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He hurt me in the past, now I'm extremely insecure & I've lost trust.

by Hayley
(UK)

I've been with my boyfriend for a year & a half, but we have known each other for 4 years. We were seeing each other for 2 years & having sexual contact, however I really wanted to be in a relationship with him, but he always had an excuse not to be.

Whilst he was seeing me, he wasn't over his ex & he would also chat up other girls and would keep things from me. This made me feel worthless because I really wanted to be with him (which he knew) & yet he was constantly seeking other women. Over the years, I changed the way I looked so he would like me more. I have lost all my confidence & I don't feel good enough for him. He's in love with me now & he tells me I'm beautiful everyday, but I find it hard to believe because he never wanted me in the first place.

I've never been a jealous person, but I am now. I feel like I can't introduce him to my friends because he might want them, or generally go out to places. I've stopped him from watching porn which he says he has, but I'm not sure if I believe it. I love him so much, but it's hurting me 24/7. I don't know what to do, please help?

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He hurt me in the past, now I'm extremely insecure & I've lost trust.

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I feel the exact same way
by: Anonymous

and have a similar story, but foolishly I married the guy hoping that since he wanted to marry me I would be enough for him.

He doesn't watch porn, but every time we go somewhere he's always looking at other women and he's tried to stop doing that, but he just cant seem to stop. It sux because I was really hoping that I was attractive enough to him to keep his attention, but so far it seems as if I'm not.

I've always been confident and outgoing, but now I've changed so much. I don't dress up. All I wear is t-shirts and jeans now and I have really dark short hair because that's what he said he liked., yet he always looks at women who look the way I used to look. I guess that look didn't work for me, but then again I don't really think this one does either. I don't know what I'm gonna do about this, but I'm way to young to feel this way I know that for sure.
He hurt me in the past
by: Anonymous

Just take a look, do you really need someone like that when there are so many other people who could fill the gap he cannot. He is not capable of giving you the love and commitment that you need and has taken you for granted. He is not going to change either. You are worth a lot more than that.
There are so many people in unfulfilling relationships who hang on to them because of insecurity. It takes courage to break away and to make a new life. A lot of them are marriage relationships where property is involved. The saddest thing is that the people stay together because of that and ruin both their lives when although poorer, they would have been free to find a new life and love.
You cannot expect too much of someone like that, the connection is not strong enough for you to go on with it.

When you do move on although you will feel lost and lonely for a while, I am sure that you will come into contact with someone else who will give you the love that you are in need of.

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