Jealousy of the past
This probably sounds really silly, but is causing me a real problem. I have been married for over 25 years and my husband and I have a strong relationship.
There is one thing I am having difficulty with. He was engaged to this girl before he met me, but never told me. I found out a couple of years after we married. He blurted it out one night. I think he did this because he felt guilty about it. His timing was bad because I had a small baby and was suffering with post natal depression.
To make matters worse I found that my engagement ring had been hers. He had had the setting altered and felt that was o.k. I was so hurt. It made me feel second best. He says this is silly and I know he had the chance to go back to her when we were together and stayed with me.
Anyway over the years this cropped up whenever I felt low. We talked about it endlessly over the years with me questioning him constantly and I really thought I had worked through it because the terrible thoughts went away for years.
Now they are back in force and I am reliving every horrible moment. I am trying so hard to concentrate on the here and now, but these invasive thoughts keep getting in the way.
I have suffered with depression over the years and am going through a really bad patch. I have a good husband who I know thinks the world of me and I have had no reason to doubt him over all the time we have been together, but this one thing gets in the way.
I can't even say this persons name and call her every horrible name I can think of. This is not like me at all and I hate myself for being this way. I have been sleeping a lot as this is the only relief I seem to get.
Has anyone got any thoughts on anything that could help. I would be so grateful. I hate this feeling of being stuck in the past.