I hate the way things are. Nothing I do changes it... And no one knows that I have anxiety disorder
by Too personal to not be Anonymous
I'm 18 first year of college almost done and I have hit my breaking point. I hate classes but can't drop any of them because my financial aid would be affected. I could drooled earlier but I didn't think the classes would be so dreadful. Not to mention the fact that my professors all seem to be narrow minded on their ideology there's no room for personal growth at least not this semester.
Another issue I have with school is the students I can't seem to make any real friends. Which is something I have never been good at, I couldn't call anyone a friend before my freshmen year of high school. The irony now is of the friends I made during those four years I only still see two of them and only one do I talk to regularly. So to sum up education and friendship = double suckage.
Now onto family, overbearing and extremely strict parents (I've never been allowed to go anywhere by myself, excluding school, till this year and I can only go to the mall) it's not sonar but it mars me feel like they see me as a child. But mug rents are not the issue I have a complete and total b*tch for a sister in law who at first ignored me and acted like I didn't exist. Now she wants to blame me for all her problems. She proclaims the issues we have are because I never gave her a chance. Which is false because I being someone who for most of my life having no friends am desperate to please. I have no self esteem. I hate the way I look the way I talk sometimes, the way I can't seem to fit in with the rest of my family.
My last point is something no one in my family knows. I have anxiety I don't have a do for prescription but I've read the symptoms and I know it for sure. Before when I was a kid every once and a while I would have an attack I'd hide in my room and completely freak out. I never let anyone see me and I had no explanation I as a kid I didn't know what anxiety was I couldn't go to my mom and be like hey I just had a panic attack just FYI. Now I have better control I can feel them coming so I do some routine like task to calm down and slow my heart rate. Usually it works but with all this added stress I can't take it any more I'm getting attacks more frequently. To be honest writing about it make me shake a little bit.
Please can someone help me my last full on attack happened two days ago and I can feel an even bigger one coming my stress relieving methods and anxiety calming tools are not doing the trick like they used to I'm always on edge with nerves I am at a loss I need help.