No confidence

by Ishmael

I hate myself because I have no confidence at all. I am scared to make decisions out of fear of what someone might think about it. I am not good with people because I feel I don't fit in with anyone, I call myself a loser everyday and I just want to cry until I feel better.

I compare myself to everyone and always think they are better than me. I feel nothing I do is good enough and if one person, just one feels differently about something I have done or am doing I give up on it because I think everyone elses opinion means more.

I am very jealous of everyone I feel has the confidence I wish I could have. I tell lies to people in hopes of getting some attention, I can't look others in the eye because I feel less than others.

The way I feel has affected the way I act to the point where it has cost me chances to do things with my music and has destroyed some friendships and is causing major problems with my wife and son.

I am only 25 but I feel like my life is over there is so much more. I just wish someone would help me

Comments for
No confidence

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How?
by: Anonymous

I wish I had the confidence to be in a committed relationship. This is the area that I struggle with the most I think. How do you do that??

No confidence?
by: Anonymous

Hi
I just want to say I identify strongly with the first half of what you say. However, then I read that you are married and have a child, and I think to myself that you have more confidence than me, cos I don't have the confidence in my feelings and being in a relationship. I find I'm a bit confident in some things (skills) but what I lack the most confidence in is relationships. I admire you for that part and only wish I could have the same.

last fronteir
by: Anonymous

I'm a single male.43 years of age. I find it hard to find myself as who I really am and what I want in life. I am a security guard who works permanent nights and what days I get off are precious and lonely in a small town. I see my job as worthless and embarrassing. I've always seen other people at my age in better paying jobs than me.

I could never study to be anything or anyone as in my early days of school I found it hard to learn anything. Teachers would sometimes sit with me or come to my house to help me through. That was all gone when I went to high school.

My family were always moving from town to town as my dads worked in road construction. I have a passion for the arts and photography but every time I try to envision my own business it costs too much to start, and everything else is too hard to follow or understand. I've had a lot of lonely times to myself and have tried get help for depression. Also for a gay man there's no help.

I'm angry at the system and have tried anger management only to be told the person I spoke with and began trusting left. Now it's how can we help you sir, sit down and we may help you. I walked out. I suffer low confidence to talk about the job I have. They may say I have great photos you should get them on the net. You should start a business. You should get a job at the mine. Do you have a girl friend. What do you do I ask. I'm a geologist on 100 k + my wife just finished uni and my son is an engineer is the reply. I'm nothing a nobody doing a job I hate.

I finished my grades at year ten. I always wanted to be an actor only to find my negative family influence said it doesn't pay much. I finally got and acceptance for film and television with help from a friend at the time. They said I must pay $600. I didn't have the money or nobody to help me get it, at the time I was unemployed.

I'm working full time because I'm scared to move and change because of past experiences of finding work. When I do go out I don't like talking about myself as I don't grade like the people I meet. They have a house, flash car, talk confident or are condescending. I'm trapped and screaming inside for help. I don't know what to say or do in my life.

This was nice to read
by: Anonymous

I read Ishmael's letter and I can totally relate. It was as if I was reading my own thoughts. Hopefully he is doing better. The responses from Kay and Stacey were just what I needed, even though it was meant for Ishmael.

I really hope Ishmael is doing better because I know exactly how he feels. I have heard it takes absolutely no effort to think negatively but to think positively on the other hand does require effort because it is something you have to consciously train yourself to do. So you have to practice it until it becomes second nature. Kind of like learning a foreign language. Soon it sticks and you don't think about it anymore. I can't wait to reach this point. It will be challenging but I feel like I can maybe do it.

Good luck to all & glad I found this website.

To Ishmael
by: Stacey.

Hello Ishmael,

I hope you are in better spirits since writing your letter.

I honestly feel you have made the right steps to over coming this problem in your life by getting some help with in this great web site.

My heart went out to you when reading what you have said because it is so easy to let all the negative thoughts bring you down and change how you act and feel about yourself. I have been there myself, and I am still trying to move forward in my thinking too, so you are not alone.

It is very hard to love ones self, and there are many people who think in the same way, but it can be done!!

Now you have taken the first step, look at your letter you know where your problems are, now what would be good is, if you could sit down and write one little positive thing about you!!!

Come on there is one I know there is!!

I have been in your boat so think really hard, think abut what you do in a day, fight those negative thoughts. What is a good thing about Ishmael? Maybe in the way you act, or how you look?

Here are some examples that might just get you thinking,

A caring husband, being able to share special times with your wife, being able to make your son laugh, to take your son out for fun time, sport, in your job, a good cook, hobbies and interests. You might have nice hair, have nice hands, lovely white sparkling teeth, nice smile, eyes, like the clothes you wear, find one little thing then think about that all day say
" I am ............" then the following day think of another, keep writing it down, reading, and adding to it then you will start looking on the better things about you!! Make that list Ishmael it will help you.

Keeping positive is a real challenge. Take some good affirmations on board and say them over and over, even though you will have that little voice still in side you saying the opposite! Just keep fighting it!! A very kind loving soul has helped me by saying sometimes you "have to fake it to make it" this has, and is, helping me!

Ishmael you to are a kind loving soul that is waiting to shine. I hope that I have helped in some way, be strong you can do it!!

If you need a friend to add to the ones you have Kay of this loving helpful web site has my e mail address.

God bless, take care,
Love and rainbows,
Stacey x

CONFIDENCE WHO HAS IT!
by: Anonymous

Most people suffer some lack of confidence but many brazen it out by being rather full on or over aggressive. Concentrate on what you are good at or have confidence to handle first and then go from there. Some people function best in crisis setups, other people are better at work that requires patience and stickability.
Make a list of the things that you are good at doing and then try something every now and then that is new to you. Getting past a difficulty will be a booster.
The other person who is making you feel inadequate or clumsy is often doing that to make themselves feel good or to cover up their own feelings of not making the grade.
I know what it is like to lack confidence under pressure and one must also take into account that someone else may try to take you down because of upmanship. This happens a lot in work situations.
Some bullies soon step down when they find themselves challenged.

no confidence
by: Kay

Ishmael, thank you for contacting Positive-Personal-Growth. I am truly sorry to read about your problems, which I am sure you can see no end to. I know you feel dreadful, but I wish you could understand that it is your own thoughts that make you this way.

It is because you think all these negative thoughts, that you have no confidence. You are the result of the way you think and feel about yourself.

The big problem you have is your self talk. You are constantly putting yourself down, you believe no one likes you, you think other people are better than you. This is not true, you are as good as everyone else in your life, but unless you re-program your mind with positive thoughts until you believe it, you are not going to change the way you are.

This will not happen overnight for you, and if you truly want to change you are going to have to stay determined to work on the negative information you are feeding yourself. This is your problem, trust me on this. You have to tell yourself positive information about yourself - now!

You have spent such a long time telling yourself that you have no confidence, plus all that other negative stuff, that now your sub conscious totally believes it is true. Can you see that you believe this, because it is you that has told yourself this horrible stuff?

To undo everything you have to reprogram your subconscious with positive things about yourself. I am not saying it will be easy, but I can tell you that when you tell yourself something repeatedly over a period of time your subconscious will believe it, even if it is not true! You know this is so, because it has happened to you hasn't it?

Choose words for yourself to be the way you want. "I am very confident" "I trust in my ability" "I am worthwhile" "People like me" "I am always happy" When your mind tells you that you can't do something, get rid of the negative thought, turn it around to say that you can. Get rid of all your negative thoughts, turn them around and make them positive.

Write your positive words down, pin or stick them everywhere so that you can see them everyday. On the mirror, the fridge, the computer, in your wallet, the end of the bed - anywhere and everywhere!

Most important of all Ishmael is that you love yourself, first and foremost, love yourself, for if you don't how can you expect others to?

Each morning when you get up, take a look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you" (then add - "I am just so handsome"! - just to make you smile!)

You hold the power in your own hands to change. Your future is entirely in your hands. Please decide today to see yourself in a different light, to realize you are worthwhile, you are a special unique human being. You just have to believe it, and make it so!
Good luck, stay in touch. Love light and rainbows, Kay

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