Marriage and being dark-skinned

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Marriage and being dark-skinned

I am a 26 year old Indian woman and most people may know how Indians are obsessed with fairer skin.

The thing is I am not ready for marriage but my parents want me to settle down, Indians have this belief that once a girl hits the age of 18 their parents start looking for a potential life partner for them.

They think that 26 is too old for an Indian girl to get married but I don't. What it is, Indian guys in our culture are in a hurry to get married, and they say that if a girl leaves it too late she may not find a good life partner.

I have to admit my parents are traditional and very old school but they don't understand that this is the 20th century times are changing and people marry who and when they want to.

Indians have this whole status thing going on that if you marry out of your cast people talk and so on.....

Last year I went to India to to meet some guys for marriage purposes I met a few but nothing really clicked with any of them because despite being Indian and brought up in the west I have traditional Indian views as well as western views and I did not really click with the guys from India.

So we came back home empty handed and now my family from mum's side think that guys did not choose me because I have dark skin. I don't know why they think this I am not exactly dark skinned I am more dusky and I look alright but Indian guys are shallow they don't look in the mirror some of them are really ugly but they want someone that is out of their reach.

Because of this dark skin issue I have started to get low self esteem and lack of confidence because of what people think and I don't know what to do. Any help?

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Marriage and being dark-skinned

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Im dark skinned
by: Meka

Believe it or not. Being dark skin in the African American Community is HARSH as well. Black men have never been interested in me. I'm pretty sure you are no where near as dark as me. I am very dark and my family is mostly made from LIGHT to fair skin. I don't know how, what and why I became so dark from my other family members.

Indian beauty comes in all shades
by: James

I'm American from Irish & Scottish decent born & raised in Dallas Tx. Normally people think women from their culture are the prettiest, but to me no other race of women compare to the women of India.

Indian women are the most charming & beautiful there are. And I actually think the darker skinned one are more attractive than the lighter.
Please don't let things like your skin tone effect your self esteem. beauty comes in all colors. It's my dream to date an India girl and her skin tone will not be an issue. I envy the man who spends his life with you & I promise you're beautiful just the way you are.

Light skin
by: Anonymous

I'm not Indiand and I never knew that Indians look for white skin. I have white skin and I hate it because I look different from my own people who are dark and I feel so weak.

I wish I had dark skin so I could blend in and get along. Dark Indians look so attractive to me (I have a cousin that looks Indian and he's dark. He looks way better than I do.) And they're not ugly.

If you can't get along with your own people, then go marry someone outside your culture. You'll realize that people outside of your culture will treasure you more than your own because your own people will take you for granted. They will like you because you have something they don't.

I married outside my country because everyone in my country was snobbing me off. I also went to my country to find someone to marry and they were all shallow, just like you said. I hated all of them.

It was like, out of the whole country of millions of people, no one liked me. I said, "forget all of you! I don't want to waste my time with any of you anymore!" Then, I married someone outside my ethnicity and now I'm happy because they treat me more like their own than my own people and they are more sincere about it too, unlike my people who are so superficial.

I don't even talk to my own people any more and it's good because they don't care about me anyway. They have millions of other people they have to worry about, so good riddance.

I'd rather risk my life for people that care about me, rather than ones who only care about what I look like.

After this, I stopped judging whether people were from my country or not or what they looked like and judging them by how I feel in my heart when I'm around them.

Dark Skin
by: Anonymous

Put that "fair and lovely" crap in the dumpster, I especially love that dark skin that Indian girls have.

Marriage
by: Anonymous

It doesn't matter your skin color, ask a person who is truly in love like my parents. They didn't even notice their skin color. All they saw was a man and woman. And one is dark-skinned and the other is almost pale.

Marriage and being dark skinned.
by: Anonymous

We are all God's children regardless of our race creed, culture and colour. When you see a book, you have to open it and read it before you pass judgement.

When you meet someone it is not their appearance, it is themselves as a person, that matters, and how they come across to you.

I have a friend who bases her judgement on outward appearance and what that person has in worldly goods.
I said to her that beauty does not necessarily mean that person would be desirable as a marriage partner, they might need other attributes as well. If they were only to be interested in what another person could offer them rather than what they could give out to other people then they might as well be puppets.

Someone who is so called plain might when you got to know them be very capable at their work, outgoing and interested in other people, and be attractive in their own right.

The so called beautiful person may have been doted on as a child and never had to make an effort to impress other people and then taken it for granted that they did not have to give anything out in interest, kindness, compassion and love.

When you look at someone and start speaking to them for the first time, it does not take long unless they play act to see the spirit that shines from behind their eyes.

One day you may meet the person who is going to play a large part in your life and when you do, you will know that you are right for one another.

problem with low self esteem
by: Kay

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

It must be difficult for you having having a background culture different from the western world.

Of course, you realize that 26 is not too old to get married and that there is plenty of time for you to meet a man that you wish to marry.

Try to stay proud with how you are and not let the negative comments that are spoken to you affect you. I know this is not going to be easy because it is very demoralizing to have people giving their opinion as to why you are not married yet.

That's all it is, their opinion. Don't make it your opinion. Know in your heart that the only reason is you have not met that someone special, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the colour of your skin.

Try not to react negatively to what is being said, (not easy, I know) and whenever you hear something said to you that you are not happy with, instantly tell yourself something good about yourself.

For instance, if someone says your skin is too dark, dismiss this and tell yourself "But I have beautiful eyes and a lovely smile" and feel good about yourself. Or perhaps, "I am good company, and very special." Let yourself know as often as you can that you are special, and don't let negative comments from those around you affect how you see yourself.

Don't believe what they say, keep up with positive self talk. this will raise your self esteem, stay strong and believe in yourself.

Good luck
Love,
Kay

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Marriage and being dark-skinned

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Marriage and being dark-skinned