Life is not worth living


Ok, first of all, I hate sharing, but I am a mess right now. I am in my late 40's and unemployed. I also have an incurable form of cancer. Actually I have had cancer 3 times in the past 16 years and it has sucked, surgery, chemo, radiation, all of it. However, through all of it I was blessed with the love of my life, a better woman a man could not have asked for as a partner.


Then, one day a month ago, I came home and found a dozen boxes and a forwarding address in my living room. The note said she could no longer take the grind of my dying, that she had found "the love of her life", some egocentric douchebag, from H.S. on Facebook and was gone. Nice eh?

Anyhow, I have been ruined since then. I have no purpose, no energy, no reason to live, in spite of it all I still love her. Of course she professes the same thing but you don't leave a guy after 22 years without a word to commit adultery and still love him.

My friends and therapist say I have to stop wallowing. I have to get on with life. I need to find a job, etc. Well thank you Captain Obvious! My point is, what is the sense of doing all of this if I see no purpose to living anymore?
I will never be with another woman, I met the woman for me and it is over.

So now what, I die alone in a hospital bed in another 10-20 years? God no! Please let it be 10-20 days.

Anyhow, that is my sad ass story. I was looking at this site and it is all so much happy, crappy nonsense it makes me want to puke. How can you be happy when your life blows? Yes, I am Eyore!
WTF?! What is the sense of anything anymore?

Comments for Life is not worth living

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Here here bro...I hear ya..
by: MarcDavid

I agree with what you have said...OK are all the do gooders listening now. Life is crap shoot, just look around with your eyes open and it will be painfullly obvious that some/many have it way better than us down and outters..OUR PAIN IS RELEVANT TO US ALONE..learn this everyone!! Don't tell me that there is someone in another screwed up disease infested slum poking around a garbage dump for food and has a cardboard box to live in under some freeway someplace cause that DOES NOT APPLY TO ME/US>>>>GOT IT ???? And telling me that makes me want to jump off the 40th floor of the highrise next door even more. Try some empathy not sympathy. My story aint much different except I have a job I can't stand, an apartment I can't afford and little money to eat 3 squares a day. Almost no real friends I trust, constant pain from jackasses that hit my car 3 times from the back and sides and it wasn't my fault in any of the slammings.. they live on, I live with the pain, neck, back, ankles, shoulders, wrists need I go on? Well I don't have cancer but mom died from it, dad died from TB and heart problems they were my best friends>gone in a flash after suffering.

I havent been in love ever in 60 years of this stupid life and I do not trust women at all. They say I love ONLY when it suits their own needs. Oh yea, I do live in Hawaii where locals hate whites and the military, gas prices are the higest in the nation, real estate is WAY overpriced and if you ain't sleeping with someone in government or screwing someone in business you will be forced to live on LESS than $1200 a month. I can't even qualify for food stamps in the honest way, maybe I shoud be dishonest to get them. Don't come here unless you have a shitload of money or a job paying 6 figures. well, there ain't no snow..
By every account I should be overjoyed with my life.. well bunky I'm not I hate every day of it and IT AIN'T WORTH LIVING ANYMORE so don't get all sappy if you read in the news that I tried to learn how to fly off Diamond Head without wings or blew the top of my dumdass head off with a 44MAGNUM. Don't even tell me that GOD loves me cause I know it all too well, I'm a born again Christian. Do I feel worthy of GOD'S love NO I do not if I did would I write all this stuff? Come on Man!!!
Stop Assuming For Someone Else
by: Mary

All of your comments from everyone who participated, although well intended, are worthless and ridiculous.

I have lost everything of value in my life and there is simply no way for me to rebuild my life.

You may want to think that you can run from one spouse to another or one lover to another but that does not work for everyone neither do you lose a child and replace it with another. Each is individual, significant and special in all their own ways. Ask me how I know? I know because all of the above has happened to me and way more.

Sometimes, life's experiences hit you so hard that it knocks the very breath and life out of you and then there is nothing left.

Suicide should not be looked at as a bad thing because it is not. Why should we have to live and suffer when there is no more reason for life to go on. Furthermore, Dr. assisted suicide should be legal and people should not be forced to go on when there is nothing to go on for exceot suffer in their pain.
This message of "Stop Assuming" also applies to you doctors who think you have all the answers and know it all. Stop leading people on and taking their money when you can't even accomplish and resolve the very pressing issues in your own life and we the people are getting wise to you and big pharma too. No we don't want or need you also because you are all full of it. Can you bring back the child that Mother lost, of course you can't so now what, you are going to show her how to live with it or through it. To thine ownself, be true, you know you can't. Your shingle is out there and what you are really saying is, I want your money, I need your money. You are all a bunch of deceivers and liars.
life bah!
by: Anonymous

There is absolutely no reason for living
you come in this world without a leg, blind and thousand other deformities and you are told it is God's desire or just simply no body knows why!!
Mother carries a child for nine months and 2 weeks after birth he dies and you are told [right now he is sitting on God's lap HOW STUPID... I want my baby right here with me!!! I can go on for ever I don't think it is worth it.

__________________________________________________

I feel for you darling. My son's first baby also died and I can only look at it from a grandmothers perspective. My pain was horrendous and I am sure his and my daughter in law's pain was far, far worse than mine. I can only say that time dulls the pain, it will be with you for ever, but muted.

It's fourteen years since my grandson died and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of him, and this is the truth. My son now has three children but we still wish we had his first son with us. We hold him in our hearts and thank God that we had him, if only for a short time.

I hope this helps, I don't suppose it will, you are raw at the moment. I want you to know that I truly feel for you and what you are going through.

Life throws us curve balls at times and we wonder 'Why me' I don't have an answer darling, and I wish I could give you a big hug and put things right for you but I cant, and it saddens me.

Give it time.

Love
Kay
x
A puppy?
by: Anonymous

Unless you already have a pet, a dog or cat or even a parakeet (I have one - it talks!)may be a comfort.
You seem to still have a bit of a sense of humor! Tell your cancer to go away. I will pray for you.
don't worry
by: Anonymous

I know it seems like the end of the world now. But every cloud has a silver lining. Everything happens for a reason, the equation is always balanced. Be thankful for what has happened, it has made you stronger, every fall has been a rise in one way or the other and I have faith that everything will be okay for you. Find someone else, even if you don't feel for her as you did for your partner. xxxx
Thanks
by: Author

I just wanted to thank you for your comments. First of all to Lucy, thanks hon for your positive comments. Yes, I need to get a freakin' hobby! I appreciate you, a total stranger reaching out to some waste product like me, I know, not positive language. LOL!

To the anonymous post, no, the ex did not have any outside friendships or interests, funny, you should mention that, I was always encouraging her to do so.

What you say is true, I guess I just choose to be alone and destroy myself, bad choice. I loved her, I am too old to deal with relationships. I cannot deal with dating, beside, I am all scarred up and fat, so...

Whatever, even if I wasn't a mess, I did the marriage thing once. I can be a monk! LOL!

Thanks for your support.
It does not need to be the end of the world for you.
by: Anonymous

It is doubly hard when you have been so ill with cancer to have your partner leave you but there must have been some reason for it.
It is devastating when there is a major loss and so many of us have gone through losing something or someone who has meant a lot to us.
Sometimes it is so easy to take a person close to you for granted and to lean on them too much not allowing them any leeway. When you are caring for someone who is very ill, it is depleting and you can get very tired and drained, as she might have.
She may have walked away feeling that she was missing out on life but she did not need to do it in a way that hurt you.
I think that she should have talked to you about this and something could have been resolved, had she taken a break and had a rest, this might not have happened.
Did she have any outside interests to give her some outside stimulation or was she just making her life around your needs at the time?
If you look around there will be other people come into your life who can give you the support and comfort and contact that you need, you do not have to remain alone. There will be someone out there who can help. There is sure to be some club or organisation where you can go for companionship and activities. There is the phone, you can pick it up and ask for someone to come and see you
Life IS worth living
by: Lucy

Hi there,

Being abandoned is horrible. I know how much it hurts, but I found a way to deal with it: look for something else to invest in.

My new thing is not as intense and involved as the last one, but it does keep me busy, and above all it gives me a purpose.

I chose web design. You might find something else, such as gardening, photography or volunteering at the local animal shelter. Whatever it is, it won't be the same as being with your lady, but at least it will distract you.

After that, you will find it takes over. It's supposed to. Then you will find your confidence returns because this new thing will be something you're good at.

I battle with depression every day, and this is how I win. I don't end up being totally happy, but I'm busy and achieving and slowly I'm becoming more positive. That's a good thing. I hope you find that new thing, that something, soon. When you do, things will start to get better for you, and at that point you'll have started to move on.
Life is worth living
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Obviously you are angry, hurt and bitter about things that have happened in your life. I am going to be open and honest with you, because I feel this is what you want, or certainly what you need.

There is no quick fix for this, you are in charge of your life and you are the only one who can make it better. All the hurt and anger you feel is caused by how you are reacting - no reaction no pain. I know, that's easy to say and it's very hard for you not to react with what has happened in your life, but the only person you can depend on to make everything right is you.

You hold within you the power to change your attitude and decide to make something of your life, or you can sit back, moan and groan to people who love you no matter what, to people who want you to be happy. You can read what I tell you, react in a negative way, and carry on with your life of pain, or you can sit and think about the fact that if you could change your attitude, if you could stop hashing over the past and churning up all this hurt inside, then you could move on in your life.

It won't be easy, but surely it's better than what you are going through now? From somewhere inside you need to find strength and determination to get through this, and you can do this with a good attitude. Truly you can say I can't cope, I can't go on with my life, or you can say I can manage this, I am strong, capable and determined to get through this, and I will get through it.

You hold the key to your future. Nobody holds it, nobody. Concentrate on the positives don't hit back with the Captain Obvious comment, because you can get past this if you want to. It really is your choice if want to make your life worth living. Live for yourself, love yourself, make choices that are right for you, that make you happy, concentrate on whatever is worthwhile in your life, and don't say nothing is because I wont believe you, and neither will those who know you.

Good luck
Love
Kay

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