Brother doesn't want to get married

My brother doesn't want to get married. He is 40+. This is causing a lot of grief to my family, especially my mother. She doesn't want to come out in public, for fear of people asking questions about my brother's decision. My father had a stroke due to the same.


I tried approaching the subject with my brother several times, but am afraid he'll not change his mind. A lot of people have already tried and all efforts to convince proved vain.

I feel that he likes his independent,compromise and responsibilities-free life so much that he doesn't want any changes to it.

I want him to be happy and content, but at the same time I want him to also have an open mind towards marriage.

My parents are suffering from low self esteem; they feel that they did something wrong for going through this long-standing suffering.

I really wish somehow I can push a button to change my brother's mind and get him married. I don't know what made him make such a decision.

I am not even sure if he'll be forth coming with me about the reason behind it. He's highly learned man and really doesn't need any advice from anyone. He's also very caring and loving, good looking person.

How can I put an end to this ?

Comments for Brother doesn't want to get married

Click here to add your own comments

Brother does not want to get married.
by: Anonymous

There are times when people need to mind their own business. Leave well alone. Too many people have got married just because their friends have done so and they have had cause to regret it.

Marriage is not for everyone, just as for gay people marrying someone of the opposite sex is not going to ever work out.
It has to feel right, it has to sit right.
People have chosen to remain single because of objectives in their lives which meant that marriage could not be an option. They may have chosen a roving lifestyle where they were courting danger. For others the partner that they chose might have had to be willing to go along with their interests which might not have included having children.
When and if you marry, it is a committment and too many people have broken that committment when things got really tough, or else when someone came along.
For myself I have not had regrets over not having been married and had children. That was not on my timeline.
I can understand you
by: Anonymous

I have almost the same problem and we all are very worried, as other comments say, we all know what is good for him and we know if he doesn't get married he will not be happy. We want his happiness. Please please please suggest some ways to get my brother married. And I understand your problem completely.
People like you..
by: Anonymous

People like you make people like me who are not married feel worthless. So what - your brother doesn't want to get married. How does that make you or the rest of your family feel insecure or depressed? If your brother is a good man you should just feel happy about that. Being married doesn't make you a better person nor does being a parent. Leave your brother alone and respect his life.
Brother not getting married.
by: Anonymous

All I can say that whatever you do in life is a personal choice, you cannot make anyone do anything that they do not want to. Some people choose not to get married and I was one of those.

You have to meet the right person and you may meet a lot of people in a number of years but it does not mean that you are right for each other.


Also he may have other objectives in his life such as projects and activities which might not make for a relationship at this particular time. He may be unsettled in his work. He may want to travel.

I know of one relationship which has broken down and the couple concerned have two children and another one on the way and also one of the partners has a child from a former relationship.

Unfortunately the man has mates which have always come first and they have been intruding into the couple's home life, arriving at the house and staying there for ages. In the end the woman told him that he had to get his priorities right so he is living elsewhere.

Life is a lot quieter now for the other members of the family. There was a lot of drinking and smoking going on which was not good for the children. The man did not have a close relationship in his own family being one of a family of 8.

If this was the case and he was always going to put his mates first, why did he get into the relationship and have children in the first place.

If you all leave well alone your brother may in the end find someone he can be happy with.
Brother not married
by: Kay

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

I can understand how you want your brother to feel the happiness you have, but if this is not what he wants in his life then I think he his decision should be respected.

Each of us has different wants and needs, and we have to live our life in the way we choose, not in the way someone else wants us to.

I feel he is wise not to enter into a marriage if this is not what he wants, you never know in the future he may meet someone he wants to share his life with, but until then I feel his wish of not getting married should be accepted.

Can you perhaps look at it from another point of view? Had your parents said to you that they did not agree or want you to get married, what would you have done with your life?

Would you have said OK and not got married, and perhaps been unhappy, or would you have said "I'm sorry but I have met someone I love and I'm going to get married." Which of course is your right, because you should live your life in the way that suits you and not in a way that others feel would suit you.

Everyone is responsible for themselves, and we all have the freedom to choose what it is we want to do with our lives, and how we want to live it.

This this is the way it should be, because it can't be right for us to let someone else say how our lives should be lived, for how can they know our true inner feelings, wants and needs?

When someone asks why your brother isn't married, why not say, because he doesn't want to, and if they press further, simply say because the right person hasn't come along yet.

I appreciate you asked for a way to convince your brother to get married, but I feel he wont be happy at this point in his life if he was to marry because his family expect it.

I honestly feel his wish to remain single should be respected. Try to feel happy that he is living his life in the way he chooses.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.