Low self esteem affecting me

by Marina
(Kenya)

'I think' I have low self esteem. Mine is quite a long story. Lately I have been thinking about it and I think I now know where it all started. When I started school I was one of the brightest in the school. The head teacher would occasionally call me to help those a class ahead of me with reading and pronunciation issues. Occasionally we had to do a joint examination(like 20 schools)(this happens in the country I come from) and I used to be at the top always. As a kid I had all the confidence.

Then came the time that I had to change schools as my parents thought it was a good idea for me to attend a boarding school. Things started to change. Teachers would always punish us by giving us a beating. We couldn't say a thing as there was fear of more beatings. There was this particular teacher who could punish me and always repeated to me that I would never see the doors of a university. My self esteem dropped to zero, I could no longer talk to the teachers, I dropped academically, first to average then to the bottom. I managed to get enough grades to take me to a fairly good high school. I now have a bachelors degree and doing my masters but I have always had some kind of fear in me.

I got a job in a good company but I quit when I was given a promotion because I felt inadequate and my confidence was almost at zero. Lately I have problems getting jobs, being invited for interviews but no confidence to attend them.

I need someone to give me some advice on how to regain my confidence. I am tired of this and I need to look for a job. My friends think I have a great personality and I am a go getter but what they don't know is what I am going through.

Please advise.