Rock Bottom, Help?
I guess I'm going to vent a lot, so I apologise for the long post.
Lately I have been suffering from bad depression and social anxiety it's become more apparent since I hit 16 (now I'm 17 almost 18). I feel lost and confused and I've just became a shadow of a person with many problems.
I know I'm annoying a lot of people with my problems but I just want it to be over and to be heard. I guess these problems stem from my childhood. Even though I can't exactly pinpoint where. At the minute what's bothering me is that everyone around me is growing up and I feel like I'm still stuck as that 13 year old me. My appearance is just a shipwreck, it took me till I was 16 to do something about my hair and I'm always pressured into wearing makeup but I never did because people always told me to.
With my friends, they all treat me like I'm an idiot. I usually don't think about something before I said it but they can joke around a lot about it and it really puts me down. I confronted them once but they just said I was overreacting. Was I? I mean, I felt belittled so much so that now I don't think as myself as a Human Being I feel so inferior it hurts. I don't really want to live anymore because I'm so dependent on others that whenever I do something independently they all have a little guffaw about it. All I want is my happiness, Self-Esteem and confidence.
I have got to suicidal thoughts but never attempted I fear one day it will happen. I just want to grow up but I feel I can't do it with everyone watching me. Are my friends my friends if all I feel is inferior when I'm around them? I just want to be treated as a human being but I'm just a shipwreck and I want out.