I hate my life and feel hopeless

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I hate my life and feel hopeless

I am 30 now but still living with my parents. It is demoralizing. I have never felt fully happy because even as a child I was semi-conscious of the fact that my parents were dealing with heavy things.

I feel that I have made a complete botch job of my life. I have generally made poor decisions in most facets of my life. When I was about 19 I decided that I didn't care anymore and I was just going to drink a lot and have a lot of sex. I have always had very low self esteem.

I realized around 23 that I wanted a better life and started making attempts at getting that but the booze had hooked me and it took a very long time to give it up. Meanwhile I was searching for someone to love me and take care of me and perhaps save me...with disastrous results. I kind of gave up on that but yet still found myself waking up in bad relationships.

I did manage to get a degree but, unfortunately, it was in dance which I don't have any interest in anymore...I despise it in fact. About four years ago, after trying to find happiness by changing locations (something I have tried many times), I came back to my parents completely defeated. I still made a couple of escape attempts after that but none of them were successful. I have read so many "self help" and "find your calling" books it is ridiculous. I have been to AA

and NA and SAA meetings. I have been on and off of numerous medications. Life coach, career counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, church, yoga, meditation, you name it, I have tried it.

I usually don't stay consistent with anything, though right now I am attempting to form a consistent relationship with a psychologist. I do have some practical plans right now which I am not terribly excited about but I do see as a way to solve some of my problems (CNA route to nursing school).

I just don't know how I am going to survive with the sadness and frustration that I feel so much of the time. I hate living here and I see no way out for about a year. I see no way out of the sadness and suffering that I feel and the years just keep on passing. I attempt to feel grateful for what I have but then I just start crying. I really am a cool person...smart, funny, into music, art and clothing...very nice in general but I cannot find friends that are deep or seem to understand me at all.

I am very isolated and feel unappreciated by my family. Perhaps people sense the dark side of me? Though when I was living in Portland, OR, people were more open to me than they are here in the south. I would like to get back out there but it seems impossible.

I have rambled on enough. If you have anything to share that might help, I would appreciate it. Thank You!

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I hate my life and feel hopeless

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advice
by: Anonymous

Perhaps it's your attitude that brings people to be distant from you. Go back to school, you will meet people there, and take a subject that will be fun and give you a good job. Don't meet men on dating sites, they aren't worth it. Don't talk about how miserable your life is... unless it is to a therapist. Have you ever tried hypnosis? It's very effective.

Good Luck and have a nice day.

Life Sucks
by: Anonymous

You are correct. It is really very difficult to live like this. Life really sucks, but we can't do anything.. why we are so helpless

How to change your life
by: Anonymous

I am in my late 30s and life had seemed pretty lousy and bad for as long as I recall. My childhood years were pretty good but things started to take a downhill tumble after that.

Most of the things that I read in the comments I have also experienced. I blamed GOD and almost everything else for this life I hated and often fell into suicide thoughts. I felt life and GOD had been unfair.

One strange day I experienced the start of a change. I don't mean to preach religion here but I heard GOD's call. HE reminded me of all the not-so-good things I had done, all the selfish and thoughtless acts which I hadn't paid too much attention to back then. I was in fact reaping back all that I have sown over the years and to make matters worse, when I felt lousy about myself, I hurt people more and thus had to reap more of the bad seeds I had sown.

Knowing this didn't help me much. I tried turning over a new leaf and be nice to other people. Things still were pretty lousy. I was back to complaining and cursing GOD for my sad life. Then GOD reminded me with a passage from the book of Daniel, "Blessed is he who waits till the one thousand three hundred and thirty fifth day." At first, it didn't make much sense to me, but then new light occurred. From the time we do a deed (sowing) to the time we reap its effects, it takes 1335 days. Don't ask me why its this strange number but that's the way GOD in the Bible says it works.

I'm not here to try to convert anyone, I just want to encourage those who have similar experiences as me that you can change your own lives/destinies. (Now I'm just a couple more months from my first good sowing and waiting to reap a plentiful harvest. Its a hell of a long wait for 1335 days, but it could be well worth it. :))

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I am in my late 30s and life had seemed pretty lousy and bad for as long as I recall. My childhood years were pretty good but things started to take a downhill tumble after that. Most of the things that I read in the comments I have also experienced. I blamed GOD and almost everything else for this life I hated and often fell into suicide thoughts. I felt life and GOD had been unfair. One strange day I experienced the start of a change. I don't mean to preach religion here but I heard GOD's call. HE reminded me of all the not-so-good things I had done, all the selfish and thoughtless acts which I hadn't paid too much attention to back then. I was in fact reaping back all that I have sown over the years and to make matters worse, when I felt lousy about myself, I hurt people more and thus had to reap more of the bad seeds I had sown. Knowing this didn't help me much. I tried turning over a new leaf and be nice to other people. Things still were pretty lousy. I was back to complaining and cursing GOD for my sad life. Then GOD reminded me with a passage from the book of Daniel, "Blessed is he who waits till the one thousand three hundred and thirty fifth day." At first, it didn't make much sense to me, but then new light occurred. From the time we do a deed (sowing) to the time we reap its effects, it takes 1335 days. Don't ask me why its this strange number but that's the way GOD in the Bible says it works. I'm not here to try to convert anyone, I just want to encourage those who have similar experiences as me that you can change your own lives/destinies. (Now I'm just a couple more months from my first good sowing and waiting to reap a plentiful harvest. Its a hell of a long wait for 1335 days, but it could be well worth it. :))

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Don't give up
by: Anonymous

I have just read through the comments of all the people who have the guts and determination to write them down. I have never shared my true feelings with anyone, so this is unique for me.

I have 2 of the best friends you could ever ask for, but to them, I have always been someone they can talk to and rely on when they needed someone to be there, so I could never tell them truly how I was feeling, because if I crumbled, who would be their rock?

I have always been attracted to "the bad boy", and now that I am older, I know why. They offer a certain kind of excitement and uncertainty which you will never get with your average 9-5 guy. I have tried to simulate that feeling with men I have truely loved, but there has been something missing, with drugs, drink or multipal partners, but nothing has ever come close to feeling I really need.

But because I have been trying to find this "high" for most of my life, I have come across some truly evil and hurtful people. I have only had five serious relationships in my life (now 33), but the last one which ended only five weeks ago, for the 1st time, made me seriously think about ending my own life. But after trying, and failing, I realized I am better than him, and I'm not going to show him that I give a s...t about him anymore, no matter what he throws in my face, and because he knows me, he knows how to hurt me.

But I am better than that, he is just bitter and wants to hurt me as much as he is hurting too, because it's the only way he knows how to show his true feelings...for that I am grateful, because I know he doesn't really mean what he says...that would be too much to cope with on my part if he meant it.

I can't give anyone advice, but, you are your own individual person, you are unique, there is nobody in the world like you. Just because you feel alone, doesn't mean you have to be. There are numerous other people out there who feel excactly the same, or even worse....if you dont give up and keep looking, you just might find that soul mate you need.....

I haven't found him yet, but I believe someone is out there, someone who understands and believes in me...because I have so much to give him in return......Dont give up.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I have just read through the comments of all the people who have the guts and determination to write them down. I have never shared my true feelings with anyone, so this is unique for me. I have 2 of the best friends you could ever ask for, but to them, I have always been someone they can talk to and rely on when they needed someone to be there, so I could never tell them truly how I was feeling, because if I crumbled, who would be their rock? I have always been attracted to "the bad boy", and now that I am older, I know why. They offer a certain kind of excitement and uncertainty which you will never get with your average 9-5 guy. I have tried to simulate that feeling with men I have truely loved, but there has been something missing, with drugs, drink or multipal partners, but nothing has ever come close to feeling I really need. But because I have been trying to find this "high" for most of my life, I have come across some truly evil and hurtful people. I have only had five serious relationships in my life (now 33), but the last one which ended only five weeks ago, for the 1st time, made me seriously think about ending my own life. But after trying, and failing, I realized I am better than him, and I'm not going to show him that I give a s...t about him anymore, no matter what he throws in my face, and because he knows me, he knows how to hurt me. But I am better than that, he is just bitter and wants to hurt me as much as he is hurting too, because it's the only way he knows how to show his true feelings...for that I am grateful, because I know he doesn't really mean what he says...that would be too much to cope with on my part if he meant it. I can't give anyone advice, but, you are your own individual person, you are unique, there is nobody in the world like you. Just because you feel alone, doesn't mean you have to be. There are numerous other people out there who feel excactly the same, or even worse....if you dont give up and keep looking, you just might find that soul mate you need..... I haven't found him yet, but I believe someone is out there, someone who understands and believes in me...because I have so much to give him in return......Dont give up.

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I love my mom but she hates me
by: Anonymous

Any one in this world can't say I hate my mom and a mom can't say I hate my child, but I think it wasn't true coming to my life my mom has never cared me. She always scolds me for unnecessary things for just wanting her love but she can't give it. Insted she's hating me.

I can't share my feelings to any one because I dont think that they will believe that a mom hates her child. She always offends me when I get less marks in my education. All of my friends and relatives say to try next time, that I will succed. My mom said don't waste money, no need to write exams once again, but I wrote and and I got best marks. She said I copied from others and that's the reason I have scored good at that time. What can I say...? I feel as though I want to die but I don't have that much courage.

I can't do the things I want to do, I am not at all leading my life in the way I want. What's wrong with me? Why is all of this happening only to me?? Is dying the only alternative to all I have?

My Life is Hopeless and Crappy
by: Frightened

I'm 37 years old, and I live with my parents. I'm a type one diabetic, and I have a bad hearing problem. I can't find a job and will soon be destitute, because my elderly parents are sick and will die soon.

I have two University Degrees. One is in Sociology, and the other is in Applied Communications in Professional Writing. They're both worthless. I also have a diploma as a professional legal assistant. I haven't worked in eight years, and my last job was as a security guard.

I have a job in a law firm 11 years ago, but my boss said I was sleeping, even though it was because of my diabetes. He also said I don't care about my job, I screw everything up, and can't do anything right. He threatened to fire me. He yelled at me on some other occasions, and I walked out on him one day. I got a job in another law firm and they fired me after four days, because I wasn't 'getting it.'

I became a security guard after that. I did it for two years, until I got laid off because the general manager didn't like me. I always wanted to try stand up comedy. I did that for four years, but I was never good enough to get off amateur night.

Then I earned a second degree in apllied communications in professional writing. I have applied to a hundred jobs, but I've only had 13 interviews. All rejected me.

I'm now 25,000 dollars in debt to student loans. My parents are getting older, and sicker. All I have is regret, and fear of the future. Security companies don't want me. I'm overqualified. Law firms won't look at me.

All my friends are successful and have moved on. I'm alone, and I have no relationship. Things are just getting worse. My health is deteriorating, and I feel alone.

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I'm 37 years old, and I live with my parents. I'm a type one diabetic, and I have a bad hearing problem. I can't find a job and will soon be destitute, because my elderly parents are sick and will die soon. I have two University Degrees. One is in Sociology, and the other is in Applied Communications in Professional Writing. They're both worthless. I also have a diploma as a professional legal assistant. I haven't worked in eight years, and my last job was as a security guard. I have a job in a law firm 11 years ago, but my boss said I was sleeping, even though it was because of my diabetes. He also said I don't care about my job, I screw everything up, and can't do anything right. He threatened to fire me. He yelled at me on some other occasions, and I walked out on him one day. I got a job in another law firm and they fired me after four days, because I wasn't 'getting it.' I became a security guard after that. I did it for two years, until I got laid off because the general manager didn't like me. I always wanted to try stand up comedy. I did that for four years, but I was never good enough to get off amateur night. Then I earned a second degree in apllied communications in professional writing. I have applied to a hundred jobs, but I've only had 13 interviews. All rejected me. I'm now 25,000 dollars in debt to student loans. My parents are getting older, and sicker. All I have is regret, and fear of the future. Security companies don't want me. I'm overqualified. Law firms won't look at me. All my friends are successful and have moved on. I'm alone, and I have no relationship. Things are just getting worse. My health is deteriorating, and I feel alone.

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life puzzles me
by: Anonymous

Im 30 yrs old, have great job, loving family and a girl friend who adores me. Probably thinking why the hell is this guy even writing anything here,to be honest I dont know myself maybe its because its the only place I feel I can say something.

Everything in my life seems to be pre-planned. I did the subjects my folks wanted me to do in schoool. I hated all their friends kids but was only allowed to meet them. I would rebel and see the friends of my own choice but always knowing my parents were disappointed with what I was doing so it never made it fun.

I went to university to study what they wanted. At university I finally thought I had my freedom but there comes my 'girlfriend' of 10yrs who is from the same culture and caste as me and all I did was kiss her and thats it I'm meant to marry her now. She only wanted to have me as her boyfriend so her parents would be happy and she could do whatever she wanted, yet I could never end it with her. I wish I had, I wish I had the courage to do it years back, but I couldnt, she had me trapped, she had the family and communities involved and I never wanted to see my parents upset that I had brought the family name down. Maybe I shouldnt have cared about that and done that but I did. I always bent my back for my friends and anyone I ever met, even if I didnt know them. I only ever have wanted people to be happy.

I thought I made one good mate, a true brother while at university, yet I was betrayed by him also, humiliated in front of his whole family and friends when I struggled in life for a few years, yet when I got back on my feet and graduated he doesnt want me anywhere around his community because the guy he said would never make anything in life has graduated and makes good money. The funny thing is I dont care about money or my position in society.

I dont know why ive done all this I guess because I hate people talking bad about me, so I just studied and made something out of my life, but I hate what I do, I dont want to marry this girl. I wanted something different from my life, I wanted to meet a girl from a different culture, someone from a differnet profession. I dint wnat to live a stereotype Indian life. There is nothing to gain or learn from it. I'll be living the same life I saw growing up. Its pointlesss, theres no education in it.

I know this sounds like a rant but I just needed to type something somewhere. I'm lost, I just want some peace and I want people to stop expecting things from me. I did all for everyone I ever met, and it was summed up to me by one guy who today is a doctor because of me, when he said 'mate you may think people care what you did for them, let me tell you something no one give two craps' I guess that sums up people for me. I just pray that as a human race we learn to live with each other and care for one another, its not nice to see someone upset I never like it but to see people joys at anothers misery its just a sad life.

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Im 30 yrs old, have great job, loving family and a girl friend who adores me. Probably thinking why the hell is this guy even writing anything here,to be honest I dont know myself maybe its because its the only place I feel I can say something. Everything in my life seems to be pre-planned. I did the subjects my folks wanted me to do in schoool. I hated all their friends kids but was only allowed to meet them. I would rebel and see the friends of my own choice but always knowing my parents were disappointed with what I was doing so it never made it fun. I went to university to study what they wanted. At university I finally thought I had my freedom but there comes my 'girlfriend' of 10yrs who is from the same culture and caste as me and all I did was kiss her and thats it I'm meant to marry her now. She only wanted to have me as her boyfriend so her parents would be happy and she could do whatever she wanted, yet I could never end it with her. I wish I had, I wish I had the courage to do it years back, but I couldnt, she had me trapped, she had the family and communities involved and I never wanted to see my parents upset that I had brought the family name down. Maybe I shouldnt have cared about that and done that but I did. I always bent my back for my friends and anyone I ever met, even if I didnt know them. I only ever have wanted people to be happy. I thought I made one good mate, a true brother while at university, yet I was betrayed by him also, humiliated in front of his whole family and friends when I struggled in life for a few years, yet when I got back on my feet and graduated he doesnt want me anywhere around his community because the guy he said would never make anything in life has graduated and makes good money. The funny thing is I dont care about money or my position in society. I dont know why ive done all this I guess because I hate people talking bad about me, so I just studied and made something out of my life, but I hate what I do, I dont want to marry this girl. I wanted something different from my life, I wanted to meet a girl from a different culture, someone from a differnet profession. I dint wnat to live a stereotype Indian life. There is nothing to gain or learn from it. I'll be living the same life I saw growing up. Its pointlesss, theres no education in it. I know this sounds like a rant but I just needed to type something somewhere. I'm lost, I just want some peace and I want people to stop expecting things from me. I did all for everyone I ever met, and it was summed up to me by one guy who today is a doctor because of me, when he said 'mate you may think people care what you did for them, let me tell you something no one give two craps' I guess that sums up people for me. I just pray that as a human race we learn to live with each other and care for one another, its not nice to see someone upset I never like it but to see people joys at anothers misery its just a sad life.

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...
by: Anonymous

Wishes
God doesnt exist if he did would he make people unhappy??? Would he create poverty???

I feel like dying..
by: Alex

I hate my life and I'm only 12. Everything is so messed up in my life. My parents blame me for everything. They think I'm the mistake in their life. My siblings get treated like angels while I get treated like a dirt. I'd rather have me getting treated like a mistake than my siblings getting treated like that. I don't know what to do. I just feel like dying.. I haven't got anything to live for anymore. I'm not going to commit suicide.. I feel like it but I'm not going to act on it.

Once I'm 18 I'm going to happily leave my parents and move away where I can live the life I've always wanted; a life where I can be loved for once. I've read all the comments and they made me feel a little bit better, thank you. Love you all. Alex

i hate my life.. hate even being born..
by: Anonymous

God hates me im sure about it..30 yrs has brought in only failures disppointments shame and humilation for me .. be it family friends or career.. so I give up.. coz God loves only certain people.. at least he doesnt love me.. if so no loving father would put someone through what I have gone through and still going through.. I cried to him all night and day but it was only silence I heard..but I see all those people who act boastful being lauded and kept in glory.. whereby I start doubting what is good and what is not..all those who took Gods name on their lips and acts otherwise.. seem to be in his good books.. I always come here for a positive reflection on God.. but my life teaches me otherwise..I'm like Cain who is cursed never to get peace anywhere on the face of this earth..

Finally here im giving up on everything.. I just shall live till I die taking on all curses on me, all afflictions coz I have none to cry to none to save me.. the one who could, has forgotten me has turned his face against me, and I'm cast off..

is this it??
by: Anonymous

I hate my life. Eevery day its all the same problems. Nothing changes, we just sink further and further. Round and round in a vicious circle. no-one will help and I mean no-one.

Both parents and brothers suffering from mental illness. Nothing we can do. They will never get better. We are on our own. We will never be happy.

Life is for the living but how can you live life when you are already dead on the inside?

"I hate my life and feel hopeless" these talks are like hell
by: SS BEdi

You Know why I said these talks are like hell, because every person is master of his own. The difference is how you tackle things, how you manage to solve issues, how much you give importance to yourself.

Life is a biological truth, no God could do any thing to change it, you have to change your life and yourself. Make it a challenge and accept it. you have the chance to write your name in history, to be remembered. You have to be Bold and Beautiful.

Every one lives for his own destiny, your mother your father, brother, sister and relatives, every one has their own destiny and goals, and if they remain unsucessful in getting their goals, they expect from you to do the same job, but they have to understand that you have your own life, and you have to do best for yourself. Only then will they understand this because they also want the best for you.So be sucessful in what you want to be and what You wana do in life. Convince them that you will choose the best from their experience and to let you choose where to implement those experiences.

Remember a Man is Master of his Own Mind.

me too.........
by: matthew

It seems like your story and mine are almost exacly the same life, body, and soul.... I don't have advice nor anything that would help but I thought I'd let you know that you're not the only one searching for something more from life. It's like a feeling you can't shake no matter how long you hold on, you're not the only one ;) ;(

hope you are feeling better now :)
by: wishes

I hope you are feeling better now, actually, I'm writing this comment to you while many moments of depression are passing my mind. I really had a lot of them, but the way I've dealt with them was quite different. I didn't go to alcohol or sex; million thanks to God that they are forbidden in our religion, they by themselves are big sources for depression.

The best method I found to get out of all this is to return to God, to return to our creator, as the one who created us, surely knows what the best is for us. In my religion, we have a time we believe it's one of the best times to pray God and ask him for forgiveness, we call it 'Al-sahar', it begins by the last third of night, let's say if dawn is at 4:00 AM, you can wake up at 2:00 AM and do your prayers. I really recommend this to you, speak frankly and in the language you want to your God and this would help a lot.

One more advice regarding love and acceptance, identify your goals in life, your personality characteristics and needs then go and search for love, or you might not search; it might come to you without being bothered by searching. Believe me, if you just search without having any goals or needs from that love, you would find yourself thinking about any guy you face, waiting his acceptance, and wouldn't see if he is the right one for you or not, and this hurts and most likely will end with a broken relationship. I used to believe that having mutual, shared and definite goals would lead to a successful married life..

One or two last words?.
You parents, take care of them and treat them the same way you want your children to treat you in the future?and after you feel better (and inshallah this will happen), if for any reason, you start to feel moments of depression are coming back and you feel you want to return to alcohol or sex...please don't listen to Shitan again, it's his role to lead us to astray and sins, have trust in God and yourself.

My best wishes for you, and I will pray for you as well,
Wishes,

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I hope you are feeling better now, actually, I'm writing this comment to you while many moments of depression are passing my mind. I really had a lot of them, but the way I've dealt with them was quite different. I didn't go to alcohol or sex; million thanks to God that they are forbidden in our religion, they by themselves are big sources for depression. The best method I found to get out of all this is to return to God, to return to our creator, as the one who created us, surely knows what the best is for us. In my religion, we have a time we believe it's one of the best times to pray God and ask him for forgiveness, we call it 'Al-sahar', it begins by the last third of night, let's say if dawn is at 4:00 AM, you can wake up at 2:00 AM and do your prayers. I really recommend this to you, speak frankly and in the language you want to your God and this would help a lot. One more advice regarding love and acceptance, identify your goals in life, your personality characteristics and needs then go and search for love, or you might not search; it might come to you without being bothered by searching. Believe me, if you just search without having any goals or needs from that love, you would find yourself thinking about any guy you face, waiting his acceptance, and wouldn't see if he is the right one for you or not, and this hurts and most likely will end with a broken relationship. I used to believe that having mutual, shared and definite goals would lead to a successful married life.. One or two last words?. You parents, take care of them and treat them the same way you want your children to treat you in the future?and after you feel better (and inshallah this will happen), if for any reason, you start to feel moments of depression are coming back and you feel you want to return to alcohol or sex...please don't listen to Shitan again, it's his role to lead us to astray and sins, have trust in God and yourself. My best wishes for you, and I will pray for you as well, Wishes,

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I hate my life
by: Hades

I'm 26 years old over weight jobless I don't have a car license and worst of all I am Arab from my father's side, so people tend to hate me. I used to have a great job but the second people realized that I have mixed blood they started to treat me like crap.

I called a lawyer and he said that that's the way things go and to make sure that next time nobody knows.... I'm sick of it I've been treated like an outcast from Christians and Muslims, and guess what, I am depressed all the time... I'm broke and nobody seems to understand how I feel.

I can't sleep nor eat properly and as you can guess all I eat are fat cheap foods' and too much of a chicken to just kill my self though I tried with pills and alcohol but as you can guess it didn't work.

Being me
by: user

Some have got breakup. Some couldn't do any thing in thir life. But in my case it's my cast. My girl left for thr UK and broke up with me after havin a 4yrs long relationship. The reason is my cast, I am lower than her ar lower.

People looks nice at me first then after knowing my cast, in their mind they'll be thinking "ooohhhh you,re ......". I really hate them all. Even when I propose to someone they would like to have a relationship because I know I don't look bad,I am good at talking and the best part of me that I like is I've hurt a girl or anyone but damn they've hurt me alot. Everything sucks being me.......

Whatever! God bless all...

loneliness
by: Anonymous

I am 29 and with the rents. I want someone to love, but I don't buy love anymore as a solution. Solitude doesn't do much good either. I have some great friends, but I feel I am slowly losing touch with them, with everything, every person, every value I ever thought I cared for. I am not sure how long this is supposed to last... it's torture. I often dream of creative ways of dying at night in my bed, like a meteor choses my room, or the predator rips my head off, I don't know what for, but I do.

Anyway, I hope you find what you are looking for, or find what you need to find out exactly what you want to look for, so you can look for it and find it. But you are not alone in your loneliness, yet again I don't think it matters to people like us what other people say to convince us that life isn't so bad. We know it is.

trying to make it better
by: rox

I have had an abusive mother and father. 2 abusive marriages. I have no friends. I spent years doing stupid stuff hoping I could die but I am still here.

I have manic depression and social issues. I spent time cutting myself. I have been anorexic, now I am just fat. I hate myself. I hate my life. Those of us that have troubles and continue to work on them are WINNERS.

Every day life is hard and I wonder why I bother getting out of bed but I do. I try hard to enjoy life sometimes I do not succeed, but I am still here. I have had friends who have killed themselves and are no longer here - at times I envy them.

You win because you continue to try, sometimes things dont work out but you dont give up. If you give up then you have lost. We must take control of ourselves it is all we have. I have learned through the years that antidepressents are only a part of the solution we must take control of ourselves and learn how to be better.

My world is a dark hole a cavern I would like to step into but dont because at the moment oblivian is worse than living.

Have hope find the strength inside you and dont give up.

It's OK!
by: Anonymous

Hey,
You are looking for purpose. A shelter from the storms of life. Peace and maybe some kind of assurance that you are normal. Surviving on your own is almost impossible so living with your parents while you reset your thoughts are ok.

Don't focus on the standards the world sets. This world has been on a declining path since it began. It is obvious you are a beautiful soul who loves yourself and have been trying to find comfort. What you are doing, or not doing doesn't seem to be helping. Do you believe in God? Keep an open mind.

LOVE

Yeah, I know.
by: Kept

33 years old. Graduated High School, did the Army, graduated college, and through it all I felt nothing. I still feel nothing. Sure, there was a lot of crap during my childhood, but there's even more now. The world is changing, and we have the unfortunate timing to be born when we did. For those born from 1975-1985, there is absolutely no certainty. We just have to keep on keeping on in this time of total garbage.

I hope you are doing better now. If not, then please keep hope for the future. That's all I have left.

We all have a weak moment, just hang in there
by: Anonymous

Life is too precious, I would like to recommend a book for you by Gibran Khalil Gibran called The PROPHET.. very inspiring words and everytime I read it I feel as if I am becoming stronger and can conquer the world.

You said you went to church, so I am guessing you have faith in God. If so you should read the bible and pray that God gives you strength to get out of this mess, and I am sure you will feel wonders but you need time it will not happen overnight.

good luck,

Broken Spirit
by: Feel Dead

I am 37 years old married with one child, Both parents passed away, have been on anti-depressants for 16 years. I don't drink any more and have a mundane job and I feel broken on the inside. My wife kinda shits me to tears as most of our relationship has been about her for the last 15 years.

I love my son so much, but I seem to have no spark at all and get extreme anger and it scares me because I am 6f 4 and about 107kg very strong and fit and feel maybe the anger is from being severely bullied at school. I seem to give so much to others but I can never be selfish or arrogant I just don't seem to care about myself.

Think about others
by: Anonymous

It may not seem like it, but you have a lot going for you. You are intelligent, pretty, and young. Thirty is so young - learn now while you can.

I'm 51, and have felt the way you do most of my life. I felt like a trapped "teenager" This especially hit home when my mother passed away 8 years ago. I became a helpless child again, even though I had six children and a wonderful husband.

Relish your parents now, while you can. (Both my parents are gone.) They will not be there forever. Learn from your experience, though it may not be fun.

Listen to people. Your negative thoughts will turn into negative results. Forget about yourself, and think about others. That's why we are here. Change those thoughts to positive thoughts, and you will begin to see positive results.

I will pray for you.

Bewildered
by: Lonesome Soul

I can totally understand what you are feeling. I have felt that way nearly all my life.....Still looking to find the answer....I'm 32 and noo friends, no boyfriend, no sense of where i'm going.....sometimes I think I'm better off dead. NOT GOING TO DO THAT THOUGH, I WILL KEEP TRYING TIL I FIND THE ANSWER.

its about the journey.
by: Anonymous

Everything that you find important in life IS. but its all found 1 step at a time considering..

You seem stuck in a world of a teenager; you do understand that one fails to grow emotionally when they are addicted to any substance (alcohol, script meds etc...) the fact that you are 30 means nothing when your emotional state is that of a lets say a 21 year old.

At my assumption you will be above and beyond with your "street smarts". Your struggles are not finding friends, relationships or moving out of your parents house, it's an internal battle you are facing. None of those people or things will stay positive or enter your life in a positive way until you face YOURSELF. With that said this is about you looking at and actually acknowledging YOUR faults and forcing the change. When learning anything it takes time and leveling up.

Certain aspects of your personality are based on and appear very negative and confusing to some people; you may understand these aspects since you spend so much time thinking about them and decoding them and not as much time actually going hmmm what about this, doesn't seem right.

Your depth is beyond the average, yes? Unless you surround yourself with negative people (like I am sure you already do) you wont feel like you fit but even then you will find difficulties since they still don't "get you" AND they won't since YOU decoded your thoughts for so long and justified them and put them in all the right places, when in actuality you didn't.

Others most likely will always see it differently and you will find them hurtful if they tell you this. Hence a positive person always turns negative (even your shrinks).

You need to spend more time LISTENING and turning YOUR negative thoughts into positive ones. You are worth facing your faults to allow your positives to flourish. Self realization is a bitch, but it will oddly enough close many wounds. believe me when I say its amazing when you actually discover yourself. The real you, with all the layers gone....

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Everything that you find important in life IS. but its all found 1 step at a time considering.. You seem stuck in a world of a teenager; you do understand that one fails to grow emotionally when they are addicted to any substance (alcohol, script meds etc...) the fact that you are 30 means nothing when your emotional state is that of a lets say a 21 year old. At my assumption you will be above and beyond with your "street smarts". Your struggles are not finding friends, relationships or moving out of your parents house, it's an internal battle you are facing. None of those people or things will stay positive or enter your life in a positive way until you face YOURSELF. With that said this is about you looking at and actually acknowledging YOUR faults and forcing the change. When learning anything it takes time and leveling up. Certain aspects of your personality are based on and appear very negative and confusing to some people; you may understand these aspects since you spend so much time thinking about them and decoding them and not as much time actually going hmmm what about this, doesn't seem right. Your depth is beyond the average, yes? Unless you surround yourself with negative people (like I am sure you already do) you wont feel like you fit but even then you will find difficulties since they still don't "get you" AND they won't since YOU decoded your thoughts for so long and justified them and put them in all the right places, when in actuality you didn't. Others most likely will always see it differently and you will find them hurtful if they tell you this. Hence a positive person always turns negative (even your shrinks). You need to spend more time LISTENING and turning YOUR negative thoughts into positive ones. You are worth facing your faults to allow your positives to flourish. Self realization is a bitch, but it will oddly enough close many wounds. believe me when I say its amazing when you actually discover yourself. The real you, with all the layers gone....

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Kindred Spirits
by: Andrew

It sounds to me like we took very similar paths in life and ended up in the same place. Mine ended in a marriage filled with infidelity that I allowed to happen because some part of me felt I deserved it. In the end, after escaping to start over, coming back, leaving, getting married, now divorced, I have also ended up back at my parents at the age of 30.

Luckily, I have supportive wonderful parents who are there for me through everything, and perhaps that's something positive you can see for yourself. If your parents didn't care for you, they wouldn't take you back in.

At any rate, I'm also trying to piece things together and get a normal life going. It hasn't worked perfect thus far, but every little bit is progress. You can do it! We both can!

hate life
by: Anonymous

I was searching for people like myself, and all I find is whiny people crying about everything.
I am the victim of an accident, I wake up every morning in pain or with nightmares. It has been about 3 years since I have had a good nights sleep.

I haven't worked in 2 years. The wife and I fight all the time because I am no longer the man I once was and to top it off I can no longer give her a decent orgasm any more.

So you want to talk about I hate my life because you're a loser by choice. At least you can do some thing about it.

i have an answer.
by: Anonymous

well darlin'
you have some issues i see...
& they are very obvious.
you should get a job, grow up, move out of your parents house & then worry about friends.
you just need to get your priorities straight.

life is a dream
by: Anonymous

Life is a marathon and not a short sprint. Take happiness in the small things. Go out and help others and you will get a positive attitude.

We are all in the same boat. Sometimes it gets a littler rocky.

Remember for every action there is an equal an opposite reaction.

Life will get better.

Hang in there.

thanks
by:

Right now I'm at the part of my life where I'm 19 and I can (in my opinion) draw many parallels to yours, in many aspects: personality, interests, intelligence, overbearing parents, low self-esteem, depression (of which caused me to attempt suicide many times [may not pertain to you specifically], all failed obviously ;p), substance abuse.

However, I turned to marijuana and psychedelics instead of alcohol and the experiences I've had have changed me for the better due to... *drum roll*... self-realization :)

Thanks for telling your story... your life hasn't been completely worthless. I can live vicariously through your story, learn from your experiences, share your sadness, and know I'm not alone during this turbulent time in my life where I'm not ready to die... thanks. you've helped to bring me one step closer to the brighter side of the forked road I walk :D

Feeling hopeless
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.
Don't spend your time looking back on what you should have done, could have done, and did do! As you do this you become totally negative and filled with regrets.

When you focus on the negative things you have done you continue to draw negativity around you. Even when you say you have achieved a degree, which is a fantastic achievement in your life, you negate this with negative comments.

Be proud of yourself. You are a beautiful thoughtful woman who has somehow become lost along the way. Love yourself, unless you do, how can you expect others to? Your self talk is vital, tell yourself how wonderful you are, that you love yourself. Spend your time looking forward at what you are going to achieve, not looking back and regretting your past.

You have so much in your favor, but unless you accept this your life is going to stay filled with negative thoughts, and therefore negative results.

When you have a thought and put it into action this becomes your reality, and so you see how powerful those thoughts you have about yourself are. Make them positive, even if at this moment you don't believe them, if you have positive self talk all the time you will eventually become a positive thinking person. You know this is so because you have had negative thoughts with negative results throughout your life.

You can change if you truly want to. You can do it, in fact you can start this very instant if you want to, simply by telling yourself that you can, and will, change your life to be how you want it.

Good luck.

Love,
Kay

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Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Don't spend your time looking back on what you should have done, could have done, and did do! As you do this you become totally negative and filled with regrets. When you focus on the negative things you have done you continue to draw negativity around you. Even when you say you have achieved a degree, which is a fantastic achievement in your life, you negate this with negative comments. Be proud of yourself. You are a beautiful thoughtful woman who has somehow become lost along the way. Love yourself, unless you do, how can you expect others to? Your self talk is vital, tell yourself how wonderful you are, that you love yourself. Spend your time looking forward at what you are going to achieve, not looking back and regretting your past. You have so much in your favor, but unless you accept this your life is going to stay filled with negative thoughts, and therefore negative results. When you have a thought and put it into action this becomes your reality, and so you see how powerful those thoughts you have about yourself are. Make them positive, even if at this moment you don't believe them, if you have positive self talk all the time you will eventually become a positive thinking person. You know this is so because you have had negative thoughts with negative results throughout your life. You can change if you truly want to. You can do it, in fact you can start this very instant if you want to, simply by telling yourself that you can, and will, change your life to be how you want it. Good luck. Love, Kay

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I hate my life and feel hopeless

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