Can't get over my ex-husband leaving for another woman?!

by Heart-broken Girl
(Canada)

I was 6 months pregnant when my ex-husband left me for another woman. It has been the most painful year and half of my life.

I can’t get over the hurt and betrayal. I re-live scenes from my past life over and over again in my mind, everyday, and I cry alone everyday. Everyone expects me to be over it but I can’t seem to and I don’t know why...

I don’t love my ex husband anymore but the betrayal is too painful to cope with. I try to be positive and grateful for my son and his health and mine but the pain runs too deep.

I am so sick of running into old friends and acquaintances because I seem to be explaining why I am a single mother of a baby on a daily basis. I am so sick of hearing "well something must have been broken in the marriage if he was willing to abandon you and your baby for another woman". But nothing was broken, everything was perfect in my eyes.

We had a perfect little life and we planned to have a baby but in the blink of an eye, another woman stole my whole world. How do I take this pain away that runs through-and-through me?? How do I stop replaying my past in my mind??

I don't want to drink alcohol or do illegal drugs because I am the sole parent of my beautiful son.

I don't want to go to counseling because I am afraid they will say I am not mentally stable to take care of my son and I don't want to lose him.

I don't want to take prescription anti-depressants because I don't want any of the crazy side affects.

How do I become content with my life and get over it??

Thank you for reading my story.

Comments for Can't get over my ex-husband leaving for another woman?!

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it happened to me too
by: titanium

My husband left when our baby was 2 months old and moved in with his girlfriend (I found out about the affair after separation). It has been 5 months now. It's not easy, I know exactly how you feel. Try to let go of any resentment and anger you feel because you are only hurting yourself. A counselor will not judge you or think you are unstable. What you are feeling is normal.

Definitely consider going to counselling and reading books, I recommend "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher. It is helping me a lot, especially during my lowest moments. Find a friend who you can call up any time of the day or night to help you process some of the emotions.

Writing in a journal helps me too. Do a lot of self talk when you are feeling bad and try to convince yourself that this is for the best in a long run. Believe that everything happens for a reason and that maybe, just maybe he did you a favour because now you can learn to find yourself. I am grieving with you. Hang in there.

It happened to me
by: Aniles

I have been there, totally understand & it took me 2 years to start living again - knowing what I know now I would have had counselling!

I have just broken up with 2nd husband of 8 years, 8 weeks later after counselling & a lot of reading I am starting to learn more about myself & learn to love myself!

Please get some counselling, it helps,

Thank you
by: Heart-broken girl

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to give me this advice that means so much to me. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making me feel better. Thank you.

Don't blame yourself
by: Anonymous

I was abandoned by my husband also for another woman. I understand what you are saying when you say you no longer love your husband but the betrayal is the hardest part. Also you have a young child to care for whereas I have grown children. Other people are quick to tell you you must have done something wrong or he wouldn't have left.

While I may not have been a perfect wife he wasn't a perfect husband and the decision to leave and have an an affair was 100% his. Don't blame yourself. I do suggest doing whatever builds your self esteem-being with friends and family who love and like you.

Get some time away from baby if you can. just because he left you doesn't mean you aren't loveable and that someone else can love you. It takes time to get over such a huge breach of trust.

Be good to yourself and build your new life. You are the lucky one because you have your child. I wish you all the best going forward.

ex husband leaving for another woman
by: Anonymous

I do not think that you should be ashamed of what has happened, it happens often too much. It is shattering when you lose a partner in this way but with so many people coming and going, it can be so easy for it to happen.

You have your little boy and there is no reason why you should not get your life together again and have a new beginning. When you may look back in later life as so many of us do, you may see what went wrong. Also when people's lives change, it does present a challenge. A woman has to grow up quickly more so than a man when she has a child to care for. She has to put the needs of a dependent human being before her own.

You deserve better than to be deserted but it does not mean that you will be left on your own, forever, but you need to be independent and able to stand on your own two feet. Once you have done this, you will be ready for anything that life brings you.
Ten years along the future you may see that you were not meant to remain with your former partner because you have now grown beyond who you were before. Don't be ashamed to go for counselling, you could come into contact with someone who has walked that path before and does understand.

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