Obsessed with Husband's Every Move and Jealous of His Female Friends

by Casey
(Holland, MI)

I've been married a few months and am expecting my first child. I am a complete mess.


My husband is in a predominantly female field and around much younger women on a daily basis, some of them very attractive.

I snoop into ALL of his stuff, check his schedule religiously, watch the clock like a hawk to make sure I know when he's on lunch break so I can expect his call. If I don't hear from him, or actually even if I do, I have a panic attack. Who is he eating lunch with? Is he studying with a girl after class? If he's not home at exactly the right time, I wonder if he gave another girl a ride home. If I see text messages on his phone between him and his female co-workers, even if they're totally innocent, I feel nauseous, sometimes ... sometimes the texts are really nice ones about ME, too!

I'm a relatively successful and attractive woman. Not gorgeous or a millionaire, but I'm OK. I do have A LOT of insecurity and low self-esteem. I feel like my husband is too attractive for me. Women love to be around him because he IS a great guy and is very good looking.

I worry that he won't love me when our relationship isn't brand-new and exciting anymore. I'm worried that younger, attractive girls will give him more of an ego boost than I do. He definitely appreciates an attractive female (nothing inappropriate - just notices beautiful women and is a tiny bit flirty sometimes). He tells me he loves me and is very supportive of me.

My anxiety level is out of control. I can't sleep. I need to know EVERYTHING he does. I feel sick all of the time. I am having a nervous breakdown.

I need to figure this out or I won't make it through this marriage or through life.

Comments for Obsessed with Husband's Every Move and Jealous of His Female Friends

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tired of fighting
by: Anonymous

Hi...We've been married 32 years and he has cheated in the past. He try to be funny all the time with the opposite sex and he's always looking at other women. He is always on his cell and takes it with him to the rest room. He erases certain calls and text.

I have accused him of having an affair and we always fight when I question him about who he's texting and why does he always take his phone to the bath room with him. He tells me he's tired of my jealousy! I feel like my marriage is in trouble! I don't know what to do any more I am very insecure!
Obessed!
by: Anonymous

You ladies need to relax and know who your marrying before hand.I've been married for 29 years and we've been together 32 years.I love my wife.I love her more then the little 24 year old in short,shorts.I would love her more then a naked 24 year old begging me for sex.That's why I married her but we live by a college and she constantly blames me for looking at them and then we fight.She was the one who had crushes on Rob Lowe,Brad Pitt and many others.I didn't really care because I knew it was a crush and now she is always blaming me for looking when I may have saw a girl out jogging and everybody sees her because she's running down the road but I never lusted over them like she claims.1 Corinthians ch 7 is "The principles of marriage.It says it's better if you don't marry but to avoid fornication,(adultery)if your married.Let both man and woman have their own spouse and neither owns their body,it belongs to your spouse so give it to them when they need it and want it and then you take it when you need it or want it.Matthew ch 5 Jesus says,"what God has joined,no man can separate.Divorce is only aloud for adultery but Jesus says,if you remarry another,your now in adultery.And if you look upon a woman and lust after her,you've committed adultery in your heart."For better or worst,sickness and in health,til death due us part so help me God.
set boundaries
by: Anonymous

I have struggled with that as well. We have set certain boundaries. This way our relationship and my sanity is protected. He knows that if he is in a certain situation, and it is something I would want to know about, he tells me. Also, he respects me in all situations. He honors me so I know to trust that he has my back regarding my insecturities even when I am not with him. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I would be happy to chat.
Don't believe that you have to give in
by: Anonymous

There is such a thing as an emotional affair.
For "Best friend of a guy"
by: Louise

Best friend of a guy....

An opposite sex friend is fine if the partner knows the person as well. Though the partner should not be forced into a relationship or spending time with the partner's friend, if it isn't their natural want.

I'm sorry you are very ill, though it is your own partner is who should be there for you in your time of illness....

Life & relationships always change, grow, shift... Sometimes it is time for a change. It is not always appropriate to continue the same kind of relationship you had, when either you or he were single.

When you talk about needing your alone time together, that doesn't sound right to me. I wouldn't wish a female to let me know that she needs her alone time with my husband. No way. Even if I can see nothing sexual is going on, it just isn't appropriate.

I think it's time to look at the way your friendship must change, as his circumstances have changed.

If you love your friend (I'm sure you do) you will love him enough to allow for the friendship changes that support the strength of his romantic relationship.
I love my husband BUT
by: Sarah

I've been married for a year but we been together for 6 years. I'm obsessed with my husband that it scares me to death if he leaves me one day. I'm 5 years younger than him he's 32 just gave birth to our baby girl two months ago and I had gained some weight while pregnant. This makes me very insecure about my body and it makes me very jealous whenever he talks to his skinny female friends. Sometimes when he sees some of his female friends he gets over excited talking to them he forgot I'm there :( so I left and stayed in the car wait for him. He acts like a chicken with no head and it make me very jealous of this specific girl that I start a fight with him to delete her number from his phone.... he's got a cousin by marriage female (not related) who calls him all the time even when we're on a date or fixing to go to bed just to talk coz shes bored, one day he was in the shower she called he told me to answer his cell.... she hangs up on me... 20 mins later after midnight she calls again I told him I'm gonna answer it... she hangs up on me again which makes me think they have something going on behind my back so I start a fight with him to delete her number...3 months later I was using his lab top he was in the shower... he forgot to log out from FB I was being nosy and click on his messages and there she is they been talking the whole time... this time on FB ....I was so angry at him for keeping it a secret and her for disrespecting me and still wants to get along with my husband and the fact he's ok with it.... the thing I hate about him the most is all these female friends of his turned to him for advice when it comes to sex ,marriage, faith you name it and he listens to all to their problems and talk to them about it.... makes me very jealous and insecure coz a lot of his F friends are hot & skinny :(....I also found on his cell a text of him to his friend to send him pictures and his friend send him naked pictures of the girls he scored that night...straight out porn pictures....I kept it a secret coz I don't want to start a fight also I found out he email his ex-girl that he once crazy for she cheated on him secretly behind my back telling her that God took her away from him because he puts her before God.... I was very heart broken about this email but I never confront his I was too scared to lose him..... am I being paranoid??? or being a jealous wife?? I know he loves me very much and I love him with all of my heart I wish he stop keeping secrets from me but I know why he did coz I will start a fight to never talk to them again :(( maybe I need to leave him alone
Getting Over Jealousy!!! Don't let them See It....
by: Cee

I just love you ladies MESSAGE!!! Since, I've moved to another state with my hubby's new job. I found myself being more jealous, because he works with all this skinny bitches. It brought on some insecure thoughts, because I gained a few pounds after our two kids. I do my best not to show that his workplace make me jealous sometimes. So, I guess I'm doing right now. Not letting him know that any of it get to me. Like ya'll said I'm WIFEY!!! Them sideline who wants my position NOT. It ain't happening cause I make sure home its taking care of and he is happy.

So, with all that I started working out my body and let me just say I'm bring sexy back... It good to know I have something that other women want, but I also feel good about myself now. My self-esteem has gone back up to the sky. I feel empowered. Just take your mind off them but still see about them and invest it into your family and you...
About the obsessions
by: Kim

Hey sweetie, I know all of this must be very hard for you. My question is: have you ever been in a relationship where you were cheated on? Or perhaps abused? Something has really gave you low self esteem. If you see a councilor, you can discuss these issues and make you and your husbands relationship a healthy one!! :-).

I do want to say, be careful that he doesn't find out about your obsession, that's something that will push him away faster than any of your other worries. Please go get a councilor as it sound like you are a great lady and he is a good husband!! :),
look at it like this
by: Emily

I been reading all these comments. just look at it like this, hes still comes home to you every night. every woman looks at other good looking men. and men look at other beautiful women. I have male and female friends & my husband has female and male friends too. We may get jealous. but figure out what makes him happy, let him know you really care. don't let jealousy take over your life.
Im a victum of 4 - Domestic violence
by: Anonymous

God Bless I would like to answer the lady that's expecting a baby and shes going crazy for her husband that works with females............... I'm a Latina that had a very hard life raised without parents and always prayed and live with faith that I would have a fairy tale wedding. Fell in love at first sight, live a normal life with our children very close.

My husband always gave me gifts then I got suspiscious. My best friend for years helped me through the problems, such as one day I let my sister stay with me and there they we so I separated we both got pregnant yeaaa wow my best friend helped me heal and one day I saw her numbers on his phone, went with my gut feeling and yeaup my so called best friend was a sister I never had, would of done anything besides disrespect her man and marriage I'm very bold, and I know I'm sexy and with a good shape that could make any man go crazy. I did anything he wants, if you get what I mean, 16 years and look a good looking man tall blue eyes 6,1 tan Latino so ma thats disrespectful being around young girl,txtn, some men cover their tracks like a pro and live a double life, Ive been raped, kicked, burned, thrown out a truck cut, you name it. I pressed charges and he's out free over and over. I can go on and on and to those woman that afraid, take baby steps call shelter or get dropped at the police station plezzzz get help. If i did it so can you before its too late get out or get help cuz you're naming all the signs and I am a devoted woman that loves good, hard, one man and they went crazy on me, destroyed me mentally @ physically.. my son has seen me in the hospital several times beaten BAD, my son's wife does the same to my son, he's not a Dog he's a hard loyal man, honest, sweet, handsome too, now she got to a point she hits him , throws things and breaks things. He's a man that saw his mom beaten @ wouldn't ever hit on a woman it's for cowards. Now hes going through a divorce and she blows my phone his phone threatens, the works.... and its ugly its not love ...either you trust and let it go or leave him cuz he just might surprise you, one day cuz hes fed up with the jealousy. I would love to testify but it will take years to reveal my living testimony, I hope I was help to you, and the woman's that's being battered. God bless if you would like to talk I would be happy to help @ anyone that needs advice or help for free, I will save the web site to get in touch with you. If you leave an email or number God was my source @ yours too if you really want it...... God with you and baby.........With Love, the fallen angel.
Tales from the other side: best friend of guy with jealous wife
by: Anonymous

Jealousy is a hard thing to deal with from all sides and I wish everyone success with it. It is definitely my least favorite emotion!

In my case, I'm on the other side, a happily married girl with a male friend who last year got married quickly and is in the honeymoon phase.

He and I have an extraordinary nice friendship, comfortable, honest, caring, deep, and without any confusion relating to our opposite genders, and that's lasted for seven years. We love to spend time with my guy, and were hoping to integrate his new wife into our group and have a great life together. However, it is also important to us to have a little bit of space to talk and to once in a while to be together, doing sports or just chatting, because this level of friend-intimacy cannot be reached in group form.

She has made an effort for us to do things all together from time to time (we live in different cities), but will not permit us any space whatsoever. It is suffocating. She comes over to be sitting on him kissing him when we start a conversation, she shows up between us when we walk, she interjects comments when we talk on the phone, reads his emails, and we are not able to spend any time together at all. She applies subtle pressures and tells us it is inappropriate and she is not comfortable with it. He has lost all of his other friends and he and I have had some big fights too. Most recently we agreed not to see each other in person and to only talk a little bit on the phone during work hours. He is too afraid of disrupting their relationship to clearly state what he wants and is to blame too, and I am too afraid of losing him during a difficult time for me, so I have been too forceful about my position in his life too.

I am worried about him, and about their relationship since she seems to make him happy otherwise. He knows all this and I hope he is able to make her feel more secure and to negotiate a bit of space.

To me, it is such a sad thing for us all. We could have had such great adventures, travelled, help raise each other's children... But she cannot allow the man she loves to keep the people who are important to him in his life, and ultimately that will hurt them and her. He misses them/us, and I miss him dreadfully and am going through a really hard time related to my health for which I could really use his support. If we ever get through this I hope I am strong enough not to resent her for this.

If she read this I would want her to know that she is safe, we would always protect their relationship and help to make it strong as we do with mine, but that she needs to find a way to let us be without feeling jealousy....
insure and jealous about my husband
by: Anonymous

Hi, i wanted to some help or support. Actually me and my husband were with each other for 5 years before we got married but it was long distance relationship really, we mainly chatted over the net or called each other all the time. We did meet but only once in a month. I was really and madly in love with my husband at the time now we are married but things seem to be different now or I don't know if its just me making things seem really bad.

Well firstly i was checking his mails and found romantic emails from another girl, this was before the marriage but at the time he was still in a relationship with me tho. So I confronted him about that everything seems to be solved he has apologized and said he only loves me and does not want to lose me ect, but i notice when ever we got out he looks at other attractive women when i am with him he tries not to make is obvious but i can see it. I also asked him about that but he says he does not look with any bad intention.

I need help I don't trust my husband we have only been married for a few months I don't want to ruin my marriage but i have very low self esteem I don't feel am not that good looking but i keep thinking maybe am not attractive enough for my husband, I don't want to be obsessive about my husband I want to be relaxed and not care, but i really cant help it. I fall out with my husband create fights and I hate him and don't want to be with him at that point but later on i really do love him.

What annoys me is that he lets me free and does not care who I look at what i do because he says he trusts me a lot, and why should he not i have always been loyal to him.

I just need some advise how to build up my self esteem and not care about who my husband looks at or anything.

Thanks

_________________________________________________

There is a lot of information on this website to help people with low self esteem, lack of confidence and negative thinking that can help you.

Love
Kay
x
Not Jealous of Female Friends (Wife Need to Know the females)
by: Anonymous

I am a wife, and it is different when a husband has female friends that you know,chick's get it twisted when you dont know about them, and then they say they are a friend but is really jealous of the wife's relationship with her husband, i feel like this, if you are his friend i have to know about you, if i don't, there is some deep problem (SECRET) that needs to be addressed, either the husband is ashamed of the friend and doesn't want to tell the wife, or it is something very fishy going on.

A wife has to know the friends if not the marriage will not work, its not like boyfriend and girlfriend, and husbands lie to these chicks but not as bad as they lie on their wife to these lame chicks have serious mental problems listening to a selfish jerk that is afraid to leave his wife, and thinks his wife is supposed to put up with the grief for the rest of her life got it all wrong, a husband may have been asked to leave several times and will not leave the wife.

Some men suffer from low self esteem, the wife doesn't need to be jealous, especially when there are wonderful men out here that is not lonely and insecure. Hubby just needs to move on if he has female friends he has to secretly be with like a sideline ho, that's all she is and that's all she will ever be.

You can have a husband that is the biggest player, hater, liar and all, but wifey will move on to bigger and better things, nine times out of ten hubby is cheating with a chick that doesn't have her own place, and wants to be with the wife because she has her own and worked very hard to get it. So to the female chicks, wife's have no reason to be jealous, wifey may not like the fact you are a secret and the other female is jealous and wants to be in wife's shoes. :)
Help me with my Jealous Possessive Husband
by: Anonymous

I'm not a jealous wife, but I have a jealous husband. We've been together for about 19 years, married for 9, two beautiful kids. He has always been a very jealous person. He's even jealous of my family, friends and our kids. We opened a business a year ago and it has gotten alot worse. I NEED HELP!! A couple of months after opening the shop I found out that he was recording all of my conversations at work. I never said or did anything wrong, but he would take certain things and turn them around and get really upset over nothing. I told him to let his parents listen and see what they said. He says that he's not taping me anymore, but who knows.


I constantly have a knot in my stomach at work. Especially if a guy walks in. I am a very friendly person and like talking to people but I find myself trying to almost be very quiet, almost rude when guys are in here. He constantly calls asking what guys have been in if they are cute, how old, what did they say (every detail). Our son has been here over the summer and he asks him questions about our day. HELP!!
Jealous thoughts
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. The first words that come to mind are, your husband chose you, he loves you! If he finds out that you are checking up on him it might just send him into another woman's arms.

You may be feeling this way because of your pregnancy, which does all sorts of things to emotions and thoughts, and I am hoping that when your beautiful baby is born you will put these fears behind you and concentrate on loving your husband and child.

Jealousy can eat away and cause all sorts of unnecessary hurt feelings in you, all for no reason. Trust is important in any relationship and for your own peace of mind tell yourself that he loves you, its you he wants to be with, and believe this. Don't let your jealousy ruin a happy marriage, for this is what will happen if he discovers you think he may be having an affair with a co-worker.

Remember, it's you he wants to be with, you he wants to be the mother of his children, feel good about yourself, it's important particularly during your pregnancy.

Good luck, I hope all goes well with you.

Love

Kay

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