Sick of trying to get through

by Lee
(Perth)

I woke in a strange bed with a guy bragging to his mate that there was blood on the sheet, they were laughing patting each other on the back for bagging a virgin; I was 15yrs, and just started going out to the nightclubs, I had no idea where I was or even that virgins bled; and so it was that men would have their way with me from the backseat of their cars; on top of cars, parking lots, being shared around to violent rapes.


If someone asked me how many boyfriends I have had in my life I would say 1....I can't tell you how many men have taken advantage of me, that means I have to remember.....

I am now 43yrs and I haven't had a boyfriend for over 20 years, they seem to still take me though: if I find myself in a situation, the thing is if I go out to a bar, I have to scan the place, usually it's the quiet guy in the back he's the one you have to watch out for, if I start drinking; only have I then leave; if not it's the same old story, get taken again..

I sometimes wish I had somebody to take care of me, someone just for company, sex means nothing to me, I wish someone else would just be there to help me get through,

My son still lives with me but has no job he's 21yrs and is trying hard to get one, no one will even give him a chance because he has no experience.

I've taken care of us all his life and I just wanna stop. I've had enough, but I will keep going for him hoping everyday he gets a job to start his life.

I just want someone who cares.

Comments for Sick of trying to get through

Click here to add your own comments

Hugs
by: Anonymous

Hi Lee.

I'm so sorry for your painful past. I wish someone would come and take care of you. You deserve so much love.

I pray that things get so much better for you.

As for your son, I'm 21, had never worked until I got a temporary job 3 months ago and now I'm in a permanent job so there's hope for him.
Take a look at the good in you
by: Anonymous

Don't give up, you are a person of value, the people who have taken you down are not worth very much. What goes round has a habit of going round.
One day you will find someone who will love and appreciate you. The experiences you have had have made you feel worthless.

You are not the only person that has gone through this, there are other people who have and maybe one day you will find the right person who loves you for who you are.
You started off with an experience when you were young and immature which has affected your whole life.

Now you are older and more aware just take this as something that you had to perhaps learn.
There may be some other young girl who has had the same unhappy thing happen to her and with comforting and assisting her, may help to find some healing and closure for yourself.

Just remember that you are a worthwhile person capable of achieving more in your life and work towards that. You are a person of worth.
Life and its problems
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. I understand totally about your wanting someone in your life to care for you and to share with.

I feel you have been taken advantage of since you very young. Unfortunately some men only have a relationship with a female to have sex and then move on to the next one. This is until they meet that special person and decide to settle down. In your need to feel loved and wanted you have given yourself to men who have taken what they needed and moved on.

You have to love yourself and not let men use you in this way, they don't respect your feelings or you as a person. You say sex means nothing to you, make it mean something, let it be very special to you, but do not have it with every man who expects it, give it to someone who truly cares for you and wants a relationship with you.

There must be places other than night clubs to meet men? Why not join the gym, or other clubs, such as walking or swimming. When you go out don't go expecting to find a man, go out to enjoy yourself, and save sex for someone who cares.

I hope there is a special man for you, and wish you happy future.

Love
Kay
x

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.