Self Confidence... Its taking over me...
Hi. Im a young teenager and Im having the worst confidence issues ever... I dont know whats really making me act the way I do now.
Its getting really hard for me, its almost like I cant even talk anymore, i have to second guess EVERYTHING i say. Even to family members... Im so scared of being wrong its taking over me, and its driving me insane!!! I think a lot of it comes from my weight and appearance. Im slightly overweight, and Im not the prettiest person in the world.
Im terrified of rejection and disappointing people. I literally just wont say anything and I let myself get pushed around by people because i don't want them to view me as disappointing, rude, ect. I feel like God has been pushing me through this, and been putting people in my life to help me greatly.
I'll be really happy for a while, but then somebody pushes me down. Example- There was this boy, who talked to me like I was a normal person, like he was actually interested in what I had to say, and tried to talk to me. It was amazing and the best feeling in the world. He was seriously the only one to ever talk to me like that. It wasn't fake. It wasn't romantic. It was normal. And every time I get in one of my lower times, I think of it. When I get on these 'highs' im really confident and feel like I can take on the world. I wear shirts that are actually my size, shorts, and be audacious. But then It all come crashing down... Someone says something like " Dont you think you should change? You aren't really the right body type for that." Or "That what your wearing?" It crushes me. Im also generally a clumsy person, I bump into things, trip, ect, ect, ect. And constantly make a fool of myself. Every time I do something like that, I completely feel like and idiot... And iv built up this cover so much that Im the happy, cheerful goody goody girl that nobody notices i feel like im slowly dying. I stutter and don't know what to do and say. i feel like somebody giving me an authentic smile is totally alien, that im weird an that everyone tries to avoid me because they dont want to have to talk to me. Im really sorry if this doesn't make much sense and for rambling on.
I dont feel comfortable telling anybody around me this. But im tired of hiding and being the kid nobody wants to be around.