I have so many problems in my life, and I feel unhappy. I'm too young to be this depressed.
My name is Jessica. I'm fourteen years old, and I'm constantly sad. My mom is sick with smoldering myeloma, which will eventually turn into bone cancer. My family is thousands of dollars in debt, even after my grandma paid $30,000 to help us out. I'm around wealthy people all the time, and whenever I'm inside a nice house, or riding in a nice car, I feel like nothing. I feel like scum because I can't afford what my friends and cousins can afford. I have low self esteem. I feel like I'll never be smart enough to get a good paying job, or I won't be able to afford the school needed to get that job. I feel ugly. I feel boring. I feel like nobody has a reason to like me.
My mom recently lost her license, so I've been at home over the summer, and I've lost contact with pretty much all my friends. I'm going to a new high school this year, and I'm worried about making friends. It will be my first year of high school. I've been the new kid before, and it was miserable. I want a psychiatrist, or someone who I can just rant to for hours and get advice, but I can't afford it. I can't even afford fun activities like dance, which I really want to do.
My grandparents and aunt reach out to me, and I can't stand being the charity case of the family. I just don't know what to do. I'd never commit suicide, because I enjoy the good moments in life, though they come rarely. Plus, I would never hurt the ones around me like that, but I constantly think about hurting myself. What should I do?