What is wrong with me?
I am at the end of a very long drawn out divorce that I initiated. I share 2 young children with him. I was unfaithful in my marriage numerous times. I felt he was not there emotionally for me. It seemed as though we had grown apart and there was so much resentment on both our parts. I am wondering if I had too high of expectations. I was feeling trapped and overwhelmed in my marriage. I tried numerous times to tell him I was unhappy and it was like nothing ever changed. I do care for him but am not in love with him. I do however miss the family life and feel as though I am hurting my children by all of this.
We were both unhappy it was like we were dying. It is like we kept one another at arms length. We stopped doing things together and it was like we were roommates not husband and wife.
I am now in another relationship with a man I care for deeply, but I still feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and fear. I am very insecure as though I am not worthy of his love. I know I am deeply depressed and I am seeking treatment. I do not have the support of family and I feel as though I am on my own. I feel as though there is something really wrong with me. I cry all the time. I can not stay focused and it seems nothing makes me happy any more.
The things I was good at being a mom I feel as though I am not even doing that well. I am faced with returning to work and I have had disappointment after disappointment with that. What do I need to do to get my life back. I should not my ex did not want this so he said but his actions said otherwise. Or did I imagining it all?