I have lost myself, my life, and most importantly my family

by Brtiney

I'm 19 years old I'll be 20 in 6 months, and I still currently live with my parents, 8 year old brother and 14 year old sister. The story of my downhill spiral began when I was 16 and thought it would be cool to drag town, with a black friend. I used to be one of the nicest people, but all that changed when we started hanging out. I stopped going to church I started lying to my parents.

When I was 16 when I had my first kiss, two weeks after that I hung out with and 21 year old and stayed in town until 2 in the morning. The next morning my dad found out and I got in huge trouble. He forced me to get a job to learn how to be responsible.
When I turned 18 I had my first boyfriend. I thought he was the one, but boy was I wrong. I started making bad choices once again. I would lie to my parents about him to keep him out of trouble and they like him. I started smoking pot for him I would let him drive my brand new Mustang and I will always go out of my way to help him in any possible way. One year later were forced to break up.
I later decided to stay single I thought it would be wise for me to have a friend with benefits. That went on for about 2 months and he finally started to tick me off. I thought the best idea would be to hook up with his best friend.
I now know that was probably one of my most stupid, idiotic, moronic, brain-dead decisions I could have made.
About to months ago I was out late driving my truck going 60 down boggy depot road. I then total out my truck. its beyond the point of fixing it. 2 days later my dad felt sorry and decided to get me a new car. There were ground rules, I wasn't allowed to be out late I was supposed to do chores, and I came into an agreement with him.
Last night was probably the worst thing I could have done. There was a small party in my home town, thrown by a senior at the high school my younger sister goes. My sister and my best friend wanted to go. At first I thought is wasn't a great idea, but as always I got talked into it. We go and my friend and I get drunk, she passed out while she was on the phone with her grandma. I thought it was okay because someone told me it was. I still go to the bathroom because I didn't want to see anyone see me cry or worry. While I was in there a guy comes in asks if I'm okay. We stay in there for a while talking so of course people are going to think something is going on. My friends family comes and gets her to take her to the ER and I'm here getting yelled at because they thought wrong. I finally started crying in front them because I'm drunk and hold my emotions in. My younger sister calls a family friend to come and get me. I have lost my phone and my dignity.
Our parents were furious because we went to a party and I took my 14 year old sister there and got drunk knowing I had to drive home. I lost all of their trust. They are saying they'll kick me out of my house and that I'm a worthless lying piece of s***. I won't be able to go to college or get a better job than Sonic.
So I have lost faith in myself and lost hope. I keep praying to God hoping they can help me get back on the right path, and help me get out of this dark hole. I want to be the person everyone looks up to I want to make my dream come true. I want to make a difference in the world.
So please help me with any advice you can give.
Thank you and god bless you, all of you.

Comments for I have lost myself, my life, and most importantly my family

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I have lost myself and my family
by: Anonymous

You are not the first or the last to do this. A lot of young people go through this, it is a learning stage of your life.

You just have to take a look at your life and where you are going at the moment and where you want to go in the future.

People learn by their mistakes and most of us make them.

Maybe some counselling might help and there will be people out there who have gone through this and will help you to set your life straight.
There must be someone sympathetic towards you who can give you help and support maybe an older person who is wise.

It is easy to get on the wrong side of your family but maybe when you get your life on track this will change.
Dont Be Led
by: Anonymous

The common thread all the way through this, is that you allow people to lead you.

If you started off the right way, there is no reason why you cant go back there. Only you can make that choice. Your parents seem like decent people, but I fear they lack supporting you through this turbulent time. Have they not given you any advice on the way you should cope with life?

You have to make a set of rules for yourself now,at the beginning of your adult life, to set you up for the rest of it. Have a good think, and decide what person you would like to be, and it should not matter about other people's opinion of you, do it for yourself. Decide you won't be led, that YOU take charge of your own life and don't go away from that. The more you are pleased with yourself for the way you handle things, your self esteem and confidence will return with it. Say to yourself, I wont be led by people, I wish to be a decent person, I wish to respect myself, I will not let myself down, I will be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day, and know that I have been a good person.

People will use you given half a chance, and develop a radar that enables you to spot the wrong kind of person a mile away. There are a lot of fakes out there that will be only too ready to pull tou down with them,because THEY dont care about their lives. I do hope you become a success with yourself, you deserve it
lost
by: Kay

You can change how you are. Sounds easy I know, but the truth is when you change the thoughts you have about yourself from negative thoughts into positive ones you will start to change.

OK, maybe at first you won't believe the fact that you are worthwhile, but things won't change until you believe in yourself and love the person you are.
No one can change you but you. Your mind accepts what you tell it, and so you should start telling it good stuff about yourself.

Everything you do is about choice. Choices you have made in the past have resulted in how you are. You can get back on the right path with the right choice and the right actions.

Your mindset will set you free. Begin today by sayng "I love myself" as often as you can. Take action now to change your lifestyle and all will be well in the future.

Good luck
Stay strong
Love
Kay
x

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