what to think???

by window 2 seat
(London)

I have been battling with feelings and emotions for many years, and as I approach my 23rd birthday I begin to hate everything I stand for. I hate my size, weight, looks, everything.

I hate that I don't work I hate that I don't want to work, I hate the fact I'm scared to walk down my local high street in fear of being seen by people. Hate that I think so low of myself, and how I put people above me.

I truly believe everyone should be loved, and that there is someone for everyone, but then I read some where that some people are out on this earth to be left alone. Am I one of those people I wonder, Am I to ugly and fat to be loved, or is my purpose on this earth to be left alone.

Lately my skin colour has been an issue finding love, I'm too dark and big to be called a wife but my thick thighs and wide hips are great for being a 'friend with benefits'

I feel bad for having these thoughts and feelings, I even feel guilty and ungrateful, God had done so much for me but yet I question his plan. But i can not help myself, sometimes I feel like pain and heartache makes me feel complete, like happiness is a myth in my life.

Don't know what inspired this piece but hey its done now,

I HATE THE FACT I WROTE THIS PIECE....