Depression, Hopeless, Health Problems, and I feel life is not worth living

by J
(Wisconsin)

Hi, I am a 30 year old female. I have been battling depression, health problems, hopelessness, and a feeling that my life is not worth living since Dec of 2000.


It all started when I went into the military and got hurt during basic training. Thinking my ankle injury wasn't going to be serious they sent me on to do the rest of my training. As time passed and my ankle pain continued I knew something wasn't right but believed that the treatment (physical therapy, and pain medication) they were doing was the right thing because they were doctors. Time still went by and they treated me like I was faking it. I attempted suicide but didn't tell anyone. I just felt really sick the next day. After wanting to attempt suicide again I got some help (mental help). It really didn't seem to help.

During this time I also hurt my shoulder. I eventually asked to see someone else for a second opinion about my ankle but they refused and said that they were putting the paperwork in to discharge. I had mixed feelings about this. Go figure I got denied because I was a good soldier. Luckily, someone saw that I needed to be let go and the second time I was accepted.

I filed a claim with the V.A. and have been seen by them ever since but it doesn't seem to help. When first released I got a job but I would only last about a year and then have to quite because I couldn't stand the pain any longer. Well, to make a long story shorter I still don't have a diagnosis for my ankle, my shoulder still hurts badly and my legs and back are now in pain, depression is extreme, and I now have tinnitus (ear ringing) from stress (which I have just started getting treated for after having it for 1 1/2 years).

I have attempted to work and don't hold a job down for very long so have given up due to depression and pain. I have a husband and three boys on top of that. I have lost my mom to cancer and a stoke the day after Christmas 2010 and less then two weeks later lost my cousin to SIDS and then a some days after that found out my sister has cancer.

I don't know if I can take it any more and continue to consider attempting suicide for the 4th time if I did. I am in a cold, dark place and don't know how to get out because the dark clouds have been hanging over my head for the last 11 years and they don't go away.

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reply to Kay
by: J from Wisconsin

I have seen many people but it just doesn't seem to help. I am supposed to take medication but I can't remember to take it so it doesn't help. I don't think anyone thinks that I am that bad. I have anxiety and depression really bad. I feel helpless and hopeless and I am at my wits end. Things have gotten so bad now I don't know what to do. I know that I am almost at that point where there is nothing left to do.


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Cant you set a timer throughout your day to remind you to take your medication? Is there a person who can support you who will maybe text you, or phone, or nudge you, to say take your meds?

What you do now is dig right down inside yourself to bring out the stronger part of you that is definitely inside you waiting to come out. We all are capable of coping, the important thing is to believe that we are.

At the moment you tell yourself that there's no way you can cope, and so you are right, you aren't coping. Your mind set is wrong. To succeed you HAVE to tell yourself that you WILL succeed, that nothing's going to stop you, then you have to hold onto these positive thoughts, and whenever you hear your mind slipping back to negative thinking instantly replace them with "I can do this".

REFUSE to be a victim. You are in control of you. With the right thought pattern you can, and will, do this!

Love,
Kay
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Hopelessness
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. You appear to have had your fair share of challenges throughout your life. I wonder whether you have had couselling to help you through the things that happen to you. It's easy for me to say stay strong and you can cope, you have coped in your own way over the years, even with your depressing thoughts.

Suicide is never the answer. You have children who love you and depend on you. The most important person in a child's life is the mother. Don't take away their security, their happiness with a selfish action that can never be put right. Live for them, they need you with them, don't ever doubt this. Please understand how important you are to your family.

You know how much it hurts not having a mother, this is how your children will feel, tenfold, because they are younger and need your guidance. Be there for them.

Looking back over past hurts is not helping you at all. Seek professional help if you feel you aren't strong enough to get through dark times.

Good luck,
Love
Kay
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