Depression, Hopeless, Health Problems, and I feel life is not worth living
Hi, I am a 30 year old female. I have been battling depression, health problems, hopelessness, and a feeling that my life is not worth living since Dec of 2000.
It all started when I went into the military and got hurt during basic training. Thinking my ankle injury wasn't going to be serious they sent me on to do the rest of my training. As time passed and my ankle pain continued I knew something wasn't right but believed that the treatment (physical therapy, and pain medication) they were doing was the right thing because they were doctors. Time still went by and they treated me like I was faking it. I attempted suicide but didn't tell anyone. I just felt really sick the next day. After wanting to attempt suicide again I got some help (mental help). It really didn't seem to help.
During this time I also hurt my shoulder. I eventually asked to see someone else for a second opinion about my ankle but they refused and said that they were putting the paperwork in to discharge. I had mixed feelings about this. Go figure I got denied because I was a good soldier. Luckily, someone saw that I needed to be let go and the second time I was accepted.
I filed a claim with the V.A. and have been seen by them ever since but it doesn't seem to help. When first released I got a job but I would only last about a year and then have to quite because I couldn't stand the pain any longer. Well, to make a long story shorter I still don't have a diagnosis for my ankle, my shoulder still hurts badly and my legs and back are now in pain, depression is extreme, and I now have tinnitus (ear ringing) from stress (which I have just started getting treated for after having it for 1 1/2 years).
I have attempted to work and don't hold a job down for very long so have given up due to depression and pain. I have a husband and three boys on top of that. I have lost my mom to cancer and a stoke the day after Christmas 2010 and less then two weeks later lost my cousin to SIDS and then a some days after that found out my sister has cancer.
I don't know if I can take it any more and continue to consider attempting suicide for the 4th time if I did. I am in a cold, dark place and don't know how to get out because the dark clouds have been hanging over my head for the last 11 years and they don't go away.