Low self esteem

by Harsh
(India,Haryana,Gurgoan)

Hi. I am 17. and i am a boy.and i have really low-esteem.and zilch confidence. NONE.AT.ALL. its mostly because my parents have been nagging me about everything i do. The only thing i am good at is soccer and computers, but my dad doesn't like me playing soccer. He refuses to drive me to the stadium (or park) and he gets really angry if i get hurt. I have tried explaining to him that i am a kid and i am supposed to get hurt, but he doesn't think so.

My mom is always nagging me about the clothes i wear, the food i eat, the way i spend my time. I think our house has a very negative atmosphere. I don't like the country i live in (i know, right?)but maybe if you lived in India, you would believe me. The people here are the biggest hypocrites i have ever seen. I have lots of friends but i don't want friends. i wanna be left alone. I don't wanna talk to anyone. Nor do i have anyone in my home to talk to. I hate myself. I hate the way i look. I hate the way I do everything. But mostly, i am frustrated with myself, my parents. i have stopped eating and i don't feel like eating or drinking anymore. I am just tired of living. I am tired of living someone else's life. Sometimes i wish to black out and leave all of it behind. There i finally shared my problems with you guys.