Why do I self-destruct when ever I have anything good in my life

by colin
(england)

Since I was a child I have always ruined anything I have had good in my life. But I have noticed it more in the last couple of years.

I'm 32 now so I need help in solving this problem. When I do have some thing good like my girlfriend who I have been with for nearly 3 years who I was very happy with, I ruined it through lying, and then the worse thing, cheating on her.

I love her very much but for some reason if I have something good I can only think of negative thoughts from my past.

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Why do I self-destruct when ever I have anything good in my life

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Loving a self-destructor
by: Sara

I asked my boyfriend for months to seek help, I told him he was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. He had issues which I was very supportive of.
I found out that he had been having an affair for at least four months, and when I found out he said he was relieved and that maybe he was hoping I'd find out. I was willing to forgive and understand that because he had someone (ie: me) in his life, who loved him dearly and would support him through counselling, that he thought he didn't deserve me, so therefore he sub consciously destroyed it.
He is now going to get help, but has chosen to take that path on his own. My advice to anyone reading this is to read as much as you can about self destruction because it can be mistaken for "an excuse" for bad or selfish behaviour. The hardest part for self destructors is to seek professional help for fear of facing their demons.
I'm sure the man I loved so dearly is up against some very tough times, and I am devastated that I can't be by his side to love and support him, help him realise that he does deserve happiness and peace with himself.

No coping skills
by: Anonymous

I am 47 and have issues. I am not happy with myself and I am losing my family due to Alcohol. My whole life I spent on regrets and instead of rising to the occasion and being a better person, I find myself dwelling on past mistakes etc. Anybody out there have some advice?

I do love my family and know that I need help.

Just can't stand prosperity
by: Anonymous

My wife is gorgeous and she loves me more than I deserve. I have been blessed as step-dad to two unbelievably great kids for now more than half their lives. I love my job, and I make relatively good money. My lovely wife and I are sprucing up our house to sell so we can move into twice the house this one is ( and it aint bad,) and can put our kids in a better school. And yet I subconsciously jeopardize all of it by being an asshole to the ones I love the most... I indulge in just about everything BUT alcohol ... Excessively ... And my unwillingness to do anything but work simply tops it all off.... I feel as tho I could rule the world if I could just get out of my own flipping way

I'm trying to figure out why I self destruct myself
by: Anonymous

I started out with my own business and I was taking drugs.Things got out of hand during the financial collapse and I lost my business.I've been REALLY self destructing for the last year.

The economy has improved, but I think I really just haven't accepted the loss that I took.

12/21/10 Is the last day I'll ever do drugs. I really think I'm ready to move on now and get back up.

________________________________________________

Fantastic! With this attitude you will not fail!

Love
Kay
x

Self destruct
by: Anonymous

I know that feeling so well. I think part of the problem as well is not being honest with yourself.
Shame and guilt are part of the self destruct mechanism.

When you accept all of you there is a forgiveness and a release. Forgiveness for yourself.


Don't worry about anyone else. The rest will follow.

Ruin everything
by: Anonymous

I used to excel at most things, quite young - at academics in school, at sports - always winning, at art, etc. But a sibling, some cousins, people at school an others would say "I hate you", in a fun way they probably thought, or a sibling would seemingly try to kill me for my winning, so I started losing on purpose. I knew I was doing it, I started to be a slacker to get them to not reject or hurt me, or be mean and jealous.

It's a hard habit to break. Losing, failing to not offend someone else's delicate ego. Just another scenario. Don't let others make you feel bad for being you're own best person.

Being aware of it, and how unuseful it is, is a great start. And knowing the good things you do want.

self-destruction
by: Kay

Hi Colin,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

I believe your problem stems right back to your childhood to a comment you have forgotten about.

You may have been playing with a toy that was taken away from you with the comment to give it back as you don't deserve to have it. Can you remember being punished for being naughty by having something taken away in this way?

You may have won a race or something else at school and someone may have said they don't think you deserved to win.

Someone has said something to you that you have taken to heart, and though you cannot recall them, the hurtful words have seared into your heart and into your sub-conscious which has stored them away, and you believe they are true.

Even though you are an adult, you still drag these words up from deep within every time you feel things are going well for you. Your subconscious reminds you that you don't deserve good things, and so you act on this and ruin everything, because, you really do believe you don't deserve good things in your life.

That's how much words can hurt. I know, I was told when I was small, to go away, we don't want you to play with us. As a consequence I have always felt throughout my adult years, that I wasn't wanted when I was a part of a group of people. It's only since I remembered these words, about 4 years ago that I have been able to work through this problem, and so now I am getting better with joining people.

Can you perhaps take the time to sit quietly, ask your sub-conscious what causes you to self-destruct in this way, and then, don't concentrate on trying to find the answer, just start working through your mind all the blessings you have in your life, and what you are grateful for. Leave your question to your sub-conscious to sort through and come up with the reason.

This is how I discovered what was wrong with me. It may not work the first time, so keep doing it until something finally pops up and you get that AH HA moment.

Until this moment arrives work on how you think about yourself. Get rid of all negative thoughts you have. Let yourself know that you are worthwhile and deserve good things to happen in your life. Keep affirming daily in a positive way.

Don't tell yourself that you always self destruct when good things happen, because this just re-enforces to your subconscious that you do this.

Believe you deserve good things happen, maybe say "I deserve good things in my life", until you believe that you do.

Give it time, it will work. You can make it happen.

I wish you everything good in your life Colin, for I am certain you deserve it.

Stay positive,
Love
Kay

The Truth about the Past
by: Usiku

You self-destruct because of guilt which makes you feel undeserving.

You self-destruct because of your past. A past which might be discovered and ruin any good thing you have. Therefore, you ruin it yourself first.

There is some aspect of your past you must face, deal with and tell the truth about.

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