My husband needs girlfriends

by jean
(atlanta ga)

He has work friends that are women, young women. He likes to meet with them and talk. They are all married and much younger, and I don't think he is interested in being untrue to me. I told him I did not want him having women friends, not emailing or meeting at a bar for talks. He said that he understood, but I then found an email where he invited an ex co worker to meet him at a bar and not email him back or facebook him so I wouldn't find out. This woman is married, a christian, and I caught him before the meeting date, but... now I don't trust him at all and feel that there is something wrong with me that he seeks the company of younger women in their twenties and thirties. He is 58 and I am 64.

I am very insecure, and also hurting because I am not enough. or am I wrong to think that way. He has a work email now and is probably still pursuing these relationships, or maybe not. How can I stop thinking about it and just stop caring and get on with my life. I am tired of worrying about what he is doing. He isn't worried about me at all, and trusts me completely, or doesn't care what I do.

He is kind to me, calls me and tells me he loves me, takes care of the house, cooks, and is considerate, every woman's dream, except for his need to have these young friends who are women.

Comments for My husband needs girlfriends

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Low Self Esteem
by: Anonymous

It sounds to me like your husband has an addiction to approval and acceptance. You are quite correct in saying that you will never be enough unless he goes into counselling.

These kind of men depend on the approval of others to gain a sense of self-worth. He must learn to build self-worth and self-esteem from within himself.

Does he often complain about you rejecting him...or does he avoid conflict because he just wants to please all the time?

Sometimes these "friend" relationships develop into something sexual.....

My husband needs girlfriends
by: Anonymous

It is a difficult situation but you say that your husband does appreciate you and you have no problems there.
Have you outside interests of your own or do you work because in that case there will be people with whom you will associate in the course of those activities and you will socialise with them.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in your own home and area and its routine.
Do you people have interests in common as a married couple? that you have mutual friends and outside interests that you join in together. It is important that you have topics of conversation that you enjoy together, do you garden, have you pets? What about your family, children, grandchildren etc,
We all need stimulation and to widen our interests, if we tend to keep to ourselves, it is easy to lose interest in all that goes on around you.
These women are associates of your husband and they will have their own relationships. Perhaps it is because your husband and they are on common ground with work activities and other interests in common that they meet and talk, They do not mean any harm.

men and women
by: Kay

Unfortunately some older men enjoy the company of younger females, it makes them feel good knowing they are in the company of younger woman. He may be feeling that he is getting old, and their presence makes him feel that he still is attractive to them. I don't think it's because you aren't enough, I feel its personal to him that he is getting older and not coping very well.

However I feel your husband is being unkind to you if he isn't respecting your request to not have so much to do with them. You say you trust him? Is this true? Can you trust him enough to laugh at him about his needing the company of these younger women, and maybe bring it all out in the open. You seem to be happy in your marriage apart from this, and realise that he is special in how he cares for you.

I agree that you should make things happen in your life rather than accept how things are. Concentrate on yourself, start going places with your friends, make a life for yourself, be happy.

Good luck
Kay
x

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