Life is not worth living


Ok, first of all, I hate sharing, but I am a mess right now. I am in my late 40's and unemployed. I also have an incurable form of cancer. Actually I have had cancer 3 times in the past 16 years and it has sucked, surgery, chemo, radiation, all of it. However, through all of it I was blessed with the love of my life, a better woman a man could not have asked for as a partner.

Then, one day a month ago, I came home and found a dozen boxes and a forwarding address in my living room. The note said she could no longer take the grind of my dying, that she had found "the love of her life", some egocentric douchebag, from H.S. on Facebook and was gone. Nice eh?

Anyhow, I have been ruined since then. I have no purpose, no energy, no reason to live, in spite of it all I still love her. Of course she professes the same thing but you don't leave a guy after 22 years without a word to commit adultery and still love him.

My friends and therapist say I have to stop wallowing. I have to get on with life. I need to find a job, etc. Well thank you Captain Obvious! My point is, what is the sense of doing all of this if I see no purpose to living anymore?
I will never be with another woman, I met the woman for me and it is over.

So now what, I die alone in a hospital bed in another 10-20 years? God no! Please let it be 10-20 days.

Anyhow, that is my sad ass story. I was looking at this site and it is all so much happy, crappy nonsense it makes me want to puke. How can you be happy when your life blows? Yes, I am Eyore!
WTF?! What is the sense of anything anymore?

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Life is not worth living

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life bah!
by: Anonymous

There is absolutely no reason for living
you come in this world without a leg, blind and thousand other deformities and you are told it is God's desire or just simply no body knows why!!
Mother carries a child for nine months and 2 weeks after birth he dies and you are told [right now he is sitting on God's lap HOW STUPID... I want my baby right here with me!!! I can go on for ever I don't think it is worth it.

__________________________________________________

I feel for you darling. My son's first baby also died and I can only look at it from a grandmothers perspective. My pain was horrendous and I am sure his and my daughter in law's pain was far, far worse than mine. I can only say that time dulls the pain, it will be with you for ever, but muted.

It's fourteen years since my grandson died and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of him, and this is the truth. My son now has three children but we still wish we had his first son with us. We hold him in our hearts and thank God that we had him, if only for a short time.

I hope this helps, I don't suppose it will, you are raw at the moment. I want you to know that I truly feel for you and what you are going through.

Life throws us curve balls at times and we wonder 'Why me' I don't have an answer darling, and I wish I could give you a big hug and put things right for you but I cant, and it saddens me.

Give it time.

Love
Kay
x

A puppy?
by: Anonymous

Unless you already have a pet, a dog or cat or even a parakeet (I have one - it talks!)may be a comfort.
You seem to still have a bit of a sense of humor! Tell your cancer to go away. I will pray for you.

don't worry
by: Anonymous

I know it seems like the end of the world now. But every cloud has a silver lining. Everything happens for a reason, the equation is always balanced. Be thankful for what has happened, it has made you stronger, every fall has been a rise in one way or the other and I have faith that everything will be okay for you. Find someone else, even if you don't feel for her as you did for your partner. xxxx

Thanks
by: Author

I just wanted to thank you for your comments. First of all to Lucy, thanks hon for your positive comments. Yes, I need to get a freakin' hobby! I appreciate you, a total stranger reaching out to some waste product like me, I know, not positive language. LOL!

To the anonymous post, no, the ex did not have any outside friendships or interests, funny, you should mention that, I was always encouraging her to do so.

What you say is true, I guess I just choose to be alone and destroy myself, bad choice. I loved her, I am too old to deal with relationships. I cannot deal with dating, beside, I am all scarred up and fat, so...

Whatever, even if I wasn't a mess, I did the marriage thing once. I can be a monk! LOL!

Thanks for your support.

It does not need to be the end of the world for you.
by: Anonymous

It is doubly hard when you have been so ill with cancer to have your partner leave you but there must have been some reason for it.
It is devastating when there is a major loss and so many of us have gone through losing something or someone who has meant a lot to us.
Sometimes it is so easy to take a person close to you for granted and to lean on them too much not allowing them any leeway. When you are caring for someone who is very ill, it is depleting and you can get very tired and drained, as she might have.
She may have walked away feeling that she was missing out on life but she did not need to do it in a way that hurt you.
I think that she should have talked to you about this and something could have been resolved, had she taken a break and had a rest, this might not have happened.
Did she have any outside interests to give her some outside stimulation or was she just making her life around your needs at the time?
If you look around there will be other people come into your life who can give you the support and comfort and contact that you need, you do not have to remain alone. There will be someone out there who can help. There is sure to be some club or organisation where you can go for companionship and activities. There is the phone, you can pick it up and ask for someone to come and see you

Life IS worth living
by: Lucy

Hi there,

Being abandoned is horrible. I know how much it hurts, but I found a way to deal with it: look for something else to invest in.

My new thing is not as intense and involved as the last one, but it does keep me busy, and above all it gives me a purpose.

I chose web design. You might find something else, such as gardening, photography or volunteering at the local animal shelter. Whatever it is, it won't be the same as being with your lady, but at least it will distract you.

After that, you will find it takes over. It's supposed to. Then you will find your confidence returns because this new thing will be something you're good at.

I battle with depression every day, and this is how I win. I don't end up being totally happy, but I'm busy and achieving and slowly I'm becoming more positive. That's a good thing. I hope you find that new thing, that something, soon. When you do, things will start to get better for you, and at that point you'll have started to move on.

Life is worth living
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Obviously you are angry, hurt and bitter about things that have happened in your life. I am going to be open and honest with you, because I feel this is what you want, or certainly what you need.

There is no quick fix for this, you are in charge of your life and you are the only one who can make it better. All the hurt and anger you feel is caused by how you are reacting - no reaction no pain. I know, that's easy to say and it's very hard for you not to react with what has happened in your life, but the only person you can depend on to make everything right is you.

You hold within you the power to change your attitude and decide to make something of your life, or you can sit back, moan and groan to people who love you no matter what, to people who want you to be happy. You can read what I tell you, react in a negative way, and carry on with your life of pain, or you can sit and think about the fact that if you could change your attitude, if you could stop hashing over the past and churning up all this hurt inside, then you could move on in your life.

It won't be easy, but surely it's better than what you are going through now? From somewhere inside you need to find strength and determination to get through this, and you can do this with a good attitude. Truly you can say I can't cope, I can't go on with my life, or you can say I can manage this, I am strong, capable and determined to get through this, and I will get through it.

You hold the key to your future. Nobody holds it, nobody. Concentrate on the positives don't hit back with the Captain Obvious comment, because you can get past this if you want to. It really is your choice if want to make your life worth living. Live for yourself, love yourself, make choices that are right for you, that make you happy, concentrate on whatever is worthwhile in your life, and don't say nothing is because I wont believe you, and neither will those who know you.

Good luck
Love
Kay

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