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I lost my boyfriend because of low self esteem

by sunnie
(pittsburgh, pa )

My ex boyfriend and I had a huge misunderstanding and broke up. I realized after being without him that the problem was my self esteem. I hated myself.

I would watch him sleep and wonder why he was with me. I would not let him see me naked with a light on. He would tell me how beautiful I was but I didn't believe him.

After reaching rock bottom I am working on my self esteem. I can proudly say I can look at myself in a mirror longer than 2 seconds. I am starting to like myself. When I was with him I always had a wall up because I felt that if I let him in I would get hurt. I realized this too late.

I am trying to work things out with him. He texts and calls and we talk but he seems very distant. He said that he is crushed because I never listened to the things he said. How can I make him understand that when your self esteem is so low you can't stand to look at yourself, it ruins your relationships with people? I know he is very hurt and so am I.

Do you have any advice to help me with this problem?

Comments for
I lost my boyfriend because of low self esteem

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Low Self Esteem
by: Kay

I know how difficult this must be for you. The
problem is how you feel about yourself. Has your boyfriend put pressure on you to be naked or is this something that has come into your mind?

It will help greatly if you can accept what he tells you, that you are indeed beautiful and your body is lovely.

Start talking to yourself! Tell yourself in the mirror how beautiful you are, maybe start looking at yourself wearing underwear, say "I love myself, I am beautiful," (say it as though you mean it!) and when you can do this without embarrassment, take off your clothes and look and talk to yourself. Do this as many times as it takes you to feel comfortable looking at your body and feeling comfortable with what you see and how you feel.

If he truly loves you he should not mind the scars and marks you have. When we love people it should be for what's on the inside. The inner person is far more beautiful than what's on the outside. You have to decide whether you are going to trust him completely when he tells you how much he loves you and let him see your body, if this is what you want to do.

When you can accept and love you for the way you are, you should find it easier to show yourself naked. You will never know unless you try.

Good luck,
Love
Kay
Help!
by: Anonymous

Oh my God, I'm going through the same thing right now. I just can't let him see me naked, I have battle scars and stains on my skin from skin conditions I've had and sports I've fallen in. I also think I'm very fat and I just don't consider myself beautiful enough for him.

I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him already. Why can't I just believe him when he says that I'm perfect the way I am and he thinks of me as beautiful?

I think it has so much to do with what people grew up calling me since first grade fifteen years of my life. It's just the scars and the skin marks, and my weight. God knows that if they weren't there I could give him my all, but I'm just to embarrassed to let him see me nude:[
Low Self Esteem
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. You are amazing! Congratulations! I believe with your attitude you are going to get through this and emerge the other side feeling strong and worthwhile.

Everything you say about low self esteem is true, and now you have come to realise that the fault is because of how you feel about yourself I know you are going to become unstoppable as you begin to discover the beautiful person you are, not only on the outside, but more importantly on the inside.

To achieve your dreams you have to love who you are and how you are and now you have started working on the inner self things will come right.

Every morning look in the mirror and say "I love you, you are a beautiful person." Go through your day letting yourself know how wonderful and worthwhile you are. Keep all your self talk positive, have a positive attitude in what you do, and you will get through this.

Stay in touch with your ex boyfriend and I am sure he will come to realise in time that you have changed, and maybe you can get together again if, and when, the time is right.

Stay true to yourself. I wish you happiness.

Love,
Kay

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