My older brother hates me

by Kaylea
(Missouri)

I am the second child of five and the only girl. My older brother has been mean to me since I was born. We are a year apart. He was mean when we were little but the real problems started when I got to junior high. He got all his friends to call me fat and many other names. It was such a hard time for me because the time that you are beginning to wish boys thought you were cute all the boys my age and a year older were calling me fat. I thought I was huge, but I wasn't fat at all. This continued utill at least my junior year when the boys finally stopped for the most part, but my brother continued.

All the damage he had done actually gave me a eating disorder on and off for years even through college. My brother has always been more successful than me. I was good at basketball, but he was great. He got better grades than me. I can't think of many things I was more successful at then he was, but I was ok with that. Completely ok with that.

I guess maybe just part of being from a big family. The whole point is though that he had nothing to be jealous of, so I know that's not it. He went on to be a successful college athlete and then actually on to the professionals.

I recently have met many of his friends from college and all I have heard about is all the horrible things my brother has told them over the years about me. How I am fat, disgusting, ugly, and many more very hurtful words. Words I wouldn't even use for someone I hated. Many of them were shocked and ended up thinking I was actally really good looking, maybe partially due to the fact they had such low standards for what I would look like.

Anyways, we are growing up and I am 24 and he is 25. We are no longer teenagers. He is now married and I thought this is a stage we would grow out of. He was always a little mean to our other siblings, but he only seems to be growing closer and closer to my little brothers and farther from me.

When we are in public he often doesn't even take the time of day to say hello or anything. He acts like I have done something so horrible to him that he doesn't even want a relationship with me. We have fought a little in high school, but other than that I haven't done anything to him. I just feel like everything he does shows he wants to have no relationship with me at all.

I do love him and I would do anything to have a healthy loving relationship with my brother, but it's obviously not what he wants. When he has seen me bawling before because of what he says to me he just laughs. He is very closed off about his emotions. I just don't know what to do. I do want him in my life, but he still to this day tells me how fat he thinks I am every time I see him.

I have been wondering lately if I should completely cut all ties with him, at least for now. I don't want to but what other choice do I have. I can no longer handle his emotional abuse anymore. I have to do whats best for me too. Please someone help.