anything...


Dont feel bad
by: Anonymous

To everyone who is suffering with frustration, there are billions of people on earth who struggle everyday just to get their daily bread. Millions sleep with empty stomachs.

If you want to feel better please help the poor that will also help you believe that your life is not so bad.

Faith in the divine
by: Anonymous

Hardship, failure and inner conflicts are part of life and we all go through it. It is how you face these obstacles that ultimately define the person you are. According to my personal experience my reliance on the divine and my faith in Him helped me so much. I don't care whether you are Muslim, Jewish or Christian I consider them as the three main branches of a tree that connects you with the Lord. My emphasis is about how I receive guidance that ultimately helped me through life so far.

Ask for guidance because He listens. This life is short and not worth stressing about. But you might ask how will you discover the divine? The answer lies within, my ancestor said if you want to know God know yourself. We are His creation and all the answers are deep within our hearts and souls. The heart in Arabic might also mean the brain, hence my point here is to contemplate and think. My ancestor also said that an hour worth of contemplation is better than a whole year of worship.

Again this is only my advice for you and you don't have to believe any of it. I only spent time and effort to write you this because I care. If God and faith is non sense for you that is okay, because I don't expect everyone to adapt to my system of belief. We are all different and what works for me might not work for you. May the mercy, love and blessings of God be upon you :).

I feel for you
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel. I hate my life as well. And I feel like such an asshole saying that because I am a privileged 23 year old, I have everything materialistic that I want, yet I'm still not happy.

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone I truly love but he just wasn't going anywhere with his life. I felt so much pressure from everyone around me to end things with him because I am becoming very successful in my career within the financial industry and he dropped out of college at 21 years old and has been working at a fast food restaurant for the past 2 years. I love him, I truly do from the bottom of my heart, but I hate him for not doing more with his life. I hate him for letting me down. I feel like a snob for leaving him because of his lack of a career but it is something that is important in my life and in my circle. He wasn't living up to my standards.

Now that I'm without him, I feel so incredibly alone. I was never as close with anyone as I was with him. I feel like every relationship I have is incredibly artificial. I spend most nights in bed alone by myself. I dream about him and I cry all of the time. I feel like I can't get back together with him because we are heading in such different directions. It's like I can't live with or without him. I feel hopeless.

Just fed up
by: Anonymous

I can't stand being around here anymore! Every little thing annoys me! I used to get bullied like crazy, I have so many problems going on! The thing that really annoys me though is the fact that no matter who I'm with, No-one will talk to me! I always seem to be the "Outcast" In a group! I'm just sick to death of it! All I want is someone to rely on, a friend, Perhaps something more than a friend. I just don't know any more :/

religion sucks
by: Anonymous

I'm 15 my parents are together and I live a reasonably good life. I do well in school and everything but my self esteem is sh*t. Compared to most people here it think I have it easy but my parents are really religious and I have lost my faith. I have no friends to talk to and if my parents fond out they would probably send me back to a religious school which I absolutely hate.

I finally moved to public school last year after I almost failed religious school because I stopped trying. I just don't believe in god anymore. Any advice?

PAIN OR PROPER?
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain, I'm sorry, things will get better, sooner or later! Don't forget (for what its worth) God Loves you!
Did you ever think that there are just some people, no matter how they tried ... thats what they are their for? Came to me 2 days ago.

Burnt out
by: Anonymous

I am a 24-year-old male and I feel completely burnt out. I can no longer derive any pleasure from life. I spend all day everyday by myself applying for job after job. I live at home with my parents in a small(ish) town that I'm really bored of.

I have no girlfriend I am beginning to resort to alcohol, junk food and pornography to ease the boredom and anguish I feel everyday. All the things that I usually love doing such as playing the guitar, socialising and exercising have completely lost their appeal. I wake up everyday and I feel that life is completely passing me by - this depresses me even further. I am sapped of energy and worst of all my motivation is becoming ever more non-existent. Suicide crosses my mind everyday but I don't think I could ever follow through with it as it would hurt my family too badly. There's just no winning. Then again, I know that there are people in way worst positions than I am.

The water cure
by: Jim

Please don't dismiss this as nonsense before you have tried it. Drink three glasses of water with sea salt dissolved in it every day. It must be sea salt, preferably Celtic sea salt.

Why cant life be as easy as everyone says it is ?
by: Anonymous

I'm just so tired of this crap I mean I try all my life to be something and it just feels like no matter how hard I try I'm back to square one. I'm just a worthless loser with no future and I know that you'll say it gets better. I ask when?

I've always had a deep sadness in me and it seems that no one ever gives a damn. I spend more of my time worrying about other people instead of myself yet they never see it that way. I'm always an a**hole or something along those lines. I'm not going to do anything dangerous I just feel really unappreciated

I am in the same boat
by: Anonymous

I will be turning 30 this December and I am living at home, going through the same emotions and deal with the same everyday non-motivational world. It's a lot harder for me, because I have two daughters who I only see during the weekends, every other weekend. Both my daughters go to school and live with their fathers in different cities. I never thought I'd see the day my kids left me for their fathers. It was a decision I thought was clever at the time. My world never felt so empty, like there was nothing to live for since everything that made me happy left me. I would always ask myself, "if my daughters meant the world to me, why are they not with me?" I always told myself I was a worthless, no good, bad mother, and person. I don't have many friends and I look to my little sisters to always hang out with but they have their own lives. I always look for the easy way out, ways of killing myself, running away, cutting myself, and drinking. I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me there's something wrong with me because I know there is.

I'm continuously fighting with myself every single day between what's worth it and what's not. I had the mentality of "why am I here when nobody needs me?" It's the little things that gets you motivated to do something better. It's hard, very, very hard and you can't give up. My daughters are my reason why I haven't plunge to my doom. Even though they aren't with me, I know they're doing very well where they are at. So that moment of when I get to pick them up and spend my time with them, that is what I look forward to.

To many people I seem like a joke. I have a ten year old and five year old daughter and I haven't done a damn thing with my life. It's taking me a long time to realize what I've done, what I'm doing, what I need to do to get to where I need to get to. I have no degree, I've worked temp jobs for the past 10 years and I live at home. When my daughters are with me, they sleep on the floor in my little room I have at my parents house. I don't want my daughters to go through what I went through so I have to push myself on a daily because I'm not living for myself. I have two others that I am a mother to so I need to get my life going in one direction and not all directions.

It's hard finding positive energy and to surround yourself in it on a daily basis, but when you find it, hold on to it. It'll help you when Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy appears...even if it's just a small thought. Think of your degree you worked hard for. Yes, it's only in dance, but it's something you worked for and put time into. If you can do that you can do it again for yourself to be better. Volunteer for those less fortunate to see how lucky you are to even have what you have.

I hope this helps =)

Volunteer
by: Anonymous

In order to take the focus off of yourself, try to get out and about to help others. I promise that if you dedicate your time and talents to helping others, you have no time to think pitiful things about yourself. Go to the food bank, a local thrift store, a church, a school, the library, etc. and volunteer your time. It will make all the difference in the world.

My life sucks
by: Anonymous

I hate my life so bad, all of my life I have been looking for other people's respect, care, and most importantly love, but all the efforts ended in failure... I feel especially hurt when I see other people around me getting what I can't. I feel like nobody cares. I have just tried as hard, but nothing seems to work, I know life isn't fair, but this is just too much, i don't want to endure this anymore, and I can't share with anyone, because they wouldn't understand.

I am sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry if I made it sound like s competition on who has the worst life I really didn't mean it to sound that way.I know many people out there are happy with their lives and all I was trying to say is I identify with emotional pain and I do hope everyone on here who is sad will find happiness someday:) I am very grateful I found this site I just needed to vent and it helped.

go and do good for others...that will make you happy..
by: Anonymous

The best thing for people who are down is to go to the childrens' hospital where they are fighting to live and volunteer to help in any way you can... or go to a nursing home and read to the teenager who because of a car accident is stuck in his body and no one cares, massage his feet talk to him as though he can hear you... maybe he can, or play cards with someone who is homeless and has no one in their life... all my depression comes from me thinking about myself.. but when I go out and do one nice thing for someone it feels wonderful... Jesus didn't go out and show off his power... all he did was go out and do good... he tells us to go and do good... make a batch of cookies even if you never have before and take them to the firemen who fight fires

There's a million things to do out there that will make you feel full! go to the animal shelter and walk a puppy or older dog that no one wants... go for a walk and really look at a tree and how amazing it is! life is a gift it really is and this body you have is amazing... if not for any other reason love it because it can move and not be stuck in one position as I am for the rest of your life... ride a bicycle..everyone riding a bicycle is smiling...

Find your passion.
by: Devin (Utah)

From the moment I started reading I could tell you seemed like a very deep, interesting, and incredible person. I found this article searching for someone who understands how I feel. I too have always struggled with low self esteem. If I could offer any advice at all it would be to simply find something that you are passionate about. If you have something, hold onto it. For me its art. Music, drawing, theatre, etc. I wish the best for you, and I sincerely hope you find whatever it is that makes you happiest in life.

Please dont give up
by: Anonymous

Listen to Josh Groban's song - You are loved, don't give up. PLEASE do that. I wish you the very best and may god bless you. I was going worst through what you are and now I am very content. Thanks!

To Michael
by: Anonymous

It's got nothing to do with who has the worse life! Having a mental illness or depression is not easy to get over if that is what people on here have!

Why did you come on here in the first place if you like your life? Also you don't know what people have gone through in their lives anyway! I bet most people on here care about what happens to the starving people in Africa and wished we could really do something about it! We aren't selfish we are just in pain that's all! One last thing are you happy with all that stuff because if you aren't then you contradicted your point? You are an idiot for coming on here and gloating! You must be still on drugs!

Don't worry
by: Junior Los Angeles

I believe our lives could change at any time. Don't give up.

could be worse
by: Anonymous

I hate my life too I'm 43 and suffer from depression and anxiety disorder I have had this condition since I was a teenager. I am married and I do love him but I'm a miserable person at least you have been given an opportunity to better your life not even therapy has helped me.

I come from a poor family with only my alcoholic mother to raise my brother and myself I have been molested raped and beaten my whole childhood, I managed to have two wonderful children who are very successful but I am numb and always have been.
This is my second marriage we've been together 14 years and we can never get ahead just like many people in today's economy I just don't have anything to look forward to in life. We have my 34 year old mooching stepdaughter living with us for a year now and she refuses to grow up and be responsible. I spend my whole day cussing and throwing things because life sucks and I am so done I don't want to wake up in the mornings anymore I just want it to end. I have already attempted 8 suicides. I don't think life is ever going to be better, so enjoy what you do have I don't even have my parents to run to they both died in my teens. Good luck.

Thank you.
by: Anonymous

Thought I hated my life till I read all this stuff. I feel much better about myself now.

Re: Mike, spoiled
by: Rusty

Mike it's narrow minded **** like you that don't understand the first thing about depression and the feelings that come along with it. I'm sure all of these people like myself are aware of how fortunate they are compared to many other people in the world.

Unless you have suffered depression don't write your bull sh*t uneducated thoughts towards people who have already been told a million times to toughen up or snap out of it. You ignorant ****.

I hate my life
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. i have a father and mother who is always at work and a brother who terrifies me everyday. I can't talk to him normally without expecting a fist to the face. Every night in bed, I can't sleep because I keep thinking that he'll stab me in the night. Right now I want to kill myself. I can't deal with it anymore.

spoiled people
by: mike

Well, for a Positive-Personal-growth web site what a bunch of whiny losers you all are! Do any of you know how good you have it? go walk through the slums of central America, Africa and Asia, where dozens of family members are forced to live together in one hut, eat out of one pot same gruel every day no toys ever. Never see a tv, a telephone is something rich people can afford, your favorite game is kicking a ball you made of dried sticks am I getting through here?

If you are able to access this website you already have more than the great majority of people on this planet. Did you eat this morning? do you go to school? do you get new clothes when you outgrow your old? Do you live in fear every day that at any moment your family will be taken from you or that you might be forced to kill your own family only to go serve in some jungle army?

I come from a pretty well to do family, my dad was an engineer my mom had lots of different jobs.
and I was just like all of you, unhappy. life was not fair I wanted to be different yet be treated the same as everyone else. So I started doing drugs lots of drugs! booze, stealing, vandalizing and generally rebelling against the society that shunned me. I left home when i was 16 moved to western Canada and worked a few dead-end jobs to scrape by. then I moved onto the streets, which was my saving grace! I could no longer afford drugs. I sobered up (mostly) I still struggle with marijuana addiction. But I cope. I got my life together. Went back to work and decided I would never take a job that paid less than the last one. and so moved back up in the world.
10 years later, I now own a $500K house,two $40K vehicles I make 120K per year, I have a wife and two beautiful daughters, I guess what I am trying to tell you sad people out there is keep your chin up don't despair the only thing keeping you down is yourself (unless of course your parents keep you locked in the basement and rape you daily) see it could be worse. You CAN do anything. I am 35 years old I have lived a rough life more than most can imagine but I never gave up on myself even when the rest of the world did.
I made it so can you.
Quit your whining and do something about it!

I feel ya
by: Sad Danny

I'm very much the same as you only worse I think, I turn 33 tomorrow and I still live at home, I've NEVER moved out, am hardly an adult! I have no friends, only 1 who just doesn't get me and I don't like a lot of things about him. I have no girlfriend, haven't had one since my one and only girlfriend in 1997 which lasted for just over 6 months I think,

I have a stutter so that's probably why I have such low confidence and self esteem so never really dated. I have smoked canobis since I was 17/18 and have ONLY JUST stopped it. I have been a recluse since after my car crash in 1999. I feel totally and utterly hopeless and on top of that, I kinda do believe in God but I have no faith in him/her whatever it is, God doesn't care I feel.
So thats my sad life...

Normal is crazy.
by: Piglet

Remember that is far more easier for a psychiatrist to point a finger at you and say who you are, instead of just giving you a stranger's hug.
I know it sounds corny but it works. If there were more hugs to go around, no one would need psychiatrists.
You should be grateful for having yourself and your own free will and thought.
Be well.

MY PATHETICLY HATED LIFE
by: Rachel

I am a 17-year-old girl. But my parents still control me. I can't even choose my own hairstyle. It's not even those atrocious hairstyles that I want. Just a simple one. My clothes also, chosen by my mum. Not forgetting the colour. She absolutely hates black & will not allow me to wear black clothes. When all my friends can wear what they want, dress how they like, dye their hair or just cut their hair as they like, I cannot. I was never given a choice. I used to love my life once. Or well, at least I found it not too bad. Now I changed my mind. The other day, my mum locked me up at home on the day I had my test. & she threatens me a lot. Just to save the people I love from getting hurt, I always give in to her threats. But I hate it. She doesn't care about me anymore. I hate her. I hate my life to the core. & I hate the me I am now. I feel like committing suicide. But I know I can't. Not because I'm not brave enough to do so. Because I have dreams. My dreams are the only things keeping me going now. I don't even dare to tell my friends anything. Because they have their own problems already. I don't want to add to their problems.

I feel your pain...everyone
by: Anonymous

I feel everyone's pain by reading most of the comments on here...I went to College just once at the DATC, and had a typing certificate, but I dropped out because I ran out of tuition funds... I'm only 27 years old and I feel that I have not accomplished my goals, and I'm struggling financially at my age.

So I screwed around started drinking, partying a lot, and sex because I was going nowhere with my life... people that "pretended" to be my friends back stabbed and gossiped about me behind my back about stuff that was not true.

Also my parents think that I'm lazy for not getting a Bachelor's degree at my age, or a Doctorate's...whatever. They were very unsupportive and it lead me to a very depressed mood state.

Also my good paying Job in the xxxxx Clerk room is full of Drama, and even at my job most people treat me like crap, and I get swept under the rug and overlooked...the new hires got trained on xxxxx and recieved many rewards and promotions, but me?

I busted my ass for 3 years at my job and got probably 2 rewards for participation and coming to work on time... I fought really hard in those 3 years to be trained on other things in the Department and Management didn't even help...not even the Union which supposed to protect my rights.

I guess it's the way I look probably, and the hotter girl always gets promoted faster than anyone in the Department, and it really sickens me how the Office Politics plays favoritism and you got to have the "Image" to get ahead BS...it's discrimination!!! It got to the point where I had low self esteem, and low confidence in myself.

Let's see what else? 4 failed relationships, and my ex girlfriends cheated on me and went back to their *sshole boyfriends that treat them like utter sh*t and I'm heartbroken many times.

What else? My brother over the phone threatened to put me into a hospital, and my mom thinks I'm going to be a nobody. My cousins and my other family relatives mentioned that I'm way too quiet more than once...Well? I'm here visiting you guys so just talk to me like a human being for christ sakes...GAH!

I also helped my cousin move to his new house, and boy did I get treated like sh*t...I moved the furniture around, and my cousin told me "You idiot, you don't listen well do you? How many times do I have to tell you it goes right here"

Hah! I walked up and left...sure I felt terrible about it, but I don't want anymore drama in my life. I'm hoping that one day I can find a really awesome friend that has the same common interests as me... I hope so because that's what I need right now.


Really I'm even worse
by: Anonymous

I receive no love from parents and at school I get bullied. I get nothing I want. My parents blame me for all the money matters (bill, clothes etc)and what can be worst than this no love and I can't buy what I want I've only got 2 outfits of clothes and everyone teases me.

thats the way it works
by: Anonymous

I have read a lot of the comments and I would just like to say that no one's life is perfect... you cannot depend on other people to bring you happiness. There will always be high's and lows. You could not kill you self because you are in stress or you don't have friends because some people would do anything to have a life where they at least get food to eat. You cannot expect life to be perfect and there is a way out of everything. If you really want a good life you have to get up and get one. You can be happy... just play your cards right and enjoy life while you can as it only comes once.

Hate life as well Portland to Alaska...
by: Anonymous

The booze, the drugs. I have a stable job but it seems it's just there to afford all my flaws. I hate the job and the area I live. At times I wish I didn't have this job so I can be broke and not be able to use any more. But then where would I be... I'm 30 with a 9 year old son living with his addict mom and I'm the more responsible one and I just want to end it all.!
P.s. Loved every ones hating life as much as me

Why the hell is it me!?
by: Manalone

Coming up on my 1 year anniversary of the accident that changed my life forever. It has definitely been the worst year of my life. I don't know how I am going to make it through another year like this. I keep asking myself, why the hell is it me??!! Why have I been dealt this fate?!

I feel very isolated and hopeless, I'm usually a fighter but when the doctors tell you there's nothing that can be done I start wondering what am I fighting for, whats the point when there's nothing I or anyone else can do, essentially there's no hope. That's like the hardest thing to accept, that you have no control, no power to change, to heal and you just have to deal with it until the day you die. It makes me look forward to death. Don't want to live anymore,it's been hell for awhile, don't know how many tears can a human endure, when you live alone, when you live in the shades, what sense does it make?! Why the hell is it me?!! how will I survive, when I see no light.....

LAZY!
by: Anonymous

I am a 31 yr old American. I live with my mom and sit in my room all day surfing the latest military and international political news. I always wanted to be in the Navy since watching Top Gun and to follow my Dad's footsteps. I have bad color perception so that was out. It isn't like I haven't achieved anything in my life. In HS I was an Eagle Scout and in All State Band, finished with a History degree after many years, won a collegiate power-lifting competition and even went on to get an M.Ed with honors to teach. I'll tell you what though, the biggest thing in this world I hate is looking for a job. I was a lazy nightwatchman for almost a decade because I didn't bother to look very much for anything else. I might put out one CV per year.

1 1/2 years ago my security company went out of business and ended up on unemployment. I hate having to hunt for work to keep getting it so I went to teach in China after a year. My new dream is to travel so it seemed like a good idea... NOT! The air was so dirty and my principle such a slave master I ran home after 3 months. My father died a month later and his dying wish was for me to get on with my life. So I started subbing last spring and here I sit at the start of a new school year.

Things are on the up-and-up. I have a contract waiting in Guam with a chance to travel, teach and actually save some money. I have the ticket and leave in two days. So why am I so scared? I hate to leave my mom so soon after my Dad's death. She is going to pack my stuff up and rent out my room since she won't have my rent. The room I have lived 29 years in won't be there to come back to. This is my second and last chance to make it out of the nest.

I have basically taken over the roll of my father over the last few years doing all the man chores while she cooks and cleans. The only thing I know how to cook is a weight lifters diet. At least where I am going I can get fresh tuna on the cheap. So I have to either learn how to cook or find a good woman. Well, I have been too lazy to keep one. I am what you would call anti-social outside of work. I avoid people, not that I can't deal with them. I just don't want to if I can avoid it. Living with your mommy is not conducive to attracting a good mate and is the biggest part of my social problem. Lack of self-esteem...

My mom just made a crack on what I want my last meal to be, the ironic thing is I did a Bible flip for direction and turned to the Last Supper. Time to get on with my life and stop being so LAZY!

Really?
by: Anonymous

You all have more then I could ever accomplish. Never any love, or prosperity. You have to learn to accept your place in life and be grateful for what you have, as I have not.

NO GOOD LIFE
by: Anonymous

I hate my life as well, I am 43 still having to receive money from my parents to live. I have blown many great jobs. What is wrong with me. I have finally acknowledged my bi polar illness but took too long and became an alcoholic in the process. Many bills and no way to pay. Would love to kill myself. What is wrong with me? Very lethargic.

Love your Life no matter who or what you are
by: ACE

Nothing on this earth is permanent, not even a grain of sand, everything goes someday or at some point in time, even our sun will disappear someday. So given that we are all irrelevant in our outer material casting however it may be, it won't last for long. Life is actually very short for everyone. It goes so fast. I am almost 50 now, but I can remember like it was yesterday when I was just turning 21, or when I was 17 just finally relieved to be out of high school, or that very first day I cried on my first day to kindergarden when I had to let go my mother's hand.

I did not grow up rich, my mom got divorced to my dad when I was 8 yrs old, I had 4 other siblings and we struggled on food stamps growing up, and I'm not rich today and still struggle on my job and with life to make ends meet, but I realized when I was 35 and very depressed and wanting my life to end that once I'm gone I'm soon forgotten and I came to the conclusion that worrying about anything is just a big pile of empty pockets of unproductive thoughts that kept me in my slump.

I started telling myself that today now at this very minute that I have to snap out of my slump and every negative thought that comes into my head I will punch it in its face and I will say "no" you negative thought will not defeat me and that I will immediately attack you with a positive thought. So that's how I fought depression head on by attacking every worthless negative thoughts with an immediately positive thought, it could be a positive thought about anything. Slowly but surely doing this everyday will eventually over time, may takes a few months to one year but you will cure yourself from depression, you will once again be able to focus on other things and people, and goods things and more people will slowly but surely come into your life; the short life we all have, so enjoy it no matter what situation you may currently be in, it all comes to pass anyway.

Life is pointless
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. My parents never had any love towards each other but they both love me and I love them very much. I am female, 30 next year, been single for years. Been in abusive relationships, cheated on, put up with it just so I wouldn't have to be alone. Then I pushed everyone away and now I have been alone for years.

I hate my job but don't have a passion really for anything so I am not sure what to do with myself? Currently going through skin cancer and it is deforming my face because it was misdiagnosed for 10 years. I have been losing weight, I was obese, I did have a pretty face, now I have nothing.

I fear so much I am going to end up alone, unmarried with no kids and no one to love me. All I want to do is sleep and I can NEVER sleep yet I always feel tired. Tried every anti depressant under the sun, councelling etc. I would end my life now but I couldn't do that to my family. I am in so much debt and have had so many drug problems over the years which put me into debt.

Now I am stuck in a share house with people I don't like. I have a dog so I have no option of moving elsewhere. I know my life really isn't that bad but why can't I just feel normal?? Why can't I help myself no matter how hard I try? I truly wish I was never born.

I also hate my life!
by: Anonymous

I'm 26, and am quite tired with living. So, I quit my job, packed a backpack and wandered into the wilderness to die. Funny thing about it is, after three months of physical hardship and absolute solitude, I came to realize I was doing everything I possibly could to sustain myself. It was a real eye opener. See if you can handle not eating or drinking clean water for a few days; if your will to die is stronger then your body screaming at you, you're ready. If not, then you may want to turn that frown upside down or something.

Read, If you truly want to feel better.
by: Anonymous

I have probably had a pretty sh*t life compared to all of you. Then I think about the kids in Africa and the poor animals that people torture and I know I haven't had the worst.

I got over being dramatic a long time ago and the only thing you need is a positive attitude, a competitive outlook. Prove to everyone how much better you are than them, be cocky, be a bitch, be what you want. You're allowed to have a personality but don't sit at home writing on this site about how you hate your lives. Really pathetic guys, I'm at school writing this and the only reason I searched I hate my life in Google is because I'm trying to write this stupid formal writing thing and thought I'd be funny.

No Im not depressed but yes I know how it feels, the only thing that got me through it was being nice to everyone, but never getting attached. Going out having fun, but sleeping and down time. Feeling good about myself because I fricken can and I want to prove the world wrong that's just who I am so competitive.

Tough love people. Get over yourselves.
And into your new life!
Don't be someone else, fit into your own skin before trying on another group.
F***KING LIVE!

(or you could always meet me in New Zealand, Auckland and I'll show you the best time in town with me and my gay friend :))

I hate mine too
by: Anonymous

I am 50 yrs old, and I still hate my life. I have a 13 yr old, and because my sister died from cancer I have her 2 spoiled rotten kids to raise.
My husband is depressed all the time, and I have a house full of animals to take care of.

If you want some advice, take it from someone like me whose been there and done that.

1. Get educated - I never did. I went back to college when I was 26 but I was stricken with Lyme disease, which totally mucked up every part of my body and brain.

2. Do not have children (unless its too late for that of course)

3. Before you have permanent obligations geographically, move somewhere beautiful. Anywhere, lots of countries offer free education for their citizens. Oceans, beaches, mountains, pick what you like, and go there. Save enough money to just do it. Place an add on Craigslist, and find someone who will do it with you..

Get away from toxic parents. My mom and I always hated each other and we still hate each other.

4. Don't get an animal if you don't want to stick around.

5. Therapists only take your money, it doesn't work.

6. Start an online group, like yahoo or something and find others like you ( everyone here could join).

7. Go to VRBO- look at all the countries and all the places you cant go stay. Get 4 or 5 friends together and split the cost of a stay somewhere cool.

Do all these things while you are young and not strapped with kids. And use birth control for Christ sakes. Because it is true, once you are strapped, you are strapped, especially if the father wont let you move out of the state. I am stuck in Illinois until my kids are 18 for that very reason. I am a prisoner here, a slave to my kids, and my husband has no interest in participating with the family.

I am too sick most of the time to even think about getting out. I cant work, and disability is a bunch of criminals that say I don't qualify for benefits, even though I have paid into disability my whole working life. Its bullsh*t.
Travel, be free. Don't have kids.

I may be a kid but i know you can do it
by: a kid who is 9 years old

Hi, I found your problem and is shocked you can even think that. Life is a precious thing and you are very lucky to have it, now you may think its stupid listening to a 9 year old telling you off, but I am. Now snap out of it girl.

It's up to you
by: Anonymous

I know that my comment is only one of thousands, and you will probably disregard it, and I cannot give you very good advice.
You do not need
self-help books
a supportive family
psychiatrists
friends
people with a shoulder to lean on
people to give advice
A spouse or relationship
To save you. Only you can save yourself. Even if you feel hopeless, remember that you are thirty and can do whatever you want and aren't tied down.

So, take it step by step. It's up to you to have the willpower to take my advice. It is your decision to be happy or not. You, believe it or not, can simply choose to have a good life; there are thousands of people who don't have this wonderful choice. You must have the willpower and choose to have a better life; if you would rather wallow in hopelessness and misery, or expect someone else or some self-help site to make your life better, you can do that to, but then you can't blame your life.
1) Take a cold shower.
2) Go for a run, preferably with someone else to push you or you might get lazy and give up or give in to the pain. Find a way to exercise.
3) Find something that you enjoy doing. There are close to a thousand different types of jobs in America, surely you will enjoy doing one of them. For me, I love to paint and botany is my hobby. I became a naturalist and painter.
4) Drink some water.
5) Find a way to do what you enjoy doing, and do it. You don't have to be making money from your hobby, but there is always a way to make money from a hobby in America. A lot of times, though, making money at what you love to do, requires that you go back to school. But how hard can it be for you to go back to school since you don't have kids that are holding you back, you aren't married, and you don't have to earn money to support yourself or anyone else?
6) Get a pet. Get a dog or cat (provided you live in a place where the dog or cat has space to run around and isn't trapped indoors all day), or better yet, build a chicken coop and get chickens to provide you with fresh eggs, or get a goat to provide you with milk and to mow your lawn. Animals have been proven to make people happy and give people meaning in life.
7) Help someone less fortunate than you, instead of spending all your time being sad for yourself and trying to make yourself happy, make someone else a little less sad.
7) Get outside of your house and off the computer. The computer part is extremely important. Spending more than two hours a day on the computer has been proven to cause depression, especially if you spend that time on Facebook or Myspace or online talking about how depressed you are. Go for a walk in your neighborhood, if it's a safe neighborhood, explore your town, go running, look at the sun and the sky and the animals and the birds and the people and the colors.
8) You shouldn't be still reading this. You should be taking a shower, drinking water, trying to think of what you love to do and working out a way to do it, or outside of the house.

Get some exercise
by: Anonymous

Get some exercise. Seriously. You will feel like you are taking control of your life, doing something positive for yourself, and boost your self-esteem. It also dumps all kinds of feel good hormones into your body, so you feel happy in spite of yourself. There is no better anti-depressant, studies have shown it. Plus its proactive.

You are all in a self-defeating spiral. You have to change your habits. Small victories, but they will pile up.

Anyone can do it. Best of luck to all of you. You will never guess what I was trying to Google when I stumbled onto this site, lol.

Oh ya, and if you are 30? You have time, which means you have everything. Most of your lives don't sound too bad, other than boredom which spiraled into depression.

Hope that helps. Kick some ass.

you sound so much like me
by: Anonymous

Hi,
You really sound so much like me. I am now 38 years old and contemplate moving back in with my parents but have relationship garbage to resolve. I feel genuinely unhappy most of the time with sprinkles of levity. I find it difficult to enjoy people right now while at most times I am invigorated by some of them.

I would love to be your friend. I work as a CNA for my 92 year old grandmother and also part time at the YMCA. I meet LOTS of people but do not connect deeply with any of them. I do have a few high-quality friends but feel like I've made really poor choices for my life; I've given up a lot.

I hope you have been happy at least a moment today.

Help for people who feel like dying.
by: Anonymous

For all of these people in this thread who feel as if their life is hopeless, and killing themselves is their only option, do not kill yourself! Talk yo your family and friends, as I am sure that they will do everything that they can in order to make all of your troubles and problems go away. Also, psychiatric help and contact a suicide hotline (these ones, for example on this site http://suicidehotlines.com/), as they will be able to assist you in removing all of the problems and troubles away from your life.Do not kill yourself! You have so much to live for!

Help for people who feel like dying.
by:

For all of these people in this thread who feel as if their life is hopeless, and killing themselves is their only option, do not kill yourself!

Talk yo your family and friends, as I am sure that they will do everything that they can in order to make all of your troubles and problems go away. Also, psychiatric help and contact a suicide hotline (these ones, for example on this site http://suicidehotlines.com as they will be able to assist you in removing all of the problems and troubles away from your life.

Do not kill yourself! You have so much to live for!

What am I here for
by: Anonymous

23 year old little dick virgin who still lives with his family who does not cut me any slack. I could do this, that, and the other and if one thing is not done I get yelled at, even with two siblings. I have no job, no money, no friends, never had a girlfriend, and can't stop talking about nothing.

I just hate my life and want it to end. That's why I tried to end it in high school by OD ing on some pills but just got sick and I still had to go to school, and did I forget I have a gambling problem so any money I get goes into that.

I got to let it out !
by: Anonymous

So I'm 19 years old lady I feel lonely all the time. Sure I have a couple of friends but I never really fully trust them I just never say much about my life. My friends always tell me stuff about their life their problems. I usually try to help them out as much as I could.

When I was small some stuff happened to me I decided to keep it a secret but its always in my head :( my siblings well I'm not close to them I'm 1 in six and only talk to two of my brothers the others I cant bear to look at. Growing up I always had to get stuff on my own. Started working at 15 because my mother couldn't really afford to buy us everything we all wanted, being a single mother. I guess my father was violent so he wasn't much in the picture, and my mother shes always busy so she was never there for me either, but now she has a great relationship with my sisters. I guess I'm not counted in her family. I've gotten over it.

I always looked to my brother for anything I needed but he has his own family now so I feel I don't have any one to talk to now, I'm never fully happy. I had one boyfriend and he cheated on me two months later. That completely hurt me my self esteem went down so much I thought of myself as ugly. I actually get that I'm somewhat pretty here and there but since I haven't gotten a boyfriend in months it makes me sad. I don't want to be by myself the rest of my life I've met a few guys I almost went out with but I only find guys that want sex and I never want to just hook up with a guy I think there should be a relationship first.

I hope I could someday have my own family for once and not be so destroyed like the one I'm in now any advice or just any wisdom words would help me thanks.

Hope
by: Tc

I came on here as I felt lost today and yeah a little hopeless. After reading your posts I was blown away you guys have experienced the highs and the lows.

Can I give you some advice that really does help me when you actually reach out a helping hand to someone else in need or a positive word to someone its amazing how much better it makes you feel as a person. It is not about making money etc etc. Its not about drugs or alcohol etc etc its the positive actions and the positivity you can spread throughout your day. There is not enough of it. We all agree there is a hell of a lot of bad sh*t going on in the world so no wonder the whole worlds depressed. Maybe if we all gathered together and did some good deeds regular it would be a much better place. Think about it in the third world countries how high is there suicide rate!

Love and Peace to all xxx

life
by: concerned x

Life is not fair or just or what Hollywood, Disney or books portray. I am not eloquent and am still battling on but the one thong I have learned is to stop blaming myself for others behaviour and reactions and to reason it. You will learn its not about you but they have issues of their own. Believe in yourself and focus on the positives and forgive yourself your wrongs. Good luck hope that helps.

FML
by: Kenny

I truly feel what the real meaning the real sin of despair is..... it is from the devil, no end in site just idle, wheels spinning! Despair, giving up! I need Jesus and time to heal me and my heart. I can stop the pain, but drinking breeds more problems! That's it short and unsweet!

we are bonded together
by: Anonymous

I dont know how all of you got here but if your like me you got drunk and typed into google i hate and hoped that it finished it my life so you werent the only one out there searching for the answer to life's great mystery (at least to me anyways) is why am I not happy well i'll tell you my answer I have come up with...... lots of reasons everyone and their dog has some boo hoo story about how there girlfriend left them, they drink/drug out to much someone died, and you know what that's fine people be sad cry your ass off, but remember this your not alone your never alone because the internet and the human experience bonds us together. Go to chat rooms talk to people because I bet there are 10000000 other people out there going through the same sh*t I bet anything right now someone is reading this drunk thinking no one gets it.

Its hard not being able to trust anyone not being able to tell people the real you. Its hard knowing that you hide your true self from the world because inside you feel like that angry dog snapping at the end of its chain just waiting to get off and sh*t up. Well you know what, we do know and we do care we are bonded in this sh*t people as humans we are all together and the internet lets us come together and be real so get out there and be real. People might just surprise you or maybe this is all the ramblings of some drunk, either way sorry for the spelling mistakes and I want to leave you with some advice my grandfather gave me once when he found me crying about my life he said "boy if life ever tries to get you down..... you get out there and kick its teeth down its throat because it can never ever match you and don't you forget that" and you know what I never have, I know now that life can never beat me if I dont let it because that sun is going to rise and Im going to be there to knock its ass back down that night and that's all I need to know p.s sorry again for spelling and grammar.

Stop reading blogs - get outside and get PROACTIVE about change !
by: Active

Self help books, motivational speakers, all these publications you read about self improvement. They are great resources, but they do tell you everything you already know (albeit subconsciously). I completely agree with Kay's comment (above, you can change right now if you really want to.

Anything in life worth having is worth the hard work; the blood, sweat and tears, to achieve it. Because if it was truly something you yearned for, how else would you appreciate it unless you could look back and realise the mountains you had to climb before you reached the peak.

And you probably know all this too. What you may not know is that change does not happen over night, and for most of us to overturn our bad behaviours and become the person we truly want, it takes baby steps; maybe stumbles, to be on the way to improvement. You'll have to shut out those demons in your head telling you to revert back to bad (past) behaviour, you'll have to get out of your comfort zone - see those friends you'd isolated yourself from. Get out of bed early, go to work, socialise, take responsibility for your actions. A crucial thing to ask yourself; are you running from responsibility? And then get up and do all this the next day. And the next.

I may be offering what feels like useless information to you, but what I've realised is one lesson beneath all the others that good hearted people will try to teach you; which is patience.

You can't expect things to change right now, maybe you'll still be battling next week, next month. But if you don't make efforts right this second, you'll never change. And that is a shame, because once you discover your old self again, you'll find yourself thinking 'what was I so worried about, what was I so sad about, today I wake up with a smile on my face and realise I am loved, I am achieving things in my life, there are people around me that depend on me and are glad to have me back in their life'. You will be dumbfounded as to how you found yourself in those dark years - but just as quickly you will brush your bad past experiences aside; taking only some valuable life lessons that will mean you are a wiser, more compassionate, insightful young individual.
Time does heal all pain, and while you may feel like you're drowning in quick sand, if you start to change now I guarantee you'll look back on this day and forget what you were so scared of.

Remember; patience is everything. Just keep taking baby steps toward change, get out there each day and meet someone new; have a conversation, say hello to someone, go for a run along the river. It doesn't matter what you do; just get out of the house, don't isolate yourself.

You'll soon start to see the world goes on outside your head, and that things are pretty normal.

WOW!
by: Manalone

Wow I didn't expect to see so many people, especially young people on here who are so miserable with their lives. It actually makes me kinda sad.

Until last year I was fine and probably never would have even looked for a site such as this one. My life has never been perfect but there have been some good times and even though I've never had much I've always been happy with what I did have and more importantly happy within. Then in September of last year I had a motorcycle accident that crippled me and changed my life forever. I became depressed, gained weight, isolated myself and pretty much gave up on many of my dreams but the one thing it made me realize is that you have to enjoy life while you can and be thankful for what ever good you have in your life because it could always be worse.

I know it's not easy I'm still in a bad place and frankly don't think I will ever be happy again but I have known true happiness and self love and there are things I regret but compared to now my life before was pretty good.

Sometimes in life we don't get a second chance we have got to find that place of happiness, no matter how small or how meaningless to the rest of the world, find that one thing that makes you happy and focus on what you do have not the things you don't. As much as I loved getting out on the open highway and riding my bike with no particular place to go, as much as I loved being active and just living life, the thing that was the most important to me, that allowed me to do all those things was my health. I would give up all the money all the motorcycles and cars in the world just to be healthy again and do so many things I took for granted, so find something to enjoy while you can because like I said time waits for no one and everyone doesn't get a second chance, I didn't.

you are awesome
by: cody

I love you. You seem very down to earth with your head on your shoulders. You have goals in your life (cna/nursing) and that speaks a lot to me. It shows me that you are selfless and want to help others.

Sure life passes by quick that is why we need to make the most of it that we can. I am 33 and just starting school, divorced, and had the world at my fingertips at one time. I am having to start back at the bottom but am working my way (and I don't wanna say up because it feels like I'm in the same place) but working my way to somewhere I feel comfy. I know this is not about me but I want to let you know that you are appreciated. (Not sure how old your site is) it all works out in the wash.

afraid of failure
by: chuck

Hi, I start college next week. I'm 57 years old. My life has always been hard! I was homeless at 14, but I still finished high school. Three years ago, lost my job at Walmart, lasted there ten years. I looked back at my life not pretty!

"BE" happy
by: Anonymous

Even if there is nothing on the outside making you happy, if you haven't found what you are looking for or what you think will cause you to be happy, why not just find it WITHIN yourself?

Why let the outside world control you and how you feel? It's YOU! It's you, not anyone or anything else. You are you: you control you, you know you, you feel for yourself. Why rely on something, that is outside of you, to change how you are on the inside.

You want to be happy? Be. Only thing stopping you is yourself.

You can't find happiness? Well you know what they about things you can't find... they're ALWAYS in the last place you look.

dont give up
by: Anonymous

What has surprised me about this is how many people feel the same: isolated, lonely, a failure, like all they've ever done in life is just exist and it all just feels like one big struggle. I too have felt like this and so too have so many people that I know.

When I was young I always thought that I was destined for great things, that when I finally escaped the compulsory education system my life would miraculously transform into something amazing. It didn't. If anything the older I became, the more disillusioned I found myself. I made a string of bad decisions in both my personal and professional life. The once happy, good humoured, smiley girl disappeared and instead I was left with a reflection I grew to resent.

Every job I had I gave up on, every course I tried I flunked out of. To this day I still can't believe the type of people I considered to be my closest friends; people who only wanted things from me and loved seeing my unhappiness. From fighting off male attention, I entered a destructive pattern where I allowed myself to be used by men who had no intention of sticking around, as well as running back to manipulative and abusive exes. I know there is nothing original about my story, I could be describing so many other womens lives. But there is something we can do to escape from our misery.... I want you allow yourself to think about what expectations you had for your life. Write them down. What career were you going to have? How rich were you going to be? What was your partner going to be like? Where were you going to live? Chances are things haven't turned out that way, chances are that's why your so unhappy. Right, now rip that list of expectations up! You're unhappy because you've created strict guidelines for happiness! Ridiculous guidelines that have changed from fun hopeful dreams into rigid compulsory targets. You don't need to follow that planned out path society has taught us is the idyllic existence! You need to start enjoying life with no harsh criticisms of yourself, of what you have failed to achieve. You don't need a partner to be complete. You don't need friends to know you're special. You don't need materialistic possessions to feel fulfilled. All you need to do is keep a positive, accepting attitude towards life - enjoy every moment and don't take things too seriously. You'll see, force yourself to have positive thoughts, expel any negative emotions you harbour however difficult it may be and I guarantee you'll see improvements within weeks.

Seek and you will find
by: Anonymous

I won't tell you stories about how I can identify with you, there isn't enough time, but I will say without a shadow of a doubt there is hope. You hope will begin by giving up all the goals you have for people and things. I believe are going about it backward, and that is why you will continue to "feel" the way you do until you make this change. You say you have tried church - that can only mean that you have either tried enjoying a building or a group of people that frequent there. Having a relationship with church or people is not the same as having a relationship with Christ.

I spent half my life searching for all the things you have with only failure and despair. But when I was introduced to Jesus by an evangelist one evening, all the things that I was longing for, that were evading me I finally found in Him. I was so lonely, I wanted a friend. I was hurt and I needed a shoulder to cry on. I had no purpose for my life and felt it was slipping away. I would find a friend only to have the let me down, deceive me, then leave me. It was as if I was searching for a drive, but didn't think to look for a car. I was searching for a refreshing thirst quenching drink, but never tried water. I was trying to fix the engine of my car by referencing comic books instead of the manual for my car.

The Bible says, "seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.". All I can say is that I fell on my knees before God (Christ my Savior) in shame and confessed my sin and selfishness and began seeking Him with all my heart. He changed me and gave me purpose and hope and joy nobody can take away - He doesn't change. He promised to never leave me or forsake me. My 17th wedding anniversary was yesterday - I have a wife and two boys who love me, but most importantly I have a Savior and friend who I will spend eternity with. Please seek Him, He will not fail you.

Allen

Hey...me too!
by: Anonymous

I have a wife and six children. I am working but I feel like a slave. There's never any money left after all the necessities are taken care of. We are in debt and can't get out. My employer has mucked up our bonus plan so my monthly income has actually decreased.

Then the price of gas goes through the roof, taking food and everything else with it. What really depresses me is all these rich f**kers sitting on their fat asses sucking everyones money out of them while people like me live this miserable, hand-to-mouth existence year after year.
I wanted to be a musician and I practiced hard and went to music school. Well, that was a big joke. The closer I got to the heart of that sh*tty industry, the more I despised it. I refuse to be a whore for the sake of success. God may have given this talent to me but now I have no idea why. I have a strong desire to just get rid of every possession I own. Throw it all out and start over.

My wifes siblings are all "successful" (at least monitarily) which makes them very tiresome to be around with their constant smiling and laughing at everything. They are all spineless idiots being controlled by their bratty kids.

I have no use for anything anymore. I want an empty house and an empty head.


Desiderata
by: Anonymous

When I sunk to the lowest point in my 20s, this is what pulled me through. I hope that it helps you too. It was written in 1927, and it's called Desiderata.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


love to you all x
by: Cheron London

I also sometimes have empty feelings of despair, feel as though I should have more money to support an exciting lifestyle(then I'll be happy)or a new partner to my specifications... the list goes on!
I went through a bad patch when I studied for my degree and had to work full time, a nightmare of mega proportions... but that soon passed but low self esteem revisits and I still sometimes slip into that black demonic hole. When other people compare themselves (their achievements) to me I feel very angry as their very ugly, spiteful comments/opinions are deliberately meant to humiliate and shame me but I put it down to jealousy, cos they have plenty to be jealous about! Its reassuring to note that I'm not alone in these negative feelings though, we can take some strength from each other!

Today
by: Anonymous

Kay is right, anyone can change if they want to. I've never done drugs, but I've had family members turn their lives around. I drink, it may be legal, but it is still a way of trying to deal. It's not the way to deal.

Three of my family members were nearly killed over the weekend, it was the longest I've been sober in a long time. I realized myself.

I'm confused
by: Anonymous

Who ever said we were supposed to be happy?

Happiness and we.
by: Kishan saxena

Hey! Guys, don't give up. Life is a mixture of chances. Be dogmatic for your goal. Face your fear and be a winner. All the secrets of happy life is inside it, just love your blood relation, respect elder, share your all with your family before offering to others.

Happiness occurs centrally to family and it is for long time and it is real. It makes us strong for surviving so be with your family and live a life.

I dont hate my life, u cant hate wot u dont have
by: Anonymous

Im 27, live with my sis or mom depends on if i have a job or not.... i have a 2 year old daughter who has to grow up without a father because i wasnt pretty enough for him. Most of the relationships I had ended with a guy cheating on me. I hate being alone whilst everyone else is in couples.

I have a law degree but cant seem to find a permanent job. I keep moving all around and my poor child has to adjust to different living situations each time. Im scared of having my heart broken again and being left alone and pregnant... I hate most men and I hate myself... how can someone like me raise a healthy child?

I hate my life....
by: Anonymous

I hate my life, I dont have the powers to say hey i dont like this i would prefer doing like this... always tied with constraints around me....
I hate about my life so much that i dont know where to start pointing where things are going wrong.

SORRY
by: Anonymous

hay I'm 30 and know how you feel its hard when you have not got a lot of people as friends and you dont want to seem desperate, may be trying to get a new job or start your own job.

Through the death of my husband I have tried to keep myself busy as I have a child but can be so lonely , trying to do things ive always wanted to do and not think negative. We dont know how long were gonna be here, and if you were to die and have everything you wanted would you look back at your life and think why did I waste it doing nothing, THE struggles we go through are menat for us x

TAKE ACTION.
by: Synonymous

Life is suffering to variable degrees for everyone. One must count blessings and be grateful for what there is, even if it isn't much. There's always someone who has it worse. Stop pitying yourself and take necessary actions in order to improve the quality of your everyday existence.

One step at time. Acknowledge there is no certainty of anything. Lose expectation and figure it out. When you're doing your absolute best, the rest is out of your control. Then accept the worst and begin to focus more on the positive!

some cheering up advice! ;-))
by: Anonymous

The first thing I want to say to you is: you are a very beautiful young lady! ;-)) No,no beautiful is not an exact word: You are cute! that's what it is! I would sure have fallen in love with you, if you only dressed up in bright positive clothes, not that industrial bag ;-))

The second thing I want to say to you is: cheer up! Does sun shine some time in your city? Go out to the central square, take a coffee at a cafe, just sit down and enjoy it! You are not a Microsoft CEO, you have nothing to trouble about! :-))

Remember it: you ARE NOT A LOSER, beсause you did not participate in any contest. You just LIVE YOUR UNIQUE LIFE! Some days are good, some are not very - just like all the people have, even Microsoft CEO, Britney Spears and King Abdallah. They have sometimes bad days too, believe me!...

You have serious achievements in your life: you have changed many locations - so, you have a rich travelling experience... You know much about church, yoga, psychology and meditation, true? You said booze has hooked you, but you have managed to leave it - congratulations! (By the way, how did you do that?) And dont forget about your diploma - even if it's absolutely unnecessary - it's an achievement too!

So, you see, you can easily turn your complaint into a success story, without lies, just by changing a point of view! ;-))

Think about a thing you really want to do, about something you utterly desire. Maybe you want to have a massage, to eat your favourite cake, to swim in a sea, or maybe you just think of walking in a park with headphones listening to your favourite music? Then just go and do it, it's not a crime! What stops you? Get some pleasure!

Don't forget about fitness! I know three things which can make you feel eternally young: jogging, swimming and dancing for girls (fighting for boys). If you don't believe me - just try it!

And try to love your parents. I know they may have serious drawbacks, but we love someone not for his/her merits (it's not love then, it's a commercial deal) if we love someone, we do it for free!

But if you have claims to your parents - do not hide it! Do not be a hypocrite! Say to them all you want to say in direct, explicit words!

So, good luck to you.


P.S. Sorry if my English is not very good, I'm Russian ;-))

I hear you
by: Anonymous

I am 42 and live with my mom. I have no friends - my facebook page proves that. I have also made a mess of my life, low self esteem will cause you to make very wrong decisions. My best friend decided 3 years ago to not be my friend anymore,

I've been depressed lately and who wants to be around that? I have one other friend, but she lives far away with her husband and kids and perfect life. I see her once a year when she comes back to see her dad at christmas. I have no relationship - I haven't been close to anyone in a long long time. The thought of being vulnerable with someone scares me.

When I was 20 I got an apartment and was in a couple long relationships - but never happy. Loser-magnet I guess. I screwed up my job and had to move back home a few years later. I earned a degree too, but it doesn't do me any good because I keep getting fired from all my jobs, making independence impossible. My mom and I don't get along very well. She thinks I'm a screw-up and I don't blame her. Nothing I do is ever good, never lived up to her expectations. So, with no friends, no love, and desperation so severe that I actually shared my feelings with a web page - I hear you. On the bright side, assisted suicide will be legal one day.

wow - i'm speechless
by: fantine71

Upon googling "I hate my life", (I feel this way on a daily basis) I clicked on this link and began reading the stories above. What I immediately realized is that there is always someone in a better position than I, but many who are far worse off. It appears that our reaction to the situation we are in, and not the situation itself, is the cause of much needless pain and suffering. I feel so much lighter than I did before I read the words on this page.

Regardless of our gender, sexual preference, age, economic resources...we suffer the same feelings of isolation, loneliness, suicidality, and hopelessness. Thus I am not alone for others share the same sadness and despair as I. I am surprised at how much better I feel, thank you all for sharing and for giving me a new perspective from which to view my own struggles, both real and imagined, and for allowing me to leave my place of loneliness, if only for a little while, and recognize that there is good in me and in my life if I choose to see it.

I am leaving this website with a new appreciation for my life.

Happiness 4 all
by: Anonymous

I'm 50 years old and I am living alone in my home. I have no friends or family. Life is hard being alone at times but I keep trying to believe life will get better even at 50 . There are times when I feel depressed. I don't have a degree or did I finish school. I got as far as the 8 grade. My English is very bad with regard to typing/spelling and reading. This bothers me a lot. In fact I get fearful at times thinking what will I do if I was to ever lose my job which can happen.

I know what many might be thinking, why not finish school. I wish it was that easy. It might be easy for most but I believe there is something wrong with me because there are times when I can't even spell the most simplest words. Even now writing this I had to check on the internet as to whether I'm spelling my words correctly. It wouldn't surprise me as to whether my sentences aren't correct. But that's how life is with me ... I look back and see my so called friends that I had in school on facebook and view how lucky they are to have what I don't.

My biggest fear is one day I will be out on the streets with nothing. Though I don't fear death because we all have to go one day and I truly believe once we die that's when life will be how it was meant to be lived, not like now. I believe there is a God. I think we are not capable to understand God's wisdom right now. I believe once we die is when we will understand truly the meaning of life and how to live. Because if we are supposedly with God then life can only be at it's best ... I wait for this ... As for everyone, I hope one day all sadness and pain will be gone for good ...

Title
by: J

Wow. I think we are the same person...

You are loved
by: Kris Andreason

You are loved. You are also being lied to. God loves you and Satan lies to you. Satan wants you to believe you are worthless and have nothing to offer. His greatest trick is making people believe he isn't real so you don't even fight. But fight, God created you in his mind before the foundation of the earth. He has great things for you. I couldn't stand my mom telling me about God, I just didn't want to hear it. Pick up a book called "Heaven is for real". It's about a boy who had met Jesus and seen heaven when he was 3. I myself have seen God perform miracles through his faithful and willing children. God feels worse about your situation than you do. He sees you and loves you, reach out to him with your heart. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over your mind and heart, God bless you.

Love, Kris

First of all, forget about religion
by: Anonymous

Seriously, religion does nothing for anyone. If anything, it can add to your expectations and your guilt. We still don't know how this world came to be, but it's pretty clear that there is NOTHING and NO-ONE up there in the sky somewhere that cares about people as individuals. If there is, I'd like to see some proof of it. My sister prayed and PRAYED about her illness, and her church prayed with her but she died anyway. So forget religion, at least, the established ones. There are no miracles.

There is only one thing that people who are successful have in common: persistence. They don't give up. Yes it's hard. It seems futile sometimes. But you have to understand that you have worth. You're as worthy as the next person to have a good life. You may not be as lucky as some, at least right now, but you're just as worthy.

If you're overweight, find a safe way to lose the weight. Figure out your own system or get help. Walk outside sometimes, feel the fresh air, look at the trees and the sky. You'll be surprised how good that feels.

If you have the time, volunteer at an animal shelter and be with creatures that can like you despite what you look like or how much money you make. Or, if you can properly care for one, get a dog or a cat. Talk about non-judgmental love! But whatever you do, understand this: YOU HAVE WORTH, AND YOU'RE JUST AS ENTITLED TO A GOOD LIFE AS ANYONE ELSE. Never ever forget that, because it's the TRUTH. There's no ephemeral entity out there judging you or crapping on you because you're somehow "sinful" or whatever. Knowing that, knowing that nothing's really holding you back, is wonderfully liberating. If you need advice or help, search the internet for legitimate organizations that can help you. Accept their help - you deserve it. And good luck. You deserve that too.

reply to Anonymous
by: Anonymous

For the person who posted the Dakar rally comment:

Unfortunately, it is one of those things about mental illness that unless you have experienced it yourself, you can never really know the pain and suffering that people with mental illness feel. You can't compare the condition of other people who have physical injuries or ailments to those who have mental illnesses. They are completely incomparable and different. You need to realise that the fundamental thing about depression is that it robs you of your hope and happiness, bringing nothing but darkness to everything around you, even those things and people you used to love. To trivialise this suffering by saying 'look at what other people are doing, get over it', is to completely miss the point: mental illness is SUBJECTIVE, and completely independent to how much you have in life or how much you should be grateful for. If anything, the number of rich and famous depressives ought to testify to that. Just because you cannot see a cast or amputed limb on a depressive does not mean they are not suffering. I don't mean to draw a comparison between those two states, each has their own pain and suffering but my point is that they are incomparable and trivialising allusions should be avoided.

For people suffering from depression:
It is very important to remember one thing: Time passes, and believe it or not, your suffering too will pass. But you need to get up and do something about it. You become depressed because of the life circumstances around you, not because of life itself. Change your circumstances, whatever is not making you happy, or is making you anxious, get rid of it. And find something new to make you happy: new hobbies, new places, new friendships. You may not find a relief from your suffering on the first attempt, or immediately, but keep trying and you will see that you will slowly begin to rebuild your life and heal.

Another incredibly important thing to remember is that it is not life that is defective, but your depressive thoughts. Depression makes people hard-wired to think negatively when it takes effect. The solution, then, is to give those depressive thoughts as little time to breathe as possible - spend as little time as possible in your own company - get out and spend time with other people, don't be alone. With time, patience and hard work, the true and healed you will emerge.

Don't ever suffer alone. Find someone to talk to. You can survive this, I did. But it's a constant battle, which is definitely worth it. Peace.






It is what it is
by: Red Roses

I suffer from depression and I believe I was depressed most of my life. I was diagnosed with bi-polar at the age of 18. My family eventually turned their backs and are trying to take my children from me in court. I have another on the way which is unknown to most. I love my boyfriend and he loves me but I feel we are both unhappy. We struggle day to day. He is an alcoholic but I feel he is self medicating depression. He sometimes cheats on me and I feel it is his drinking and impulsive behavior. I know I am beautiful and smart and I do have friends but they are going through separate but similar issues. We are all struggling to find a better way to live.

I have hopes that one day I can move into a beautiful home and me and my children will all be together. I wish that me and my boyfriend can get married and face our battles and get good jobs and take care of our children. I am now 27 years old and still struggle with my illness. One little mistake can throw me off. I worked hard to stay mentally healthy and I own up to my failures in my recovery.

I'm not a bad person and my parents, especially my dad has no right to keep my children from me. He is a spiteful, controlling man and can't stand that I want to live my life my own way without him controlling everything. I'm going to finish college in two more years and I will become a counselor for others that need support when going through life changes.

In the mean time, I take things one day at a time and own up to my responsibilities. My life sucks at times but you gotta know bad to know what good feels like. Sometimes we make ourselves worse when we dwell on things we can't change. I can't change my illness, my family, my past, but I can make new changes every day. Everyone has the power to make changes no matter how big or small. It sounds like people need to wake up and stop putting yourselves down. You have to believe in yourself because if you don't no one else will.

Don't allow people to put you down or walk over you. Stand up for yourself and you will see people start to treat you different. If they don't, ignore them and work on yourself. Believe me, people do recognize when we are doing better and slowly you will start to hear people say, you're looking good! You're doing what you have to do. You might even hear I'm proud of you! Even if you don't hear any compliments do it for yourself ;) Life is no piece of cake but be thankful of what you have and strive 4 what you don't have.

We have to finish what ever life we have on Earth before we can go anywhere else. Don't look at it as a sentence, look at it as a learning experience. You will either stand for something or fall for anything. Stand up and make a change, if you fail, so what! Try again. When we were learning to walk, did we give up when we kept falling down? No, so if babies can make changes, We can too. Don't be afraid to try.

Life
by: Anonymous

Life can be a dark and lonely thing. Through majority of my life I have felt alone, like there is nothing out there and its all point less. I was a raging alcoholic and I made a lot of bad decisions when it came to my health.

It has been less than a year and I have made a complete turn around. I'm happier, I make better decisions, and I'm even engaged to the most wonderful woman in the world. She's actually the reason that I made the turn around, I did it all for her. That's besides the point though, what I'm trying to say is that there is something out there that will help you and make you happy and will make you want to live your life, for me it's my fiancee, and for some else it could be a career, or kids, or exercise, or even planting a garden.

What I'm trying to say is that you should never give up on trying to make yourself happy because its out there it's just hard to find.

I know how you feel
by: Anthony

Believe me you are not alone. I am going though the same problem. I have lived with my aunt for seven years with the hope of one day buying a home of my own, finding someone to marry, and starting a family. That dream has been slowly decomposing ever since. My aunt has not had a job in seven years and it is frustrating to bust your tail working two jobs and still live paycheck to paycheck because every time I start to save money, there is a repair that my truck needs, or some of my family members need money or there are times when a bill is due and I have to pay that and start over.

My aunt sits on her fat ass and acts like she does not need to work. I try to minimize as much interaction time as possible. I have even thrown things at her because she makes me so angry, she uses guilt trips to get her way with everybody. I plan and try and try and try and try and try but I keep finding myself back where I started. On my second job, I end up thinking about nothing but my problems and sometime I get angry again.

I see my friends getting on with there lives buying houses, starting families, getting married and I feel like my life is going nowhere. Believe me, there are time I want to cry because I keep wondering why is this happening? But all I can say is you are not alone and hang in there, there, things will get better.

can i help?
by: john

I can identify with the original poster's story and I would like to take this opportunity to try and help a few people who are willing to let me...

What it is, I'm quite heavily into the self-help market and I had an idea recently for this special meditation cd I created for myself but I felt with the right marketing could be very successful, its called Healing Subliminal.. before the creator of this page goes to press the "delete" button cos they assume I'm using this as a marketing medium please stop and let me explain why I truly want to help for FREE...

Well I made a huge batch of these cds hoping I was going to sell well on ebay - in fact ebay was going to be my way of test marketing it, but I didn't sell any and ended up deciding to end my listing...so now I have about 10 of these cds sitting gathering dust and if I dont get rid of them somehow will just end up in the bin and it would be such a shame...

Would anyone like a FREE cd from me, its a shame to waste them and its nice to know Im doing some good with them and also a very good way of test marketing it and getting feedback on how people found it helped them through their difficulties, as they just weren't selling on ebay and i am hoping to do this eventually as a full time career...i have several pages of marketing spiel for you to read about it if you're interested, just email me at *deleted* and i will send you it to have a look at so you can make a decision...and remember its FREE, i dont want any money, just to help people;-)

______________________________________________

Thank you for the offer of help. However I am not prepared to print your email address because these CDs are subliminal and listeners would have no idea what the underlying message was they may be hearing. Sorry, but thank you for offering.
Kay

Wow
by: Jamie

I started reading every post, until I realized how far they stretched down the page. There are thousands. I could feel the bile rising in my throat as I realized.

How do we all come to believe that we are alone, that we are the saddest of the sad and the brokest of the broken? There are so many of us in misery.

No hack philosophy is going to make anything better until you take charge. Take control of your own emotional state on a daily basis - sometimes you may lose, but that's no reason to stop trying. You are your own first, last, and greatest line of defense.

Keep up the hope that you'll discover happiness. You are strong enough to endure and survive. I wish I could know you - if you should ever meet me, we'll get drunk together and talk until the sun comes up.

Forgiven?
by: Anonymous

I am 31 years old and just ended my 9 year marriage. I gave my marriage my all, and was thrown many many curve balls that most would not have tolerated but I loved him, and still do. I finally ended the marriage because I fell in love with another man, or so I thought. I don't know what's real any more. My life is upside down, I am consumed by guilt. I miss my husband but go back and forth on did I do the right thing? I think I did but my heart is telling me other things. Does love really exist? I wish I could go back in time and tell myself what would happen, and then ask myself would the risk be worth it! I don't know. I think about him everyday, I miss him dearly! But have no way to tell him so! Can I be forgiven, can he? Why did we let something so great fall apart? What do I do from here? Can you love another while the heart is broken? What should I do?

We all feel bad
by: Anonymous

45 have felt depressed most of my life. Don't want to go on but I do because even though I say I want to be dead I am here looking for support just like all of you. I hope you all find peace.

Keep fighting for it and you will get there
by: Anonymous

I don't know how old your post is but I hope you are feeling better. Life can be so difficult and although you know you have many things to be grateful for, telling yourself that doesn't make happiness automatically appear.
Don't give up though. Keep trying to be persistent with your approaches. If you have a lot to overcome, then whatever technique you are trying will take time. Just don't give up.
Don't look for someone else to bring you happiness either. It will never work. Once you figure out how to get it for yourself you will have a much easier time finding someone to share it with. Sounds very corny but I have found it to be true.
Sounds like you are a good fighter and sounds like you are trying hard so I think you will make it.
Remember people care about you. I care about you and I haven't even met you. Hang in there and give us an update on how you are doing.

Life is a game I feel I'll never win
by: Anonymous

I'm 28 year old male who tries so hard and I feel like I'm going nowhere. I am constantly taken advantage of but too fearful to speak up for myself. The rare occasions when I do I usually end up with egg on my face.

I can't convey how I feel socially. I let things dwell inside myself to the point I can physically feel it in my chest. I just want to scream. When I try to tell people whats bothering me I can feel my face turn a brilliant shade of red. I'll break eye contact and end up mumbling to myself, then just walk away more frustrated then I was to begin with.

I feel so worthless. I don't even answer my phone anymore. I am losing my friends one by one and its killing me. I have even let my relationship with the Lord dwindle. As I write this I realize the person I hate the most is myself. I am single and have been for some time. I have an excruciating time even making eye contact with any female I am interested in and talking is out of the question. I need help. I want to be happy so bad it hurts. I feel the relationships I've let falter are beyond repair. I fear that if something good doesn't happen to me soon I'm going to completely give up. I want my next smile to be genuine, not forced due to anxiety. Whats happening to me?

It's O.K.
by: chad

to be sad. To be sad is part of life. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. Finding a way to channel that energy into something that can bring you happiness is what is missing maybe?

(sigh) I hate me right now
by: Anonymous

I am 33, living in a dump without even being able to pay rent to the sweet lady who lets me stay here. I'm on welfare because I'm disabled and can't work, and my state's disability system sucks. There are so many people who aren't even disabled who are on it and here I am, having to live on a lousy $200/month and try to take my med bills out of it and anything else I need.

I used to be able to move. I used to be able to walk. There was a time I didn't have to pre-think about the dynamics of every movement, I just did it.

I was anorexic but failed and now I'm really fat, I cut but not any place people can see. Cutting isn't a social thing anyway to me, it's a way of dealing with the pain by redirecting it.

I've been abused by multiple people in multiple ways, every way imaginable. My current girlfriend treats me like some kind of villain and acts like I'm really the one who can't see reason. I remember her slamming my head against the dashboard of the car once while holding onto my hair. I don't have anywhere to go or I'd leave. I know I deserve better than to be physically and emotionally abused, but where could I go?

Trust me, when you get older(and I'm thinking none of you are over 25, right?) most of you will see that you have it pretty good right now. Lost your girlfriend because you didn't have any more money? There are other fish in the sea, she's clearly not worth it, dude! Live with your parents? I wish I could BE so lucky! Dad telling you how ugly he thinks you are? He really needs a good kick, doesn't he? That's emotional abuse and you have the right to tell him so. I'll just bet you're not ugly at all. And even if you are on the outside, don't you know that beauty doesn't last? That what's inside counts? Think about it.

Write a positive note to someone after opening with a lot of complaints and self-loathing. Remember, it all has to be true or it won't work. Once you get the loathing out of your system and get to the encouraging part, you'll feel a lot better. I don't know about you, but I do.

Serve to find yourself
by: Anonymous

You need to serve others. Volunteer somewhere doing something that you like. In doing that you may find your passion in life. If not, then you will meet many interesting people, and have fulfilling experiences.

Find a cheaper place to live, get a job and move out of your parents house. Get a good roommate if you can, to share expenses and keep up with the psychologist.

If you help others or animals, you will feel better about yourself and use your past as a life lesson. I'm 49 and still trying to find my way. You feel better, seem like you are on the right track then something happens and plans change, this is LIFE 101.

Good Luck!

hey
by: Anonymous

hey
i understand how you feel, find a religion you may find peace. I know I did, it gave me guidance. I am a Muslim and religion of peace. If you truly want to change and commit to a religion this is the one. You have truly want to be in this religion and you will find the peace. good luck and good bye.

Just because of a girl
by: Anonymous

I hate my life, I do want to live this is all because of my girl friend whom I loved more than any one ..... but she wants only money ...... i gave her how much can I give .. she believes that love is there when I will spend money .. at last she left me when I lost every thing spending on her and now she became a bitch roaming with many boy friends ........ that is her wish but I can't see my girl friend roaming with others and getting bad name to her self ...... I am not able to bear when some one comes and say's to me that your Ani is roaming with another now ........ hearing that I am not able to live but ....... I wont die because I have to see my mom happy for ever.

_________________________________________________

This girl appears to be very selfish and you sound a very generous young man. From what you say she doesn't want to be with you, let go of her and find someone who puts your feelings before how much money you have. You deserve better.
Love
Kay
x

wow - I'm not alone
by: Anonymous

I always have a sense of self loathing and completely hate me to the point I cry till my tears cannot fall any more. Its a real aching hurt inside. I look at my 2 beautiful children and feel so guilty for being a failure, they deserve better.
I felt alone and find it hard to talk about things and when I try I don't feel understood. Then I found this page and realised I'm not on my own and that there are many of us that feel the same which brought me some comfort, I feel I can relax a little to know I'm not a freak and not on my OWN, thank you all.

Hey
by: Anonymous

I feel for you, I really do you're not one of those people that just bitches about how bad their life is but haven't done anything to change it. You on the other hand have and I really hope the plans you have work out for you and lead you to happiness.

My family hate me, sometimes I think they loathe the sight of me and they always always tell me that I'll probably end up ruining my life getting pregnant and I always feel like telling them 'Who'd sleep with me?'

I hope you find happiness and things get better for you :)

hate it
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. I too have problems in my life when it comes to self-confidence and anything to do with achieving anything meaningful in my life.

I loathe the day I was born and if I had a choice I would reverse everything single thing I have ever done.

its all meee...
by: Anonymous

hi..
am 28 female. I hate my life!

got married at age 25 ..an arranged marriage .... loveless relationship... I could hardly feel love. I tried to the core to like him... but its not happening any more... living away from parents with him... just to make our parents happy.. we hardly speak to each other... have a kid of 2 years.. initially.. for a week tried being " not me " .. which made me pregnant... I don't like him at all ... had to stay with him.. bloody Indian customs.... I want to die.. but I have to live for my kid ...... I am a result of forced marriage.. cant kill myself... I hate my life...

I cant sleep with someone whom I don't love... am I wrong?


Still Sad
by: Anonymous

Well, I've always been someone most people seem to think is pretty sorted, which make me laugh now. I've been up and down ever since 14 years old (I am now 24) and was probably exposed to stuff I shouldn't have been.

A fair few of my friends during my teenage years self harmed. It was a fad for most of us really. I joined in a bit but never really did it badly, just enough to fit in really. When I look back at those days, in hindsight I think the self harm fad probably put me in bad stead for the rest of my life. I now cut myself as a coping mechanism; for want of a better term, when life get to much for me. These days its usually when my girlfriend kicks off and mentally destroys me, yet again. I don't blame her though, she has a right to be pissed at me. We were engaged you see... I called it off about six months ago, and yes, we are still together. Why? Because we truly love each other...

I called it off for reasons I'm not sure I can explain very well, but I'll try. I suppose it's important to tell you firstly that my girlfriend has Bi-polar disorder. For those of you who have some experience of this mental health problem you will know just how destructive it can be. For those of you who have little or no experience of Bi-polar you can't even begin to imagine what it's like, and neither can I, really. But I do know what its like to be in love with someone who has Bi-polar...

tit;le
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. I'm 18 and studying towards becoming a nurse. Thing is I don't even want to be a nurse. I'm only doing so because my parents want me to. I hate it. I'm trying really hard not to disappoint my parents but sometimes its just too hard. I have no interest in the things we learn and I feel like I'm living someone elses life.

My mother died recently from terminal cancer. When she was alive we never really got along. My dad is rarely depressed and now I feel like I cant let him down or he will go over the edge or something.

Oh god I'm dying inside. I have no real friends, no real hope, no real happiness. I feel like a failure. I'm probably just going to grow up to be like my mum and die early from cancer. She was a nurse too.

When I was little I swore I wasn't going to be a nurse, and now look at me. Funny how life works.
Why couldn't I be born someone else.

We had a communication class today and I FAILED so badly. It was ridiculous.

I'm not good with people or little kids. Why do these things happen .........

______________________________________________

I really feel you should be honest with your dad, explain to him how unhappy you are because you know that you do not want a career in nursing. At the end of the day all parents want is for their children to be happy. How can he know you aren't happy when you haven't explained things to him? Be brave, this is your life and you should be in a career that brings you satisfaction not one that brings no joy in your life. Be true to yourself.

I'm my worst enemy
by: Anonymous

I feel like a total and utter loser in life. for some reason I blame my mum for my woes.
I secretly despise people that know me and have to put on an act when I step outside, if they really knew how rotten my life was they would steer clear.

Education failed in its promise to me, in my field I need experience or a phd to get hired. I'm 25, live at home, broke and jobless. I trained as a science teacher but quit due to the stress. I pretend that I'm still teaching because I'm ashamed to be seen as a loser. I wear nice clothing so as to fool others into thinking I'm employed.

When can I be honest with myself and stop the lies? On top of this I'm divorced after 6 weeks of marriage, this was when I was 22. I feel like no one would ever want me.

I'm so desperate for change but can't seem to get away from the dark void of depression.
life is an unlucky dip......

Fighting the same battle
by: Anonymous

I am fighting the same battle of feelings and desire to feel happiness. I too have had people tell me how to be happy or that no one can make you happy, it just comes from within. No one I know understands the battle I fight everyday to get to work and I get more frustrated being raised with a religious background that it would be easy to understand.

In a weird way, I feel a little at ease that I can relate and share with a few people that feel this way.

I do know that I have some role in this world, and I won't give up on what it might be.

I'm a wreck too
by: Anonymous

I can't tell you what a relief it is to see how many other people would just like to off themselves, because I'm the same way. I have a girlfriend who lives far away from me and I can't see her because I have no job and live with my father.

I'm 29 years old and have to use his money to buy food. I have a sleeping disorder and anxiety problems. People call me for jobs but I can't answer the phone for some reason. I sit there and watch it ring because I'm probably afraid of being a failure. I don't have any health insurance or I'd go see a psychologist. Most of the days I spend pretty much staring at the wall. I know I could do better, but I'm not sure how to get through the anxiety.

I know how you feel, I feel the same way all the time
by: Reality

All I see is the universe with people slowly withering and dying and I can do nothing. What is the point of earning money when I might die. What is the point when I got fired lost the girl I truly loved and cry.

The truth is life sucks. There is no way around it. I'm sorry. Worst of all when there are people around me I can sort of feel how they feel, maybe I just naturally profile people or something. But the thing is I can see right through everyone. And everyone is searching for a magic that does not exist. They all want something more. Everyday it's something new. Of course this is something you already know.

Truthfully, I would like to be done with this life. There is nothing here that I care about except my mother. She is holding me here. If I hurt myself I think she would die. I can't leave yet.

Life is a strange thing, it's tragic and it's full of simple moments that pass and then your done.

We are all just lost souls swimming in a fish bowl... (pink floyd).

I'm sorry, If I was God I would end this miserable mess. But maybe somebody thinks there is something fun to do like climb Mount Everest....

same day in and day out
by: LeeAngelo

I have end stage renal failure, diabetes, a heart condition, which my heart stopped beating for 45 minutes in the hospital, but wish they would of just let me die. I go to dialysis 3 to 5 times a week 4 hours a day sitting in a chair and you can't move at all. You can watch tv or listen to the radio that's all.

I have also had four detatched retna surgeries, I have had a lense implant put in about a year ago. I am supposed to have heart surgery last month, but whats the point, right?

My docs say that I am suicidal, but not sure. I was married for almost 10 years, until she could not deal with all the medical issues and got a divorce. It is hard for me to get up day after day and do the same thing over and over again.

I used to work a full time job and had a life, until my kidney problems started. Then you have to tell your employer that you have to have a set schedule and that does not work in retail. So, they found some stupid excuse to fire me. Have not been able to get a job in the last 2 years.

LIFE SUCKS....some days I pray that I will get hit in a traffic accident and not survive

the solution of reality
by: to all people

Life is unfair, hopeless and all the bad thing can you think..... but you have a life to spend on whatever happen even you go to suffering of the greatest pain you still must fight to the end for you will not even take a victory in your crown in your head. Surely you can say to your self that I had do the possible I can to live to live as a man or woman even though life is unfair hopeless .... but what I am I saying that you must kept moving forward whether it is bad or good life you had for sure if you do the right thing I think you will proud of yourself before you will death in these world of reality..... so all people have a chance of victory in the world whether you are one of the people of hopelessness in the universe just go and go but remember to do the right thing not not bad thing .... for you will not be a success but for sure you will be satisfied to your deeds if you strive your way to a better world in life..... God bless to all of you reading this statement and I hope that you understand that life is keep moving even thought its end of the line....

yall think yall got it rough
by: Anonymous

I got suckered when I was younger into getting a joint account with my mom I didn't know what that meant but for the longest time if I felt money was missing she would deny it.. and I never take out money from my bank I just cash my sh**ty 125 a week check for doing sweat shop work. I've been working at the same place for over 8 years and only make that much.. my sister just moved closer to where my mom and dad live recently she has a 4 year old son that she brings over he's a fu**in brat I always have to cater to her son and her 2 about to be both 1 year old daughters.. I used to hate her husband I still do you wouldn't be able to tell it though now because over the years I was put on paxil and ever since I just feel real doped up and feel weird 24-7..

The person who I consider most to be my friend just jokes about my problems or he'll lie to me and say that I got a good life he says don't worry you'll have a lot of money when both your parents die. All my closest friend does all the time is brag about how he's got 20,000$ and how he makes 100k a year playing Texas hold em he'll make me feel like sh*t he tells me that I'm gonna be doing sweat shop work for the rest of my life or he'll say It would take you 70 years to make what I make in a year he'll say something smart along those lines.. I even get bitched at if I use the little I have on my debit card for anything other than food or clothes by my mom because I live with them and we get bank statements its the worst.. no girls like me because I'm not a douchebag that wears ed hardy and listens to gay

dissapointment
by: Anonymous

There are many things going through my mind and at this point in time I feel like a total disappointment. I have had such high expectation of myself and I did not reach it. However, I am finding strength in God and I know that He will see me through it, my life may not be going the way I would have liked but there is still hope for the hopeless in Christ.

seeking peace of mind
by: Anonymous

There are times when everything can seem so hopeless, but other times when the beauty of life is all around. Look for and appreciate those moments. Avoid the gremlins in the back of your mind telling you all is hopeless.
Life is a journey, not a destination. Keep working with those who believe in you and want to help, and try to see the good in yourself. I hope you find peace...

helpless
by: Jay

I'm 19 and have been unhappy for the past year. Ive destroyed all my relationships ive no friends left, I constantly feel alone. Every time I get close to someone I do something stupid to mess it up. I'm extremely paranoid all the time, I just can't have a proper conversation with someone without thinking they dislike me or that I said something that could have offended them.

I tried to kill myself once but my family rely on my so its not an option. Nobody knows how unhappy I am. I try tell myself it'll all be ok tomorrow but I seem to get worse everyday. I feel like ive past the point of no return, that I'll never be happy again. I feel helpless. I just want a friend I can trust but with the experiences ive had I don't know if that's even possible anymore. Ive given up on life, on happiness. I don't leave my house anymore I sit and wallow in self pity all day everyday. I need help but there is none, I don't know what to do

Useless and hate life
by: Anonymous

Yeah seems like everyone is pretty alike. I'm 25 can't get a job, live with my mom, and don't know what I want for my life. I'm not very good in school and college is getting more expensive. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone, have no love to give or receive.

My mom and dad divorced when I was maybe 8 or 9. I never learned how to be a man from my father and have no courage. My days now just consist of drowning myself in tv, computer, and computer games. I don't have enough work experience to get a good job and probably have earned less then 10 credits in college. I feel so much pressure and sadness thinking about getting older and getting nowhere. I think about the people that have jobs or apartments and those that are my age and are done with school and have accomplished so much more than me. Bums me out

Cannot wait until its over
by: Gary

I hate my life, I too have stopped using drugs and alcohol over 20 yrs ago. I have went to church and tried to find Jesus for years, never did find the man. I guess I struggle with self pity the most, I feel pathetic. I have a wife, I have never been able to meet her expectations, she is always disappointed with me or angry. A daughter who uses me for whatever she can get money rides etc. She nor her mother have much respect for me. My son is a good boy but doesn't like to spend any time with me.

I have tried everything I can to give my family what it is I have, my time, self and money the only thing they give me back is it's never enough. I have no joy in me, no happiness, no Gratitude, no hope. I am 44 years old and I cannot wait until it's over!

be happy
by: zack

I am Iranian girl and I am 26 years old ... in all of the world we have same life!! I do mistake every time I have many boyfriends and want to fill my lonely time with them but nobody can help me!!

We are born alone and die alone... you must happy that doesn't like me! a girl in Islamic country and with out any desire that comes true!!

No job hope
by: KATZ

For three years I have been unemployed and its getting worse. I live alone and while my family do what they can to top up my benefit which has to last a fortnight. It is really hard to remain positive while applying for jobs that I know that seem pointless as it feels like nobody wants to hire me. I have worked many times before which I have to remind myself of, but lately I feel so useless, a failure and almost on the verge of running away. I don't know where I would go though and it's not the answer, but its better than killing yourself.

I cant even get a lousy part time job as I need enough to pay rent etc so I have to be realistic but when I keep crying I feel like life is passing me by and as I am 30 later this year, it would be nice to get out of this but don't know how. Anyone else in this similar yet cruel situation?

Help
by: Romania

I am living a very similar life, just that I never had any opportunity to escape, like you tried. we do not get many chances here.

I am also 30, living with my family in a 2 bedroom apartment 4 humans and 2 cats, I love dogs.

I hate my job, and have no clue what to do with my life. I am also seeing a therapist. I do not agree with some of the posts that drugs help. They do not they only create a new problem

I am trying to make something of my life and sometimes I am so scared that I'm physically sick.
But I still try because I think suicide means that you are a coward and I still think that we can make something good of our lives.
I try really hard to change, I see no great results but I hope therapy will help. It is quite expensive...

I do not feel like giving up yet. So just scramble any will you have and try again you do not know when the things will change and it is a pity to give up.

I feel like crying now ... but it will pass, all passes with time...

Not so bad
by: Ugly Truth

I know it seems sucky, but you have it better than most.

When I was very young my father was never there, mostly out drinking. My mother was way over protective and my uncle loved to have his way with me, this caused low self esteem and learning disabilities.

Now I am a 37 year old Male and I had to move back home due to lack of work. My whole family HATES me, my account has less then 15,000 dollars in it and no girl friend in sight.

Here is the sucky part. Only a few days ago I went on a job interview and I was up for a major position I was really excited I told a friend he went behind my back stole the position. He changed everything. If I got the job I would be making 6 figures a year, I could have moved out, Everything would have been worth it and changed for the better but, now nothing.

Well that's life I will not give in to hate and anger or depression if it takes me the rest of my life I will succeed or die trying because if I give up, then all the people who told me I am a loser would be right.

Something will give.

If you keep going I promise It will all work out.

Life
by: Anonymous

I am 22, I come from a broken family, My dad left when I was 9 and my memories of him prior were horrible, he told me I wasn't his son and that he didn't love me. Promised many things but never did them and was abusive to my mother.

I started playing football as a way to channel out my pain, and diagnosis of adhd(Mild). Women say I'm good looking, and they don't understand why I don't date more. I always felt inner turmoil. I was raised by a single parent, I guess I never feel good enough, or like I'm up to par. My whole life I've been just barely above poor. I was teased in middle school for being broke, and being mixed(German & black).. All the girls I ever dated broke my heart or I lost interest. I live out home, flunked out of college, lost my car, girlfriend and job.

I still have hope, but I really pray something better comes soon. I suffer from somewhat of low self esteem, then other times I over esteemed. Life's a bitch and you die, that's how I feel. I just pray for at least a few years of peace.

Emotional rollercoaster
by: Broken

Loss feels like a jagged hole in your heart, over time the edges becomes smoother, but the empty hole remains. I look at people who are happy, and I'm jealous. I'm a good actress, I assume people think I'm happy. I don't want to act anymore. It's nights like these when I cry alone in my room that I want to die.

I dug myself into a hole
by: Anonymous

I was happy, had been with the same girl for eight years, we were happy. My family started to pressure me about my relationship ever since I was in college and my girl and I first started going out.
I moved down to SoCal from San Francisco and everything started to get more and more stressful. My girl moved down when she was done with college, we were both from SoCal so I thought how wonderful it was that we had so many similarities besides being from the same relative location.
Little by little things stated to unravel. The stress at work, I had two jobs, and the stress at home from her to get married started to eat away at me and I started to drink and smoke heavily just to cope. It became a problem when I started not caring about my appearance and just couldn't wait to get home to smoke and drink.

Eventually I went through my savings and destroyed my credit, but I never mentioned a thing to my girl or family.

I should have been honest from the beginning, soon my family started to blame her and she started to blame my family. My girl and I had to separate because I couldn't afford to live alone/with her anymore and am currently living at my parents house paying off my debts.
I feel like a huge loser because I had it all but I was dishonest with my situation and couldn't deal with my stress in a mature way.
There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I don't hate myself for making so many bad decisions.
Unfortunately even when one tries do right life/reality keeps kicking then when they are down. I haven't been able to find one single job and I'm currently working for my father. Sure, it's a great relief that my dad is helping me out, but everyday I go to work I feel more and more like a worthless loser.

I plan on earning enough to pay back my debts and start applying to chiropractic school to start earning a better living, but even then I know that it's going to be a long road with more kicks to the teeth.

Life seems pointless right now, sometimes I wish I was as smart and disciplined like my younger brother, he's a lawyer, he seems level headed and confident. I used to be confident, but the last eight years, the last three in particular, have been utter hell.

I'm taking everyday one step at a time, but I'm always worried about the step that will make me trip and fall.

So sick of these ghosts
by: Anonymous

I am so f-in miserable in this house. All these GD ghosts keeping me up at all hours of the night for months on end. Banging on the walls and objects being tossed about every evening it's driving me mad.

I need to move out of here but I cant sell this pile as its not worth anything. I'm depressed beyond measure with all this negative energy surrounding me. No one wants to visit me and everyone thinks I'm nuts. I hate my life.

Have you been tested for....
by: Anonymous

Have you been tested for ADHD? I lead a life similar to you with similar pitfalls and some high achievements. You seem impulsive and lack "stick to it-ness" coupled with some depression/anxiety. I think you should go get tested. If your test is positive for a form of ADHD/ADD you'd be amazed at how helpful medication can be. It's not a cure all but it does help.

Cheer. Up
by: Anonymous

At least you have your parents and your 30! Try being 40 and your wife and kids run out on you! I had a career, a house, family, the whole deal but when the times got tough it was good bye Charlie!

We are very much alike!
by: Anonymous

After reading this I was amazed because it was almost like you were talking about me. Our lives are very similar. Take care.

I'll be your friend
by: fil

A lot of what you said rung true with me I feel like I am choking half the time on the brink of being attacked by panic and I just cant see the point half the time and the other half the time I don't feel anything at all. I always feel like I am doing every thing wrong and I feel misplaced and out of time. knowing that there's someone else out there that feels like that is a big relief. I don't mean it to sound like I like the fact you're sad but I am glad I now know that it's not just me who feels like s**t without reason. Hang on in there, I mean why the hell not.

Depression and being at standstill
by: Anonymous

I've always been depressed. When I was younger I'd have school, high school and then eventually College to keep my mind off it. It's only when I left I found myself in bed all day and if not in bed I'd be out drinking.

I've always wanted to be loved and even now I'd settle for anybody. I had two job in my life both once a week, my parents got divorced and I had to move away with my mum, else I'd be homeless, so I did leave my job as being in the same job once as week wouldn't cover my travel costs to get there and back home. Now I'm 21 I've slept around a lot, been heartbroken a lot, tried drugs but hated it as it made me more depressed, I cut myself when things get too much, lost hope and don't have a purpose. I'm not happy I'm just alone.

People always thank me though and say that I encourage them I don't see how, I gave my life to Jesus and made Him Lord, things still aren't easy and I still cut myself but unlike before when I'd seriously attempt to die this time God would never give me more than I could bear and I find myself coping better. He will help me get better and reading my bible has helped me and others too strangely. Never thought God would care but He does and He will help me get better :)

I understand
by: MIMI

HI,

I understand because I feel the same way a lot of the time.

I am thirty-nine, and my father is paying over half my bills. The reason is that education does not get you ANYTHING anymore; anyone who believes it does is deluded. I have multiple degrees and no gainful employment, and, no they were degrees like philosophy.

The exception is healthcare, which is the only thing anybody should be going into right now. So, take hope in the CNA route to nursing plan that you have and give yourself props for choosing that. I am considering becoming a CNA also, and I have three degrees.

The only way to keep feeling shame is if you allow yourself to feel embarrassed and to hold yourself up to an "I should" standard. Education does not guarantee a good life anymore, and with this economy, many people are living back at home with their parents again anyway. It's more and more becoming the norm.

In terms of your fighting addictions, I can't help you except to say that the strength is inside you if you believe it is inside you. The only way I get through my hell life is to live one day at a time and to know that life is enough; it does not have to be justified. You are love and light and what you give to others is what makes you that light.

One great thing that has helped me, though, is volunteer work. If you are currently not working (and are trying to get out of the house a lot), try volunteering. If you volunteer a lot, it can even be a way into a job.

Mimi


No matter how bad
by: Neil

I was feeling a little lost and down and came across this bunch of posts. there are some truly heartbreaking stories here but...
I believe everyone has a purpose no matter what. Everyone has a talent, if you think you don't it just means you haven't found yours yet. Everyone has hard times, the good ones would seem nothing without.
The bottom line is that you wont feel like this forever and you are only finished when you decide when you are done.
Every time I feel like giving up I look to something that shows me that no matter how hard things are if you keep fighting you can hold your head up and feel proud that no matter what the outcome you gave it your best shot. I like to watch this clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKObKLdiSPg
Its a tribute to Arturo Gatti's career. This video shows that even in the face of punishing defeat that you can keep going.

Good Luck to you all.

Neil

Depressed
by: Anonymous

I completely feel your pain. I am 37 & live with my father. I am well educated, beautiful, friendly, funny. My life sucks right now too. I have been through multiple counseling, anger management, mental health groups & am on an antidepressant. All I want is to be happy & I cant get there. I am a very good friend to everyone else but me. I just want to stop feeling this way. It sucks. :(

What is the point of this
by: Anonymous

Are you for real! You look so perfect. I hate my life. I hate everything. My life is Sh##. My husband is a loser. I just feel so trapped. I'm a Nurse and that's what makes me feel alive. It makes me feel normal. Once my shift is done I realize I hate my life again. I wish this would all end just end....

you're beautiful
by: Anonymous

Hey I think you are beautiful.

my life sux too!
by: Anonymous

Well I'm 24... already have my degree and I'm going for my master's next semester.. married .. in love with my husband ... the problem is not money .. is not love ... not education .... I AM THE PROBLEM.... I'm the one who's holding me back.. my husband has never been to college but he knows exactly how to work,, have fun,, Live!! he is so nice to me but I'm not nice to him at all.. I don't have a job honestly never seek for one... feel depressed like always... this lifestyle(rather say stupid lifestyle of doing nothing absolutely nothing)is making me freak out.... I do exactly nothing in my life........

I ain't sure about that?
by: Anonymous

Oooo yaya ya ya. It's horrible and it sucks... I want a new one! Can I trade it in? I have all my fingers and toes and a brain that knows but my life blows.

WoW
by: Anonymous

I feel for you, Im 46 and I self harm and really don't know why ??

I love you.
by: <3

I've read all of these stories. Your problems make mine seem like nothing. I want to help so bad, but I don't know if there's anything I can do. But, while I'm typing this I might as well vent.

My life was PERFECT. Then we moved. My parents fight and my Dad's hit me on several occasions. That's all. If anyone has gone through a similar situation STAY STRONG. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. Don't give them the satisfaction <3

But like I was saying before. I Love every single one of you, and you're not alone, I hope it gets better, and I know you don't wanna hear any religious crap but, it does help, It really does.
ILU.<3

my experiences with this
by: Anonymous

I am 20 y/o and still live with my parents. I too tried going off on my own and had a nervous breakdown. Also, I lived in florida for 7 years and know what you mean when you say they're not that accepting down there. In fact, they can be out right mean. I got both verbal and written threats on my life constantly, as did my family. I am now living in NY and things are so much better. I am in a 4year university with a high gpa and an amazing boyfriend. The point is, you can't force yourself to do something if you're not ready and that time is different for anyone. Also, I felt like I was at rock bottom for 10 years and, when I least expected it, things became so much better. Please never lose hope. After all, when you hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up.

It's all in my head
by: Anonymous

Ego says poor me, poor little me!
Ego says nobody likes me.
Ego thinks I'm worth nothing.
Ego thinks everyone else is better off than me.
Ego thinks life is not worth the hassle.
Ego isn't me, only a part of me, a voice in my head that only exists as a voice in my head.
Now, right now what is wrong in my life?
Ego, that's all, nothing else.
The past is a story that my Ego strives upon.
I see that things won't get better in time because time is only a measurement and doesn't exist either, so nothing exists outside of this moment and this moment is entrapped by Ego.
Learn to use the Ego for it's true purpose, as a tool.
Control the Ego and change the self.
Control the self and change its circumstance.

Just feelings
by: 9finger Joe

It's obvious you have many fans, me included. I've been there. Time, luck, and opportunity isn't always there but you are. I found sometimes that when I think I am a burden to others is when they become strong. Parents need to feel like parents. A job is not only survival but livelihood. Friends are made usually at school, church, or at work. It's all there, but are you active in life, or keep to yourself? Do we "live" or "watch life go by"? Think carefully.
































































hmmm...
by: Emma

Reading your story made me think. That's kinda where I see myself in 15 years. I'm in high school and struggle with ADD and a general lack of motivation. There are so many things I want to change, and have the capability to change, about my life but I never feel like doing anything. I find myself staring at my ceiling for hours making stories in my head or watching movies and tv to get away from my life.

My life isn't particularly bad or anything, just normal teenage stuff, but it always seems like I'd rather be anywhere else but here. And I'm not excited about my future... I already feel like I'm destined for failure.

This sucks
by: Anonymous

My mom died when I was eight due to cancer, all I have is my dad. I feel like everyone in school who's my friend isn't my "friend", they just pity me because one of my parents died.

I'm obese, and I have absolutely no future in store. I'm eighteen years old now and I have severe back and weight problems. I have acne all over my face and the only people that I talk to are my dad and the people online that I play video games with. My dad just got laid off from his job, so he's looking for work now. I don't know what to do.

We should all form a community
by: Mike

Strange title I know. I am 52, married, have several post grad qualifications, teach martial arts, blah blah blah. But the world sucks. I hate my life and would like so much to just die in my sleep.

But as I read the fact that many, many people feel like us, I thought I wonder if we could all just come together and form a community. Not a commune. Maybe more of a series of share houses.

If we all feel the the same crappy way all the time, maybe we could feel empathy for others and give ourselves some happiness (if that is possible).

I'm probably talking rubbish but it seemed for a brief moment that I could see us all looking after each other and protecting ourselves from all the crap people out their who seem just to treat us all like rubbish or look down on us.

Let's face it, life has let us all down. Religion and gods have abandoned us and bad luck just seems to be our lot.

Maybe moving in together is a bit much. Perhaps a regular meeting at different spots all over the place. No bible bashing or other crap. Just getting together and feeling some happiness. Would have to be in the park or some crap like that as I see there a are a lot of teenagers who feel like sh*t as well.

That's my comment. Life sucks

I understand
by: Nece

I so understand!! I am 41 and still live in my mothers house with my 12 year old daughter and my now fiance. He works all the time but we still can't seem to save up enough to get a place of our own.

I suffer from depression and am on ssi I am trying to get a part time job but because I was depressed as a teenager and didn't work much. When I did it was under the table. Also I was raped by the person I worked for so many bad things have happened to me. Through it all I manged to find my soul mate. I am saying this because I know things will get better for you.

If you believe in God then have faith even if you don't have faith anyway. Lastly you can call me a friend one who knows where your coming from. I believe I came across this for a reason trust me it's going to get better. DON'T GIVE UP PLEASE.

Reflective lives
by: Anonymous

I read your story and thought for a split second that my journal had been published in a blog! I am also 30, still living at home, trying to find direction, been away and moved out numerous times to always come back, tried everything... I know exactly how you feel.
I do wonder if this is it, this is my life, and it makes me feel defeated and sad. I am trying to pull myself out of this but it's very hard and quite a struggle at times. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is the answer, but deep down I know it's not. Just wish a life manual would fall out of the sky and into my lap.
I hope that you one day find the answers you're looking for. I hope we both do.
x

HAPPINESS IS YOUR CHOICE!!!!
by: Anonymous

Every where you go, there you are!! You can move anywhere as much as you want but your problems will always will follow you... Life sux and that's a fact!!! Ive lost evrything in a week, a job, an 8yr relationship and a family member from cancer.. Waking up sick to my stomach everyday I couldn't take the severe anxiety so I tried to end it.. haha jokes on me, I failed still I'm here. I guess its not my time to go...I'm not crazy but I guess Ive had it and that was my breaking point at the time. Of course no one gets you and everyone says to you "It could be worse". Isn't that the truth!!! Sh**t hit the fan daily and still hasn't stopped and everyone around me is doing well except me and after a while I question myself am I that pathetic so I just started to laugh at everything because however hard I tried to change things, things just constantly got worse. So I went with it and developed a F**K you attitude. But they do say everything is mental, so you kind of have to change the way you think and the feeling will change with it. I push myself every day and my anxiety is so severe but I refused to take anything because I don't want to rely on medication and be weak. Ive been there done it all. Nothing worked. Its tough!!!! There would be days where I'll change my clothes 4 times at night because I'm soaked from sweat, days where I can't get out of bed, days where I'll be hugging a toilet vomiting because the anxiety gets so severe. Believe me my friends call me and tell me that they are anxious for a day and they don't know how I go through it daily. Its sux!!! But sometimes you have to put on the smile even if you have to fake it. I have to get out of this rut.. I try to surround myself with positive successful people to get some encouragement. I mean come on if they can do it so can I!! I Go run when I can hardly walk. Go to the gym, shop get my nails done when I feel lonely and I REFUSED TO LISTEN TO SAD MUSIC. It's hard I'm there I want to break down and cry every day and I do but I believe if you want it you can get through it. Just one foot in front of the other. You have to become your own best friend and put yourself out there. Nobody will know you exist if you sit in the house and lock yourself in. Nobody cares about you unless you care about yourself and life goes on no matter what if you're here or not. So making positive changes is your only choice to get well!!

hello
by: Anonymous

YOU CAN DO IT!!

please read this !!!
by: de lucky leprechaun

Came across this page just by chance after a terrible week.. It's amazing how much unhappiness is in the world and how many young people are unhappy enough to put it up on this page which means your just screaming out for a shoulder..
No matter how old you are life can be harsh, it doesn't always turn out how we want in fact I'd say 90 percent of peoples haven't. Suicide is no option at all and the fact that you wrote on this page means you just want to tell someone and relieve even the tiniest piece of that horrible feeling inside. Tomorrow morning just try one thing, anything at all that will make you happy even for one hour!! Try jogging or walking to your favourite songs somewhere that's beautiful to be, don't just sit there over thinking what should be or might have been, because that will positively absolutely change nothing! Take it day by day. Things won't change over night. But just dig as deep as you can and say your gonna change things !!
For the record I've no one "special" in my life I lost my company am in severe debt and was told my mam has cancer this week my heart beats at 190 beats a minute and I feel like I'm gonna pass out every ten minutes.. but I force myself to the gym I force myself to make an effort and it's hard but I know it'll come good ..

A Botched Life sounds totaly disappointing for You
by: Alan

When you wrote this it sounded like you where really despairing about your journey so far. Sounds like your pain stands way in front of all those positive experiences you have had in between. It must take lot of energy to hold your pain.

Your work to study and be straight is fantastic. Sounds like you know how to really help yourself. Keep going Girl!

it's never been easy
by: Anonymous

Everyone has their demons. Whether they choose to share them or not, they are there. They always are. And life is always going to be challenging. But no one ever said life was easy, or that happiness would come to you. Like everything else, you have to work for it. You have to see things differently in order to break away from the self-hating lens, and realize that you mean something, and that you have a future. there is no limit to what you can achieve, so start small, take it day by day, and be easy on yourself.

life jus sux
by: Anonymous

My girlfriends parents absolutely hate me for no reason. They don't even know me. That made my girlfriend break up with me, and my heart feels like it just left and died. I feel like my soul left me and I have none. She brought the good out in me, every time I was with her I felt like I was floating on air. Now I just feel like crap and I cant take it much longer. I really hate being without her.

Hello.
by: April

I'm 16, and at the moment I really hate my life. I'm really shy, introverted and self conscious. I don't know why, but I always feel like someone is talking about me or laughing at me behind my back. I'm also a pushover, and I take jokey comments really personally and get offended easily.

I have a loving family and I'm doing ok at school, but I'm just unhappy all of the time. I have been friends with this girl for ages, who I started to hang out with because my other friends at the time were bullying her. I basically gave up all my friends and my social life to hang out with her because I felt sorry for her, and now she's a complete b*tch. She's self centred, stubborn and is never aware of when she's hurting someone. But my other friends are hyptotised by her, so I'm scared that if I leave then I'll have no friends left.

All this is only a small section of my problems. I really don't want to spend another 2 years in college, I just want to leave the country and start a new life, but I don't even have a part-time job yet. I guess that I can only hope life gets better in the future, and I suppose I should really be more pro-active rather than typing out my life story.

i didnt mean that to P but to the one with the picture
by: Anonymous

My advice was directly for the one in the picture, but I hope it helps others who read it.

to P from T, PART 2
by: Anonymous

CONTINUED.

But I realized that I'm the one letting this happen. I'm the one why life is depressing. I'm the one why I'm always down. I'm the one why people underestimate me, I'm the one why I underestimate myself. I had an awakening, and you will too. Without going to see a psychiatrist, without having to be born-again, without having to go get help. Those (like you and I) who are truly trying to find the light, will find it. It takes time and many tests. As much pain that you've felt generally your whole life you still remain alive and willing to learn. You are more than deserving to be truly happy. You must realize that you are a beautiful person inside and out. That how intelligent and wise you actually are. Your potential ability to help those you interact with that may need help just like you need help. But the only person who can do this is YOU. Wake up and give yourself the love and credit that you have truly deserved your whole life. You will be rewarded greatly.
Good luck and respect and peace for life.

Peace,

Travis

to P from T, PART 1
by: Anonymous

Hello P,

How are you feeling? I am 27 and I read your calling and it seems that your pain is so powerful that it's controlling your life. You felt true emotional and mental pain at a very young age. I understand how that feels and how much impact it can have on the rest of ones life. Life can be cruel and we naturally will blame ourselves because we are unaware of how powerful we actually are (that is natural). For years and years, even as a child, I would always be down, depressed, and usually disappointed in myself. My parents thought it was because of a divorce they had when I was at such a young age. As I began school I was angry, had a short temper and basically always acted a fool. I would get bad grades, never pay attention, and was always in trouble with my teachers. This routine would happen up about until about 8th grade. Something happened. I started getting better grades, all my teachers liked me, and my basketball game was very good. I just started to naturally feel high and appreciative. I kept all this up until I graduated high school. My life took a 180 for the worse. I started getting into partying (heavily) and that included heavy drugs and a lot of alcohol. But it was mostly the drugs. I quit college, and just getting everyday jobs and keep partying. It went on for about 5 years. Then again, out of nowhere I started feeling better about life again. I quit drugs, only drank once in a while and just staying at one job. I kept this lifestyle for a couple years until I started partying again (without discipline). I started getting addicted again and stopped caring about everything. Eventually I lost my job, my girlfriend, and many friends. I too felt like an out-cast of my family. I felt that they all felt like they were better than me. I blamed myself and felt like I could do nothing. My family was worried sick about me and so were my friends that stuck with me. I was always called stupid by people and constantly ridiculed. I used to hate people.

President of BBA
by: MBS

Life is like an ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts...................................

My Life Right Now
by: Anonymous Joe

What a cool page....everyone spilling their guts about why they hate their life. Well here is why I currently hate mine.

I don't work and am currently collecting unemployment. I am going to school, but it seems my interest in school is declining rapidly. I drink a lot. Maybe get drunk 3 to 4 times a week. This makes me really lazy. Not only the next day, but sometimes for a few days after. My house looks like sh*t because I haven't cleaned it in a while. I fell asleep at 12am and didn't wake up till 2:30 pm. WTF! I get so mad at myself for doing this.

I got so much sh*t I need to do, but I think I'm too depressed and lazy to do it. I am disgusted at myself when I read over this comment, because I feel like a depressed loser (which I am).

When I wake up late my I get more anxious throughout the day and am not very confident around others. Oh well, I guess I better get off this fricken site and actually do something about. Plus my sherbet is defrosted...Good luck to everyone out there!

Hope
by: Michael

I live in a similar situation as yours. I am 28 and live with my parents. I have multiple degrees and can not find a job. There are days where I don't know where I find the strength to keep going. And, on top of that I am a one year cancer survivor. The only thing that keeps me going is the belief and hope that things will get better. I have no idea how they will get better you just have to believe. I am not talking about religion or medication or even the power of positive thinking. You have to find something inside of yourself. This will make the difference. Remember that you are not alone. And that belief has nothing to do with the mind.
love.

In the same boat
by: Anonymous

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I have never felt like I really belong anywhere. I have been through a lot in my 40 years and find myself continually having to pick myself up and starting over again when it comes to relationships. I am now getting ready to leave my current fiance. I am so unhappy with my 3 year relationship because I seem to always go for the guys who end up being control freaks. He has to know every detail of everything I do and everywhere I go. He makes me feel like his child not his girlfriend so I would rather be alone.

Ive also been in college for 5 years now and am burnt out and not even sure I want to go into the area Ive been studying now. I just don't know why I am so restless and I don't know how to get beyond that feeling and just be happy with the blessings I do have. At least I know I'm not the only one who has these feelings so thanks for sharing your story with all of us!

Life sucks...but you got to pick yourself up!
by: P

Hey guys,

My name, well simply call me P. Life does suck, big time...I am in my 20's and it seems like everything is hopeless. I have failed to achieve what most my age have, such as a university degree, driving and also securing some sort of job.

I have picked myself up though, started college again and I'm on the way to university this September. I have a girlfriend who I do love and adore, I have been with her for nearly 4 years now and yet I still feel somewhat lonely. I have family also, mum, dad and 2 sisters. I have a few friends here and there, but no one I can really call my own, no homo..lol...but in the sense of my "boys"...the "lads". I always seem to make the wrong choices when it comes to friends, and it ends up with me being stabbed in the back by them. You see I do not have any brothers at home so it can get extremely lonely and it makes it ten times worse knowing that I don't have relationships like that with the friends that I do have. I feel extremely low about my appearance too.

Just a few years ago I was proud of myself, and considered myself to be a looker too, but now I have put on a lot of weight and its also bringing me down, everything seems to bring me down for the past couple of years, I just cant put my finger on it. It really frustrates me and now I cant seem to put any of my trust into people no matter who they are....its pretty shitty...but I will persevere to get over this and spend my time and energy in bettering myself instead of self loathing....and I think most people on this should do the same....

I give up
by: Anonymous

I hate my life too. Sad thing is though that even as a little girl I hated life. There really is nothing good about it. I used to fight through it and have goals and passions. However within the last year I have completely given up. Hard work and passion gets you nowhere. I am, well I was an artist. A photographer and a graphic designer. I loved it, but it took so long to get through college I didn't care anymore by the time I was finished.

I am completely burnt out. To make matters worse I had to start working in a factory about a year ago. It broke my skin out so bad I have scarring all over my face. I used to be beautiful, but now I don't leave the house except for work. I feel ugly and that was just the last straw for me. I don't leave my room. I don't talk to my parents or any family. I am completely isolated and just want it all to be over.

F*** This World
by: Anonymous

Sup, I would say my name about here but I'm going to remain Anonymous I'm 14 and guess what like the majority of the people here I hate my life.

I'm normally a happy-go-lucky person on the outside but you guys all know how it works by now. Happy on the outside f**king depressed on the inside at the moment the biggest depression is my parents. I'm sorry if I end up ranting nonsense to you but seriously what is their problem??? My mum thinks I'm an idiot. I may not be the smartest person in my class but I'm a lot better than most people I know.

I have low self-esteem and my mum continuously calling me stupid or idiot doesn't help. I recently asked for a second piercing and my mum just about exploded I swear with the way she was acting you'd think I killed someone and was doing a runner. Then I tried saying you can't stop me when I'm 16 because I'd be legal and she threatened to disown me and kick me out of the house. I wouldn't have believed her but she's kicked me out before. I once got a D in a mock test of a mock test meant for grade 11 when I was in grade 8 and everyone failed it because it was too hard for us and she chucked my iPod out of the mother-f***ing window.

My dads even more unreasonable I would go on but I'd be here forever. I would try to slit my wrists. But I don't have the guts to do it. Anyways I wish everyone good luck with their problems and hope we can one day be truly happy and holy sh*t my mum just took my pocket money away. Bloody brilliant. Now excuse me while I have another yelling match with my darling mother.

the balance
by: Anonymous

im in a situation similar to yours. many rash decisions that seem bad in retrospect (and many probably were.)

i can't explain how i move on, but i do. its all we can do. sitting around asking "why" only ever served to make things worse on a emotional level.

frankly, life sucks. life is also beautiful.

in my youth i asked "why" too often. only recently i've shifted my focus onto constantly moving forward, despite my problems (both self-inflicted and otherwise.)

i've come to the conclusion that its impossible to be "happy". likewise, its impossible for everything to always be bad. the worse things are, the better the small improvements seem. the better life is, the worse that setbacks seem to hurt. its an emotional balance of sorts.

we have feelings, and we have only a finite amount of control over them. that being said, i've found that accepting the good and the bad BOTH helps make them more worthwhile. it helps to stabilize the emotional balance.

if everything were perfect in life? we'd all grow bored and malcontent. if it was miserable, we'd all become bitter and spiteful. yet none of us are completely either/or.

things can't always be good. the bad only makes the good more worthwhile. life is beautiful BECAUSE its not perfect.

these thoughts have helped immensely. i hope someday, someone will read this, and they too will gain a new appreciation for what little we have in the little time we have.

Life
by: Anonny-mouse

I don't know who you are. You don't know who I am, but I believe that your life will get better. Not because of God or any other bullsh*t religion that makes false promises, but because when you hit the bottom, the only place left to go is up.

I've hit the bottom a couple of times, and every time I have struggled to pull myself back up. I don't have any magical words of wisdom that will convince you that your life will get better, just belief that it will.

Do what makes you happy. Anything, as long as it makes you feel better. Don't watch the news, it's always negative.

Good luck.


I know how you feel...
by: Anonymous

I'm 12 and I have an evil mother.. I'm not just saying that, I mean it. She told me I was so fat she'd be ashamed to show me to her boyfriend. The NHS say I'm 3 pounds over weight for my age, and I feel awful in any type of swimming costume. I am also a diver but I'm thinking about giving up because I feel awful about the way I look. But aren't parents meant to love you no matter what you look like, and she gave birth to me?

My parents are divorced and my dads in Hospital he recently had an operation on his stomach and a week later it all went horribly wrong. He was rushed to hospital. I have a younger brother but I only see him about once every two months as he his kept under close eye by my mother. At the moment I'm living with my gran. Me and her are really close and her and my dad are really all I have left. If they both die I will have nothing left to live for and I may as well commit suicide.
I go to and grammar school, but I'm failing because of problems at home. My school has a zero tolerance rate and I have a feeling they might kick me out.

I really feel like I have nothing to live for.
all I want to do is grow up and open a zen/meditation retreat in the mountains.

it's alright
by: Anonymous

Same as you! I hate my life too but my mother talks me out of it. I know when you see long messages you will just scroll to the next shorter one, so this is also going to be short!! Don't give up! Talk to your parents lah! I HATE my secondary school which starts with a letter K and ends with I (: DONT GIVE UP AND DONT HATE YOURSELF. I ALSO DON'T WANT TO HATE MY SCHOOL SO I'M LEARNING (: GOOD LUCK!

living at home
by: Anonymous

Hey, I lived with my mom my whole life till she died when I was 52. That was 7 yrs. ago. I loved her and we shared expenses and we were very close. I never even thought about moving out.

My parents divorced when I was 16. Some people may think it weird to live at home at our age, but I loved and cherished every moment I had with my mom. There are a lot worse things than living with your parents as an adult. People used to do it all the time. There were 3 and sometimes 4 generations living in one big house, all supporting & encouraging each other - not a bad thing in my book

Life
by: Anonymous

I've just got a couple of things to say here.

1. Life is never great, for anyone. There are problems in everyone's life but in order to find happiness you have to find the strength to overcome them. This is your personal task and there is no shortcuts or an easy way out.

2. Reading the comments, I noticed a couple of people talking about putting your life in the Lord's hands. Although I whole-heartedly support religion and believe that finding the one you believe in is crucial to your happiness, I do not like this term. This term implies that a higher being will provide for you if all you do is pray to him. In order to make success for yourself, you have to work hard and put in a lot of time and effort. No amount of praying will replace hard work.


Hi
by: Anonymous

I love life

Cna to Nursing
by: Anonymous

I have a similar experience to yours. I am 28 and I am now engaged because I stayed in a relationship based on the fact that I'm almost 30 and I can't support myself. My bachelor degree proved to be worthless in this recession. I worked as and LNA and just recently graduated with my RN. Now I can't find a job to save my life. I enjoy the man I'm going to marry but I don't know if I'm ready for marriage or not.

I feel like I need to be independent before I know he's right for me. I've been putting off wedding planning because I don't want to make any more mistakes. for him or myself. People keep asking me 1 million questions about the wedding & it's so hard to answer and sound excited. I hate when people can see through it. He is my best friend, but I don't know if we should be husband and wife. He is also struggling to find decent work and we need each other to get by. I feel like it's more of a financial marriage (because we are both so poor) then a marriage out of love.
I wish we could both find decent jobs and not rely so much on each other. If we stay together when we don't need each other financially then I know it's right.

Good not to be alone
by: Sjaan

After reading much of what has been said here - I identify with that feeling of hating my life. It's nice to know that there are other people out there feeling that same way. Sometimes putting on the front of being a 'shiny-happy person' is exhausting.
Thanks

Opportunity
by: Anonymous

Life can really be a bitch, I came on this site hating on life, but reading everyone elses' troubles makes my problems feel small. It's funny because every story I had read, I would have great advice for, then I came to realise that I felt very similar to them.

So I advised myself to stop thinking about negative sh*t. I'm going to be a good friend to myself. Stuff what everyone else is gonna think about me. They don't like me... Then bite me... hehehehehe....... I'm gonna treat myself with a good laugh, because it's been a while. So I'm gonna figure out what makes me laugh and smile.
Maybe if I stop judging myself, I might stop thinking that others are judging me.

Next time I wake up, I'm gonna tell myself, I need to love myself and others.
If I feel like people are using me, I'm going to tell myself that my intentions are good, therefore, I'm gonna feel good about it and keep in mind karma is a bitch.

I feel so much better then an hour ago, I'm gonna go and live that life I always dream about, we've got one life to live and I'm not gonna waste any more time crying over spilled milk.

Just a quote to help people like myself.

When one door closes, another one opens.
But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the close door that we do not see the one which has just opened for us.

Good luck
______________________________________________

WOW, love this! Well done, keep with this attitude and you're gonna fly!!!!

Love,
Kay
x


Life can be better
by: Anonymous

If you looking for hope if you looking love you should turn to God. You will never be happy unless you allow the Lord to take control.

You are a miracle!
by: Anonymous

My first memory is of my father yelling at my mother and spilling hot coffee on her. We then went to live at a battered women shelter where I slept with 3 other kids on a cot. We lived with my grandma for a short while then we moved into an apt.

My mom listed a wanted ad for a single woman with child looking for another woman to be roommates with. A man stalked my mother through that ad then broke into our house through my bedroom window. I was asleep in her bed but he let her move me to my room. I know i woke up and saw him rape her although it was dark and I was only 5. After that we got into a very bad car accident. The kid involved was drunk and ran a red light. We went over two no parking poles and wrapped around a telephone pole. I remember sitting in the firetruck with the fire chief watching the men in their yellow slickers and fire hats trying to get my mom out. I guess it was easy for me to crawl out but my mom was unconscious and naturally a lot larger so they had to use the jaws of life. She was ok, thankfully but had broken her nose on the steering wheel. The kid was someone's son in the D.A.'s (Sacramento round 87') Office so he got off scott free. My father picked me up from the hospital and kidnapped me.

He was only supposed to have me while my mom got better, but he took me and put me into a new school the very next day. My first day of school he left me there for 3 hours after school let out. I stayed with the teacher while she graded papers. She knew something was up I'm sure, I was so scared. I thought my dad had left me there forever. I felt so alone. I remember not knowing what was going to happen and missing my mom, but trying to be strong.

My dad had me for about 6 months or so until my mom was able to find me. Our relationship was strained at best. I ran away, had a mohawk, lived under a sidewalk in S.F. I was trying to kill myself before I even turned 18 by just living hard.

I hit bottom around the time my best friend was killed by a drunk driver. I got myself straight, but those years of my life were so crazy and painful and I rarely if ever think about them. As if they are a minor footnote in my life, but I see these traumas play out in my life through my relationships with men, to my own inability to deal with frustration and anger...

But there is hope. I have met someone who is everything my father was not. We have a beautiful daughter. We fight (not violently), but we have a pretty healthy relationship. One that makes me feel safe enough to work through these problems. I watched the movie 'The Secret' after a bad break-up and then I changed my life. I admit it is hard to stay positive, but I carry a gratitude rock with me everywhere to help me in my journey. Every time I touch it I think of all that I do have.

I think of all the travels I've been on in my life and the extraordinary things that I've seen and I know that my life isn't meaningless.

I wish who ever reads this hope for their future!

Hmm
by: Anonymous

Am different from you guys. Am 22, I have a lot of friends who I choose not to speak with, except for 2, who are really close friends. Live with my parents, never had a girlfriend (and being a navy officer, it would be hard to get one that wouldn't mind you being away for a long time without cheating... And am really happy. I really am.

I have no intention of getting a girlfriend or getting married. I have no intention of moving out and my parents don't mind if I don't move out, my siblings call me a social reject, but I choose to be this way. I stopped going out to socialise a long time ago. I have a lot of money in the bank and I dont even know what to spend it on. I would normally spend £100 to £150 a month. I don't get to see my 2 closest friends because I work away from home, and so do they (one in the army the other in the navy).

My point is enjoy life with people who matter the most, which is your family. They are the people who will look after you whenever you need them.

Ignorance is Bliss
by: Anonymous

The issue is you are smarter and more sensitive than most of the population. Look to the airhead smiling about her nail polish and talking about twitter. She is happy because she is self absorbed and probably not that smart or worldly. Life is easy for those that can only see or care about what is right in front of their nose. You can try to dull their stupidity and ease your intolerance of them with drugs and booze but in the end you are the one that suffers. So I claim to believe you are smart and see the world perhaps for the bigger picture and at times it can swallow you whole...but at least you see the world for what it is...but its those people that make charities/help people etc. Maybe you can find yourself by helping others would would love to even be in your position.

need help.
by: Anonymous

I am 20 yrs of age. I think I am sort of a loner. I have friends but none too close to share my feelings. I have never gone out with any girl till now but I lie to my friends about this because I'm embarrassed to deny this fact. I got into bad company first year of engineering and thus have been getting bad grades. I am into heavy alcohol consumption of late. I feel like the time I get peace of mind is only when I'm high. I don't feel happy anymore I just pretend like I'm normal, but inside feel miserable, alone and lack reason to live. no amount of reading stuff is helping me.

________________________________________________

The only thing that's going to help you is changing your mindset. You have to change the thoughts you have about yourself to the complete opposite of what you feel about yourself at the moment. When you do this you will change your life.
Love,
Kay

WOW!
by: Anonymous

OMG I'm 29 and I'm stuck in the same position as you are. I read your story and it was a step by step of my life to the T. I thank you for posting because I thought I was the only person in world that did this.

Hopless? ..Why
by: Anonymous

I hate my life many many times over and over! No one really gets me. I feel like I want to get into a hole hide hide for the rest of what life has to offer. I am in 3rd year university trying to make something of myself. I was always told I will never be anything by my Dad. Some people can live and some can't. This depends on how damaged they are. Who should comment and say get over it?.

I know life is rough! its not easy....

I have a Q. Please don't is it bad if some one is at a party and they made the choice to go home bad? NO.. because they chose to do so. If one wants to die why they can't they make that choice and people respect that. Why will that person will be labelled a mental case. Is this a rule of society. please don't get me wrong I just always had this Q. but don't ask it. So there I put it out there....

__________________________________________________

I believe we are on earth to learn and develop the spirit that is within us. Choosing death because things in life aren't the way that make you happy isn't right, particularly when life is about choosing your thoughts to be how you want. We all have free will. Without the challenges throughout our life how would we learn and develop, how would we become strong confident people? Sometimes we go through upsets to enable us to help another who is also going through the same thing. Look on life as a challenge to move through, to gain experience, not a huge brick wall that's impossible to pass. Choosing to end a life because things aren't going right, when you haven't made the effort to change cant be the right thing to do. It's a cop out. You are right, life is about choices, every single thing you do is because you chose to do it. You might say 'but I didn't want to do it', but the fact remains that you did choose it, just as you chose to believe your dad's words about never being anything. Accept his words as a challenge and prove him wrong! You can be whatever way you want to, you can, if you choose, change your life now this minute, purely by changing the thoughts you have to enable you to become how you want.

Love
Kay
x

Can't quit
by: Anonymous

People keep saying, be positive, think, positive. It's not that easy. I know depression is "bad". My family taught me to soldier on. I can rationalize everything and keep telling myself life isn't so bad, look at what I have compared to others. I still get crushing waves of depression where life seems like too much to handle. Until I started experiencing it I would never have been able to understand it.

The only option is to keep trying because the alternative is to give-up.. Some days it's harder than others, but there is no other choice.

WHAT A GREAT SITE! REALLY!
by: DAVE

What a great place to let out some of your feelings and problems. You know, we all have 'em. I'm 52 in a dead end job, worked hard since I was 13 and have little to show for it. I really can't say I have any accomplishments or have done anything that "means anything" That's how I feel...but its not the reality.

When I talk to people and say this they correct me, "you have done great things" then they recite them. It helps to talk about it and that is why I like this site. I have been to shrinks, and they have helped but I'm still off center and cant find that fire within me anymore. I work to pay bills, garden and have hobbies but I think everybody here feels it ... somethings missing. I don't remember ever being happy after age 8 or 9. I am gay and that has been a conflict to deal with but I 'm fine with that.

I have been religious and faithful, I have studied other religions and beliefs but that kind of faith seems to have left me due to the "false profits" out there. (pun intended) All I can say is stand up for what you feel and believe in and things will get better!

Here's to happiness
by: Anonymous

I live in a small town, approx 55,000 people. When I wake up, the mornings are at times rough. Not because of what I am lacking (food, heat, bed etc) but because of expectations I have of how my day should go. I used to believe getting wiser simply meant aging. I know by experience most people gain inspiration from stories they hear of hardship, so here's mine.

On a scale from 1-10 appeal wise, I would fairly say 6.8 (I go to the gym and swim twice a week). When I was 16 in high school, I started going out with a girl. She was my first so I naturally got attached. I ended up moving out of my dad's place to live with this girl at her parent's. Afterwards, I took my father to court because of the pressure my mother was putting on me for financial aid to go through school (they divorced when I was 5). I was able to get some fund to help me get started with college. I couldn't finish because of the guilt I had and bullshit with the ex-girlfriend. My mind was in so many places. We broke up, I then moved to 2 different places then my grandparents offered to rent me a place upstairs where they live. I still live here today. I know by most people's standard that living in their grandparent's upstairs or downstairs is horrible, sinful, disgraceful, taboo, the devil, etc etc etc.. Yet I can say I am slowly healing. I can feel myself growing again as a person by playing music and listening to my Grandfather. I am 24 today with some hope for the future, and I am proud to share the knowledge that what does not kill you only makes you stronger. If you went through a rough childhood, bad relationship, divorce, economic hardship, abuse, violence, drug abuse, the recovery process may be a long road and perhaps one that may not be reached - but if victorious the glory that will fulfill you will limitless and something that no one can take away deep within you. There is always hope.

Thats the way to your happiness!!
by: Anonymous

Keep hoping for good life, because you still have time to change your life if you really make a decision and never look back. One more and important thing........, Involve God in whatever you do because he can see your suffering and tears and he is going to help you. Stay blessed.

You are all so beautiful!
by: Anonymous

I want all of you to know that your honesty is a breath of fresh air! So many people walk around saying everything is GREAT when it is not.

Good for you! I love it. I love you.

Many people feel like you. My one piece of advice is that you realize this and start feeling sorry for more people than yourself.

Life can be so tough. As we walk along the street and stair at the pavement, we forget to look up at the blue sky, the sunsets, and all the beautiful things going on around us.

I really don't think the purpose of life is to be a functional member of society, earn our keep and prove to mom and dad that we aren't failures. I think the purpose of life is to appreciate beauty in whatever way we can. When you stop appreciating beauty, you should look for ways to rekindle that.

I'm not Mr. Motivational Speaker, and beyond feeling the way you do. How else do you think I found this blog? I thought it was great that you were honest, and I think that is beautiful, and it made me feel better.

Thanks!

I feel you
by: Adam R

Hey- I too hate my life and am in a very similar situation. I am a twenty five year old male who also moved back home with my parents and can not see a way back to being happy. I have spent the last six years addicted to heroin and other opiates. Even though I have now been clean and "doing the right thing" for more than two months life has certainly not gotten any better. My girlfriend went to rehab and broke up with
me saying that she doesn't believe that I have been clean, but I know it's just because the way that I have been living has left me in a hole with no money job car or place of my own.

In fact life has gotten much worse since I have been clean-at least when I was shooting dope I couldn't feel the pain that I am experiencing now. Well thanks for letting me get that off my chest and I hope you make it back to Portland that place rules. Take care. Love Adam

Feeling like I want to die
by: Emma

Hi I'm a 13 year old female, I get bullied a lot because I'm not really that smart and I'm quite well I'm very self conscious about things. Like I will not go swimming with my friends because I am quite fat I weigh over 9 stone..... how bad's that. I don't eat a lot really I just tend to put on weight. I went on a diet recently no fatty foods or drinks just a strict water and salad. I tried this for a week I thought I was doing good until I went onto the scales and I had put on over 10 pounds. I do regular exercise but I just don't understand why I am the way I am. Anyway I get bullied because I'm ugly, fat and and dumb. I just want to curl up under a rock and die. I just don't know what to do anymore I mean my family hate me so that doesn't make it better. Please help.

_______________________________________________

Emma, you are your own worst enemy! Stop telling yourself you are ugly, fat, nobody loves you. All these are thoughts that are in your head. Thoughts that you think about so often that you have made them your truth. You have to start thinking good things about yourself, and the more often you do this the sooner you will start to feel better about yourself. So...... think things such as "I am a lovely girl", "I love me because I am special" "Everyone loves me" "I am very confident" I know you are probably thinking that those things aren't true, but Emma, the horrible things you say aren't true! Go with the good thoughts, much better to think in a good way then a bad way don't you think?

Regarding your diet, eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, its not how little you eat but what you eat that's important. Keep away from cakes, biscuits, pies, fast foods, fried food, and over time your weight will lower, and because you are eating healthy food you will begin to feel better about yourself and lose weight. 9 stone is not heavy! Trust me on this one!

Good luck Emma, with good thoughts about yourself I know you will not feel like curling up under a rock any more.

Nobody hates you darling but you.

Love to you, and a happy future.

Kay
x

Friends
by: RJ

Don't be sad about it. Join volunteer groups or make a group online, from there, you can arrange meetings and find good friends.

soldier of misfourtune
by: tank

I know just how you feel I feel like I have been running on fumes all of my life my childhood was empty and hard. My family cared about me but they are just as damaged as I am and were preoccupied with their own hard lives. I am 31 now and I have accomplished nothing with my life and it is even harder now just to keep pushing through my life like a soldier with no allies no brothers in arms all alone and out gunned fighting tooth and nail just to keep living.

i hate my life
by: marcus

I hate my life I have nothing to do and I'm always alone at home since I do not have a mother and only a father he works every time I see my friends more than my father. I hate him I hope I never see him again. He doesn't know how I feel and because of this I hate him. I hope he dies so I can be alone forever. I have never been happy after my mother left me and now I'm only 14.

I only find happiness when I cycle my bicycle and recently I got banged by a car while cycling and my father didn't show concern instead he scolded me which makes me really sad and I can't cycle because one of my rims is bent. I asked him to buy a new one but he didn't want to, and I am only able to enjoy myself on Friday and Saturday because those are the only days I can cycle. Other days I'm busy. My father doesn't know how I feel at home and I really hate that it's really sad. I hope I can get a better life, I really hate my life my father doesn't care about me. I really truly hate him I hope he dies and he will one day understand how I feel.

________________________________________________

Your father will never know or understand how you feel unless you explain it to him. Often when a child gets hurt a parent's initial reaction is anger towards the child. This isn't because the child isn't loved but because he has been hurt and it could have been much worse. The anger is based on fear at the thought of the child being badly hurt.

I am sure your father loves you very much, and I truly believe you should open up to him and tell him how you are feeling. How can he help if he doesn't know you are having problems?

Be brave, speak to him.

Love
Kay
x

Positivity
by: Passivity

Hi. I am a 30 year old female. Up until the age of 25, I had friends, university degree (still have it) but couldn't find a job, parents that were well off, so I never had to complain about money. I had a good life. I am also not unattractive or overweight.

After that, I don't know..negativity kicked in (I know...my fault) - I got worried that I wouldn't find a job, and a boyfriend etc etc.. so many unjustified fears..
I started drinking. My friends didn't want to hang with me. Luckily I didn't lose my job.
My problem is:
Now, when I'm finally trying to get on with my life, and move towards the positive, I can't.
All I hear from my family is along the lines of 'you can't do it', no guy will want to marry you if he knows about your drinking past. It's like they've already set me up for failure. It's not like I have a negative family - each is positive and supportive of the other, just not me...
My family is who I'm around the most, and because of my culture, I cannot leave them.
If I'm surrounded by negativity constantly, how do I overcome it....?

_________________________________________________

Don't accept what they say, don't believe it. When they say you can't do something, mentally instantly say to yourself "Yes I can", or "I refuse to accept that" and dismiss it from your mind. Make your self talk become positive things about you and you will, in time, become how you think you are. Your thoughts make you the person you are and you choose your own thoughts, no one can choose them for you.

Stay strong.
Love,
Kay
x

Flawed and alone
by: Joshua

Reading these comments I am glad I am not alone. Misery does love company apparently. In my case I am a 32 year old man who is married, but not to the right girl. I've felt empty and alone for all my life and no matter how much I try to fill my life with happy things and people it just doesn't seem to help. At the end of the day I just feel like I have nothing.

I don't know if I should be angry at the world or just at myself. I'm flawed, possibly a failure even if everyone tells me otherwise. I can't help but think that "if only I was smarter, or if only I was more handsome, or if only...". It isn't true though, I think I would feel alone in the world even if I was perfect in every other way and even if I was loved by all. How do you deal with something like that??

__________________________________________________

Joshua, Start saying "I am smart" "I am handsome" "I am clever" "I can do this" affirm as though you already are the way you long to be and in time your subconscious will believe what you tell it!

Why not give it a go?
Love
Kay
x

Be Positive
by: Anonymous

What is wrong with all of you. Everyone of you hates your life and thinks that you are a failure. BE POSITIVE! I am sure you have had a lot of good things that have happened to you over the years you just don't see it yet.

Be confident in yourself, you feel hopeless now but if you have a good attitude and think you can do it you can! And trust me alcohol is not the answer! Don't worry you still have time to change your life and in the end it will all work out fine.

worthless
by: Anonymous

I just failed my driving test exam, after many sessions with an instructor. I'm so embarrassed, I went to the easiest place in the province. I feel like such an idiot. I literally almost turned into a jeep on a left turn-what's wrong with me?

_______________________________________________

Failing a driving test exam isn't the end of the world and you certainly aren't worthless! I had two attempts before I passed. A friend of mine actually ran over a low wall and into a flower garden on one of her attempts! You are not alone in failing! Have another go, and on the next one say to yourself "I can do this".

Love,
Kay

i sigh
by: Anonymous

i am a 23 year old male. At some point in my college years, i ran into an issue with my "area". I have gone to 5 different doctors, all of which have given me a clean bill of health. It burns when i piss, i have had erectile problems since i was 20 because of this pain. i haven't had a healthy relationship since i was 20 years old. My doctors say it will get better, but the truth is becoming more and more clear. Do i consider alternatives means to rectify my unhappiness? absolutely not. A quick escape is a cowards way out. I'm man enough to deal with my issues....even if that means being alone........

I know what you mean
by: Anonymous

I have the same problem and it sucks I know what you mean and understand. I just realized people suck and it's all good. I have my son and that's it, but I do know what you mean and how you feel so you are not a lone in that.

God can help
by: Damian

Turn to Christ Jesus, the one true God. He can help you. I promise. We were created by Him, so He's the only one who can truly satisfy your needs and desires.

I felt this way too, and still do sometimes. But God helps me to pull through. He's with you, waiting for you to accept Him into your life. Listen to the song "Invisible" by Disciple. I think the lyrics will make you feel better. Any time that song comes on my iPod, I know that's God saying "It's okay. I'm here."

Please listen to that song. Look up a video on YouTube that has lyrics along with it. Good luck with your journey in becoming a stronger Christian. :)

Cheer up :)
by: Anonymous

Have you ever taken the myers-briggs personality assessment? I found this very interesting and helpful when I was struggling. It sounds like you need to find inner peace and find what makes you come alive because living like you are is just existing and it sounds like you have a hard time accepting that. Maybe stop trying to fix things and start living! It'd be hard for someone to throughergly understand you - do you truly know anyone but yourself?

There's this awesome book called "The road less traveled" by Scott Peck.. its about a journey toward spiritual growth, I think it would benefit you to read this :)

wake up
by: Anonymous

You only have a short time on this world. Make a difference. Reach your potential. Devoting energy toward helping others may help you to take attention off of yourself and move on to bigger things.


Make friends
by: Ashu

Hey dear don't be frustrated it happens to every1..its easy to say but very hard to go through it. I'm also a very unsuccessful and frustrated guy. I'm a BE student but still not able to complete my degree, I have already lost 3 year in it, now my family member have lost all the respect they had on me, feels very bad. Try to make friends and share your problems you'll feel relief as I do.

Thanks for this blog
by: Anonymous

Some days I feel really blue. I typed "I hate myself" and came up with your blog. I read a few posts, and now feel better. I am not alone. I know intellectually that I have a good life, but not in my heart. For now I feel it in both places. Sometimes we can not figure out how we fit in this world. I am relieved when something or someone says something that helps me remember that. I am okay, and you are too.

DO you know about the suicide paradox? Some of the happiest places to live in the world, also have the highest suicide rates. It is attributed to people believing their life is not worth living because they are not as happy as most of the people they know.

Do you know that there is a happiness gene? Happiness or positive attitude is inheritable. I know I did not inherit the gene, though my Mom was a happy person - my dad was desolate his whole life.

I have also read dozens and dozens of books and have come to accept that like a person with soft teeth, or a missing limb, etc., my best life will be achieved by management of my problem, and that my mood problem will never go away. I do think I deserve to live, even though sometimes my contributions are small. I think I have helped many people, many of these people would be shocked to find out that I am basically unhappy. I deserve a life, even with my moodiness. I can contribute.

Your sensitivity will be a great strength in your work with people. One time I had a person tell me a little about his life while I was caring for him. He had been in the hospital for days. He had just been diagnosed with a deadly cancer, and he knew he would probably die of it in a short time. He had a beautiful happy marriage and I was so glad to hear about it. It made me realize, he had already lived a great life and I felt better for him. Then out of the blue he said "you know, you are the only one who cares around here".

Although I am not happy, I know that if I look my best, it will help others. If I smile and listen a lot, it will help others. I listen because people are interesting. I find it amazing that people who live crappy lives, are often happier than me. I think people have a right to feel like crap if they have a crappy life and situation and when they are still happy despite of that, it looks like a miracle to me. And when people feel like crap and keep trudging on, it inspires me to do the same.

This mood problem is a daily struggle though and if I don't do things everyday to support my mood, and manage my life toward stability, I end up feeling worse. (I watched too much TV this morning and my sister yelled at me for ignoring her phone calls about my daughter's birthday... Which I did deserve)

Have to go apologize to sis when she calms down, and not let it eat me up inside, like I often have done in my life....


I HAVE THE SOLUTION
by: AMANY

try to read about Islam,and i am positive you will find the solution. Trust me you will feel peace, I don't ask you to convert, but read and you will see. Good luck.

We all have bad days
by: Erin

I've read a lot of stories today, about people who aren't happy with their looks or their education or who feel like they need to find love to be happy.
I've had a rough life myself, sexually abused as a child, overweight most of my life, bullied or bullying all through grade school. Kicked out of high school three times!
But I don't feel like the world is picking on me. Even when I met the love of my life and he moved away to England (I'm in canada) after only three months. I don't feel like I'm owed anything. Life is what it is, no one said you were going to be lucky or happy... Why do you think you deserve to feel good when no one else does? Life isn't about that! I just think it's a strange way of looking at things.. "Why does everyone else have a perfect life? When is mine going to be perfect like that?" Not so fast my pretties... My best friend cant have children, can you imagine how depressed that made her? Now think of all these young moms who feel like their lives have been ruined! How selfish, right? No. Everyone has a different but equally sh*tty life. Stop acting like you're the only person that life is sh*tting on! You're are not special in that regard!!! No one is.
No disrespect, but we're all unhappy with our lives! I cant find a job and am about to get kicked out of my house, I hate my brother-30 year old idiot man-child, my father is dead, my mother has turned to booze and is angry all the time, I'm in a relationship with someone I don't truly love and yet... I'm not depressed! Because I know, and KNEW, life sucks for everyone! If you write a blog about how much you hate things and how hard your life is other people will try to tell you how much worse their life is.
I believe that every single person in the world would have a better life if they stopped comparing themselves to every single other person in the world.

Its Life
by: Anonymous

Personally, I have been trying to run a start up company for 3+ years, and I have lost mostly all my money. I lost the girl of my dreams, because I waited too long thinking I was going to get wealthy off of my start up, and then have her notice me. My family thinks I am crazy. I stopped sleeping, and I feel like whenever I eat, I am only in debt. Life has been no crystal stair case for me. But I guess things happen for a reason. I will always blame myself. But what I refuse to do is quit. If Washington would have given up to the British, there would have never been a United States. He lost many dear friends, but never lost hope. Never lose hope. Sometimes in life, even a little progress can go a long way. Fight for what you want to see in the world. Think big, dream bigger.

OMG I'M NOT ALONE?
by: Anonymous

WOW your picture and history intrigued me tremendously! You look beautiful and held your pain in my heart for a reading! You so have what it takes to be a humanitarian! Bravo! We women who have been broken (or so they think!) need to encourage each other.......................

God bless


life is cruel and unfair
by: Anonymous dc

I can relate to where all of you are coming from. I have been in psychological pain my entire life. I'm not going to write about how much my life sucks because I know lots of people have it worse. I am going to provide help to people on this site. Life is a cruel and cold place. Pain and suffering occurs everyday for millions of people. Lack of food, medicine, and shelter. These facts help me cope with my pain. I had so much pain at points in my life that my heart would physically ache. I was at the point where it would eat at me physically. But the truth is once you look at the basics you need to be thankful. If you have food, shelter, and health then you have no reason to whine. I used to make a lot of money and have purpose in life to create money to ensure a survival but I'm unemployed now and living with parents at 30. Never had a relationship and I have had sex with hookers in the past which I regret. All I do now is try to fight everyday. That is the key. You have to fight and expect that yes life does suck. But the fact is if you don't fight it will suck more. It can suck to the point where you are hungry and cold living on a street corner wishing for death. So my advice to all of you is to fight. It isn't easy I know, but you have no choice. My current fight right now is trying to quit cigarettes and marijuana and trying to find a job. I pray to God that he will help me in this time of need. I don't want to end up alone and depressed. Remember to fight your demons. Many of these demons reside in your head. Don't give up and suicide should never be an option.

I feel bad for you
by: sQA-dosh

Why so serious?
xD Sometimes I hate my life too.
I'm 17 living with my parents
You're 30. You should get back to school or something.
Or move out and get your own place were you can meet new people and maybe start a friendship.
Not everything in life will turn out like you dreamed of.
But you don't wait for your dreams to come true- You make them come true.

LAW OF ATTRACTION.
by: Anonymous

Read the Secret. Learn about the law of attraction. That will truly change your life.

wow there's a lot of hopelessness here
by: jim

which is just like real life, having been a person who use to have tons of friends, and being a mental health professional, the types of things people are venting about on this site is in my opinion, the normal condition of the human being...yes, pretty friggin normal.. and you're all doing the pretty healthy thing, to start with, venting in here.. and you know the rest, especially getting a medication, an organic solution without debilitating side effects like 420 or alcohol, and sticking with it, or changing to one that's more effective, and sticking with the process...you each are important special people and do have a place in the world, if nothing other than to reinvigorate those of us reading this site where you've had courage to bare your pain. and if you're saving one person, then you are a special special person, and maybe should look into helping some other people who have it worse than you, they are out there, they don't have computers, and many can't read nor write, right here in USA.. everybody chin up, and remember, there's nothing wrong with having a good cry...and maybe need to cry it out good long and hard...but if you're crying everyday, then you are telling yourself there's a change that needs to occur...most of all, you probably know what to do, but are afraid to take the steps...I relate, know too well regarding myself...please peoples hold on to yourselves...you have one life...everybody has to fight for it...everybody, I don't care what crap you see on television...the truth is life is a horrible jungle, we fight for things like peace of mind, love and happiness, though we think we only fight for food, money and shelter...nonsense...keep fighting...you are all Angels, thank you for what you've said...

well don't give up yet,
by: jim

have you tried and stuck honestly with regimen of anti depressants from psychiatrist?...maybe organic, not your fault, but consistently sticking with medication might offer relief...trying to help somebody who has it worse than you might make you feel better... I don't really know, I've done the same things as you.. maybe identify something you love in the world and focus on that.. its really not a shameful thing to live with parents, only your thoughts about it that make it so.. common overseas, like in Japan...anyway...take it a little easy, you are going to get out of eventually, but must hang in there until it happens... I also recommend dog or cat, puppy or kitten, priceless for giving life meaning and a wonderful sense of love...peace...

There is no answer.
by: SAM

I don't actually know why I am writing this but I will continue, Its true I also had the sense of the burden my parents were carrying even though other children around me were preoccupied with toys and having fun.

My earliest feelings I can recall are wanting to help my parents deal with their problems, I too have had various negative phases in my life and although I feel I'm fairly intelligent and well traveled I struggle to find people who really understand the depth of thought that I have about the simplest of things and ultimately I resort to pretending I'm someone I'm not to just fit in.

I have used drugs, drink and negative behaviour to try and cope with the isolation but in the end there is no answer the only way to deal with the loneliness is to accept your own company is sometimes the best. Life is hard and being close enough to see your goals but not close enough to touch them is extremely difficult. Just know that you have the ability to shape your future for good or bad.

guide to peaceful life
by: Anonymous

you research about islam read quraan then you will find the purpose of your life.you will find how to make correct decisions and gain a peaceful mind

PART II
by: Anonymous

i hope some gutless a-hole doesn't call me transphobic because this has nothing to do with phobia and i'm so over the trans stuff getting all the focus in what happened to me. honestly my family have no sympathy, just sick, fugged, morbid curiosity about how my partner and i will survive the sexual side of this. their sick and twisted ill treatment of me over my 5 year romance turning into a circus has made it hard for me to even admit i still love this person and am trying. my relationship existed as a hetero-normative one before this came into my life where i had the privilege of none of that bigoted rubbish intruding on my life. all my dreams were TAKEN from me when this happened. i no longer believe in happiness with a partner after this, i will never trust another man again. i have been raped, cheated on, stolen from, lied to, used as a cover for a gay man, beaten and now the "nice guy" became a woman. i have had enough of buying into this bullshit and trying to love life when this is what happens to all of my dreams.

what the hell is it? NOTHING. we are living pointlessly and sometimes painlessly for no one's benefit. if we are getting some out of life then it's pure luck. f**k all those who say we make our own luck. the hell we do. sometimes life decides we don't deserve the good we do get and i waited 4 years for my luck, doing all the self-help bullshit and lying to myself that it was going to work out too before i met my love. yep, been there, dunnit. i'm nearing my 34th birthday and life still sucks ass only now i'm 10 years older than where i was when i got to this point and alone again. sorry, i know my story and my words will fill no one here with any hope. but that's the truth of it from my perspective and a few others here who have finally reached the breaking point. there is nothing to hope for. hope is an illusion itself. the stronger ones and those with far less knocks in life will cling to it. those who have faced hell on earth, like myself don't live under this illusion anymore.

stop bleating positivity to people. it's as bad as religion or mental illness - they all share something in common. they are the path to pain, craziness and bullshit and sometimes, too much positivity-think over ideas that DO NOT WORK makes folks think suicide is the answer.

PART I
by: Anonymous

i'm not here to tell you all i'm going to suicide because it's pointless and until it happens i can't say with any certainty that it will.

i want to tell all of you women here who are hanging out hoping for your mister right. He WON'T happen! got it? it's a MYTH. just like the myth that everyone else is finding out about work and education. i'm appalled at the amount of people writing comments here who have university degrees and are UNEMPLOYED. for fugs' sake, something is wrong here isn't it?

we're all telling ourselves a load of bullshit. the reality is life is a goddamn pot full of snowflakes. every now and then you'll hit a rainbow coloured one and be happy for a moment, but eventually you'll be back chewing down the colourless snowflakes again.

at 19 i was taken from my family home by a person who claimed to have a fantasy of being my husband - a young guy i'd met at a CHRISTIAN camp in my teens. no i'm not religious but i went to this camp at 15 to make some friends. i'm not even going to go into my high school life except to say it's a miracle i made it out of that without taking my own life.

yes, this guy took me 500km away from my family, knocked me up twice and beat me within an inch of my life almost so often in the end i had to get away from him before i met eternal sleep at his hands and my children became his new prisoners.

i was 24 years old then. a single, beautiful, battered mother with two lovely kids under age 3 to raise with no job, no car, no money, no furniture, nothing. i had to rely on my family and the State to help me house myself and the kids again. i am still unemployed 10 years later though i have as much bitterness about that as a lot of others here and for the first 7 years of my life where i am now, i faced custody battles in court with my ex's family, solo-motherhood, my gripping Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being brought so close to death too many times in 4 years and this all just kept me far too busy and out of my mind with pain to worry about "getting a job". woohoo.

4 years after i struck out on my own i met my soulmate. yes he was the RIGHT person for me in every single sense of the word. at 28 i met my soul TWIN. honestly, i felt that for the first time in my life i had met "THE ONE". we made plans for a long future together and even planned another child together. there was only one problem though - he took it to the extreme and became my REAL twin. he's now living as a transsexual woman and guess what? we don't live together anymore. all my female dreams of a husband and family were destroyed. i am so broken you have no idea what this did to my own sense of identity, my heart and my mind as a whole. i'm still waiting to lose my marbles and go wobbly because i still love this person and i'm mortified by what our relationship has become.

Hi
by: Michael

Hi, I feel for you. I can understand you. You are good and you have skills and intelligence. I don't want to sound negative but I am a realist. Life can be grim. You know it is not easy nor is it meant to be easy and good.

I think you are a good person. Life is harder for thinking good people because they see it more clearly.

If you are ignorant and arrogant and embrace all the crap of life and like that, then life is OK. It is bound to be.

If you care about things that the world doesn't really care about then life is harder. It can be intolerable.

I believe that most people find life hard. They are in a state of "quiet desperation". Every day is a struggle. They live and die and no one knows or cares.

It would help if you could find a good person to love and be loved by that person. A soul mate. It is a fundamental desire and need. It needs to be fed.

Try and find purpose too. Try and find a project that you have passion for and can focus on. That clears the brain and it will drive you.

Keep the brain active and thinking in the present. I feel for you and wish you the best. It is strange. In the universe humans are rare, unique perhaps. That means we are precious. Yet we are often horrible and have created a life on this precious planet that could be infinitely better.

Perspective
by: Big Jonathan

Listen, a bum on the street is the same as a lawyer it doesn't matter who you are or where you are at, you can still have the same happiness the "lawyers" have just by taking a step back and putting it in perspective.

Go find a fun hobby to do in your free time and if you have a means of supplying yourself food and drink you are golden. Who cares about ambition, all it will give you is a temporary high and then it's on to the next step up the ladder and so on and so on. The only reason we even seek to fulfill dreams is to feel good about ourselves. You can do that without anything at all.

No one fails at anything ever unless they confirm their failure. You live with your parents? So what who gives a sh*t. You broke up with some dudes a few times? So what who gives a sh*t. Just kick back and relax because the end result is death.

You are not alone
by: Jessica

I just read what you wrote and feel like I could have written that myself. I had a bad(sad) day today and feel like it is a struggle everyday for me and no one realizes this. I put on the best happy face I can, and I think most people think I am happy but I am extremely sad and lonely inside. I keep moving through my life hoping this feeling will go away. I think to my self next week will be different I'll feel better. I don't really have any advice for you, but I just hope you find some comfort in the fact that I can completely relate to you and that you are not alone, I hope you find your happy... love& hugs

cant believe
by: weird

Sometimes you forget how many people out there are or can be a lot less fortunate than you are, I feel bad to even mention my problems after hearing some on here, no doubt life's a bitch and then you just die yeah

I have had like a couple of days where I truly enjoyed myself with friends the rest have been horrible really only because I don't enjoy my job. I feel that its not really me, I don't know what is me but I sure will find out whether it kills me or not.

My heart goes out to some of you out there, especially reading some stories of young women who also have young babies. Honestly don't put up with being in an abusive relationship for the sake of your children. OK you may not have money or anything to give them, but help them in any way you can help them. Doesnt have to be with money or stable jobs, bring them up with love care and devotion.

My life has been tough, when I was young I never exactly knew what I wanted, just that I wanted a shortcut to be rich and not work much. Don't we all but the job choice I chose I never enjoyed one bit, so now I'm looking to change career and its very difficult. Like with anything you start at the bottom, but hey isn't life about finding out who you are, what you love? Yeah great if you get that chance earlier on I'm 21 and have no kids, I'm going be 22 soon, I don't think I'll ever want to bring kids into the world unless I'm not financially stable because I never want them to experience what I have also with out a father figure who can be trusted and a loyal person. I understand sometimes these things happen, but I'll give my whole life making the little ones dreams come true as well as mine. It's important to place value on yourself if you don't no one will.

You know what guys, let's try and die trying.


Focusing inward so much was my trap
by: Anonymous

I know it's hard to be where you are and some of your thoughts remind me of myself in my 20s and 30s. My father suffered from depression all his life and as I was coming of age as a young woman he made his first attempt on his life. It certainly complicated my own growth as an adult.

I am now a young-looking and active 61-year old and I can look back on my own emotional struggles and periods of therapy.

It's hard, but I believe a too easy tendency towards narcissism was at the root of my struggles (and my father's), and even today I have to be careful I don't look too hard at the world through my own untempered lens.

This is hard advice to follow, but try: gravitate towards people who are themselves healthy and outgoing and not too centered on self; try volunteering at something - believe me it helps! even when your own energy is low -- it gets you out of yourself. Try to think of yourself as a global person, able to contribute to a world that's bigger than you -- even if it's only for 5 minutes a day. We are all broken people, even those who you think have it all, so you are not so alone in your pain. Try to put it aside for 5-10 minutes a day and envision yourself reaching outwards unselfishly.

Good luck to you and take care.

My insight
by: Axel

What is wrong with you people? Life is the same for everyone. You have to fight for everything. There aren't only bad moments in life, there are good ones. I believe that what happens in your life is the reflection of how you perceive life.
It is like a mirror. You are 30 and you live at your parents. So what? Why do you think this is a failure? Your unhappiness is based on your belief that such and such are "wrong". We all want a good job, a happy relationship, travels etc, and you will get all that if you decide it.

When I was 18, I was suicidal, and thought that I was doomed, because everything that happened in my life seemed "wrong". But one day I realised that there was no destiny, and that you create your life and what happens in it. I stopped blaming God and my life changed. I have met the woman of my life, I have a great job and I have traveled all around the world. These are the things I wanted. I decided that nothing would stop me from having them and most of all, I REALISED that there was no destiny and no one deciding for me, not even God (if there is one). You create your own REALITY. Just trust yourself a bit! Happy journey to all of you.


There is more
by: Andy

I felt like that too, but just get out there do whatever you want and don't ever ever be scared of doing whatever feels fun.

never give up
by: Anonymous

You don't really respect what you have or what This goes out to every one in a state of depression. This is my life story. I'm 39 I come from an awful child hood, my mother is bypoler, my dad fell from the top of an 18 wheeler trailor and broke his back. I was only 8 years old when this happened. Soon after my parents lost every thing they went bankrupt and the next 8 years well it was pure hell for me.

My parents fought every day yelled at each other we had very little. All this bad could have made me depressed, but I didn't let that happen it just made me more determined to get myself in a better place. So at the age of 16 i dropped out of school and got a job so i could get the hell out of that kind of life style.

I have worked my body very hard over the last 23 years, My body is riddled with scars and broken bones that i have to live with for the rest of my life. But through all the sh*t i managed to get my GED, Home inspectors license, Realtors License, I did it not because it was easy, hell I worked 10 to 12 hours a day in the hot sun or freezing cold and go to class 2 to 4 hours every other night. I did it because I wanted a better life for me and my parents. The easy way out would have been to give up and just get depressed, hell i had a lot of reasons to just give up and get depressed But what kept me going was I new I wanted a better life, just like every one else, they need to find out what they want and get up and go out into this hard ass world and earn it.

Like one other person said life will knock you down and yes some times it knocks dam hard. Its up to you to either stay down or get yourself up and keep going. Hell life hit me so hard one time I really felt like giving up. I was married for 5 years just to come home from work one day to find a f&&$ing note letting me know that my wife had left with another man and I needed to get my stuff. That could have depressed me i was faithful to her in every way, just to be treated like sh*t wow what a great feeling. But I didn't give up I just kept moving forward.

Now I have been accepted to college I don't have the money to pay for this but that's not going to stop me if I have to work all night and go during the day o well I'm going to do what it takes. Things like this are goals and they don't come easy. If they did we would all be happy and have every thing we wanted. Things we want and the happiness we all seek is out there, they just are not coming to your door and say here i am, we have to make it happen for us, so get up off your ass and go get them.

Also remember the things we are looking for in life we find when we really aren't looking for them. And as far as the people that still live at home enjoy your parents as much as you can, they will not be here for ever, and when they are gone it will leave a hole in your heart that can never be filled, and you will miss them dearly for the rest of you life. Trust me on this.

Way out
by: Anonymous

Jesus-Chrit is the only way out of all this rubbish. You won't find real fulfillment in anything else. Grab a Bible (the real one, not Jehovas' Witnesses or Mormons) and read for yourself. Don't seek in church because many are just stuck in their ways and boring. Talk to God and ask him to reveal you what's the real meaning of this life. There is hope.

I understand...
by: Carrie

just wanted to add my voice, that I really do understand where many of you are. I'm in my thirties, and my life is not what I expected, hoped, or planned for it to be right now. I think like almost anyone on the planet, my life has been a mix of good and bad, with a little horrible and extraordinary thrown in for good measure.

I think it might just be my own moxie, but no matter how down I get, there is always something that makes me get back up and give it another try. It makes no sense, lol!

I find comfort when I'm blue in sharing stories like yours, and this is totally dorky, but reaching back in history or literature to see that others have suffered and had dark times, but still either created something great that changed the world (i.e. Mark Twain, miserable his whole life) or overcome their personal circumstances to build a meaningful significant life (Oprah, =black, poor, abandoned by her mom, abused and raped as a child, baby died when she was a teen...she shouldn't be "Oprah" based on her beginnings! =)

Please try to be kind to yourself, and try to find something or someone that gives your life meaning and a reason to go on...
I like the quote "everybody is God's somebody". You mean something to someone, you've just probably forgotten... hang in there, ok? One more day...
xoxo

i too
by: Anonymous

I too am 30 and living at home with my parents and have have failed in my career and personal life. Drink is also an issue at the moment for me and cost me my boyfriend. But I keep thinking things will get better and am beginning to realise that exercise helps me focus and feel great about me.

You are stronger than you think, even if you slip up, keep going, no one is perfect. you just need to want to change.

empty
by: dv

I have no family, no friends, no job. I am 41 and do not see myself making 42.

I wish I had an escape.
by: DV

I cannot even afford alcohol or drug to escape my pathetic life.

this will help
by: Brunza

Everybody who isn't rich or blessed with luck in love, is going to be depressed. that's life. Even rich men with loving families and loving spouses can get depressed. These feelings are natural.

We are all connected, every living human being is connected to another. so the next time you get down remember that another 4 billion people are with you. If you met me tomorrow you would say this guy seems happy, I'm not and it's a mask, everybody will wear a mask hide how they truly feel. Joy is contagious, so the next time you feel sad and lonely, remember I'm with you, run walk or wheel yourself outside scream, yell or gurgle the funniest obscenity you can think of or just wave and smile at people, unless you live in Detroit. Punch yourself in the ear and break something of little to no value, that works for me every time, hell... masturbate loudly! Make the neighbors envious. Make fun of somebody. Not to their face. Fart in public, everybody does it.

If you have any sense of humor left try to make it grow, try to make 1 person laugh, try to make 10 people laugh, make someone you know blush. Scare somebody. If you try to lively up yourself and not be a drag you will not be alone anymore, Deep people will come and go in our lives if you recognize these people try to make the deep connection, this will help you find your way to being a step up from crippling depression, depression with slight happiness. Join me in being ehhh alright.

__________________________________

Enjoyed your enthusiasm Brunza! Way to go!!
Love,
Kay
x

How old is this?
by: Darion

I was just wondering, because this describes exactly how I feel. I don't think I'm going anywhere in life. I'm always just looking for someone to get high with. Or drink and have sex. Any type of distraction, I'll take it. I call myself Christian and I try to keep myself very close to God. But I find it very hard. I hate where I live. I've had to move around a lot. So I don't make many friends. And when I do, I just end up moving again.. so I've given up on that.

Most people think I'm weird, anyway. Those few that I am close to know that I'm very charming, funny, outgoing, and have a good heart. But myself and others around me just see my dark side. I don't like trusting people with my emotions. And I'm very guarded and sensitive. I'm actually crying right now as I write this.. I don't know what to do. I don't think going to a psychologist would help.

I just waste my time playing video games. But I guess I'll have to get as much joy from that as possible. I feel like I'm going to be on the streets, or somewhere by the time I turn 18. I'm failing in school, also. I find it very BORING. There's no point to my life. I don't think I have a 'calling'. I just don't know what to do with myself.. I hate it.

_______________________________________________

What brings joy into your life? What is it that you truly want to do, that fire's the passion in you? You need to find a goal in life, something that lights a fire inside you. When you decide on what this is, put steps in action to slowly work your way towards it. Doesn't matter if the end goal is weeks, months or years away, don't give up on it, because the end result will have been worth all the effort you put into it. Life is about choices, choose how you want to be!
Good luck.
Love
Kay
x

"living" with depression
by: Anonymous

Living with depression: That's what I have been doing as long as I can remember. When I was a small child my life was perfect. Plutonic family, upper middle class. I was an only child and spoiled rotten. Around the tender age of 6, my parents, who met in a rehab, relapsed and started binging until they, finally, went their separate ways.

Dad left and remarried and I stayed with my mom, who went into the hole financially. She is bipolar and continued to abuse drugs and alcohol my entire childhood. Her various boyfriends over the years molested me and she constantly verbally assaulted me and would cover me in bruises and force me to miss school for days. They were into crack and I spent most of my time locked away in my room.

As a teen I ran away a bunch, got raped a few times, and started drinking every day and doing drugs. I had sex with anything that moved. I did not care about anything. I had a baby when I was 15 and I went from straight A student in advanced classes to taking remedial classes in an alternative school and barely graduating. I graduated 8 months pregnant with my second baby. Two different fathers. I finally landed myself in government housing. I did good to keep a job and a car, but most of my bills were paid by someone else. I finally got a boyfriend out of convenience, my first real boyfriend. He convinced me to move out of the ghetto and got me pregnant. Then he broke my oldest baby's arm and I lost my children to child protective services on Mother's Day.

Because I was too much of a chicken to move (the fear of not being able to support myself) on I stayed with him and fought for my kids. They gave back the one who was biologically ours and my new husband got a felony charge. My kids went in and out of foster care and finally wound up with my abusive mom (who is cleaned up now) so she has a second chance at parenting. I had another baby and my husband pays the child support I owe to my mother. He is abusive to me and feeds off my depression and my weakness.

I know I should take my kids and run with them but I will never leave, actually, I do not believe that I deserve to have children. I am just withering away and wish that a car would side swipe me and I would die. I wont kill myself. I barely see my older two children and I hardly take care of the ones I have because all I do for most of the day is sit and dwell on the past. Not that it matters, but I have no friends and absolutely no support. My family hates me. I hate me. I don't tell anyone about the awful things I think about. I blame everyone in my family for not taking care of me and for me being this messed up half of the time. I feel like I have been victimized my whole life. Then again, it is all my fault because I did not live my life differently.

I can change all I want to but I cannot take anything back that has happened. I ruined my life. I want to give up, but I wont.


its good to talk
by: Anonymous

I know in life we can't help the mistakes we have made. Nor can we pretend that what happened or is happening isn't true. The deep messages I have read so far truly reflect peoples feelings and I can understand. I have been loved too much that I'm now in a situation where I have given up everything for the person I believe to be the one. I don't regret it. I just miss what I have lost. My friends and family have all turned against me. Apart from him I have nobody.

If you really aren't on your own then believe in the ones that believe in you. Love that is real is the one that will never let you go regardless of who it is, that's a bond that's unbreakable.

mirror image
by: Anonymous

You are the female version of me. I wish you lived in Baltimore so we could hang you sound really cool. We share a lot of the same interest and I feel exactly the same way inside. I'm 33 and freaking out. I typed in I hate my life and found this page and I have to thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone. Good luck with every thing and thanks again.

my terrible life
by: Arian

Hi I'm a 12 year old who hates my life. I am like this because I am full of work and work and work. I come from a family that is super successful and this makes me feel like I have to be the best all the time. I do it but recently I've been falling back, it's terrible. I won a scholarship and i get all A's every semester but i feel like I'm holding 2 tons on both of my shoulder racing to a some type of finish line.

I want a shortcut, I feel like the only way is to kill my self. I cut my self, I once pointed a knife at my chest and tried to kill my self but dropped it. I dropped it because ..... i love my family, but it's too much, I need help I get hit a lot by my parents. It's the worst but I keep going. To anyone with this problem hold on. Trust me.

ashamed
by: Anonymous

When I was 15 I was over weight and very unhappy. I starved myself and lost 60 pounds in 4 month. That was the biggest mistake of my life! My organs were damaged and I was in pain. My life has never been the same since. I am 29 now and still have pain along with other health problems because of what I did. I'm too afraid to go to the doctors because it's been to long now. I'm scared that I'm dying now because of the deterioration of my health.

I have two kids and a wife, they have no idea of any of this because I hide it. I have no idea what to do about this and the mental anguish is too much. Ii am ashamed of myself, as I should be, and things are seeming hopeless at this point.

__________________________________________________

I strongly advise you to go to the doctor. You may well be totally wrong as to the cause of your illness and have something that can be treated.

Why put yourself through years of what may have been unnecessary worrying when it is something that is not life threatening? There is only one way to find out. Be brave, end all this misery you are going through. For your family's sake go to the Doctor for a complete check up.

Make the appointment now!

Love,
Kay
x


What you can do about it
by: Geoff Bederson

I hope that this message does not seem like advertising, but I wanted to say what I feel and what I'm doing about isolation and hopelessness. First, I want to say that I think it's often the most sensitive and even intelligent people who suffer the most. That's because they don't buy into the superficial reward system of conventional life (professionalism, family, church, etc). It's simply impossible to be happy within a culture that's as materialistic as ours, and if your miserable that shows how smart you are!

So here's what I'm doing and am trying to do. I started a program based in Haiti called People in Need Partnership (pinpartnership.org). We find people living in conditions of extreme desolation - living in places like the notorious slum of Cite Soleil - and form a partnership between them and someone who wants to form a true relationship based on understanding, commitment, and direct action.

What is the real reason that we hate our lives? My feeling is that it is because we simply don't have enough meaning in them. Almost everyone is powerless. Two of the best ways to find meaning are to help someone in need, and to have a serious (not romantic) relationship. That is the goal of People in Need Partnership. Once PINP is better established, I hope to work with others to expand it to include other kinds of partnerships and other people in need, such as prisoners, homeless, sick, and enslaved people.

It's hard to find meaning, and that's not your fault. Just the opposite - it's a sign of your awareness and sensitivity. Whatever way you find meaning, you will succeed if you constantly keep your awareness on the inner beauty that you know: even in the darkest moments it is there. Cradle it, kindle it, and one day it will burst into being.

Geoff

hey i know
by: Kitecat

I can relate to all. I'm in a dead end job the people i work with are selfish and money grabbing. I'm on a lot of medication to control anxiety & depression without these I'd be long gone ages ago!!

My family is so mixed up I don't even know where to start. My brother is abusive verbally & physically, he is the most hateful bas...rd i know! My parents don't know how to control him, but I know one thing they didn't deserve a son like that .....! I try I really do, but I just keep mucking up. It's the same s..t year in year out - I don't remember the last time that I can say "yeah" I was really happy.

Snap
by: Luke

Reading this, I feel like I am not totally alone. I could have written it myself, you seem to be feeling exactly the same as I am and seem to be living the exact same life as I am. I don't really know what the point of this post is, I am just trying to occupy my mind for a few minutes because I am very close to the edge. I hope you can find a way out, we will obviously never meet but I am with you in spirit and wish you all the best. The word I have to type to post this comment is 'Thorax', somebody is having a sick joke.

Hello sweethearts
by: Anonymous

And I felt and still feel sometimes like you do. The heaviness on my chest, darkness so big I can`t breathe, and sadness of waking up to depression. Its not your fault. It sucks because it does and my heart goes out to you.

Here's what works for me: close the world out and get self focused. Your body wants health and it wants to live - shut out neighbors and TV. My counselor supports me until I can find friends. I love myself. Deeply, and I won`t let myself die. I eat veggies, fruit and salmon oil. I have a mental exercise journal and I write down things I like about my life. I keep life very simple. I talk myself out of sadness. I love people. I love you. I think people are magical.
And I won`t stop loving myself or the world. Caring deeply and taking the time to feel into what's going on for me. Holding my own hand. Reaching out for help. There is hope.

Life sucks?
by: Anonymous

No it doesn't!
It's awesome, if you let it be awesome.

I hate my life. :/
by: Anonymous

Hi everyone. I read all the comments and I know exactly how you feel. I still have A LOT of years of my life to go, because I'm only 14. But I feel really hopeless. I'm failing school, I have F's in all my subjects. I have no friends. My parents don't like me very much. I just feel alone. I know maybe later in life I can fix it, but right now, I don't think I can. I've never been close to people really, I'm very independent, and like to keep things to myself. I'm always sick at home because I have a disease called Crohn's Disease so I miss a ton of school, and my parents bring on what its going to be like in the future for me. But, I'm one of those people who like to wait and see what happens instead of planning it all.

I'm kind of alone in my life. I've always played by myself during recess in school. I'd always get in trouble. Sometimes I wish it would end, but then I remember that, I have time to still work everything out. But it would take tons of work. I hope I can.

my heart aches
by: Anonymous

I am miserable. I dont know what happened to me, I'm so depressed and lonely. I know I used to have a high capacity for denial and now I have no coping ability.

Ive wanted to leave my husband for a decade and I just never did. I think I just wasn't willing to be uncomfortable. I've saved a lot of money and I've hired a contractor to fix up a rental we own so I have a place to move to. It's not a good neighborhood but I cant stand his mood swings and verbal abuse any longer. 23 years of marriage and our son is 16 now and I think because he needs me less I feel so empty that I am willing to leave.

I feel guilty, my son is going into his senior year and I think of all times in his life this year should clearly be about him. But he is pulling away from me, understandably, and the void he has filled in my life is immense. I don't know if I should stay one more year or take advantage of this opportunity to move into a freshly remodeled place with no mortgage. If the place wasn't going to be pristine I would never consider living in that neighborhood, trust me its bad.

I think the added problem is our son is more aware of the misery as he matures and I think if I lived some where else I would be happy, more fun and relaxed and a better mother. I am making a promise to myself to not get into a new relationship until he goes to college, even if he doesn't want to spend time with his mom, understandably, I will still stay close and available for him. Ive made so many sacrifices I hate to just give up at the end like this but maybe it will be better.

We do nothing as a family and have not for years so staying will be more of the same misery. leaving, maybe we will have a shot at random good times, especially without all the misery, yelling and stupid arguing. I hate quitting. When my husband is in one of his dry-drunk moods he is so destructive verbally that I think I could actually kill him for ruining our lives. Then the next day he acts like nothing even happened and if I were to bring it up he will not compromise, everything will be my fault. I have resentment toward him that is finally destroying me. Maybe this is the worst part since I know I will be leaving in few weeks. I don't know if he realizes I'm likely leaving, he definitely knows its a possibility but never mentions it. Maybe i wont officially move out, instead just stay at the other house when he is being crazy and I will either come back or I wont. Time will tell. I want to heal my heart and nerves. Verbal abuse is crushing.

Jesus Gives Joy
by: Anonymous

Jesus is our hope and strength. Go to church. Knowing Jesus as your saviour will give you joy.

Something I notice
by: Anonymous

Seems there are a lot of people who are depressed in part because they live with their parents. I'm 30 and I do not. In fact, I have a nice apartment, a nice car, a great job with an incredible company, and my health is probably above average. And yet I'm still miserable.

I know some of the reasons. No girlfriend is one. I've had many but I've been in a rut for a few years now. I also have no far reaching goals that I'm shooting for at the moment.

I think living without purpose is the biggest issue, but sometimes it's tough to reset yourself and figure out what you really want to do. When that purpose is found, the passion comes out full force. Things usually get better from there.

Wishing everyone here the best of luck. You'll figure it out in time.

Chris

I sooo dislike my life
by: Anonymous

How is it possible to be so miserable with life yet feel the only thing you have done in life is had your children. I must say the kids have stopped me from just disappearing. I truly think if I disappeared no one would worry. The kids would, but I think after a time they would be ok. Hell moms crazy anyway, right?

I wish I could feel something, anything, I feel nothing. I don't think I have ever felt anything since I was a child, yet how is this possible when I have won awards for being the most compassionate award at healthfield job?

How can I feel what others are feeling yet feel nothing in my personal life. People say I fix their problems all the time yet I can't fix my own? How is all this possible? I have people around me who deserve a better person to be around. They say I offer everything to them, mean everything to them. Yet once again I feel nothing.

I constantly wonder why I was put here, other than to have the amazing children I have given birth to. People say your children are amazing, which I know, but then again I didn't have anything to do with that, God did. So once again, I feel nothing. How does one feel, anyone know the answer to this?

__________________________________________________

I feel you are really tired, mentally exhausted and not taking care of yourself. You should put yourself first, give yourself some 'me' time. When you help people don't take their worries on board, this will drag you down. When people ask for help, offer advice but let them solve their own problem, let them do whatever it is they need to do. It is up to everyone to do what they have to do to enable them to grow and be confident. So advise them and then step back and leave them to act.

You have beautiful children, and yes, God may have given them to you, but you have moulded them into the kind of children they have become and so you should take credit where credit is due, and accept the compliments, know that yes they are amazing and it is because of the way you have brought them up.

Time to count your blessings, you have many. You are obviously a very caring person. Don't let people take advantage of you, let them stand on their own feet, for in this way they learn their own lessons. Don't analyze everything in the way you appear to. Accept yourself as a good loving human being, and put yourself first for a change.

Take care,
Love
Kay
x

Is there hope.
by: John

Hello guys.
I have read some of your stories and have a little of my own.

I am the same as a lot of you and it's hard for me because I suffer a lot because I am a kid.

I have a good life and friends and I am a nice guy because I help other people but I am frustrated that no one will help me. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and go to a place that I absolutely hate and am miserable there.

I don't no why I am like this but I just don't feel hope most days, but other days I am saying come on you can do this.

I tried to get help but it's not working and I am constantly tired emotionally and physically.
But what I have to say is that the world is our oyster and we can get through this. Yes I am embarrassed around my family and I do constantly get that pain in my chest but I have dreams too and when we get through this it will only make us stronger.

BE HAPPY(:

fed up
by: jacki

I'm so depressed. I'm on medication but it doesn't seem to help. My teenage daughter is always in a mood. My husband is always kicking off smashing the house up, telling me I'm fat. I only way 10 stone, I've just lost my dad, if it wasn't for my youngest child I would end it all today.

hey
by: Anonymous

Listen, I understand where everyone is coming from, but we all need to have an understanding of each other. I am a happy person but also a sad person, everyone has their ups and downs.

For all those people who are depressed, there is always someone out there that cares about you, so please don't do anything rational because a lot of people will be hurt. Whether you know it or not, people do care, and they do want to help. Some people just don't know how.

For all those people that are not depressed, please understand that not everyone is the same. If we were, it would be very boring. Everyone has a reason to be sad, but what takes courage, is helping someone get out of that situation. Instead of putting them down, help. Give advice, and let them know that someone cares.

What is sad, is I am just a sophomore in high school. All the people commenting on here are adults. Even the mean ones. Why can a high schooler get all this crazy crap, but a grown-up can't?

Please, everyone out there reading this. Make a difference in someone's life. Even all you depressed people. Get up off your couch and start by saying hello as you're walking by someone. Start exercising and doing community service. Get out there and show the world who is boss.

I challenge you to do one act of service everyday, at least one. I promise that you will you will feel a whole lot better :).

Good luck! Don't do anything that you will hurt anyone :)

Xoxoxoxo,
I

I am hopeless
by: Anonymous

Sorry for my English, but in my language there is no site like this. I am in my 40s, My biggest mistake was to get married. I knew I will have problems to have a baby, because of my kidneys, but in my country if you get married you must have one. All the doctors told me not to get pregnant, but I did and I lost my two kidneys. Now I am living with a transplant. Because of the medication I must take every day, I lost a lot of my beauty. My husband started constantly to cheat. It makes me crazy, but I cannot leave him, because I can't work, so I have to keep my eyes and mouth shut. It kills me, but there is no other way.

(:
by: Unknown (;

Things will get better!

Everyone meets someone who will love them for who they are.

Maybe you're going through all of this just to meet that special person, you never know.
Never give up hope, it'll crush down on you.

I'm only twelve years old and I've never gone through anything like this, but I know that this can't last forever.

Just stay strong and pull through, everything will end up being worth it in the end.
Xoxoxox<3

________________________________________________

Thanks for your wonderful comment. With the positive attitude you have you will be an amazing adult!
Love
Kay
x

dont quit
by: Anonymous

keep your head up, shit storms land on everyone you will get through it, and then one day you will help someone get through it. Believe me I'm not a preacher by any means but you need to get in touch with what ever faith you believe in or were raised in. Don't quit, there are people you don't know who are cheering for you.

Love versus Nothing
by: Fabienne

People, beautiful people,

I have been so ill I couldn't walk with ME and depression associated with that. And there have been times I fell down a pit like this too and I thought I would never get up...

BUT!!

I think that the point is that you have to choose the positives to hang everything on...sometimes I slip back again but...

Why don't you start by asking yourselves what in life has made you feel good? Then how can you base your day around this? What kinds of people do you want in your life? Build them in too...

Personally I am working towards setting up my own dancing school... and I do juices and good nutrition every day and I sleep well. And I hire and buy DVDs of all the films that ever have or could make me feel good and I watch them. And I go to church... and even though faith in God can seem as made up as any other religion- there are times when I choose it - I grit my teeth and decide it's mine... then there are other times when I'm happier and I just enjoy the idea that God is there in and around me.

I think you have to also remember to just judge the day on the day...was this a good day? Did I do things that prevented it from being a good day?

I think ultimately it all comes from us.

You pick yourself up
You dust yourself off
And you start all over again!!

And if in doubt: go do some work with people who have nothing at all then you'll learn some value in things.

Stop thinking you should have a Hollywood home or any such thing- the media has filled us with rubbish ideas. Small achievements count. Get real. Get clean. Get wholesome.

Then cut yourself some slack.

I love you and so, I'm sure do loads of people.

F xoxoxoox



life is sometimes not what you make it
by: Anonymous

Life is something else. Some horrible people have the best luck and some great people get screwed. You can be born into a family with endless wealth and grow up being a self centerd narcissistic person who has no consequences for anything. You can be born with nothing and have no one and grow up to be the greatest individual there could be with morals and respect and great family values.

Some people are born with strong minds that can overcome any obstacles while some are born completely messed up to the point that their own actions are out of there control. So whoever judges others shouldn't. Nobody knows what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes for a day. A lot of happiness is just lucky.

I dont get any of you??
by: Anonymous

You all say that depression is taking over ya life.. And that you have "tried", "attempted" or "fought" to change it but really you have all given up! Some say they want more... Go out and get it, it's how the world works.. There are two types of people that live.. The ones that stand back up after being knocked down! And the ones that stay down! Pick a side.. Give in or fight for it!! There are millions of homeless, poor, lonely children and adults who are still much stronger than most of you because they Really do want to change their lives.. Self loathing is a joke! And before any of you think I'm just ranting... I have had one of the worst childhoods.. Both my parents and siblings have suffered but guess what?? I worked hard to change that!! I may not have everything but I have my health and happiness... And for all of you who have that and still like to cry about it.. Remember those who are dying because they cant even get a decent meal, access to medication, shelter, those suffering from terminal illnesses and especially those who are overlooked by society... Too poor and lonely to be acknowledged!!

This is a message to all of you!.... Wake up! Get out of this pathetic spiral and endless sob story and live your life as it is intended to be lived..

Comment if you wish.. I'm only on this website because a friend of mine wanted to show me how like her... Other people suffer.. I didn't see that today.. I saw a whole lot of people who have given up and are completely unaware of their life's real worth..

hurt and pain
by: Anonymous

I'm glad I found this site. I only googled that I hate my life, but the thing is I'm 12. I suffer from depression bad, and I take my problems out on other people. I don't mean too, I have good parents who love and care for me. But at the same time I feel so worthless, no good, and a mistake. I sit and cry myself to sleep a lot, I have friends 3 close ones. It's just none of them are ever there for me, as much as they say they are? That's lies. They aren't. I feel so alone in the world, I have a boyfriend. I love him too bits, and I'm deeply in love. He means the world, I can't go without him and can't imagine how 10x as bad my life would be if I didn't have him by my side.

The thing is I'm paranoid, I feel horrible about myself I've got low self esteem. I've tried to kill myself 3 times and they all failed, I don't know how I'm still here. I have had a bad life. When I was six my parents split up, me and my mum had to move in with my grandparents for about a year. Then moved house several times then back to the house I was at when my parents split up cause my dad married this women, she's horrible to me. She's changed my dad, before he met the wife my dad would see me every night and I'd stay every Friday and Saturday. And now it's twice a week, I got banned from the house over a facebook situation that wasn't my fault. It's because the wife offended my mum for no reason so I stuck up for my mum and got banned?

In 2008 my Grandad who I was very close to died. My mum then hit the drink bad and abused me and was horrible. She blacked my eye and blamed the dog and then she pulled herself through the hurt and the pain and she loves me and cares for me and she'd kill anyone that would try to hurt me. She treats me proper and she's always by my side, we have a laugh all the time. She shelters me, feeds me, waters me, makes sure I'm safe and wouldn't let me get harmed. But with the depression I feel so worthless, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me. And to be honest, most do. I like to sit there and think about my life the way it's all shattered. I was little and happy and I've grown up and never quite realised how easy I had it then.

I need something to cure me, something to make me whole again. I need help, I've had councelling and it didn't help one bit. So I stopped going to it, am sick of feeling like life isn't worth it.. Help..

Wow
by: Anonymous

I read your story and thought it was mine . Only thing is I'm 60 yrs old and feel more miserable than I did when I was 30 . Looking back "What I mess I am ". Sorry I don't mean to depress you more I just had to comment !

I know the feeling
by: John

Yep, I know what it`s like. I`m nearly 31. And I detest my life. I`m depressed LITERALLY everyday, I`ve hardly any friends, the few I do have, I hardly ever see, I`ve never had a Girlfriend, while all my other friends do, some are even married now, with children, and I`m still living with my Mother.

Meet responsibilities
by: Anonymous

Everybody just try to figure it out, what is the real goal of your life. Why you are so depressed. Did you fulfill your responsibilities?

Try to find the real meaning of life. Don't rush for happiness. Do/try to do your jobs accordingly, let the happiness run after you. Guess what I am talking about.

life
by: Dave

Stop winging, no one cares that is the truth of it, you have two choices make it work or don't. I had a friend who hung himself none of us knew what he was going to do.

There are no answers? no one is going to give you a hug after school? there is only you. So my one bit of advice to you all is every one is scared. Being an adult is like being in a bigger playground.

Take care and make the right decision

Light at the end of the tunnel
by: Mina

As someone who has been suffering from depression from the early age of 12, I have been through 3 attempts to end it all and have come through it on the other end. The sinking feeling is continuously there at the pit of your stomach, however it does get easier once you identify your coping strategies.

No two days are the same, you may feel like just giving up, but if you can hang in there a new dawn will make you look at things with a different perspective. Not saying it is easy but it has been my coping mechanism.

I am now 31 have a successful career and in a stable relationship with someone who is aware of my battle with depression.

NOW
by: Anonymous

Wow so many people are unhappy in this world. I am too or I never would have ended up on this site. I feel like I try to make changes and nothing changes in my life, then sometimes I feel like I am forcing it all and I should sit back and let life ride me out.

I take too many peoples advice which is not right for me then I worry about how they will judge me. I believe that there is a major epidemic of depression in our society.

Sad
by: Anonymous

Everyone is so sad, so young to be sad. I am 54 and sad. I was happy for awhile. It's hard to try to look at life and appreciate who and what is there. My 23-year-old daughter is very sad and lives with me. I can't help her. I thought I had tried but I guess not. I thought it would go away, instead my poor beautiful intelligent daughter is sad.

All I hear is to be grateful for work, be grateful to have a place to live, to have a reliable car, health insurance. I am grateful but I am sad because I have nothing else. I also don't know what to do except try to be happy, try to keep going. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to change and look at life differently. I have no money so can't afford doctors or medication. Can't afford movies or other entertainment. My boyfriend is boring and depressed himself. I feel like a mouse in a very slow spinning wheel, walking, not running.

But to all of you young'uns out there, KEEP GOING. You will probably find happiness. Smile at people, help people. Jump and skip when no one is looking. Pretend you are your favorite animal. Please try -- young people are so important to all of us, you have the energy and drive if you can just pull it up and out of your feet. We need you, the world needs you.

________________________________________________

You are young!! Take your own advice. Go for walks, thank God you have your health, your car, the energy to move about. Thank God for the gorgeous daughter you have, be happy, show her happiness and love. Don't tell her she is sad, this is passing on this thought and making it true. Sit down with her and write all the good things in your life. Let her know how important she is to you, tell her how much you love her, hug her.

Money doesn't bring happiness, feelings bring happiness. There are others far worse than yourself, and yet they are happy, they are grateful for what they have. You have so much I hope you realise how fortunate you are and change those sad debilitating thoughts into joyous ones.

Love
Kay
x

goodbye all
by: Anonymous

I too hate life, since I was 6 I have cried every night and always believed I was a mistake. I wish I had enough guts to just get it over. I don't have one friend, I feel like I'm a weirdo and no one likes me. I actually love to talk with people, I just talk too much. I have 5 children because being an only child with a single mother who I literally don't remember ever giving me a hug or kiss, I thought I would have a big happy family. It's complete misery.

I feel like I want to know what it feels like to be happy. It's just not there for me and at 40 I've pretty much decided to take the cowards way out. I feel scared there could be a hell, thou I feel I'm already there. If I could only know that it's just black nothing and you know nothing, I would go tonite. I just want so badly to have a friend, just one and then maybe the loneliness wouldn't be so bad.

I just feel like I'm going to fall into a heap and fall to pieces. I'm really at the edge of the end and I'm scared, but the thought of not ever having to disturb anyone again or feel the pain of rejection gives me some peace of mind.

When it's over, I hope it's over and part of me hopes there is some sort of happy place you end up at, but I'm not counting on it. Any way my pity party is over and I'm tired of saying I'm going to kill myself and decided Heather either do it or quit saying it. So I'm just gonna end it as soon as I figure out the least painful, yet successful way. Sucks that it couldn't have been good for even one month of my life. Dreams don't come true.

__________________________________________________

You brought five children into this world to love. What are you teaching them when you have these thoughts, that it's OK to quit? They love you, they depend on you to love them in return and show them this love. When you show love, say loving things, this is returned to you tenfold, not only from them but how you will feel inside for the saying of the magic "I love you" to them, other family members, or friends.

Give hugs to people, you will be surprised how many people will respond in a positive way. We all need to show affection to others and in this way we receive it.

Stop with the self pity and choose to change and become the loving person that you are hoping will come to you. When you love yourself then can you have others love you.

Good luck, you can do this if you choose.

Love
Kay
x

Lesson of life . READ THIS
by: Rocky

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.

Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

i know how you feel
by: jean

I feel the same about my life at the moment. I am 26 and have four wonderful children, but being just a stay at home mum is getting me down.

I did go to college to try and get into a university for nursing, but unfortunately had to give that up due to the children needing my constant attention (or so it seemed)

I am instead doing a home course which will give me basically the same qualification I would have achieved if I had remained at college.

So I guess what i am tying to say is, do feel too depressed about your life. It can only get better from this point and as long as you believe you can change it, chances are YOU will change it. It may be in a few weeks or even a few years. But just have faith and determination .. lots of determination and you can do it. It doesn't have to be impossible.

Try going out more to pubs, bars etc.. to meet people if that is what is getting you down. Change one or two things about your life at a time, and then it will be realistic and more do-able.

Good luck.

life is tough
by: Anonymous

I hate to be too honest.. but yeah. life does suck, and is really tough sometime. but enjoy the journey

See The Positive Side
by: Anonymous

Look I feel hopeless too. I mean I've crushed on many guys and I feel like I have no luck in love but I try hard to find my inner strength and pull my negativity and see the positive side. I hang out with my friends and act and feel free and you should work on that you're smart (no homo) but you're not ugly. Anyway work hard and get a house or a secure apartment and work and your love will come and you'll get a better future... Good luck and I'm sincere I wish you the best :)

ONE BIG BOAT
by: Anonymous

Amazing what Googling one thought has brought up on this page... so many people in the same boat as me... I cant wish for so many peoples lives to just change in an instant but I'll say a prayer for you all tonight God bless..

Smile
by: Ivan

You can only regret the things you have never done.

To be blunt you could give up and checkout right now, however think of all the people you have touched with your life. Your leaving this world would leave a hole in their lives that simply could not be filled.

No one knows what tomorrow brings but one thing?s for sure you have to be alive to find out,
You have to believe that things will get better, maybe not right now but they will someday.

My advice is go and help someone less fortunate than you, it actually helps.

Be lucky kiddo X

random
by: Anonymous

I randomly came here for no reason at all. I think that every person has problems. Some know how to deal with it better then others. It's all about thinking positively.

I had it all at one point a fiance the most adorable child in the world, they both died in a car accident left me alone, it's been 5 years now still hurts everyday but I wont give up I cant give up. I have a beautiful girl of 9 months and shes simply amazing.

The point of this is no matter how hard it is, no matter how bad you feel you just cant stop being the best you. In the end all you have is you to be thankful for what you become and things you have. A girlfriend/boy friend wife husband, money, friends none of these things will ever make you happy until you figure out who you are and what you want.

possibilities, conclusion
by: Anonymous

I am learning to not let people in who are not doing the same for me. My ex husband came back. He was still angry and emotionally abused me. Is he bad? No. He's sick. I let him in knowing he was not going to treat me well. I so desperately wanted to make amends and love him again. I am still reeling and recovering from it. It hurt me and took a lot of positive momentum from me. But, am I do die or am I to see my power in it? Can I truly take responsibility for ending my marriage then letting him back in when I knew he wasn't serious? Can I build my momentum back up and move on without him in my future? He is all I perceive that I have. I really don't have him. My perception is off. See? It's not what we want, or even what happens. It's how we process it and move on from it.

Friends don't answer the phone when I call when I am depressed. I feel hopeless and want them to tell me I am okay because I CANNOT see it for myself. Slowly, I fight. Like a pinhole of light in a dark room. I fight.

You can too. How do I know? I guess I don't know if you'll choose to fight. I just know that you can be desperate enough to. That's how I got here. DESPERATION. I did not get the solution because I felt good. I got the solutions because I want to die. Like this morning.

So, off I go. To chase after whatever tiny, miniscule beauty I can find and be humble enough to say thank you to my creator/the universe for my having it.

I am human. Not good. Not bad. Human.

*hugs to you*


possibilities, continued
by: Anonymous

Problem? Real problem? I don't want to have been raised in an alcoholic home and the abuse I got. I don't want to face the social ineptness I truly have when I live in my fear. I don't want to face these feelings every day - I want them gone and live 'like everyone else'.

I am forced to live without my gorgeous child, the husband I truly loved, his three boys, sometime my own self-respect when I review where I've taken me and them.

So - defy the life given me? Force suicide? Or - take action while my entire body physically aches from depression and regret. Taking action is the ONLY thing that EASES the physical and mental pain/anguish I suffer from.

That's it. I wish it were different. I tried to force it to be different. It is not. This is my life. This is my responsibility. Maybe, just maybe as I keep going my load will get lighter, the pattern will change.

It has already, if I am truly honest. Just not the way I think it should be.

I no longer feel hopeless today - why? Well, because I read your stories, and am really honest with myself about what works, what doesn't, what I have to do, what I don't want to do, what I am afraid of, and what I have kept myself from, how I blame, how I have been hurt, etc.
I am going to an AA meeting tonight. Home group. Big Book study. Not Big Book instant magic. Not Big Book people tell me I'm great. Not Big Book I blend and am all better now.

No. Big Book study. Study where at night I ask myself 11 questions from paragraph 1 page 86.

I am reminded that I have to work. No one will spoon feed feeling good to me. I cannot change my past. I have to take my life exactly as it is in order to make any real and lasting change. I am wonderful and I also suck. We all do.

I baked a chocolate cake last night and felt joy, sadness, indulgence, guilt, remorse, pride. Nothing is simple with me. Examination will bring out the true beauty.

I must examine more than my little world, this little box I live in.

I am in the health profession, earned my LNA last year. I fight to be good at it. I fight for my life.

continued...

possibilities, continued
by: Anonymous

I take buspirone. Not great. Sometimes feels like it's useless but I do it. I am looking into something else that may be better. It's a process.

I eat a salad most days. Yesterday and the day before. Today was a very hard day so I had a burger. I comfort myself. I must. No one else will, really. No one else can.

God? Well, when I go to church and study the Bible I believe. When I practiced Zen Buddhism, it worked. My doubts get me, they never seem to go away. The trick I am learning is to acknowledge the doubts, learn that they are here to stay. Learn to each day, give them less and less power to take my power from me.

I divorced the man I adored after my only son died. My pain chose for me my future. I gave my misery power to bring me more misery. It's a learning process.

I used to drink, drug, have sex and spend all my money on shit rather than pay bills to 'cure this huge misery'. After almost 3 decades, I am 46, I see how I perpetuate my misery. I didn't create my original depression but I am helping it to grow stronger at times. I MUST admit this. Admitting this, usually with tears down my face and fists clenched, I drag my ass out of the house and force myself to walk. I am in rural New England and I usually cry the entire time some days. It works to help - even though I am crying. I put my head on my pillow and I know that walking helps.

continued...

possibilities
by: Anonymous

I am so grateful that I read this blog today. I find myself feeling like I am at the end of my rope - decade after decade. There have been externals that have pulled me under after a period of 'change' - deaths of siblings and child, divorce, depression, legal battles, bills.

Each day though is up to me. I participate in AA but more importantly when I study - and honey I mean STUDY and PRACTICE the Big Book - things ease up, hope grows slowly, I actually change. As soon as I stop practicing the disciplines described that I must do morning and night to practice recovery - I am right back where I came from and it feels even more permanent and even deeper.

My point? I truly wish to die sometimes. I truly regret my past. I wish I were not alone in this world. I ache for someone to love and to love me in return. Well, just for today how can I comfort myself?

I put a heating pad on my chest at night to warm my heart. Yup. I hate not getting what I want and having to resort to such a tool but if I am going to fight for my own life and be useful - I'm going to have to humble myself to what is. I cannot get better unless I'm willing to crawl out of the mire. Crawl I must.



Continued...

I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain, down to the bottom of my heart, my story is not so much different than yours. I started our with drinking and scandalous behaviors but it really got me nowhere anytime soon.

I feel a life of isolation. I live pay check to pay check and feel that I'm in my own little prison. I tried to keep my time occupied but its useless. I tried to work myself to death but that didn't work. I hated myself and my work and ended up with health problems. I got screwed twice in 2009 with jobs that I worked my ass for.

I feel at this point that I don't belong anywhere or with anyone and I'm not sure what the answers are?! I wake up in the morning angry with the idiots I work for, I try and improve and be thankful but I can't help and wonder that there has to be more to life than this machine like work-home-work-home life style.

I dine alone, I drive alone, I go everywhere alone and I hate it, but in the same sense I'm not beating down on doors and trying to get people in my life since most of the time that ends up in disaster.

If there is anything that I have learned it is that booze or sex don't fix anything so I quit both. I know where they are going to lead me, back in the dark place where I'm all alone and in trouble..........

till the bitter end!
by: Anonymous

To you all I say just hang on in there and don't give anyone the satisfaction by killing yourself. Fight till the bitter end!!

Hang on
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. Please realize that depression can be controlled without medication. Exercise and proper diet help. Sitting around feeling depressed is no way to live a young life. You have to fight for the life you want. It will come.

Hope for you
by: Morgan

I am so sorry you are miserable.

I have dealt with just about everything, too..

If you want some advice, not sure if I am right about these things, but:
Firstly, you mentioned your parents and not feeling appreciated by them. You also mentioned they were 'dealing with' a lot when you were growing up.

You sound like me, in that you sound depressed. It's hard to do anything when you're depressed. In fact, it's practically impossible.

You feel no energy and you wake up every day going,