Excluding myself, hiding my thoughts and feelings

by Katie
(Australia)

My dad and brothers made me feel stupid growing up. My dad was a lawyer (he passed away 5 years ago - he was an alcoholic), and my brothers are also extremely bright. We used to play games such as Trivial Pursuit etc and I was pretty bad at it, because I had no confidence. So I would sit out and watch.... in fear of being ridiculed.


I wasn't dumb, I just didn't have the knowledge of world events, history, geography and politics that my brothers did.... but I did like music, art, writing and expression - but of course, this to them wasn't really worthy of conversation.

Dad never really asked me what I liked or never really showed any interest in me and my life. I found that hard, but the fact was, he wasn't really interested in any of our lives. My dad was a lost soul, and I don't want to be like him.. he became a recluse and shut people out of his life. To escape his problems, he would drink. Such a waste.

Now, I find it really hard to be open to people around me.... I run away from problems in my life, I don't take criticism well, and I find it hard being assertive. I shrink into nothingness when I encounter a confident person.

When I went to uni and was able to be myself and be outspoken, I excelled. In fact, I graduated with distinction. Dad didn't get to see this. My confidence was high after uni, but it has since diminished again. I have realised that I need ongoing assertiveness training and also need to keep challenging myself and growing as a person to remember I am capable! I need to learn to control negative thoughts and remember that I am just as worthy to an opinion as anyone else, and that not everything I say will be stupid!

I have a hard time sharing my achievements and dreams with people close to me, as I think they'll laugh at me, so I keep it to myself, which alienates me from everyone, and they feel left out of my life!

I'm slowly starting to open and let people in, and I want to be open and honest and assertive (in a good way). I am on my way to re-building my confidence..... I have done some reporting on TV, and when I feel like I am losing confidence, I throw this on and remember how well I handled it and how successful it was.

Family and friends mean everything to me, and I pushed them away - but I'm slowly starting to re-build these relationships and it all starts with me building my own confidence and worthiness.

Hope that helps someone, or if someone has some advice that might help me to deal with the situation, that would be great.

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Making your stand in life
by: Anonymous

Song Title: "Stand"
Hear @ URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3MxZcls24o

A song about making your stand in life

staying determined
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Your message is inspiring! You accept you have a problem, know your weaknesses and are determined to overcome them. I applaud you because I know it isn't easy to stand up and be counted, to virtually force yourself to be confident when you are shaking on the inside. The fact that you are working on your personal growth daily means that you will succeed.

A positive attitude always wins over a negative one. I will give you what I hope will help you to empower yourself if you wish to do it.

Stand feet apart, to steady yourself, close your eyes, soak in the silence for a minute or two and then visualise your self surrounded in a bubble of red energy, see it as a huge bubble with you inside it, make sure it is under your feet as well. Mentally say "I am powerful and worthwhile", then open your eyes, feeling charged with energy. Choose any words you wish to say, confident, strong, determined, whatever feels right for you.

I have chosen red because red is the colour representing power.

Whenever throughout the day you are feeling less than confident just visualise this bubble of red power you have surrounding yourself, feel its power and your inner strength should immediately return. Believe it is always surrounding you, this knowledge will give you strength and make you feel good.

If you're not very good at visualising, keep doing it, knowing that the power will be surrounding you, even though you haven't yet mastered seeing it.

I hope this works for you. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, I hope anyone who reads your message learns that all is not lost, that with determination and positive thinking you can change your life.

I wish you a happy future.

Love
Kay
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