I'm sick of me!

by Murt

Where to start? How do I explain what my problem is when I can't get it right in my own head. I love my family and I am the first one to lose it if people mess with them. While at the same time I feel no remorse for lying to them or stealing from them.

Pretty much every girl I have ever been with is vulnerable, I pick girls who have been cheated on a lot in the past. I make them fall in love with me, then cheat on them as much as I can, dump them and make them feel like its them who has done something wrong. When the truth is I just don't want to be with them any more.

I have a son who I truly love with all my heart but rather than give my ex money to feed him I spend all my money on drink, drugs and living the good life (I do feel guilty about this but can't stop).

I have sick and twisted fantasies about doing nasty things to girls. I constantly lie to everybody, even when I'm telling a true story I add things in or leave bits out to make it sound more impressive. I know most people tend to do that from time to time but I mean I always do it no matter what the situation.

I'm a loner by choice but get angry when I have nobody to depend on. I care nothing for the world or what happens to the people in it. When I hear stories like the twin towers in NY or mass killings in Africa it has no effect on me. I care nothing for the opinions of others unless they agree with me.

Now I know reading this has probably made some people angry but I am only writing it because I don't want to be a sick, self centred, low life any more. I want to change who I am and how I act but I just don't know how. Am I just defected? Is there any hope for somebody like me? Or should I just kill a few pedos or something so they'll lock me up for a long time?