I am a 26 year old male, but by no means a man. All my life, I have held the belief that something is wrong with me; my time to date has been testament to that.
Throughout my short existence, I have been to numerous psychiatrists and mental health wards. I have never felt like I fit in with any group of people, whether male or female. I have had only one intimate relationship, and she threw me away shortly thereafter.
I once had a career in the US Navy but lost it due to my drug problems. I have been addicted to alcohol, painkillers, cocaine, and have done a plethora of other mind-altering substances. I have accidentally shot myself in my left foot with a .45 ACP (the irony is that I am an avid weapons collector). I am not at all proud of what I have done, yet I still have to live with myself.
On top of all this, I am unemployed and living with my folks. Needless to say, my self-confidence and self-esteem are nonexistent.
I know that I should be grateful for what I have; things could be far worse. Believe me, I have gratitude, but I lament for my lack of belief in myself and the confidence to succeed in life. All I can feel is anger, regret, and despair. Anger at myself for all my wrongdoings, regret for my dreams that will never come to fruition, and despair because I believe that my life will be nothing more than an abyss of pain and loneliness. All I want is to be someone that I can be proud of, with a purpose and a meaning.