Extremely Insecure

I am a 21 year old female. I used to be in a relationship with a girl who used to put me down a lot to the point that I became very vulnerable to anything she would say and I sort of lost myself because I wanted her to like me the way I liked her. I dated her for four years and we broke up.

Now I'm trying something new. I'm dating a man and recently had a baby by him. My whole view in life has changed now that I have my daughter. I want to go back to having a personality and get out of the habit of being so defensive to everything that people say it's ruining my relationship with my baby's father.

I blame it on my past relationship because before that I used to be confident and happy with myself. I was able to make other people laugh. Now its got to the point that I cant even pronounce words right because I feel like people will make fun of the way I talk.

I'm constantly worried about what others think of me. I know I'm pretty, I can dress, I have real pretty hair, but I need a personality and I need to know how to stop caring about what other people think. I don't want to transmit that to my daughter. I'm getting real frustrated. Please help me.

Comments for Extremely Insecure

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Most people suffer from some insecurity.
by: Anonymous

Most people at some time in their lives suffer from insecurity, it is more common than you realise.
Life is uncertain, years ago, people got themselves into a comfort zone and stayed there because their parents put stress on a stable job with a pension at the end of it. Now of course you could have work but lose it at any time with the capriciousness of employers.
At any time circumstances we have got into have made us feel particularly vulnerable. You feel that way because you have a child dependent on you.
In another year or so, it may all change and you find yourself feeling secure and stable at last.
What you can do, is to plan for a future with some study towards making yourself independent and learning something in the meantime. You sort out what you can afford at any given time and set yourself goals to follow.
There have been times in the past when my world was completely turned upside down and I never knew what the future had to bring, if I would ever get back to work and have a decent income.
I had an upset years ago and it took me four years to get back on my feet, even then I went through some troubled times because I did not think in panic where I was going.
If faced with a crisis, just do not rush off and do the wrong thing as i did, just stop and think before you take any action and get some help and counselling before you do.

Extremly insecure
by: Lucy

What Kay said. Think of at least one good thing about yourself, i.e. you're pretty. That's a start.

You love your kid enough to try to change for her sake. It's something to be proud of.

Your man loves you despite your shortcomings. How great is that?

You have friends. That's brilliant!

Now fix your mind on these things. Then, next time you feel negative you can say to yourself, "I feel bad about the way I talk (or whatever), but I love my kid. I still have friends. My man loves me. and I'm pretty." By adding the "But (positive)" to every bad feeling, you can start to build confidence. Try it and see how it works for you.

I do it all the time.

Insecruties
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. You appear to be suffering from low self esteem. You have been in a relationship with someone who constantly put you down and who you couldn't please no matter how you tried.

Often when someone tells us things that make us unhappy we believe them even though they aren't true. Not only have you believed them, but they have affected you in such a way that you no longer have confidence or believe in yourself.

When you suffer with low self esteem you focus on yourself and become very aware of how you feel, how you look, how you talk, and what you believe others think of you. You have probably withdrawn within yourself and don't speak because you think others wont want to know what you have to say, and when you do manage to say something the words don't come out in a convincing way.

Make a point of not focusing on yourself in a negative way. You can change your life and yourself by changing the thoughts of how you now think you are, because this isn't you, this is how you have become because of believing horrible put down words that were spoken to you. You are not like you have been told you are. You have to tell yourself that you are a worthwhile person. In fact you can begin this minute simply by saying "I am a confident person", or "believe in myself" "I am capable" "I love myself" "Everyone loves me" Let yourself constantly hear these words, say them in your mind if you are with others, or out loud when you are on your own.

The sooner you change your thought pattern from negative to positive the sooner your sub-conscious will begin to accept the new thoughts you feed it. It will happen, but you must stay determined to change how you are. When you start to be confident your happiness and personality will blossom again.

With regard to your daughter, lots of hugs and praise, children thrive on praise. Tell her every day that you love her and she will grow into a secure confident child.

I wish you a happy confident life.

Love
Kay
x

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