Deep and never ending feeling of depression

by sam
(Iowa)

I don't regret any of the decisions I have taken in my past and I have always been a good person. helping, loving and have never been pretentious with people. I have always given my best in every relationship but yet... I feel like my life has deceived me, like God hates me or something cuz whenever I start to find something that makes me happy, he takes it away from me. Or life takes it away from me.

I'm 25 and so depressed all the time. It's like my heart is so heavy, Im so frustrated, so helpless and sad. I always feel like crying. Nothing seems to help. Other than my mom, I have nobody in my life to talk to, to go out with, to share with.. nobody .. no friends, no family, nobody.

I do have low self esteem though I don't really see the reason why I should feel this way - I'm attractive and even have a master's degree but I'm just not able to do anything in my life cuz of this never ending depression. Frankly I don't even know why I'm so extremely sad, I just want to break free!!

I think the only images that temporarily soothe me is me just going away to some place far far away and just melt away into nature... I don't have a job right now since I have not really tried to find one after I lost my previous one. Why? I'm too depressed to do anything!! I feel like I need help... I'm just so lost. I want to live a happy and successful life. I had so many dreams and desires in the past and still do but I have not been able to achieve anything because of my deep rooted sadness that does not go away! Please help. I know I can be helped, I just don't know how!!