Relationship problem

by kohinoor
(India)

I have been in this relationship for a long time. now when I think about it, I feel I should have quit a long time ago. My boyfriend has been my first real love and I was hundred percent into this relationship. Maybe that's why I took all the craps and continued with it.

The problem is that he hurts me in many ways but never accepts having done them. In his opinion these things aren't supposed to hurt me or rather that I must not feel hurt when he does this or says that. I have tried breaking up many many times but he wouldn't let me. and eventually I would get back because I love him. I convinced myself that everything will be okay in the long run; that my love for him will make up for the things that are missing in this relationship. But now I am tired. Another thing is that although I was a great achiever once, he has belittled my confidence so much that I even thought, on many occasions, that I was a loser. I can see that this relationship won't last, as there's no love from either side, but he wants to keep going and I don't know for what reason. Is it for convenience? or just that with me around, he 'll have somebody to trample on?

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thank you
by: kohinoor

Dear Kay,
Thank you so much for your guidance, I already feel like now I have someone with whom I could share my problem. Otherwise, it was choking me up with nobody to tell what's going on in my life.

Let me clarify my point that looks confusing. I said I gave in to his nagging and patched up after every break up because I loved him. But that was earlier, now that I see that he isn't going to change his behaviour towards me, I'm physically and mentally exhausted. That is why I feel that I no longer care or don't want to care about him. Which is why I think there is no love on either side, because he wouldn't be doing this if he loved me, right?

Thanks again...

________________________________________________

Hello Kohinoor,

You are right if he loved you he would want your happiness.

Always remember you have freedom of choice to live your life in a way that is right for you.
It's your life and you deserve love and happiness.

Stay strong,
Love
Kay

Relationship problems
by: Kay

Hello kohinoor,
Thank you for your message. You appear to be very confused about this relationship. You have said that you love him and yet you say there is no love on either side. I don't think you will be able to change your man, and from what you say I feel he has no intention of changing anything to make you happier inside.

You dersve to be loved and treated with kindness and respect, not put down and trampled on as you call it. Why put up with this? Surely if he loved you he would want you to be happy and yet he appears to make no effort at all in achieving this.

Only you can decide to change your life or stay as things are. Love yourself, put your wants and needs first, find people who want to be with you for who you are, who treat you with respect. You are not a loser, never have been, so don't take that idea to heart. Do things that make you happy, and don't try to change this man because he is what he is, and promises will never speak as loud as actions.

Good luck,

Love
Kay

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