Anxiety, Guilt and Alcoholism
(North Carolina, USA)
I was working at the airline industry for 9 years. The working conditions in the last two years changed to the worst. That in return, gave me the drive to look for something else. During my last two years of work, I decided to study about the financial markets. I also started to manage my own personal savings.
During my last year of working for the airline, and was struggling to accommodate my hours to do both activities. I kept a record of my stock trading for the last year and a half. Even though I have my up and down months, I had a good trading record overall.
I noticed that trading could be a very profitable business, (having the right discipline and knowledge), that it would give me the economic freedom and I would do be doing something that I like to do.
However, the feeling of guilt arose on me when I realized that by quitting my job, my parents, friends, and ex-partner, I would be taking away the flying benefits that I had been providing in my 9 years of service. Two months before giving my resignation, anxiety started to grow on me that I started to drink small to medium quantities of alcohol to calm these feeling
My last month of work was the hardest-----Guilt start to grow more on me when I also realized that I was making almost 5 times more money than my co-workers at the airline were making. ..... I felt as if I did not deserve to have that financial freedom and they did not, specially working under those working conditions.
Once I quit this past September, the guilt feeling grew more that I started to drink out of control. That in return made me lose discipline in my trading career----Unfortunately, the stock market crashed in September and October. Because I was blinded by the alcohol, I ignored to monitor my account.......In two months, not only did I lose all my profits from the previous two years, but I lost almost all my investment as well
I have now became addicted to alcohol and don't seem to be able to quit. At night times, I would like to go back in time and fix my errors, but I know that it is not possible. However, that creates anxiety. ....It seems that I sabotage good things that happen in my life
What can you advise me to overcome these guilt, anxiety and alcohol problem?