I have always suffered with low self esteem and always thrived on approval from other people but when put down it really knocks me back and I believe that I am whatever the put down was.
About a year ago I was doing well building my self confidence up again after a nasty split with a long term boyfriend until I started going out with my boyfriend that I have now. Ever since we have got together my confidence has completely crashed slowly, and now I feel like I don't know who I am any more.
I'm frightened to say something stupid in case he thinks I'm thick, when there's nothing to say I get really paranoid thinking that I'm boring and that he's probably wishing he was doing something else. When I don't hear from him all day I think he's in a mood with me, and then when he does call I analyse the tone of his voice to try and find out whether he's interested in talking to me or not.
I'm finding it really frustrating and feel as though I am trapped within myself, I get so worked up that when I see him I can't talk to him because my head has been in a mess all day.
I constantly need reassurance that he loves me and that he's not going to leave me I don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to be this type of person but I can't see a way of getting myself back to being just me again instead of worrying about what everyone thinks of me all the time.
Its affecting all aspects of my life I can't even talk to friends I have had for years because I feel so self conscious thus making my connections with them fade, and as a result feeling yet again even more lonely and clingy, to the fact that if my boyfriend split up with me I would have no one left but myself.