Okay well where to start. Well I've got so much to say so I'll just start here I guess. Oh by the way my name is Jennifer and I'm 15.
My friends, they run all over me. I'm so nice to them. Like if they ask me for a favor, I would do it. It just seems they don't treat me the right way. Like I'm always left out. I mean they invite me to things with them sure(like in our group) but whenever we do whatever we're doing I'm always left out. Always. I try to say something but they get all p*ssed off at me and I don't want that to happen because they are all I've got. I'm super loyal as well. Yet it seems when they all know something important and I don't, I ask if they can tell me and they respond "Oh I can't tell you." Like really? And I already mentioned I get pushed around a lot. I think that's the biggest problem: being left out. And when it comes to my 2 best friends, I swear I'm the 3rd wheel. Of my 2 best friends, one of them is older so she can drive. If us 3 have to be somewhere, and I need a ride(because my parents are at work)the older one takes my other best friend, when her parents are home! So I'm left scurrying for a ride when those to are happily in the car together doing whatever they please. Well that's all I can think about for the friends part. Now here comes the family...
Okay about my family. They are great and all, (No alcoholics or divorces) but I feel like I don't get like any attention. See I'm the middle child of 3 so I'm the one in the middle who doesn't really get any attention. My parents talk about my older and younger sibling a lot but never me. I'm the last to know something in the family. I just don't feel an equal amount of love from my parents as my siblings do. Plus I can't tell any of them anything. I just keep it all to myself, then I pray to God every night and tell him everything. (Yeah I'm religious.) But I've got no physical person. Not my family, not my friends, no counselors, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents nobody. Sorta like in Harry Potter when Sirius is the only person Harry can talk to about anything. Yeah I don't have anyone. Wish I did though. :( Also my parents yell at me a lot. I've told them that I don't respond to yelling well. I just don't. It just makes me feel depressed. I also believe I have middle child syndrome. I've read about it and I believe I have it. Okay so that's all I can think of for my family. Next comes how I view myself...
Okay so quite honestly, I have a low self esteem and like no confidence. Some people say I'm pretty but I honestly don't feel it. I've had eye problems since I was born so that makes my eyes do weird things. Plus I'm 10 pounds overweight. And I just don't have a nice face/body etc. I don't believe I can do anything and if I do it completely baffles me. I try and tell myself you know "Yeah Jen you can do this." but whenever I fail I just say "Wow see knew I couldn't do it. Ugh I suck at this." I try and tell my self good things but it just doesn't work. It's like I'm lying to myself. And I'm NO liar. How could I be saying this stuff when it's not true? I know I'm nothing so I need to stop convincing myself otherwise. My friends can do so many things I can't and everyone loves them for that. But me? Nothing. :( I mean I'm a black belt and I play 2 instruments, but what good is that? Oh another thing is that I'm shy. Very shy. I'm afraid that if I show who I truly am people won't like it or will laugh. I just can't deal with that considering I'm very sensitive. There's nothing good about me. At least no one seems to think so anyway. But one thing that stops me from doing the unthinkable is that I know God loves me. <3
Well that's all I've got.......for now.